Would this offend you?

[fireman17]

This has been brewing for a while with some of my coworkers about another coworker and his wife. We, cowokers were invited to his and her Jack and Jill wedding shower all brought gifts for the couple then when the wedding comes around no one who went to the Jack and Jill was invited to the wedding.
As you can imagine our coworker is looked at in a different light here at work.
So, would this be offending to you??

 

[Kellydelly]

I don't think anyone should be invited to a wedding shower who is not invited to the wedding. RUDE! Somebody screwed that up! If you all liked this person before enough to get him a shower gift I wouldn't begrudge it, just move on and let it go.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

Well that was just rude, and yes I would have been offended by it. I think anyone who was invited to a wedding shower should also be invited to the wedding. They may not all go to the wedding, but at least they were invited.

 

[DisneyScraps]

Very rude!

When I was getting married my Mom threw one of these for me, I didn't know about it ahead of time. She got my first draft of the wedding list, the draft where every and their brother was on it, i had not made my cuts yet. THAT version! She invited everyone on it.

I then had to invite all those people to my wedding. I was not happy about it,

Lisa

 

[bicker]

Who, precisely, put together the invitation list for the shower?

 

[kellydizfan]

When I got married, work gave me a bridal shower seperately and some of the people I worked with were invited to the wedding as they were good friends of mine at that time. Not everyone was invited but they all pitched in. I would probably be upset to be invited outside of work to a shower then not get invited to the wedding. It is wrong. Someone was just looking for gifts so to speak as they must have given names and addresses to the people putting on the shower.

 

[Klismania]

Yes, I would find that offensive.

 

[bgirldeb]

Yes, this is a big etiquette 'no no'!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

This has been brewing for a while with some of my coworkers about another coworker and his wife. We, cowokers were invited to his and her Jack and Jill wedding shower all brought gifts for the couple then when the wedding comes around no one who went to the Jack and Jill was invited to the wedding.
As you can imagine our coworker is looked at in a different light here at work.
So, would this be offending to you??

Who put this shower together and who invited you guys? How many coworkers are we talking? 5 or 35?

I would have to say as much as I would try to not be offended, my emotions would get the best of me and I would probably be a little ticked about it.

 

[bicker]

work gave me a bridal shower

Yeah, that's what my wife was figuring could be.

 

[MerMom60_94]

The guest list for the shower should be taken from the guest list for the wedding. Yes, it is rude but maybe, like a previous poster, you were all on the initial list before it was pared down. Keep in mind, your coworker and his bride did not likely put the guest list for the shower together. That was likely done by the person who threw the shower. If the wedding were held in a small venue there may not have been space or maybe there weren't finances to invite all of you to the wedding. I would not be upset with the bride and groom so much. The etiquette breach was really on the shower organizer. FWIW, when I got married my DH's great aunt threw a shower for me and had all sorts of family members I had never even heard of there! I was able to add them to my wedding list but was not too happy about being put on the spot. I was appreciative of the great aunt who was thoughtful enough to have put a shower on for me, though.

 

[ml05ries]

I've only heard of a Jack & Jill Party as a bachelor/bachelorette party. And in that case, it is a growing trend to invite everyone you know and sell tickets to go. It raises money for the bride and groom. Although I'm not sure how I feel about inviting anyone you can find to raise a few extra bucks lol I'd rather have my close friends. But as far as the wedding shower, it does seem odd. I'd feel like they did it for the gift, but of course we don't know what they were thinking. I've read that "wedding etiquette" is to buy a gift equal to what the bride and groom spent for you to be at the wedding. But since you weren't at the wedding, seems rude on their part.

 

[emma'smom]

The issue is that the co-workers attending the shower thought that they were going to be invited to the wedding because that is traditional shower etiquette.

HOWEVER, I've attended lots of work-related bridal showers (I was a teacher) where it was understood that not everyone from the office would be invited to the wedding. Some might be who were very good friends with the bride. However, everyone was invited to come wish the bride well, share some refreshments, and give a gift if they liked. The gifts were always really nice- regular shower gifts.

So...I think this is ok...as long as everyone understands from the onset.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

No, I'd be thrilled that I didn't have to think up some lame excuse not to go! Do all the coworkers really WANT to go to the wedding? Or are they offended on principle?

For some reason, this reminds me of the episode of The Office last year where Michael called the hotel in Vancouver because he was going to the Olympics. They couldn't find his hotel reservation and he was adamant that he made it. They went back and forth and she finally was able to find it and he turned around and said he wanted to cancel it. (And was charged a cancelation fee )

 

[Disney Doll]

If the shower was arranged by co-workers for the co-worker, then no, I wouldn't be offended.

If the shower was arranged as a surprise by the bride's/groom's family, then I probably wouldn't be offended because I'd just figure thatthe family screwed up without the wedding couple knowing.

If the wedding couple knew about the shower and guest list I'd be a bit peeved briefly, but then I'd be happy that I didn't have to give a wedding gift too.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

If the shower was arranged by co-workers for the co-worker, then no, I wouldn't be offended.

If the shower was arranged as a surprise by the bride's/groom's family, then I probably wouldn't be offended because I'd just figure thatthe family screwed up without the wedding couple knowing.

If the wedding couple knew about the shower and guest list I'd be a bit peeved briefly, but then I'd be happy that I didn't have to give a wedding gift too.

Yep, I agree with this. I also would've SAID something to the bride or groom instead of being upset and talking about it with the other co-workers. You can't get inside their head unless you ask.

 

[luvmy3]

If the shower was arranged by co-workers for the co-worker, then no, I wouldn't be offended.

If the shower was arranged as a surprise by the bride's/groom's family, then I probably wouldn't be offended because I'd just figure thatthe family screwed up without the wedding couple knowing.

If the wedding couple knew about the shower and guest list I'd be a bit peeved briefly, but then I'd be happy that I didn't have to give a wedding gift too.

 

[aprilgail2]

I've only heard of a Jack & Jill Party as a bachelor/bachelorette party. And in that case, it is a growing trend to invite everyone you know and sell tickets to go. It raises money for the bride and groom. Although I'm not sure how I feel about inviting anyone you can find to raise a few extra bucks lol I'd rather have my close friends. But as far as the wedding shower, it does seem odd. I'd feel like they did it for the gift, but of course we don't know what they were thinking. I've read that "wedding etiquette" is to buy a gift equal to what the bride and groom spent for you to be at the wedding. But since you weren't at the wedding, seems rude on their part.

Sell tickets???? As far as Jack and Jill showers the last few baby showers I have been to have been Jack and Jills--much more fun than just a bunch of women sitting around yapping! Even for my baby shower 11 years ago I had guys there. Some family came from out of state and their husbands drove them or came along for the ride so they ended up just having the guys come to the shower- it was fine with me!

As far as being invited to a shower and not the wedding---TACKY!!!

 

[powellrj]

It wouldn't bother me, but I don't like to go to weddings anyway!

 

[Polyluvr]

Well that was just rude, and yes I would have been offended by it. I think anyone who was invited to a wedding shower should also be invited to the wedding. They may not all go to the wedding, but at least they were invited.

ITA

And I would make sure to invite them to all my gift needed functions~so as to recoup the cost of the give I gave them