Would this bother you- Facebook related Update post 69

[dismom2005]

Major red flag - this recently happened with me and my husband, he created a FB page and it's how he communicated and carried on his affair earlier this year along with his bberry. I didn't know about the FB page since his first and last name are very common, so there could be 500+ people out there with the same name, but had I done more research i'd probably been able to figure out the affair a lot sooner.

 

[lillygator]

Note- All names have been changed.
Let's say your DH's name is Michael Bakagan. He is called Mike so on Facebook everyone is friends with him under Mike Bakagan. This includes you.You're searching FB one day and somehow discover that Michael Bakagan has a FB page too. His only friend though is an old girlfriend- from years ago. You also know that Michael's FB was created after the original Mike FB. Do you become suspicious or what would you think....

very suspect...is it the same Mike? and do you know the girlfriend?

 

[RadioNate]

Where does this ex live?

Is it possible that they are in contact in person?

This is NOT ok and the only reason it exists is for inappropriate contact.

 

[olena]

Note- All names have been changed.
Let's say your DH's name is Michael Bakagan. He is called Mike so on Facebook everyone is friends with him under Mike Bakagan. This includes you.You're searching FB one day and somehow discover that Michael Bakagan has a FB page too. His only friend though is an old girlfriend- from years ago. You also know that Michael's FB was created after the original Mike FB. Do you become suspicious or what would you think....

Unfortunately, this happened to a friend of mine. Her husband befriended an old flame on FB, against his wife's expressed wishes, and she went straight to a divorce lawyer. There had been other problems in the marriage, so this wasn't the reason alone, but it was odd. There have been incidents like this before for them, but she seems to be going through with it this time.

I guess it all depends on the couple and no blanket answer fits everyone. DH won't do FB, so I guess I won't have this problem. At the same time though, I haven't sought out any of my old boyfriends.

That fact that this guy in the OP went out of his way to do this separately seems fishy.

 

[Mermaid02]

I "unfriended" my husband on facebook- best decision I ever made. I don't need to "watch" him 24/7 and that is what I was doing.

OP- I'm sorry this has happened to you. It could be innocent- maybe he was just curious what she was up to and he thought you'd be upset if he "friended" her.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

My DH friend requested his ex on facebook. To bad the moron was on MY computer when he did it, and he really friend requested her to me without realizing it! For us, I know she lives half a country away, and I know my DH - he was just genuinly curious about how her life turned out (he almost proposed to her, and he just wanted to know if she had kids by now, etc.).
Your DH.... not so much. I 100% agree with the posters who said to tell him everything is fine right now, let him go off on his little business trip, and do a bunch of snooping. You want all your eggs in a row before you confront him, and you want to do it with a calm mind. Unfourtinatly, I don't see this with a good outcome. Even if hes not cheating with her, the fact that hes made a unknown fb account would really really really bother me. Good luck sweetie.

 

[Binnie]

I would definately ask him WTH was going on. If nothing else, he's being sneaky, and that's just not good.

Personally, I have two of my ex-boyfriends as FB friends, including one from when we were teenagers who my husband HATED then and still hates now! If you're going to be friends with exes, you have to be upfront with your spouse.

OP, I am really sorry!

 

[jobhunter]

Are you sure he is traveling for business?
As in, have you seen his plane ticket and his itinerary? Check his phone bill. I would not ask anything until I'd done some snooping. And DO NOT act suspicious before you are ready to confront. I know how hard this is. Tell him you are PMSing if you can't hide your feelings any other way, or have a headache or dreading work or something.

And as another wise poster said, when you ask him about it, make him sit down with you and show it all to you right then. RIGHT THEN.

I would suggest a keylogger, to be honest.

Did you suspect before you found this?

I am so sorry. As someone who has been there done that, this sucks so bad.

 

[MushyMushy]

Just out of curiosity, does he have any other ex girlfriends on his main page? What would you have done if he'd friended her on that page?

I'm not saying that what he's doing isn't fishy, but I think I'd want to know that info before I can chime in.

 

[sbell111]

OP- I'm sorry this has happened to you. It could be innocent- maybe he was just curious what she was up to and he thought you'd be upset if he "friended" her.

That was my first thought.

I would definately ask him WTH was going on. If nothing else, he's being sneaky, and that's just not good.

Personally, I have two of my ex-boyfriends as FB friends, including one from when we were teenagers who my husband HATED then and still hates now! If you're going to be friends with exes, you have to be upfront with your spouse.

OP, I am really sorry!

In Mermaid's example, I would allow for a bit of sneakiness.

 

[meloneyb21]

Don't like it at all...and if he did it separately because he thought that you would be upset by him "friending" her, than it is obviously a problem that he should have stayed away from. Why does he care what she's been up to?

ETA: and if it was really innocent, he would have accepted her as a friend along with everyone else, and if she took it somewhere it didn't need to be than all he had to do was delete.

I agree with just being upfront with him. Knowing me, I wouldn't be able to make my own fake page, request them both, and see what happens. Nor would I be able to wait until he came back from wherever he's going. You don't need that on your mind.

 

[KristaTX]

He used his real name for a secondary account on which his only friend is an ex-girlfriend ? If something is going on there, he's an idiot in more ways than one. Is he typically that dumb? If not, then maybe there's some explanation and it's not what it looks like?? What that might be, I don't know. . .

 

[Ciao Mickey]

Note- All names have been changed.
Let's say your DH's name is Michael Bakagan. He is called Mike so on Facebook everyone is friends with him under Mike Bakagan. This includes you.You're searching FB one day and somehow discover that Michael Bakagan has a FB page too. His only friend though is an old girlfriend- from years ago. You also know that Michael's FB was created after the original Mike FB. Do you become suspicious or what would you think....

Either your husband is looking for trouble or found it.

Whatever the case, he is doing something behind your back.

I wouldn't let on what I've found. I would do some (a lot) snooping before I confront him. Otherwise, he will come up with excuses and get rid of all the evidence.

One of my girlfriends at work just went through the same bs with her husband of 25 years. He claimed they were just work friends. But she ultimately found out he had a group of "work friends" for years that she didn't know about.

Trust no one except yourself.

 

[jsmith]

How to destroy your marriage in one easy lesson-SPY ON YOUR SPOUSE-it is garunteed to destroy trust and alienate affection and make them suspisious of everything YOU do. Ask him about it outright-take his answer at face value unless he gives a reason not to-and then may i suggest you BOTH DELETE your face book accounts? the internet and socialnetworking contribute a huge amount to failed marriages?" why-one party does something to cover whar they are doing to avoid upsetting the other-the second party starts to spy and finds something they think is suspisioius-and posts on a message board where 200 well intentioned friends say-spy somemore-hes cheating on you-divorce him hes cheating on you! Grow up-talk to your spouse about an issue that belongs between you and your spouse and get rid of the sourse of the problem.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

What is the possibilty that---these are two different people?

(Unless you happen to personally know the name of the old girlfriend and that is the friend on that account.)

 

[jobhunter]

With all due respect, if you have to hide something from your spouse because it might upset them...you have to ask yourself, is what I am doing worth risking my marriage? If it upsets my spouse, do I NEED to do it?

Unless your spouse is a control freak who wants to manipulate your every move, then the answer should be no. And if your spouse is a control freak puppet master, you have bigger issues on your hands.

How to destroy a marriage in ONE EASY LESSON -- be duplicitous and sneak around behind your spouse's back in order to talk to an ex. If it is worth sneaking around, he needs to be asking himself why is he prioritizing talking to his ex so highly? I think most people (again, talking about reasonable people, not control freaks) only start 'snooping' when their suspicions have been aroused. Until then, we are just as trustful as the people on here in solid marriages.

If it is innocent, there is no reason to hide it. If it is not innocent, she can't assume he will tell the truth because she asks. If it is not innocent, he is no longer acting as her partner. Regular rules of communication will not apply.

Hopefully he was just being stupid.

 

[Mysteria]

There is no good explanation or excuse for that.

 

[lillygator]

any updates op?

 

[toledo13]

I think I would send a friend request to "Michael" to see what happened...

Yep, I was going to say the same thing....

 

[Keggy]

I would just ask my husband. I would tell him I came across this other page and is it him? See what he says!!

I have old boyfriends as friends on Facebook. My DH thinks nothing of it. I would do the same for him. I love seeing how everyone turned out. There is no chance I am ever leaving my dh for an old flame and vice versa. So, I would just ask.

My high school boyfriend's wife is pyscho though. I was very close to his family - his parents were like my parents and unfortunately because of her issues he has lost several friends from back then. I could see him doing something like this where he has to hide his friends. Not saying that this is your situation what so ever, but maybe your husband needs to be reminded that you are more easy going than he may think so that he has nothing to hide!

Good luck!