Would you be angry if....

[momm2four]

someone kept your child and had their hair cut without your consent?

My SIL (who I do really like) offered to keep my two oldest from Monday until Thursday morning. THey recently moved about 1 1/2 hours away, so it was a great opportunity for Ben/Jake to get to see their cousins.

This afternoon, I called to talk to them and my oldest, whose hair is pretty long/straight, said, "Aunt XXXX took me to get my hair cut today and I have a rattail". I was floored. He then tells me that his brother got his hair dyed. After this, he says, "Just kidding"

My SIL got on the phone, and asked me if I was going to kill her. I told her that I thought he was joking b/c he said "Just kidding". Nope, he was just kidding about his brother, but that he really did get his hair cut really short w/a rattail. I told her that he should have called me b/c now he was just going to be mad at me for making him cut off a rattail.

Her reply was that he wanted his hair cut like Anakin Skywalker. OMG!!! I cannot imagine a child staying w/me and telling me he wants his hair cut like a MOVIE CHARACTER and me saying, "Oh, that's a great idea. And to top it all off, let's just surprise your mom with this haircut that she will absolutely HATE!"

Would this bother you or am I being unreasonable? I am just floored that a grown woman with two children of her own would think this was okay. I'm just glad it's my DH who is going to meet her to pick up the boys tomorrow instead of me.

Lori P.

Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

 

[Kimberle]

Yes, I would be very upset if someone cut my child's hair without my consent.

 

[~*Belle 2003*~]

Yes, I would be angry too. A trim would be fine but a rattail - UGH!

 

[JVL1018]

I would be livid! Especially if he had a rattail! Didn't they go out in..oh about 1983???

 

[cynsaun]

This happened to me once! I had long curly hair when I was a child, and one of our family friends took me along with her when she was getting her daughter's hair cut. Well, I am not sure why she did it, but she had mine cut like Dorothy Hammill (sp?) Well, like I said before, I had curly hair, so I looked more like Bozo the Clown. My mom was ready to wring her neck!

You have EVERY right to be upset! That is your child and you make the decisions! Certainly she wouldn't take him and have his ear pierced, would she?

 

[liznboys]

OMG LOL!!! I'm sorry but that's pretty funny (the Anikin part especially! LOL!!!) I don't blame you for being upset, I wouldn't want someone else to have my child's haircut either! I guess you now need to decide what your comfort zone is as far as letting your kids choose their own hair style. I hope to be open-minded when my boys get to the age where they want things that I wouldn't choose for them. But my boys are still little so who am I to talk? lol Good luck to you!!

 

[Cruisin]

I would be very angry if someone had cut my child's hair without my permission, even if that's what the kid said he wanted.

If I had someone else's child who said that, I would just say, "Well, maybe you better talk to your parents about that first!"

That takes a lot of nerve on her part.

 

[sue1013]

You know its only hair. Your children must be young because by the time they are into their teens hair is the least of your worries.

 

[canwegosoon]

Yes , but TG that at least it can grow back (and not a peircing or tatoo), perhaps you should tell her that they are not allowed to come home with blue hair or what ever without your expressed permission.

 

[Otto's Doll]

I agree that kids should be able to make their own choices for haircuts (to an extent.. when I am the one who has to comb it all out, I get a say in just how long it can be for DD) but SIL should never have had their hair cut without checking with you first!

 

[momm2four]

Thanks for your replies. My son is 8, so we haven't gotten into the really big stuff yet, lol. I guess I'm the angriest about her stepping over the boundary line in this situation. This wasn't buying him a new shirt, it was making a change in my child that she didn't have permission to make.

I agree that as kids get older they should have more of a say in how they present themselves, but it needs to be mixed with parental discretion. I let him grow it longer if he kept it combed, and it actually looked quite nice on him. However, my boys love playing dress-up and pretend, so I think, to him, this haircut is just a way to "dress-up". He doesn't realize how ridiculous it looks as a permanent haircut.

I was talking to my best friend a minute ago, and she told me about a girl who goes to our church whose mother kept her daughter one day (8months old). The grandmother went and had the baby's ears pierced without parental consent. I would have blown my top over that. I guess it can always be worse.

Lori P.

 

[dzneprincess]

Well, if the child wanted it, and it was reasonable, ( a rattail can be cutoff) than no. Just think of the memory your childs Aunt has made! NOw if it were a dye job or going from really long to really short, than yes. But in your situation, nah. Pick your battles girl. When he gets home chop off the tail

 

[phyllis1966]

I agree that we should choose our battles, but the issue here, IMO, is not the style of the cut, but the fact that it was cut at all! How can anyone presume to make a personal decision, no matter how trivial some think it to be, without consulting the parent first?! I'm truly astounded that a relative would take such a decision upon herself!

 

[battricia]

He doesn't realize how ridiculous it looks as a permanent haircut.

If he's 8, he probably doesn't really CARE about looking rediculous.. Like someone else said, it's just hair, it'll grow back.


tricia.

 

[AZKathy]

I would be upset, also. That was not right; she should have asked first!<a href='http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008' target='_blank'><img src='http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/3/3_2_3.gif' border=0></a>

 

[Keli]

I would not be thrilled with my SIL but I wouldn't say too much to her if anything. I'd just wait until she was taking my kids again and then say something about 'no haircuts' this time. Probably make it into some sort of joke or something but still get my point across.
It's not that she didn't cross a line, because she did but when it's after the fact I tend to let go and just prevent it from happening again.

 

[momm2four]

Keli, That's exactly how I think I will handle it too. I've calmed down a bit, so I'm thinking a little more rationally. As I said before, I do like my SIL, it was just, IMO, a bad decision on her part. I've made plenty myself, however, it was usually with my OWN kids

Thanks again!
Lori P.

 

[Serena]

She had no right to do that at all. I would be angry.

 

[browneyes]

I'd be ticked off. My dd did have hair down to her waist. I had a dream that my brother took her for a haircut and she was bald. I was so mad. I told my SIL about that dream and she said my brother would be terrified to even take my dd for a trim, much less a cut.

 

[tkd lisa]

I would absolutely explain to her that I was not happy with this decision. I'd also clearly outline what I thought would be acceptable, and what wouldn't. If you don't make it clear that you thought this was out of line, then when the kid is 15 and wants a tatoo, the aunt might think it was okay.

At that age, my DS wanted a lightning bolt cut into his hair. I told him no at the time. He's now 10, and asked again this spring. I told him that if he still wants it this summer (when school's out) he can get it, but not while he's in school.