Would This Bother You?

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I want to run something by you. I would like to know if you would be bothered by this or am I nuts.

During the last month DH (along with everyone else at his work) was required to work a minimum of 20 hours above their normal schedule. My DH normally works 48 hours a week so he was required to put in 68. He worked 7 days a week never less than 80 hours. As you can imagine he wasn't much help around the house. I handled everything that had to do with the kids, school, parent teacher meetings, household duties, minor repairs around the house (I even had to learn to chop wood), 3 sick kids all alone. That is not my complaint. My DH was doing his job and we are a team. I suspect that each and every other spouse...mostly wives... had to do the exact same thing. Well today DH gets an invitation for an 'evening to escape' from his job (not escape from his job). It's an invitation for cocktails a very nice dinner and a whole night of cocktails and cigars to thank them for all of their hard work. It is stated very clearly that this is for employees only and spouses are not invited will not be welcome. This just upset me. I feel like I had to work twice (with sick kids 3 times) as hard because he devoted all of his time, energy and days off to this company. I had to stay home and pick up the slack. I wasn't looking for a free meal. If money was the reason spouses weren't invited they could have said employees will be free. (From what I remember...many years ago...they did have a dinner for this same reason but wives were invited.)
At least I feel a bit better for getting that off my chest..thanks.

 

[msmayor]

Nope...wouldn't bother me. The company is thanking those that were directly involved in getting things done.

What would be nice is if you and your spouse now took an evening for just the two of you...THAT would be a nice thank you from your husband for working as hard as YOU did to keep things humming along at home.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Nope...wouldn't bother me. The company is thanking those that were directly involved in getting things done.

What would be nice is if you and your spouse now took an evening for just the two of you...THAT would be a nice thank you from your husband for working as hard as YOU did to keep things humming along at home.

Thanks for the reply. The previous owner of the company kept it very family oriented. They had all sorts of family events and did thank the wives for all that they did indirectly. It is a very small company and this new company does not involve the wives in anything at all. They do seem to go out of their way to make sure wives are not allowed places.

 

[rangermom]

Nope, I'd tell my hubby go and have fun. It is very common for employers to have a social event that is for employees only. Maybe your husband can stay at home and watch the kids while you go out with some friends. Or as a pp said, DH and you go out without the kids.

 

[tyandbash]

That wouldn't bother me either. But, I agree you should get a night "off" as well.

 

[JUJU814]

I can totally understand and see why you would be bothered by that. My husband's company has always been very family oriented and often invites the spouses. I think it's natural that you might feel a little put out. That's quite a lot they demanded ...68 hours a week? Is that even legal to *require* that?

 

[mom2meiko]

it wouldn't bother me one bit - actually, i'd be bothered if i had to find a sitter and go sit through a boring work function for my dh. i hate going to those things!

on the other hand - it sounds like once things settle down a bit, you are entitled to a little you time as well. maybe mention that to your dh - and let him know that you are looking forward to that...

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

it wouldn't bother me one bit - actually, i'd be bothered if i had to find a sitter and go sit through a boring work function for my dh. i hate going to those things!

on the other hand - it sounds like once things settle down a bit, you are entitled to a little you time as well. maybe mention that to your dh - and let him know that you are looking forward to that...

Well this isn't a boring function. It's a nice dinner and an evening out. I guess I am just a bit upset that we spouses are sent regular letters about how we need to make sure we help the employees, at various times of the year, live more stress free so they can devote more time to their job. We used to be sent these letters but we also were invited to regular events.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I can totally understand and see why you would be bothered by that. My husband's company has always been very family oriented and often invites the spouses. I think it's natural that you might feel a little put out. That's quite a lot they demanded ...68 hours a week? Is that even legal to *require* that?

The 68 required hours (my DH put in 80) is a special thing that is work does for a month every 3 years. My DH has worked there for almost 15 years. Every year, up until the new owners took over, spouses were invited to everything. There were special events (like carnivals) that whole families were invited to. Now the office staff still sends out the "we are all in this together" letters but now the appreciation letters state very clearly that spouses are not invited or welcome. I think they are stating that because most of the employees have been there for so many years that when these functions are announced most employees assume spouses are invited. This is a pretty small "one big happy family" company. There are 80 employees and most of the employees have been ther for years and years.

 

[ireland_nicole]

To be honest, it wouldn't bother me. DH has employee appreciation stuff and very rarely are the spouses invited. It sounds like it's more that the old owner used to include and appreciate the spouses and the new one doesn't. And I can understand why you would be saddened by that change. Right now, I don't care what I am or am not invited to, I'm just incredibly grateful my DH still has a job. A lot of people around us right now don't. I would encourage my DH to go to the work function, and would ask if there was a possibility of a little "appreciation celebration" for the two of you; maybe a date night, or a nice dinner, etc.

 

[brergnat]

Welcome to my life! My DH is an officer in the USMC. He works like 12 hours a day, at LEAST. He is gone for weeks at a time for field training exercises. He has deployed twice since we had kids, and will be going to Afghanistan next year for 7 more months.

I have gotten VERY good at being a "single mom". What else can I do?

In between all these long work hours and days on end gone from home, there are ALWAYS what we call "forced social outings" with either his other officer buddies, or with his Marines. Sometimes spouses are invited, but about 85% of the time, they are not.

Do I resent it sometimes? Sure! But, what can I do? I just make sure that I get as much "time off" as HE does! When he has a "function" to attend one week, it's MY turn to go off either on my own or with friends for a "night out". He's really good about it, too. Never gives me grief about leaving him with the kids for hours.

He even lets me go to WDW every other year for a week with my sister and friend! How great is that? Of course, he "lets" me because I make all the plans and then let him know that he will have to take a week off to "bond" with his boys while I'm off de-stressing and regrouping with my girls!

Sorry, but this is just the way things are sometimes with work. I'd MUCH rather he be the one working than for it to have to be me...

 

[Pakey]

My company does all employee-only functions. As the only woman in upper management, I'm always the only female at management functions.

I have no idea what the other employees tell their spouses, but they actually prefer to have these functions be employee only. I have always been honest with my husband about it. I like keeping my personal life personal; we do not discuss our family lives and these gatherings are a way to build better team networking.

 

[tinkerfan1]

I can perfectly understand why that would bother you. The company sure seems to expect the same from the families but certainly isn't rewarding them as well as they have in the past by what you have said. Even if this is "the norm" as some have said for other businesses, it doesn't sound like it was for your husbands. It's a shame when companies cut back and take things the employees and their families consider special away. It makes me think of the movie, "Christmas Vacation" with Chevy Chase where the bonus was taken away. I think you and DH should do something special.

 

[MarriedToAPrince]

Wouldn't bother me. That is pretty normal with most companies.

 

[Duckyiam71]

I was reading this and thinking this is my life everyday. Then I scrolled down and saw brergnat post! My husband is in the Army. Right now he is gone for 3 weeks so I work full time outside of the home and have 2 kids. It is very frustrating somewhat but this is something that I signed up for. I know and understand your frustrations. I hope your husband is very appreciative of everything you do. They get wrapped up in work they sometimes do not notice the little things we do! I agree with other posters...I hope you get a spa day or day with the girls whatever it maybe. Please be sure to talk to husband and share your frustrations but let him go. Good luck...it is a hard life but it is rewarding as well.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

It wouldn't bother me if the company didn't include me in the event. I do think it would be nice if your DH took you out when his long hours were over to thank you for your support.

 

[MomtoAlexnWilliam]

I can perfectly understand why that would bother you. The company sure seems to expect the same from the families but certainly isn't rewarding them as well as they have in the past by what you have said. Even if this is "the norm" as some have said for other businesses, it doesn't sound like it was for your husbands. It's a shame when companies cut back and take things the employees and their families consider special away. It makes me think of the movie, "Christmas Vacation" with Chevy Chase where the bonus was taken away. I think you and DH should do something special.

I agree! That is pretty bold of a company to send you, a spouse, a letter instructing you to keep the home life "less stressful"!!! You are not on the payroll and they shouldn't expect a darn tooting thing from you! But if they decide to keep sending those letters, then they need to stop excluding you from fun events.

Rest up!!

 

[aubriee]

Wouldn't bother me. That is pretty normal with most companies.

That's what I was thinking. I work at a hospital and events like that are always employee only events. My husband is a city employee. They also have team building events like that (fish frys, shrimp and crawfish boils, cookouts, catered events, etc) several times a year. They have always been employee only. I've never even thought anything about them. They are held for the employees and I wouldn't expect to attend, nor would my husband expect to attend mine.

 

[dfchelbay]

Well this isn't a boring function. It's a nice dinner and an evening out. I guess I am just a bit upset that we spouses are sent regular letters about how we need to make sure we help the employees, at various times of the year, live more stress free so they can devote more time to their job. We used to be sent these letters but we also were invited to regular events.

THIS is what would annoy me! Who the hell are they to send you, or any spouse a letter directing them how to behave with their spouse. Who do they think they are that they feel they can send you a letter, in essence, instructing YOU how YOU, who are NOT EMPLOYED with them need to behave in the privacy of your own home and personal life. You are not their employee and they are dictating to you what your behavior needs to be...they can take their letters and shove them up their...you know where.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

I would try not to let it bother me. It happens all the time with DH. Spouses aren't even invited to the Christmas party.

Sometimes I get fed up with always being the one home with the kids while DH can play with his buddies at work but I'm also used to it since I quit my full time job to stay home, work part time at home and take care of the kids and house most of the time anyway.