Would it be mean? Is it better not to offer?

[eargal]

I am a Disney freak and we have been fortunate enough to make many trips to Disneyland and WDW over the past 6 years. I have 2 kids DS8 and DD5.

My brother and his wife are in way over their heads financially and are just now making an effort (with my husband's help) to get things under control. They are on a very restricted budget for probably the next 6 to 10 years to dig out of the mess they've created.

They have 3 kids. Two boys 8 and 7 and a girl age 5. The oldest one keeps talking about Disneyland and it breaks my heart to hear how sweet he is about accepting that it can't be afforded.

The younger two are not well behaved at all (but I love them).

My husband and my mom will not agree to taking all three kids with us at once since it would be a probable nightmare to keep them (as well as my 2) under control.

Is it mean to suggest that we take them one at a time over the next two years from oldest to youngest? Is it better not to offer at all and just let it go?

What do you think? If you were their parent, would you want me to offer?

 

[ashpinoza]

as the parent i would probably get offended lol. but i suppose it depends on the person, but i think most parents want to share that with their kids. but putting the kids first i would want them to be able to go. BUT how is their seurity with you and the children? me personaly would not let ANYONE, even family take my child anywhere at all! but i am VERY protective in that way. not an 8 year old atleast. not until maybe teenage age and they have more recognition of things and can protect themselves better. i just dont have much trust of someone else taking care of my children and i have two sister in laws with 2 kids each, still dont like it. but other than that issue if they dont mind, then i would say ask, but would feel bad for the ones that cant go, might cause a bit of a mess with the family, sibling bickering, ect. but its your choice. its saf they cant go but i dont know how you would swing that withouth hurting the other ones. a year is a long time to a kiddo

 

[eargal]

I have no concern with my brother and his wife feeling like their children are safe. My brother and I are less than a year apart in age and have always been very close. Plus, we always take my parents with us so the kids would have their grandparents too.

I am worried about the sibling rivalry issue though and you have a good point about parents wanting to experience Disney with their kids the first time. Thanks for your input. It's something I'll consider.

 

[sonnyjane]

Sibling rivalry-wise, I can see it causing problems. When I was in college, my youngest sister was 10 I believe, and was out of town visiting her biological father. My mom took my brother, who was 19 at that time, to WDW with his girlfriend, and my sister still to this day, 5 years later, hasn't gotten over it! I can only imagine how younger kids would react If you can't take all three at once, I wouldn't take just one, but that's just me. It's a very nice thought though!

 

[lattemomof3]

Could you have your mom have a talk w/ your brother so you can better gage what his feelings are about it? I am very close w/ my brothers - but I would have my mom find out some more info for me 1st in this case. Your brother may be able to tell your mom what his true feelings are - he might not want to hurt your feelings, or maybe he and his wife would like some time to mull it over 1st. I know if my kids had never been before, I would probably want to be the one to take them their 1st time. But if he knows they won't be able to take them for a long time, maybe he would like them to get the chance to go?

 

[grumpy's fan]

I say make the offer. I wouldn't be offended if my siblings offered something like this if I couldn't afford to take them myself. I would be happy that at least the kids could experience Disney even if I couldn't be there with them. I'm quite protective of my 8yr old DD but would certainly let her go with family. I've taken my daughter's friends to amusement parks for the weekend here in Texas...I guess it just depends on the parents.

 

[Capt. Swan]

"generous deeds should not be check by cold councel" JRR Tolkein, Lord of the Rings, Return of the King

I would say make the offer, it is a kind thing, with good intentions.

I came from a poor extended family, and though my dad was a college professor, my cousins were rather poor. When I was about 10 my dad approached one of my cousins (who had 4 kids) and offered to take the oldest with us when we went to Disneyland. I remember her saying she would have loved to take them herself, but realized she wouldn't have the money to do such a thing until she had no kids to support anyway. We were able to take my second cousin, and it was the only time she ever went.

Moral of the story, they appreciated the gesture, and good memories.

So offer the opportunity, and if it would really rankle, then won't accept, no harm intended. As for sibling rivalry, its natural and they must learn to deal with it as it comes.

 

[MineMail]

I wouldn't offer right now. I think it would be taken the wrong way and would make the siblings jealous.

I think the only way you could offer to take one and not the others is to tie it to some big event, like a milestone birthday or a graduation. Unless you intend to do the same for each of the siblings in turn, don't even offer.

 

[bumbershoot]

Unless you intend to do the same for each of the siblings in turn, don't even offer.

That's exactly what the OP is going to do:

"...we take them one at a time over the next two years from oldest to youngest..."


OP, since you're close with your brother, just ask. Ask with him and his wife alone; no kids around at all. Do NOT bring up the behaviour of the youngers!!!! Just offer to take each kidlet, one at a time, with you and your parents.

If they like the idea, then they can put it to each kid, asking if they'd like to go without parents or siblings. I have a feeling that if the oldest is being this nice about it already, s/he will say "no", but ya never know.

 

[marcemc]

I think that if you are in a financial position to take the 3 kids at once, it will be a much better deal for them and you. If your mom is coming along, you will have 3 adults to "manage" 4 kids.

You could talk to the 8 & 7 year old to let them know that they should listen to you & obey during the trip. They are old enough that they should understand and cooperate (one would think!!!!)

It would be a magical blessing if you could do this for them.
This way also, yo can have the rest of your trips to your family alone.

The most important thing is that you feel at peace with your choice.
God bless your heart, what a sweet woman you are!!!! Whatever you decide on, whatever happens, I hope you have a great vacation at Disney!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Ivette1980]

If this were me, I would totally understand your delema on the behavior issues, espeically if you don't want to take special moments away from your own children and husband, but at the end of the day, family is family and if you financially able to do this for them, as much as your brother and sis-in-law would love to go along, then I say this is a special gift you can offer them if only once. You will not know unless you go through with it and if heavens forbid its not the magical trip upi desire, well atleast they know that their aunt/uncle care for them that much. You are a great sis to even come up with this idea.

If this were me, I would definitely be all over this. Your heart will speak volumes dont pay attention to the negative of it and who knows you may allhave the times of your lives.

 

[eargal]

So, I took Bumpershoot's suggestion and called my brother. He is the sweetest guy! He thanked me and mentioned that he knew I would make a way for his kids to go if he wanted me to.

He feels torn, as expected. He's afraid that his wife will insist that all three kids go at once which, my husband and my mother both think is too much. They're not being mean, just realistic. You would have to spend a day with the kids to understand.

My brother and I are going to make a plan together so that after a couple of years when his immediate bills are under control, he can start saving a bit from his second job. I will save air miles (I have a business and accumulate miles pretty quickly) so that I can pay for airfair for all 5 of them. We will ask for my parents to consider paying for an extra hotel room, I'll pitch in some for park tickets and we should be able to make it work.

It will take just over 3 years or so but the kids will be around 12, 11 and 9 and will be a great age to remember it forever.

Plus, I get to look forward to going to Disney with my brother! Whoo Hoo!

Boy do I appreciate everyone's input. I just needed to get a feel for someone else's take on the situation so that I could calm down a bit and think rationally!

 

[ballarinamom]

Since we only have one child, we have often said we can't til the day to be able to take a friend with her on our vacation. I think what you want to do is awesome! I would talk with your brother first and let him know your planned scheduled visits with each child. Maybe say when they hit X years old they can go. I think by theirselves may help the behavior issues as well. There won't be the other sibling egging them on. Go for it and enjoy the new jewels in your crown you should receive!

 

[cccdisney]

So, I took Bumpershoot's suggestion and called my brother. He is the sweetest guy! He thanked me and mentioned that he knew I would make a way for his kids to go if he wanted me to.

He feels torn, as expected. He's afraid that his wife will insist that all three kids go at once which, my husband and my mother both think is too much. They're not being mean, just realistic. You would have to spend a day with the kids to understand.

My brother and I are going to make a plan together so that after a couple of years when his immediate bills are under control, he can start saving a bit from his second job. I will save air miles (I have a business and accumulate miles pretty quickly) so that I can pay for airfair for all 5 of them. We will ask for my parents to consider paying for an extra hotel room, I'll pitch in some for park tickets and we should be able to make it work.

It will take just over 3 years or so but the kids will be around 12, 11 and 9 and will be a great age to remember it forever.

Plus, I get to look forward to going to Disney with my brother! Whoo Hoo!

Boy do I appreciate everyone's input. I just needed to get a feel for someone else's take on the situation so that I could calm down a bit and think rationally!

I think you have an awesome plan!
Three years will go by fast (at least for the adults it will! ). Just think - now you will not only be able to enjoy the kids excitement, but you will also be able to have your brother enjoy it with you! That will be great!

 

[LuLusApple]

I say offer the spoils to the oldest and the rest in turn. Coming from a large family and having a large family this is how it's done. Now if you offered the littlest one first I would say boohoo.

 

[MyMonkies]

I think it would be completely ok to offer, BUT ask the parents privately first. Also, I think the one kid at a time deal would be fine so long as you make sure the rest all actually get their trip.

How very sweet of you

 

[tatehermosa]

When I was growing up in SoCal and extended family came to visit, my parents always took my youngest sister out of school to go with them. Even though we would go a few times a year as a family, I still want to scratch her eyes out because she got to go more than me!

 

[Crazy4Disney06]

Unless you can take all three at once, I suggest you don't offer. My in laws recently took all the grand-kids MINUS my son to Disneyland in June. Even though my son gets to go often (the reason they said he was not invited) he feelings were still very hurt towards his grandparents. Why risk hurt feelings. I would wait until the timing is better so that all the kids can enjoy it at the same time.

 

[MineMail]

So, I took Bumpershoot's suggestion and called my brother. He is the sweetest guy! He thanked me and mentioned that he knew I would make a way for his kids to go if he wanted me to.

He feels torn, as expected. He's afraid that his wife will insist that all three kids go at once which, my husband and my mother both think is too much. They're not being mean, just realistic. You would have to spend a day with the kids to understand.

My brother and I are going to make a plan together so that after a couple of years when his immediate bills are under control, he can start saving a bit from his second job. I will save air miles (I have a business and accumulate miles pretty quickly) so that I can pay for airfair for all 5 of them. We will ask for my parents to consider paying for an extra hotel room, I'll pitch in some for park tickets and we should be able to make it work.

It will take just over 3 years or so but the kids will be around 12, 11 and 9 and will be a great age to remember it forever.

Plus, I get to look forward to going to Disney with my brother! Whoo Hoo!

Boy do I appreciate everyone's input. I just needed to get a feel for someone else's take on the situation so that I could calm down a bit and think rationally!

OP - that's a great solution - it lets your brother's family enjoy the experience together without really feeling pressured about the cost. It also teaches the children about planning and budgeting. Bravo!

 

[carebee21]

Although I think it's sweet to offer, I think unless you plan on taking them all at the same time, it's a bit unfair. What if a popular ride is closed or broken when one goes but is going for the other two? Or what if the new carsland is open for the last ones trip but the first two children haven't gotten to experience it? The kids will probably nit pick any excuse to say its not fair because that's just how kids are.

And I'm not sure how often you go to Disneyland, but on a personal level, I'd rather take them all at once and just get it over with. I wouldn't want to tie up three family vacations. Or what if the first trip ends up being a disaster, I wouldn't really be looking forward to having to do it two more times. Or, what if your family dynamics change. You just never know when there's going to be a job loss, unexpected pregnancy, an accident or medical condition, divorce, etc. And if something unexpected comes up and not all the kids get their trips, I'm sure the adults will understand but it's hard for the kids to understand.