Would you attend? (another bridal shower question)

[vald1977]

I agree that it was probably just an invite to be polite. I don't think they actually expected me to attend. I will RSVP but even that seems awkward. "hello, this is Valerie. I am rsvp ing for the bridal shower for ... wait what's her name again? Let me get my invite out since I don't know her name." .

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by vald1977
I agree that it was probably just an invite to be polite. I don't think they actually expected me to attend. I will RSVP but even that seems awkward. "hello, this is Valerie. I am rsvp ing for the bridal shower for ... wait what's her name again? Let me get my invite out since I don't know her name." .

well - at least you are doing the right thing and RSVP'ing...major faux pas if you don't do that! hehe

I can kinda agree with the 'invite everyone so no one feels left out'...but I still would feel VERY ODD inviting people I don't even know!

you - "Hi susy? Congrats - I'm bob's wife, Sarah"
susy (aka - bride) "Bob? Who's bob?"

heheheh - sorry!

 

[CBRorBust]

Okay, I'm going to go out on a limb here and just say that if you are shocked you were invited...

I'm pretty sure the bride wasn't that thrilled of inviting you either. Let me backtrack so I don't get labeled as a you know what. I'm sure it was more like her husband saying, well why can't you invite my buddies from work wives? I would hope that she wouldn't want a complete stranger to entertain during her bridal shower which I'm sure started out with close friends.

I'm just saying I don't think it would be the end of the world if you didn't go. I don't think they are going to be sitting there talking about you not being there? Get my drift?

Also, you need to send a gift regardless if you are going to attend or not. You were invited to this couples wedding, and if you are going to go, then you better send something! To go to a wedding and not bring a gift IMHO is just rude!

 

[SC Minnie]

I would not go to the shower either but would RVSP and politely decline- no explanation needed. I would send no gift to the shower but would take one to the wedding.

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by CBRorBust
Also, you need to send a gift regardless if you are going to attend or not. You were invited to this couples wedding, and if you are going to go, then you better send something! To go to a wedding and not bring a gift IMHO is just rude!

A shower and a wedding are two separate events.
You give a gift at the shower/you give a gift at the wedding.

If she chooses NOT to go to the shower, she is not required to send a shower gift.

Just because one receives and invitation to something, does not automatically mean that the HAVE to send a gift.

Emily Post may think differently...but I do NOT see the point.

Of course - if they attended the wedding, they should offer some sort of gift.

 

[vald1977]

CBRorBust,
Of course I am bringing a gift to wedding! I am talking about the shower. I am quite sure the bride to be does not know me from anyone else and could care less if I don't attend her shower. What I don't understand is why I was invited in the first place.

Sorry but I don't find it rude not to give a bridal shower gift for a shower I have no business being invited to. I may send a small gift, I may not. Haven't decided yet. But, if I do it won't be because I'm obligated to.

 

[CBRorBust]

Stinkerbelle-

Sorry I wasn't clear on my post. I meant they needed to bring a gift to the wedding!

BUT

Not many people like to bring gifts to the actual wedding, that's why I said she needed to send something.

Sorry about the confusion.

 

[princesstommi]

Originally posted by SC Minnie
I would not go to the shower either but would RVSP and politely decline- no explanation needed. I would send no gift to the shower but would take one to the wedding.

This is exactly what I would do.

I have been invited to showers for DH's cousins' brides and a distant friend of DHs who I have never met. I thought it was v. strange and was also wondering if this is a new trend, just inviting everyone. It wasn't before this year that I had ever gotten a random bridal shower invite, but this year I've gotten 3.

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by CBRorBust
Stinkerbelle-

Sorry I wasn't clear on my post. I meant they needed to bring a gift to the wedding!

BUT

Not many people like to bring gifts to the actual wedding, that's why I said she needed to send something.

Sorry about the confusion.

AHH - ok - gotcha! Sorry to infer otherwise!

It just really irks me when people say "you were invited - you have to send a gift regardless if you go". I just dont' agree with that train of thought.

But yes - you are indeed correct.
I like to bring a check to a wedding - travels well and requires minimal wrapping! hehehe

 

[Disney Doll]

I'm going to throw 2 cents in here.

I know it seems strange that you got invited to a shower for someone you barely know. I can recall my mother telling me that "in her day" any female that got invited to the wedding got invited to the shower, and you NEVER invited anyone to a shower if oyu weren't inviting them to the wedding. My guess is whomever is planning this shower s working under that "rule".

If you don't want to go, I would say RSVP bthat you Can't go because of a prior commitment, but I would send a gift. Not because you got invited, but because the groom is a friend/co-worker of your husband. I'm not saying the gift has to cost $5000, but a small gesture would probably "keep the peace" all around.

That's what I'd do, anyway. I thnk it's important to have a good relationship with your spouse's co-workers.

 

[matjef9091]

Another CTer here, and I was married in 86 and I have to say, it was a small wedding, but if you were invited to the wedding, you were invited to the shower. Also, guests had to bring their favorite recipie and an ingredent to go with it too! So, maybe it is a new england thing?

sherry

 

[vald1977]

Maybe it depends what kind of area you are from too. Even in our little state, there is a vast difference in say the New Haven area (near NYC) and the small cornfield type area I live in in the Northeast corner. I'm not sure where the bride is from. I am sure it was meant as a nice gesture. It just kind of threw me and I wondered if anyone had heard of inviting those you don't know to a shower.

 

[Az Pirates]

Originally posted by SC Minnie
I would not go to the shower either but would RVSP and politely decline- no explanation needed. I would send no gift to the shower but would take one to the wedding.

This would be my vote as well.

I have also received several shower invites for brides to be that I don't really know lately. Usually they are daughters of church aquaintances. (YIKES - when did I move up into friends of the mothers' group)

I have gone to some, others not and have never felt guilty. I do send a wedding gift - but don't think a shower gift is necessary unless they are a close friend or relative.

 

[Jeanny]

Originally posted by MaryAnnDVC
This has become a pretty annoying trend...inviting all females that are invited to the wedding to the shower also.

No, I wouldn't go...no gift either.

growing up, this was ettiquette.. any female who was invited to the wedding was invited to the bridal shower. But a lot of times, they wouldn't invite work associates, just close friends and family. Men weren't invited when I was little, but that changed as I grew up, Jack & Jill showers became the norm...

You have the option of not going, just because you're invited doesn't mean you have to attend, especially if you don't even know the bride or anyone else for that matter. Should you send a gift?? That's up to you, I personally wouldn't, and would just spend a little extra on their wedding present.

 

[dbogen]

Ok another CT person here. I got maried in 1990 (OMG am I that old? ) and everyone who was on the guest list (females) was invited to the shower. It could be that whoever did the invitations to the shower doesn't know who is a close friend/family member/casual aquantance. I remember throwing the shower for my college roommate, her mom gave us the guest list and we just sent the invitations. This could be what happened, if you were to go the bride may look at you and ask her bridal party who you are. Personally I would not go and probable wouldn't send a gift, but that is just my opinion. Best of luck with your decision.

Deanna

 

[Beth76]

I would not go and I would not send a gift. The only reason I would send a gift to a shower (or wedding) that I wasn't attending would be if that person had come to mine and given me a gift.

I really think that the old rule "If you're invited, you're obligated to send a gift" is very outdated. People now invite everyone and their mother just to get a gift. It's ridiculous and I think it's tacky.

I'm not saying that this person is being tacky seeing as this is the custom where you're from. If she invited you to be curteous, then she would not expect a gift if you don't attend. On the other hand if she DOES expect a gift, then she is the one being rude. I can't imagine why a gift would ever be EXPECTED and obligatory.

 

[poohtown]

lol - this is turning to a Connecticut is bizzarre post. Well I'm another CT person who has been invited to showers of people I don't know. In fact one year I was invited to 15 showers and only knew 1 person. Most of them were friends of my MIL or the groom knew my husband. I went to most of them and enjoyed the food and conversation.

 

[arminnie]

Originally posted by Beth76
I really think that the old rule "If you're invited, you're obligated to send a gift" is very outdated. People now invite everyone and their mother just to get a gift. It's ridiculous and I think it's tacky.

From wedding gift etiquette at BestWeddingSites.com:

• Your guests are not obligated to give a gift, though most do. An invitation to your wedding is a request for guests to join you in celebrating a joyous occasion in your life and it should never be about gifts. If a guest is having financial difficulties or for some other reason is unable to give a gift, don't worry about it.

I agree with this. If I get a wedding invitation or a graduation announcement and don't want to send a gift I don't. (I also don't attend but do RSVP)

 

[EltonJohn]

Originally posted by MaryAnnDVC
This has become a pretty annoying trend...inviting all females that are invited to the wedding to the shower also.

No, I wouldn't go...no gift either.

ditto

 

[crz4mm2]

I always thought that showers were for FRIENDS of the bride (and maybe relatives too). THat said, NO, I would not go. And no gift either.