Would this be terrible?

[Daxx]

Like I stated originally, my brother and SIL will be offended if I tell them I have all this other stuff to do. I have heard them be nasty when my sister has told them the same type of thing, and now they are in a little feud. They just see these birthday parties as major events more along the lines of a wedding or funeral. They have 3 kids, they have parties for each every year. I have attended about 25 of these parties at their home over the years, the last one being one month ago...

I am NOT going to tell them the "truth" because I don't want to cause some big family conflict, there will be a little fib regardless.

If you don't go, you'll cause a big family conflict. Any way you look at it, you're screwed. I Jr. is honest-to-goodness sick, they're going to be mad. If you lie and say the little one is sick and they catch you in that lie, they're going to be mad. If you tell the truth and they don't like it, they're going to be mad. You're in a no-win situation. Let's face it -- it's all about your being there. It's about your presence, not your presents! They don't care about the gift -- they just want the family together.

Seems to me like you have two choices ...

a) tell the truth like a big girl, tick 'em off and deal with the consequences (and, honestly, if you lie and tell them the little one is sick, they're still going to be ticked off b/c you're not there.)

b) suck it up and go and keep peace in the family.

What are you up for?!

And, I beg you ... don't lie. You'll be in a bigger pile of poop than you'd ever bargained for should they find out.

ETA - just read about the short notice. You now have a 3rd option --

I would tell your bro. that if he wants/expects you to be at a party, he has to give you 2 weeks advance notice so you can "save" the date. I'd tell him it was very unfair of him to ask you so close to the party date. Tell him 6 days notice is just unacceptable and would force you to cancel plans you had scheduled weeks ago. Also tell him it's not fair to those who you made plans with to cancel at the last minute. He doesn't have to know what your plans are or who they are with. Is it truly his business!??! If he asks what your plans are, tell him that it's not his beeswax and if he has to know, maybe he should become your personal secretary. Call him now!!!!

 

[disykat]

If it were me, I think I'd go with telling them you'd love to celebrate with them, but are busy - and risking their anger. They already know that your brother and his wife have trouble making all their "on command invitations" and they need to hear it from you as well. If the invitations are too much, they need to get that picture loud and clear or they will continue.

Is there any way you can suggest a once a month family gathering that rotates homes where you can celebrate all the family occasions at one time? Something like - "Wow, life is getting so busy and I'd hate to be missing so many important celebrations. How about if we all plan together one date a month where we can all get together and then we can all get it on our calendars early?"

Maybe you can suffer through this one and suggest the idea afterwards? "Boy, I really had to shuffle things to be here for this important event. I'd hate to miss... how about if we..."

 

[antkim]

Ask yourself if it would bother you if they didn't show up for your son's birthday bacause they had errands to do? I wouldn't do that to my family but you may not be that close to yours.

I think that was a bit harsh! ....no one said she was not close to her family! I also think that a child's bday party is important to attend but every now and again it may not "fit" into everyone's schedule! I am EXTREMELY close to my brother but sometimes can not make it to his "family events" and visa versa.....does it create "hard feelings"????Absolutely not!!!!! Why on earth would I be angry with my brother and cause conflict just because he can not attend the party? Every one has their own lives and families....not every one can attend every event!

As far as I am concerned.....as long as you recognize the bday and "make up the absense" some how...meaning a phone call, a card etc. you have done what you need to do. This is NOT a wedding or a funeral and should not be remotely compared to one!

Do what is best for you and your family. I would not say some one was sick...you have the perfect opportunity to say you had previous plans..they invited you quite late! If their childs party was SO important they should have given more than a 5 day notice! Tell them you have a "date" with your child...that you have been looking forward to and planning on for weeks! That should be plenty...if not, then I think your brother has some issues he needs to deal with!

Have fun and do not lose sleep over this!

Kim

 

[luvmydogs]

...but sometimes can not make it to his "family events" and visa versa.....does it create "hard feelings"????Absolutely not!!!!! Why on earth would I be angry with my brother and cause conflict just because he can not attend the party? Every one has their own lives and families....not every one can attend every event...

These are my thoughts *exactly.* I can't for a minute imagine holding it against a family member (or friend, etc.), if they needed their own 'family time' instead of coming to my child's party. It's because I care about them that I wouldn't be offended--I love them, so I want what's best for them.

Now, I know this doesn't help the OP's circumstances at all, but I wanted to address the issue of what constitutes 'closeness' in a family.

Great post, antkim.

 

[sue1013]

Sorry antkim and luvmydogs but I don't feel if you are close to your family you put errands before your nephews birthday. Of course there may be reasons you cannot make a family event but to me errands is not one of them. I'm stating my opinion as you stated yours that my opinion is too harsh. I absolutely adore my nieces and nephews and know how important birthdays are to children. No way would I want to miss being with them to celebrate their special day.

 

[antkim]

These are my thoughts *exactly.* I can't for a minute imagine holding it against a family member (or friend, etc.), if they needed their own 'family time' instead of coming to my child's party. It's because I care about them that I wouldn't be offended--I love them, so I want what's best for them.

Now, I know this doesn't help the OP's circumstances at all, but I wanted to address the issue of what constitutes 'closeness' in a family.

Great post, antkim.

Well I am glad you agree Kim!....should we start a "Kim's Club"????

 

[antkim]

Sorry antkim and luvmydogs but I don't feel if you are close to your family you put errands before your nephews birthday. Of course there may be reasons you cannot make a family event but to me errands is not one of them. I'm stating my opinion as you stated yours that my opinion is too harsh. I absolutely adore my nieces and nephews and know how important birthdays are to children. No way would I want to miss being with them to celebrate their special day.

Sorry Sue1013 but I just do not see:

"I had to work every weekend this last month, and I have a lot of stuff I want to do this month. We want to take Aiden to see Chicken Little, we have Gatorland tickets that expire Nov. 30, I want to have a yard sale, I want to go Christmas shopping before the crowds get here, we haven't had a date night in over a month, and I am going to WDW Thanksgiving weekend"

as "errands" I see the OP wanting and needing to spend "alone" time.....alone shopping, alone on a date with her child and alone on a date with her husband.....maybe I missed something in a post? I did not see the word "errand" used at all. To me an errand is going to the post office, getting a gallon of milk or filling up my gas tank...it is NOT spending time with my family!

 

[luvmydogs]

Well I am glad you agree Kim!....should we start a "Kim's Club"????

I think we need to stick together on this one, Kim! Looks like we need to call it The Odd Man Out Club. And I agree with your last post, too.

And sue103 (not to hijack the OP's thread), I absolutely mean no disrespect to you or your feelings for your family's circumstances. My opinions are just how I'd feel in this instance (and how the other Kim feels, too!), and I hope there are no hard feelings.

 

[Aurora63]

Why don't you just flat out tell them you can't make it, that you are BUSY and can't come? That is what I do.

I agree Why should you feel guilty about wanting some time for your family? Just tell them whatever you need to tell them, and don't feel bad!

 

[L107ANGEL]

Would you like a drink?

 

[Cantw8]

Would you like a drink?

Now there's a dumb question

 

[raammartin]

Sorry Sue1013 but I just do not see:

"I had to work every weekend this last month, and I have a lot of stuff I want to do this month. We want to take Aiden to see Chicken Little, we have Gatorland tickets that expire Nov. 30, I want to have a yard sale, I want to go Christmas shopping before the crowds get here, we haven't had a date night in over a month, and I am going to WDW Thanksgiving weekend"

as "errands" I see the OP wanting and needing to spend "alone" time.....alone shopping, alone on a date with her child and alone on a date with her husband.....maybe I missed something in a post? I did not see the word "errand" used at all. To me an errand is going to the post office, getting a gallon of milk or filling up my gas tank...it is NOT spending time with my family!

I agree with you

 

[Aidensmom]

Sorry antkim and luvmydogs but I don't feel if you are close to your family you put errands before your nephews birthday. Of course there may be reasons you cannot make a family event but to me errands is not one of them. I'm stating my opinion as you stated yours that my opinion is too harsh. I absolutely adore my nieces and nephews and know how important birthdays are to children. No way would I want to miss being with them to celebrate their special day.

I don't mean to be snarky, but I need to clarify something. I am not putting ERRANDS before anything. Errands are going to the grocery store, going to the post office, going to the drug store.

I just spent an entire month where I had to work 7 days a week, and worked approximately 80 hours a week. I am back to my regular schedule now (where I leave my house at 7 am and get home that day at 6:30 pm!). My errands get squeezed in when I can do them. I have a 4 year old son who for a month I have pretty much only seen when I am driving him to school! To me spending time with MY son and husband are more important than spending it with someone else's.

 

[Aidensmom]

I think what I am going to do is email my brother and tell him I have things scheduled for this weekend already, but will be mailing a card/gift card tomorrow so it reaches my nephew this weekend. Thank you for your advice.

And to answer the question of if I expect everyone to show up at my son's party, no, I don't. I know that everyone in my family is very busy. As a matter of fact, my brother did not show up to my son's last party. I don't have a problem with it at all.

Kim and Kim, can I change my name and join your club?

 

[kilee]

To me 3 kids = 3 parties. I wouldn't have the heart to do that to my neice and nephew (they're parties are usually 2 weekends in a row- or 2 weeks apart and they're brother/sister). I can sacrifice 2 days a year for their sake. It is such a big deal to kids for their birthdays.

I would think that family in general is important. I am sure your son would have fun at the party too. Unless you really don't care for them- I don't see where this is an issue. I couldn't do it, but my family means something to me- all of them. I don't see where sitting in a theater is "quality time" it's great fun- but call a spade a spade it's equivalent to watching TV. The movie will be there next weekend.

 

[minniecarousel]

hmmmm....how old is the birthday child? Could be that he won't be dissappointed if you don't show up. (He just wants the gift card or cash!) I have a brother and SIL who have blown off family holidays because they don't want to drive the hour to an hour and a half (each way) - and we're talking some Thanksgivings and Christmases. The rest of us have been a little miffed at times (mostly sad for our Mom - she likes seeing her kids!) but we haven't stopped speaking to them.

 

[luvmydogs]

...Kim and Kim, can I change my name and join your club?

Come on over Aidensmom! And you know, I'm not a drinker, but I'll even throw one back in your honor!

But seriously, I'm sorry you feel the need to justify time spent with your family, and I hope things go well, with good times and no hard feelings.

 

[antkim]

I don't mean to be snarky, but I need to clarify something. I am not putting ERRANDS before anything. Errands are going to the grocery store, going to the post office, going to the drug store.

I just spent an entire month where I had to work 7 days a week, and worked approximately 80 hours a week. I am back to my regular schedule now (where I leave my house at 7 am and get home that day at 6:30 pm!). My errands get squeezed in when I can do them. I have a 4 year old son who for a month I have pretty much only seen when I am driving him to school! To me spending time with MY son and husband are more important than spending it with someone else's.

Amen!!! I hope you saw my post saying the same thing! Again, do what is right for you and worry about the "after effects" later!

 

[Aidensmom]

To me 3 kids = 3 parties. I wouldn't have the heart to do that to my neice and nephew (they're parties are usually 2 weekends in a row- or 2 weeks apart and they're brother/sister). I can sacrifice 2 days a year for their sake. It is such a big deal to kids for their birthdays.

I would think that family in general is important. I am sure your son would have fun at the party too. Unless you really don't care for them- I don't see where this is an issue. I couldn't do it, but my family means something to me- all of them. I don't see where sitting in a theater is "quality time" it's great fun- but call a spade a spade it's equivalent to watching TV. The movie will be there next weekend.

My son has been promised this movie for over a month, that is why it is important. This will be his second movie ever, and he has been looking forward to it since he saw the preview at his first movie several months ago. It is a much bigger deal to him than watching TV. Sure, it will be there the next weekend, but I have other things to do too.

I don't think it is fair to imply I don't care for my family. Frankly, my nephew, who is turning 12, probably could care less about his aunt and his 4 year old nephew being there, and is just worried about his friends. It is his parents that get bent out of shape about it. I spend a lot of time with my family throughout the year, including taking the same nephew to various theme parks here in Florida, right now is just not a good time for me.

 

[kilee]

My son is 12 and I can tell you he has 2 aunts and to him it would be a HUGE deal if they didn't show. If they had good reasons I'd explain and he'd understand.
Your main reason is you want to spend time w/ DS. Well you can do that at the party too. As for the movie, I don't see why you can't go to the party for 2 hours and see the movie still that day or Friday after dinner or Sunday. You said you're back to a regular schedule now.
You're the one that asked, point blank, "would this be terrible"? I think for your reasons it is. My opinion. I'm sure we can find 200 people that agree w/ me and 200 people that don't.