Would this bother you

[aprilgail2]

No. If I got a speeding ticket, I wouldn't tell my spouse. I'd pay it and learn my lesson. I'm his wife, not his daughter, and I don't feel I have to report everything to him. He has the right to feel the same way.

Talking about the fact that if we have to "discuss" a mere $100 then we have HUGE financial issues.

So yeah, that would be a bigger problem that a speeding ticket.

We share financial info - but if he buys a new car and he pays for it - why would I need to know? (yes I did come home one day to a new Mustang in the garage)

I can't imagine having to have a major discussion about having the money to pay a 100.00 ticket- some more serious issues going on there!!

It would bother me for a couple of reasons. The first is that I would want to know so that it was handled in the right way. .

We are talking about a spouse not a child- why in the world would you have to police your spouse to make sure it was handled the rightt way- they are an adult!!

 

[Nancy]

I wouldn't really care one way or the other. He's a big boy and can take care of a ticket himself. If rates went up, he'd just have to pay more.

If he tells me or not it is not all the big deal in the grand scheme of things. It wouldn't be worth getting mad about it for me.

 

[pearlieq]

I can't imagine having to have a major discussion about having the money to pay a 100.00 ticket- some more serious issues going on there!!

Who said "major discussion"?

Since when did "Hey hon, we're going to need to trim $100 from the fun money this month to pay the ticket". "Oh, OK. I guess we'll rent a movie and order pizza instead of going out. Thanks for the heads up." become a huge deal indicating serious issues???

I guess I'm missing out. I want to be one of those people who just takes unlimited money out of the ATM without the need to keep track of it or budget it at all. Must be nice!

 

[happygirl]

Who said "major discussion"?

Since when did "Hey hon, we're going to need to trim $100 from the fun money this month to pay the ticket". "Oh, OK. I guess we'll rent a movie and order pizza instead of going out. Thanks for the heads up." become a huge deal indicating serious issues???

I guess I'm missing out. I want to be one of those people who just takes unlimited money out of the ATM without the need to keep track of it or budget it at all. Must be nice!

I agree. We have to budget every dime. This ticket is a major blow to the budget

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

Why is not telling "a lie?"

I imagine the scenario in my house -

I am in DH's craphole car for some reason, and I find a crumpled up speeding ticket on the floor.

me: what's this?

him: a speeding ticket I got last week. The *bleeper* caught me doing 40 in a 25.

me: haha - loser!

end of convo.

Where is the lie?

This is how it would go with me & bf

 

[pyrxtc]

no, it's not that big of deal.

 

[NMAmy]

To each his own, I guess.

I wouldn't want to be in a marriage where "Hey, I got a ticket today" just wasn't exciting enough for my husband to care about. I love coming home to a man who would respond "Oh, I'm sorry. That sucks."

Nor would I want one where we have "his money" and "my money". We're a team. The money that comes in is "our" money and so we coordinate with each other about where it goes.

I think DH and I are old. I don't believe either one of us has gotten a speeding ticket since we've known each other so it would be an unusual event. However, I can totally see one or the other of us just plain old forgetting to mention that it happened--especially if it were in the morning and we didn't see each other again until after work. We talk all the time but lots of daily events never get mentioned in our conversations.

We pool our funds but we both work. If one of us needs to fork over $100 for a speeding ticket, it's not something we need to negotiate or rearrange a budget for. If finances were tighter, then I'm sure the speeder would mention it.

 

[Pugsley]

As always on the DIS, it’s really interesting to see how different people and relationships can be. Obviously there’s not a right or wrong answer here, but I just can’t imagine having the kind of marriage where I wouldn’t tell my husband about something like that or vis versa. He’s my best friend and every evening when we get home we sit down and talk about our day. Getting a ticket would be a pretty significant event in our day – maybe we just have a really boring life!

 

[sbell111]

I think DH and I are old. I don't believe either one of us has gotten a speeding ticket since we've known each other so it would be an unusual event. However, I can totally see one or the other of us just plain old forgetting to mention that it happened--especially if it were in the morning and we didn't see each other again until after work. We talk all the time but lots of daily events never get mentioned in our conversations.

We pool our funds but we both work. If one of us needs to fork over $100 for a speeding ticket, it's not something we need to negotiate or rearrange a budget for. If finances were tighter, then I'm sure the speeder would mention it.

I completely agree.

Cathy and I may or may not tell each other about something like this. Frankly, I trust her to handle this kind of thing properly, so why would I need to be told? She doesn't necessarily tell me if she bought a new pair of shoes. I don't see this as being much different.

 

[mjkacmom]

Talking about the fact that if we have to "discuss" a mere $100 then we have HUGE financial issues.

So yeah, that would be a bigger problem that a speeding ticket.

We share financial info - but if he buys a new car and he pays for it - why would I need to know? (yes I did come home one day to a new Mustang in the garage)

He pays for it? In our home, our money is our money (thank goodness, since I'm a SAHM). The last time DH got a ticket, it was $150, plus a $150 fee, and if he had points already, it would've costed us over $1000 with insurance premiums going up, and state surcharges (3 years of them). A speeding ticket in NJ is usually not a minor expense.

 

[NMAmy]

As always on the DIS, it’s really interesting to see how different people and relationships can be. Obviously there’s not a right or wrong answer here, but I just can’t imagine having the kind of marriage where I wouldn’t tell my husband about something like that or vis versa. He’s my best friend and every evening when we get home we sit down and talk about our day. Getting a ticket would be a pretty significant event in our day – maybe we just have a really boring life!

I think your last sentence is the most important one. It's a significant event to you--it's not to everyone. I've actually never gotten a speeding ticket. But, I was married to a cop, my mother worked for the police department, I have a lot of friends who are cops so an encounter with a police officer (even one I don't know) is not a significant event to me. If I did receive a ticket and I was in the wrong, then I'd pay it and be done with it. In all probability, I would mention it to dh. But if he or I forgot to mention it to the other, I wouldn't consider it a big deal because it's not a big deal to me.

DH and I are best friends, too, and I'll bet lots of people on this thread are best friends with their spouse. But the details of my day that aren't a big deal don't always get mentioned in conversation. I wouldn't call a close female friend or my mom or my sister to tell them I got a speeding ticket, either.

 

[Mom2Nick]

I got a speeding ticket last month and I was calling my husband to tell him while the cop was writing the ticket - lol

 

[taximomfor4]

As for the money aspect around here a typical moving violation is only $100. If we have to "discuss" the money aspect - we have WAY bigger problems than the speeding ticket.

Thanks. It IS frustrating, stressful, and quite embarrassing to be in the financial situation we're currently in now. $150 IS a big deal to us, until I find employment again. DH's take-home pay has been cut, and is getting cut again. Some people ARE in financial difficulty these days. Never thought it would be us, but it is.

 

[eliza61]

Are you talking about not sharing financial responsibilies??? Lying aside I couldn't see being married as long as I have and be living like roomates. We pool everything together and share everything that is how our marriage works. So I hope I am mistaken, which I am often.

But there are those of us who are in great marriages that arent pooling every thing and guess what for the last 25 years it's been working with me and my dh.

Talking about the fact that if we have to "discuss" a mere $100 then we have HUGE financial issues.

So yeah, that would be a bigger problem that a speeding ticket.

We share financial info - but if he buys a new car and he pays for it - why would I need to know? (yes I did come home one day to a new Mustang in the garage)

See that's how me and my dh work. We have a joint checking account that we pool some of our money in and we each have individual checking accounts. We each have individual credit cards. We discuss the important financial decisions such as retirement, college ed for kids etc. but no way in hell am I discussing what I spent in target today. You gotta be kidding me and if I did he'd think I'd lost my mind.

Once in a while he will tell me he's thinking about making a major purchase such as season tickets to the Phillies games or I'll tell him about some thing I have in mind but I definitely have no desire to know every 10 bucks he spends.

I don't think that makes us roommates or any less "best friends"

 

[Camicar]

I did not tell my dh I got a warning. Why? Because the warning was in a speed trap, but he would have never let me hear the end of it. Who needs it?

Now, if I'd gotten a ticket and had to pay for it, I would have told him. And then I would have reminded him of the $450 ticket he got even after I told him to slow down because I could see the freaking cop with his radar gun ahead of us.

Hmm. Maybe I should have told him about that warning anyway...