Worried mum

[Mrs Dazzle]

Someone cheer me up - I've spent the whole day yesterday - and most of the night worrying! To cut a very long story short, I'm being made redundant July after 14 1/2 years as PR Manager for large insurance company - it's been expected (hanging over me literally for the last two blasted years). I'm almost relieved to know when I will be going and - for the first time ever - get to have summer hols off with DD (aged 9).

DH has been redundant 4 times in 9 years and it's something in his line of work which seems to go around (sales manager - tried all sorts of different industries but they all seem to merge and diversify at some point). This is obviously not a nice experience and a huge worry.

We have a large house (bought it 4 years ago so my father could live with us). Sadly he died and we are now rattling around in a large house, with very large garden, in an expensive area that costs a fortune to live in. We sat down and thought about how we could make the best use of my redundancy (not much, but it'll see us through a few months).

Knowing how difficult it will be to replace my job - I work only 5 hours a day - on the salary I get now, in the local area - will be virtually impossible. I don't really wish to have to travel back to London at this stage of Katie's life - the chance to become a part-time "stop at home" mum is appealing, until after a few months when I know I'll get bored then I'll be happy to go out and find a little part time temp job to cover me during school terms.

The quandry at the moment is this: we have had our house valued - yippee, very nice (on paper). Ideally we could downsize as we don't need such a big house/garden, but it is very difficult to find something smaller, but equally nice, in the village. However, we have found something ideal 4 miles away (6 mins in the car to school from there!) whereby we could sell ours, pay off mortgage, buy new house outright and no mortgage worries on redndancy. Only one small problem - would mean DD not in catchment area for what would be her next school.

The school she would go to is equally good (in fact the academic level is slightly higher), but would mean leaving her friends behind. She is an incredily bright, happy, sociable girl and whilst we think she would have no problems meeting and finding new friendships - should we make the move??? It would be such a "good" move for the family, without the added stresses of money worries hanging over us if my DH suffers any more redundancies, or are we being selfish by moving her to a new school. This would not happen for another 2 1/2 years and her headmaster, who I have discussed it with, says he doesn't think she'll have any problems transferring - and is desparate for Katie to stay with him until she goes up to Secondary school (she is an 'able' child so helps school marks!).

I'm at the don't know what to do for best scenario - really feel the house is right, but should we move DD?? It's difficult for us to gauge, because both DH and I moved to grammer/secondary schools without any of our friends all those years ago and don't remember it being a problem, but when it's your 'baby' things seem a bit different! She's (sadly) the only child we have, so don't have any brothers or sisters to encourage her that they'll also have to go to new school.

Any views most appreciated.

 

[Hilary]

What a difficult decision for you

Firstly, commiserations on your redundancy.

Secondly, being totally objective, I would say that you should go for the move and not worry about Katie's school change. If she can stay at her primary school after you move, then I don't think switching to a different secondary school will be so awful for her. Yes, she'll be disappointed she won't be moving up with all her friends, but I'm sure that once she gets to her new school (whichever one) she'll be making new friends anyway.

In this area there is a huge effort made to introduce the children to their new school before they leave the old one, and my DDs had three or four visits to meet the teachers and new classmates in the couple of months leading up to the switchover. If your area does the same, then hopefully Katie will become a little more familiar with her new school before the day she has to start there for real.

I know it's a lot easier for me to sit here and say "it'll be fine" than it is for you to put it into practice, but I hope you'll come to the right decision for all of you - whatever that may be.

 

[CarolynU]

Oh dear what an incredibly difficult decision for you. My own thoughts are that you should go with the move. In this area children have to sit a grammar school test which decides on their secondary school, and this often results in pupils leaving a primary school and transferring to a secondary where they know almost no-one, and I frequently see them two or three years later, and all have a new circle of friends and relatively few are still best friends even if they have transferred together with their primary school friends. In fact my own daughter was the only pupil in her school year who not only did not transfer to our local secondaries, but went only vaguely knowing one other girl to a school in another town altogether! She soon loved it! Good luck with whatever you decide. Carolyn

 

[WDWfan uk]

Annie, I'd say go for the move - your financial stability will give you all the security you need and take away the stress. When children move on to secondary school, things change such a great deal for them anyway - they nmay be with some pals from primary school but their environment is different, there are new people to meet and get to know.
The majority of my son's friends went to a school we just weren't as keen on as the school we chose, but we agonised about it, as we didn't want him to be unhappy that he wasn't moving on with his friends, but like your DD he is a bright sociable boy and has made many new friends whilst keeping in contact with his 'old' friends. He has been there for two terms now and we really don't regret it.
Take courage and do what is right for you Once you've made the decision you can move forward ......... {{{{HUGS}}}}

 

[Janice]

Hi Annie

Such a hard decision for you to make right now - but like the others, I would say go with the move now scenario

As Shirley says - financial stability will help you and DH settle into your new surroundings and therefore you will be able to give the time necessary to ease DD into her new school when the time comes. Also, by moving now, she will have a couple of years, although still at the old Junior School, to make new friends amongst your neighbours and will probably find that they will be going to her new school as well. If she also gets involved in Brownies/Guides or something similar in your new area, she is bound to have friends there that would be going to the new school at the same time.

Good luck with your decisions - and here is some PD and {{{Hugs}}} to help you along

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Let us know what you decide

 

[Fiona R from UK]

I agree with Janice, your DD will have the stability of known school whilst you move, and then she will get to know new friends through local community activities (there are girls from about 8 different schools at our Guide Unit) so at least there will be familiar faces at secondary school.

My eldest went to high school last September, and was quite relieved to have a bigger "pool" of potential friends, in fact her friends are now totally differnt. Where we live there is not an obvious "local" school, so they split up anyway.

Children are remarkeably resiliant, a stable home life is the most important!!

 

[kazzie]

Hiya,I first wanted to say sorry about your redundancy.

I think the moving to a smaller house is by far the best option,this will help all round.

You've already had great advice about your DD.When children go to Secondary school although they stick with the children they know for up to the first year, you can bet they will have totally new friends after they branch out a bit.All 3 of mine have a different set of friends than the ones from Primary school they initially hung around with.There is one other option but probably more of an upheavel sooner,that is send your daughter to the primary school closer to you that is the feeder for what will be her new secondary school

I believe we worry too much about our children sometimes,(I don't mean that you are, as I'm exactly the same) just that children are much more resilient to change . I can't imagine my parents agonizing about a family decision that would affect my brother and me,they would have just what was best for the family as a whole. Whilst I would be taking all my offsprings feelings into account.

Think of it this way........in six years (or less!!)she'll have her own life and you'll be the uncoolest person she knows(until she rediscovers you!) Think of you and your DH's future too.

Good luck with your choice

 

[Nita]

Sorry to hear you sad news
good look for the furture sending you **PD**

 

[BevS97]

we are in the process of doing exactly the same thing, although my dd hasn't started school yet - but will be in September.

I think the benefit of financial security is worth so much more than a bigger garden, ensuite bathroom and a garage (all of which we will be giving up).

Another alternative -
It is also possible for you to apply for your dd to go to the same secondary school as her friends (although it is not guaranteed.)

as a person who went to many schools in her school career (I think about 6) I have to say that starting a new school is traumatic for a few weeks, but things settle down quite quickly, and starting a new secondary school is probably the easiest transition to make as
people are coming in from all different schools and making new friends etc.

Do what is best for your family, your dd will cope fine

Bev

 

[Mrs Dazzle]

Thank you all so much for your encouragement, it really has helped. Bev - we're also giving up a 1/4 acre garden and en-suite (we currently have two bathrooms) and I've just realised the plus points . . . . less cleaning!! Yeyyy.

Once again - thanks my friends

xxx

 

[sallybrealey]

When I was 11 my parents sent me to a school that was not my feeder school due to my feeder school not being very good. I moaned like mad - 12 of us from my year went to that school but none of them were really people I knew that well. After a while I stopped moaning and was quite excited - I was quite nervous at first but kids soon settle in and make new friends. There is a fair chance that even if your daughter went to the school with her friends she would only be in a class with a couple of them and within a year she would probably be friends with completely different kids.

Don't worry too much as she might be sad for a short time but she'll be fine in the long run.

Sally

 

[Enright78]

I know loads of others have said this too but the move seems the best thing to do.
Our DD Rose moved schools in exactly the same way, we moved house in her final yearof
primary school. She had lots of visits to her new school before moving, but as someone said
she actually relished the idea of a wider pool of friends. Within a week of her moving she barely
ever mentioned her old friends!
It is true, in 5 years time the new friends will be more important to her than you!
Best of luck, I hope all goes well! !

 

[UKDEB]

Mrs D, you have had such good advice here that I don't feel there is much I can add that hasn't already been said, but I just wanted to offer my best wishes whatever you decide. I hope you can reach a decision which you feel comfortable with.