Would you allow your high school aged DD/DS to do this?

[C.Ann]

No..

 

[Mickey's Minion]

My DD13 is responsible, and I would trust her, but there are just too many things that can happen on a trip that a child shouldn't be expected to know how to handle.

That is where we would differ. I don't see a person who is just a month or two shy of 18 as being a child.

If my child was a month or two of being considered a legal adult and I didn't trust that they could handle life decisions on their own, with a cell phone handy, then I have failed as a parent.

If I couldn't teach them to be responsible young adults in 17.9 years, I certainly am not going to be able to teach them in the next couple of months.

As a senior in high school, I would consider that as the prep year for being out on their own, and that might include a short weekend alone with a friend (whether male or female) to practice making those decisions.

If the government trusts and values their judgement enough to be able to decide on who runs this country and trusts them enough to lay their life down for this country, I can follow suit and trust that they can make the simple decision to keep their pants zipped.

 

[chibichibirei]

I voted maybe mainly because I do not have children, and that maybe will more likely become a NO when I do, however I feel like I would need to gauge my child as he or she grows.

That being said I noticed a lot of posts in this thread condemning birth control. While I do not feel that teenagers should be readily put on this for sexual reasons, I feel like I need to share why I have been on BC since I was 11 years old. I have a rather severe case of PCOS, which is Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome- this means that my menstrual cycle has always been very uneven and very painful, among other unpleasant things, the only way to really help this is the use of BC. I myself did not have sex until after high school. Just a reminder that there are many conditions like PCOS that are alleviated by the use of BC.

 

[quentina]

No way! Iwould not even start her on birth control. Despite anyones thoughts here it revolves around moral issues. So if someone wants to flame so be it.

No flames....just a question. Chances are that their already doing the deed so, why not try to protect them? I think back to when I was that age and what some of the people I knew were doing (me also, as I was not innocent at 17). One of the best things was a Mom who knew what was up. One day, she sat me down and said, I feel that things are progressing with you two. Do you feel BC is necessary? Now, she was pure white and sweating at the same time I answered honestly and I was taken to the doctor. She was never happy about it however; she was aware she couldn't change or prevent it.

 

[SadieDog]

I gotta agree with you on this one. I guess if you're raising a kid who is required to go the ladies room with their mom until they're 10; Aren't allowed to play outside unless a parent is outside watching, isn't allowed to walk home from the school bus stop, has arranged play dates, and always having a parent getting involved in every little confrontation at school - well, yeah - he/she should probably not be allowed to go away for a weekend a few months before they turn 18 - that person is not ready.
but if you've been fostering independence all along, going away for a weekend is just another stepping stone.

 

[disfan07]

I haven't read all of the responses yet but to the PPs talking about 5th and 6th graders being on birth control, I was one if them. I went on birth control in 5th grade but it was not because I was having sex. When you first get your period is usually when it is the most painful and the most irregular so most of my friends were on birth control because of that.

To the people who don't allow birth control, do you talk to your kids about sex? Do they know about safe sex? Because abstinece only education does not work. Also, what would you say if it was recommended medically for your daughter to be on birth control (not for pregnancy prevention but for something like polycystic ovarian syndrome)? Would you allow it? That's why I am on it. Monthly cyst are one of the most painful things ever and I can't imagine denying my child something that would help with something like that.0

 

[Hannathy]

I gotta agree with you on this one. I guess if you're raising a kid who is required to go the ladies room with their mom until they're 10; Aren't allowed to play outside unless a parent is outside watching, isn't allowed to walk home from the school bus stop, has arranged play dates, and always having a parent getting involved in every little confrontation at school - well, yeah - he/she should probably not be allowed to go away for a weekend a few months before they turn 18 - that person is not ready.
but if you've been fostering independence all along, going away for a weekend is just another stepping stone.

Very well said and I agree 100%

 

[MoniqueU]

Acklander good post, I used to be THAT parent. I lost a child so was way overworried about my kids. It has gotten better over the yers but I do notice alot more people becoming totally involved in what their kids do,see and read 24/7 under the guise of morality. Some of these kids are going to be soe c sheltered that they either won't be able to cope on their own or will rebel likw no ones businwss. I dated my DH when I was under 18 and my mom had no trouble with him taking me out of state to the grand canyon, so I guess I don't hve the same views of stuff as my mom had. I guess I need to think things throughmore. hopefully I make the right choices when the time comes.

And as far as BC goes I don't care what anyone says, if my daughter wants it she can havve it. As selfish as I am wanting grandkids I want her to settle into nice life and graduate college without having a toddler to take care of. If someone thinks my morals are strange I am guessing I think theirs are over the top too.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Acklander good post, I used to be THAT parent. I lost a child so was way overworried about my kids. It has gotten better over the yers but I do notice alot more people becoming totally involved in what their kids do,see and read 24/7 under the guise of morality. Some of these kids are going to be soe c sheltered that they either won't be able to cope on their own or will rebel likw no ones businwss. I dated my DH when I was under 18 and my mom had no trouble with him taking me out of state to the grand canyon, so I guess I don't hve the same views of stuff as my mom had. I guess I need to think things throughmore. hopefully I make the right choices when the time comes.

And as far as BC goes I don't care what anyone says, if my daughter wants it she can havve it. As selfish as I am wanting grandkids I want her to settle into nice life and graduate college without having a toddler to take care of. If someone thinks my morals are strange I am guessing I think theirs are over the top too.

So sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine anything in life could be more painful than a parent losing a child.

Excellent post btw.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I gotta agree with you on this one. I guess if you're raising a kid who is required to go the ladies room with their mom until they're 10; Aren't allowed to play outside unless a parent is outside watching, isn't allowed to walk home from the school bus stop, has arranged play dates, and always having a parent getting involved in every little confrontation at school - well, yeah - he/she should probably not be allowed to go away for a weekend a few months before they turn 18 - that person is not ready.
but if you've been fostering independence all along, going away for a weekend is just another stepping stone.

fantastic post So true and so funny

There might be something to that reverse psychology stuff

Alex P Keaton - forgot about that show - that would be a good comparison

Two 70's hippies raising straight laced, conservative, non-alcohol drinking, save it till marriage, registered Republicans - either rebellion or switched at birth. I still say switched at birth.

HOW could you forget Family Ties???!!!???
My husband and I always say the biggest rebellion our kids could have would be to go all Alex P Keaton on us. Who knows? They just might . . . My DS does have a weird love of wearing ties

I voted no and my answer has absolutely nothing to do with the sexual issue.

At that age I think there are a lot of things that could happen that two 17 year olds alone might not be ready to handle. They could have a huge fight and break up, there could be an accident, who knows?

I could see myself easily giving permission if it were a group (single sex or mixed) just because there would be more people around to help out in an emergency. Of course, I'd also have to know all the other young people who were going along so I'd have a better idea of what the weekend would involve. At that age I'm still inclined to think that there's more safety in numbers -- I realize that once the kids get to college they'll be pairing up, but at 17 they don't need to be going away for a "romantic weekend," which is kind of what that sounds like (and I don't mean romantic as a code word for sex).

See, I tend to think that goes both ways. Groups CAN provide a safer environment in which more skills are around, more eyes to keep things safe, etc. On the other hand, people (and even more so young people) seem to often fall into a "group mentality" and do stupid things as part of a group which they would never do when alone. I think often both scenarios are equally likely and it is hard to predict.

 

[disykat]

Actually, with my kids it is saying:

You are just a few months shy of being a legal adult.

I trust enough in my parenting that we have instilled in you the right tools to make the right decision.

And most of all, I am proud of the outstanding young man or woman you have grown up to be and I trust YOU to make the right decision based on the values we have taught you for the past 17.9 years.

If they do choose to have sex, I trust them enough to make it safe sex, because they have also been equipped with those tools.

And funny thing, although they were raised in a very liberal, non-church going (although we do have religion in our house) where sex was openly discussed household; my kids ended up as college kids, in committed relationships, conservative Christians and waiting until they get married. (I think they were all switched at birth )

They had the freedom to make their own choices, with our guidance and I am so very proud of them for making the right ones for them.

MY take on this would be...

You are a few months shy of being a legal adult. There is no need to rush.

I trust that we have instilled in you the right tools to make good decisions but I'll continue to be your parent until you leave the nest.

I trust you to use good judgement and will do my best to help you to avoid situations where you may be pressured to do otherwise. You can always use "mom would kill me" as an excuse knowing I will always have your back! I'm excited for the adventures you'll have, but I'm here to remind you that you have the rest of your life to have them in. I consider it part of my job to remind you that some things in life are worth waiting for.

If you do have sex, I trust you will have safe sex. I do not have my head under a rock. I realize you may make different choices than I did, or than I would choose for you. I respect your right to do so. However, that will not change the rules that are in effect in this household.

When you are ready to move out and live independently, you'll get to make your own rules. I'm confident you will be ready. For now, you get to find a way to live within the rules of the situation you are in - not a bad lesson to learn IMO.

 

[bicker]

When parents teach teens how to drive, they put them in front of the wheel, in control of the moving vehicle, for a short period of time, to start, then a little longer, then a little longer, then a little longer, and they progressively increase the amount of time that the teen is in control of the moving vehicle, rather than just having them watch the parent drive, and then at a specific point, letting the teen get their own car and start driving it all the time, having never had any real experience being in control of a moving vehicle before.

 

[Acklander]

I know my answer is not going to be a popular one.

Am I so naive to think that all 4 of my kids will be virgins on their wedding nights? No. Do I hope so? Absolutely. Do we talk about waiting? All the time. Of course, we do also talk about birth control, that we hope they won't need until they're married.

Me letting them go away unsupervised is the same as me handing them the key to the bedroom and telling them I think it's okay to have sex, and for us, it's not okay for them to have sex until they're married.

See, maybe this is where the difference is. I DON"T think it's ok to be a virgin before you're married. While I wouldn't have the right to require my kids to have sex before marriage, I would definitely think it preferable to being a virgin. I'd rather they get married because they found the person they wanted to spend the rest of their life with, and raise a family with, not just because hormones were in overdrive.

 

[cruisnfamily]

I vote no.
Take sex out of the equation. For me I think that vacationing with a significant other is something adults do. Not high school kids. I also think that to be an adult it doesn't magically happen at 18. When I am no longer paying your way then you can do as you please. Until then no. Yes, they can go away to college and do as they please but while in my home the answer would be no.
I think vacationing together is much more than sex. It makes you too familiar with each other. I wouldn't let them live together so I wouldn't let them spend the night somewhere together either. I am sure I am not explaining it correctly but that is how I feel.
Oh- and for those that don't think a girl would get a reputation from something like this you are kidding yourself. You will also be looked at as a promiscuious parent. Not trying to be mean but that is the truth.

The part I bolded agrees very much with my philosphy on the subject.

And another for the record I would not allow unsupervised get aways with same sex friends either at this point

 

[SplashMtnCrew]

No way! Iwould not even start her on birth control. Despite anyones thoughts here it revolves around moral issues. So if someone wants to flame so be it.

ITA
I also think it's quite sad that parents "assume" their children will have sex anyway

 

[Planogirl]

I don't think that anyone just assumes that their kids will have sex but many allow for that possibility. It would be nice if none of them did but the reality is that many do and there are no guarantees that your own kid won't be one of those.

It's not only about sex though. I agree that letting kids gradually spread their wings is a good idea, I'm just not sure if the age of 17 is the right time for this. Some 17 year olds can be so clueless.

 

[Jennasis]

ITA
I also think it's quite sad that parents "assume" their children will have sex anyway

I think it's sad (and wee bit naive) that some parents assume their kids won't have sex and refuse to put them on birth control.

Ain't the world grand with it's many differing opinions?

 

[luvmy3]

ITA
I also think it's quite sad that parents "assume" their children will have sex anyway

Personally I think its even more sad when parents assume their 17 year old won't/isn't having sex.

 

[NHdisneylover]

ITA
I also think it's quite sad that parents "assume" their children will have sex anyway

I would not assume either way. I would assume that is something I just can't know. Therefore, I want them to be prepared with information on how to handle having sex as safely as possible and also on how to not have it (how to say no strongly and know you are right to do so if that is what you want to do), as well as what the repercussions of sex could be (not just STDs and pregnancy, but laws about ages of both parties, he said/she said stuff, etc) and that among amny other things they SHOULD NEVER HAVE SEX WITHOUT A CONDOM until the are in a long term committed relationship and have had both themselves and that partner tested.

Sort of like I do not assume my kids will drink alcohol or do drugs, but I know it is commonly available and done by a lot of teens so I want them to understand the risk involved if they do and to know that among many other things they SHOULD NEVER DRIVE under the influence.

I don't see how educating kids means I assume they will do something wrong. I think it means i am giving them the tools to do things right.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

It's a tough call either way. There's no way I'd let DD or DS do that while still in high school. I can't be as enforcive once they go to college as they have left home, but while still living at home during high school, it would not be allowed.

Regardless of how well we do at raising our kids and trusting them, it's just not a good idea to allow this while the kids are in high school. They don't need to grow up that fast. ITA with the PP who stated that going away for a weekend with a SO is an adult activity. Let them wait a little longer, it's not going to kill them.

I disappointed the heck out of my parents when I moved in with DF during my last year of college (I was 21 and did not move in until we were engaged), but it was more out of necessity than wanting to shack up. There is NO WAY in he!! that I would have asked to go away for a weekend with my BF in high school. My parents would have had to duck both sets of my g-parents - they'd lock me up before letting me do something like that.

ETA: there are also social repercussions to high school overnights... the kids wanting the overnight don't need the labels that will come along with their peers knowing they were allowed to do it; whether or not they actually did/would have sex, people would assume. It's tough enough to be in high school these days without a scarlet letter emblazened on one's reputation - even the good girls.