If the reason he was in the hospital was a psychological hospitalization, you have more going on that a normal marital rough patch. Im not asking you to disclose anything; however, the line about the house being more peaceful while he was hospitalized really stuck out. Before my husband died, I had a big decision to make. His meds and illness had a profound effect on the marriage. Plus it magnified existing flaws in each of us. I was expected to be patient. He wanted change. Meds, lack of oxygen, stress and you wouldnt believe some of the soul crushing things he would say. I had to really take a look at what I was allowing my daughter to witness happen to me. Would she grow up thinking this was normal? There was already no visible affection between us (another side effect). We already had to sleep separately because his illness prevented him from sleeping in a bed and he had to sleep in a recliner and it went to another room because the choking fits he tended to have would keep me up. And even that I could have lived with if he was nice. Eventually with him I had his meds adjusted and just started getting him under control in other ways.
I had to set up some boundaries and basically told him someone so dependent on someone else should try to be nicer. Any temper tantrum and I left the room. I was really thinking hard about what to do when I got pregnant with ds, the stress level went up and it started again and I had to get it in check again. Once I had things more in check, I decided to keep my family together. We had our ups and downs, but were okay. After I had ds and went on maternity leave, we had more downs than ups, but the maternity leave was unpaid and the change in the budget though short-lived was uncomfortable for him and he showed it. A week after I went back to work he died. He died in his sleep taking a nap on his day off from work. He died leaving me with a 6 year-old daughter, a 2 month old son, a mortgage, a nearly 20 year-old home, a van we had just gotten 4 weeks prior (on which hed made one payment), and only enough insurance money to bury him. He left his mothers name on both of his large policies and his IRA. Fortunately his job had a death benefit he didnt know about that automatically went to the next of kin, so I was able to get some much needed work done on our home.
Shortly after our son was born, he let me know he really didnt think I could do it (raise both children and work and take care of the house). And I am finding out he wasnt the only one that felt that way. Im still not a great housekeeper; but, my son is now 3 and my daughter 10. I still work. We are still in our home and despite dealing with Reactive Airway disease with my son and ADHD and Dyslexia with my daughter, we have not only survived but thrived. I miss him every day. I grieve the man that he was before his decline, but it frightens me to think of what hed be like if he were still here. Heart/lung disease and the meds really took their toll. I know the peace in the home during hospitalizations you are talking about. My husband also refused counseling of any kind and I know how hopeless that made me feel. My daughter misses her father and she always will, but even at her age, she acknowledges how her present life is more peaceful. All that rambling to say when there are mental issues involved, it is so much more than wanting to change.
Personally, Id probably leave him at home and not take anyone. One of the things I took solace in during my husbands life were the trips (not Disney) my daughter and I would take together when we could get away. The clock doesnt start ticking on the other ticket until it is used. It would be one less ticket needed for a future trip. We have done 3 Disney trips since dhs death. We have found WDW a nice place to make memories and celebrate who we are now as a unit. Whether you are able to work things out or not, thats what I would want Disney to be for you all.
ETA: That friendship before the marriage someone else mentioned was the biggest thing we had going for us. Other than faith and prayer, that friendship I believe is what kept us and allowed me to stay with him to the end. Without it, after the illness stole the things that separate the marriage relationship from other relationships a person has, that friendship was all we had left.
I wish you the best.
