Would this bother you?

[CF'er]

My kids take martial arts (discipline, self-control etc) at a very small martial arts school. There are only 2 black belts that aren't part of the intructors immediate family. One of them is a teenage girl who we just found out is pregnant and coming back to classes soon. (She had been "ill" on and off for the last month or so.)

The kids in the school all look up to this girl. Alot of them mimmick her martial art style. She is very outgoing and not the type of person who would keep this low key. (I hope I explained it right.) I can see her showing off the baby bump and how big it's getting etc....

If you had a young tween girl would having her around bother you? Do you think this sets a bad example? I know that she needs us now more than ever and that's why this is so hard. I don't want her glorifying teen pregnancy for my 10yo. and I'm not sure if she knows how hard it's going to be.

 

[Mom2Nick]

No it wouldn't bother me. Is the teen supposed to hide in shame somewhere so other people wont know what is going on in her life?

 

[CF'er]

No, but she is supposed to be a role model and set a good example. IMO this is not a good example. I am very torn over this.

 

[qtwns]

Just use this as a teaching moment for your daughter and a way to get a good two-way, on-going discussion going. Remind her of your family's personal values, that bad things happen to good people, and that good people make stupid choices. Self-control and discipline are part of the martial arts philosophy (my DS is a black belt)--obviously this young lady forgot that. But so is respect and community, so teach your DD that you can help those whose values aren't the same as your without judging. Isn't parenting fun?!? Good luck.

 

[Disney Ella]

A 19-year-old instructor at my kids' dance studio just had a baby in December. My kids (age 12) have known her both as a fellow student and an instructor. It was obviously a difficult time for her and nothing she had planned. I told my kids that a pregnancy is certainly not the end of the world, but it does make this girl's life a lot harder than it needs to be at 19.

She had auditioned for one of the pro sports team's dance team the year before and didn't make it and wanted to try again. But pregnancy derailed that dream. Now, she's trying to work at the mall, the dance studio, go to community college part-time and take care of a baby. There is no more being a typical college kids for her anymore. My kids can see that teenage pregnancy is not glamorous and it's not something they want to emulate. (Crossing my fingers that never happens, but you never know, despite them knowing the facts about birth control.)

I would discuss with your kids how pregnancy at a young age really changes your life, but I don't think just that the fact that this girl is pregnant is going to make them say, "Hey, when I'm 16, I want to get pregnant just like Sarah."

 

[Stacerita]

It probably wouldn't bother me all that much. Use it as a way to open the talk with your DD.

 

[Mommy2cody]

It might be a good way to talk to your daughter about teen pregnancy and STD's. My little brother was recently in some trouble (Serious trouble with the law) so much so that my 7 year old son noticed. My mother wanted me to not tell my son anything about it. But my son noticed very quickly something was going on, I thought it best to use it as a tool in teaching my child what NOT to do. And we talked about the situation and I told him why his uncle was in trouble and what was going to happen (Of course on his level) In your situation, I would use this opportunity to open the lines of communication. I think the worse thing would be not to talk about it!

 

[Magic Mom]

I agree that this is the perfect time for a teaching moment. I think I would talk about the perception of the pregnancy (attention, special treatment, buying baby things) vs. the reality ( sllepless nights, less/no time for friends and activities, financials).

 

[Christine]

I understand your concern but there isn't much you can do. No, indeed, the girl should not hide in shame or anything like that, but I have witnessed these young, pregnant teens "glamorizing" the fact that they are pregnant and making it all such a warm, fuzzy thing. There is NOTHING wrong with that attitude, but I get that some of the "tweens" will think this is "cool" and they all want to be like someone they admire. I have seen this firsthand when my DD (who is now 16) was younger and all the young girls thought it was so cool when some 17 year old was pregnant.

So, I *get* where you're a coming from. The only thing you can do is say something like "I very happy that Sally is excited about her pregnancy, but pregnancy in someone so young can be very hard and will change her life. While Sally seems to enjoy showing all of this off to you young girls, I'm not sure Sally has realized what this is going to mean in her life." That's about all you can do.

 

[lulugirl]

No, it wouldn't bother me.
As other have pointed out, it's a good opportunity to talk with your child.

 

[scrump]

No, it wouldn't bother me, it would just remind me to talk to our child. If it's not one thing, it's another, and I think it's difficult to surround yourselves with only positive role models. Like a pp said, use her as an example of how choices you make can actually affect your life.

 

[Mayl]

nope.


would not even think twice about it.

 

[CF'er]

Great responses. Thanks everyone. Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees.

 

[ksumn1]

I agree with the other posters. Being a Mom at 20 (almost 21) I already felt ashamed enough at my actions that I really didn't need anyone else to make me feel worse. I needed support that things would be OK, and that even though I made some horrible choices I was still loved and cared about. Be honest with your children about how they can respect and care for this girl but not agree with her actions and choices. Use this as a teaching moment. In age appropriate terms, hammer home ABSTINENCE!!!!!! Definately discuss how difficult this girls life will be now with a baby to care for. And how much you want them to make a better choice. Good luck!!

P.S. Next time you see the girl, give her a hug, tell her you care about her and that with alot of hard work, prayers and help it'll be OK. I'm sure she would really appreciate the sentiment right now.

 

[corndog]

I guess she didn't get the discipline and self-control message.

 

[Pigeon]

First of all, whether or not the girl wants to come back to class has nothing to do with you. You can pull your kids out, but it is her decision whether or not to continue training. If one of the male martial arts instructors had gotten someone pregnant, do you think he should be forced out? How about a pregnant single woman who chooses to terminate the pregnancy?

The people across the street from me have a teenaged daughter who had a baby. I was a little concerned about the impact it would have on my kids, particularly my tween older daughter, and we've talked about it a great deal.

Actually, I think it's been an education for her to see how much more difficult this girl's life is with a baby. Dd sees that she doesn't do any more hanging out with her friends, and she idn't going to college as she has planned. She's seen the work involved with the baby. The baby is a cute kid, but like all kids, he does his fair share of non-stop screaming. My daughter finds that very unappealing.

 

[okeydokey]

No, but she is supposed to be a role model and set a good example. IMO this is not a good example. I am very torn over this.

You say she's not part of the instructor's family. Does she work in an official capacity at the school or is she just another student who happens to be a black belt? If she doesn't work there I don't see how she is supposed to be role model. Either way, it is a teachable moment for your kids.

 

[mpls_mm]

Teaching moment! There is a very beautiful 19 year old single mom that takes her 2 yo daughter to my sons preschool. She has no car and lives in a subsidized apartment complex a mile away. She has to push that stroller to daycare no matter the weather (this is Minnesota!) they store it there and then she walks to the bus stop and takes a bus to wait tables at a sports place and then she rides the bus back to the grocery store gets one bag because thats all she can carry the two miles back to daycare to get her daughter and then walk home. I live on the corner and see her struggle every day, she doesn't accept help. I tell my daughter that is what life is like when you have children too young. Examples like that teach more than anything.

 

[JulyGirl]

Take this as a time to talk to your daughter about teen pregnancy. Let her know that this instructor will still be a good coach, but that her life is going to be harder. I really wouldn't even bring it up unless your daughter questions you about it.

 

[jetprincess]

Would it bother me? You bet! Could I do anything about it? Nope!

I would use the opportunity to open up discussion topics. I know your DD is only 10 so you might have some explaining to do...but it might be worth it.