Worried about Pre-school

I still think you should get her checked out. You don't know what's wrong, if anything, and the fear of not knowing is worse than knowing. Believe me, I've gone through this.

The tonsillitis is interesting. My DD got it recurring from age 1 to 3; she was diagonosed with a rare fever disorder called PFAPA that led to her delay. After two years of therapy, she has started Kindergarten with her peers. Early intervention is key.

I did not know if I should get DD help, but I'm so glad I did. I was so nervous when they came to review her; I broke a plate b/c I was shaking so much. This is not easy, but it must be done.
 
Your daughter needs to be seen as soon as possible.
Weeks have gone by since your first post regarding this. I realize a diagnosis is scary, but it needs to be done.

Everyone here is telling you, "GO GET HER HELP NOW!" Please please please go... you are denying her early intervention the longer you put this off.

Some of these behaviors and quirks are not NORMAL, especially in these combinations.

Once again, not to be harsh.... everyone is trying to help... really...:grouphug:
 
Thanks for the advice. As I have explained everything to get her reviewed is in motion at the moment. I am not in denial, if anything it is my other family members that are. I do feel it is worth getting her checked out even if it turns out to be nothing. I'm just feeling a little weird about it all.

The tonsillitis is part of a flu virus that is going around here at the moment. When she got tonsillitis I was worried because I think 3 years old is really young to get it. Then, it turns out loads of people at my work have had flu like symptoms, high temperature and vomiting, went to the doctors and were diagnosed with tonsillitis. Now DS4 has it and it's his birthday today.

DD seems a little calmer since the tonsillitis. I have been able to get her to try to learn noises and things.

I think what is bothering me so much is my relatives. They were all saying that she didn't act normal. Then, I took her to the doctors and told them what he said and now they are all saying she's fine and just a normal kid. My grandma even keeps taking her out for the day while DS has been ill and saying she's been really good, but then my aunt slips up and says she's been a nightmare and my grandma shoots her a look that proves my grandma was lying. I just don't get it. I understand the worry clearly, but acting like she has changed completely since the doctor said anything is just weird.

Anyway, we are now waiting on the community paediatrician to get in touch.
 
Hope you get some good info soon from your DD's docs. But about your family and their change of heart about her behavior....unfortunately that's just the way families act--it's ok for them to say she's different or "not normal" but no one else is allowed to even if it's a professional. Hang in there!
 

Hope you get some good info soon from your DD's docs. But about your family and their change of heart about her behavior....unfortunately that's just the way families act--it's ok for them to say she's different or "not normal" but no one else is allowed to even if it's a professional. Hang in there!

This. If I were you, OP, I'd stop mentioning any of this process to your relatives until you have some clear answers AND a clear plan of action. Been, there, done that!
 
Your daughter sounds so much like my DD. As an educator, I recognized the possibility that my DD had ADHD early on, about the time she was 2. We did have struggles with preschool, and by the time she was 4, her preschool teacher suggested testing. It was confirmed that she has ADHD. Now, she is 8 years old and in second grade. We modify her diet, but she is also on medication. It was a great decision for us because she has been like a different child. My daughter has said on a couple of occasions that she is happier now that she can concentrate and doesn't feel like she has to be in constant motion during the day.
 
Thanks for the reply palavra. I really appreciate it. I've been really worried that because she is so young that whatever they think is the issue it must be severe. I heard they don't diagnose before age 5, so the fact that they already feel something is not quite right has been worrying me. I know I feel that way but that's because I see her everyday and I think a mother just knows. For professionals to be questioning her behaviour as well makes me think she must be quite obviously not right.

I just don't know what to think at this point. I am still waiting to hear from the community paediatrician. If I don't hear anything soon I think I will call the health visitor again to reorganise our visit.

Plus, the fact that both of my kids should really be in preschool now and they aren't. I am going to have to get them for the next term. I just keep worrying that I will be getting phone calls from the preschool saying she's climbed out the window and run off or something. At the same time, I don't know if I should not mention her behaviour in case she isn't like that at all at preschool. Maybe I'm just worrying about nothing.
 
Just wondering why they are not in pre school?

Your local authority childcare dept should be able to tell you which nurseries locally have places. No need to wait until next term i.e january unless you want to.

Both of your children are entitled to 15 hours of free pre school a week now.

If you are struggling to get a place have you tried contacting any private nurseries locally? You will be able to use your free entitlement there aswell.
 
I just keep worrying that I will be getting phone calls from the preschool saying she's climbed out the window and run off or something. At the same time, I don't know if I should not mention her behaviour in case she isn't like that at all at preschool. Maybe I'm just worrying about nothing.

As a preschool teacher I can definitely answer this from experience. Please, please give the preschool teacher as much information about your daughter's behavior as you can. There is nothing worse than being surprised by this kind of thing on the first day of school. Particularly if you feel that she may behave in a way that could endanger herself or others.

And, by the way, there have been a few times that I have been warned by the parents and, as it turned out, there were no real problems in the classroom. I was still grateful to have the information.
 
I think what is bothering me so much is my relatives. They were all saying that she didn't act normal. Then, I took her to the doctors and told them what he said and now they are all saying she's fine and just a normal kid. My grandma even keeps taking her out for the day while DS has been ill and saying she's been really good, but then my aunt slips up and says she's been a nightmare and my grandma shoots her a look that proves my grandma was lying. I just don't get it. I understand the worry clearly, but acting like she has changed completely since the doctor said anything is just weird.

Actually, this makes a lot of sense to me. They were willing to call her "bad" when they thought it was just behavioral issues. They wanted you to "fix" her. Now that they're facing the fact that she may actually have "real" issues, they are in denial.

Honestly, I think you need to involve them less. Yes, as her caretakers, they need to be part of the team, but you need to stop asking them what you should do. It almost sounds like you're trying to get their permission, or blessing, and you don't need that.
 
Hi,

Well, the health visitor came on Wednesday. DD was climbing and running over the place when she got there but eventually found 2 dolls and played with them the rest of the visit.

I'm not really sure what the health visitor thought. She asked me loads of questions about DD and says that DD seems to be behind. She mentioned ADHD and I said a few people including the GP had mentioned it as well, but she didn't think it was that. She said when she first came in and DD was running around she thought it may be that but then when she calmed down she didn't. I wanted to explain to her that DD is like that more often than not but I didn't want to push it. I think she thought I was trying to diagnose DD with something. She asked me if I was depressed, which I don't really understand the relevance of. Anyway, DD has to see the Community Paediatrician in a couple of weeks and we'll see what he says.

On another note, the kids will both be starting pre-school in a few weeks. I'm not really sure what to say to the pre-school since I don't want to stigmatise DD with something, especially if I'm just making too much of nothing as the Health Visitor seemed to think but then I think they need to know about her behaviour so that they can be prepared for it.
 
Ok, it’s been a long time since I was last here. DD has had visits with the Paediatrician now. She is currently still awaiting Speech and Language therapy. She is seen once a week by an Early Years Support Teacher. She is at preschool now. The educational psychologist will be seeing her at preschool this week. The paediatrician believes she may have ADHD and/or ASD, but has not yet diagnosed. The Early Years Support Teacher has also mentioned ASD. They have both said that DD will definitely need extra help in school. The preschool have concerns about DD as well. They have said they have been a little inclined to downplay her issues. The preschool teacher whose group she is in is wonderful and specialised in Statemented children (Special Needs children). She is concerned that if DD is labelled it may cause her more problems. She asked us to please not send her to special school. Up until this week, it never crossed my mind that we had other options aside from mainstream school with additional support. The paediatrician and the preschool have suggested deferring her from starting school for a year as a possibility but neither were sure on the practicalities of such a thing.

ASD has definitely come up more in discussions about her than ADHD but they both seem to be on the table.

I feel kind of odd about the whole thing as well. As you know, ADHD has been on my mind since day 1ish. But, ASD, well that’s something new to me. I have read up on it and I’m still a little unclear as to where she fits in.

Her speech is still very delayed. I was going to say that she has started to make animal noises and has said “Momma” a couple of times, but then I read a little further back in this thread and I said the same thing almost a year ago. Those skills appeared to go away and then come back at some point in the last year. She says more things now though. She says “Bider” (spider), “give back” “give me your hand” (although I don’t think any else would know that’s what she is saying) “HI” “Bye” both with a wave and both appropriately. She tried to repeat some words that I say “Shoe” “Juice” etc.

I have known her to point at object if I ask her where they are but it is rare. Usually if I say “Where’s the light?” she will just go a switch the light on and off.

She has no issues at all with eye contact, certainly not with myself or people she knows. I’m not sure where she stands with that with people she doesn’t know.

Her imaginative play is very good indeed. She plays with dolls all the time, almost exclusively, she occasionally uses toothbrushes as doll substitutes (I can’t tell you how many times we have had to by new toothbrushes. It is at least once a week lol).

She loves to dress up. She pretends to drink from a toy cup after pouring pretend tea. The other day, she lapped up her drink as if from a bowl on the floor and then she came over and said “Woo Woo” which is Woof Woof.

She still doesn’t really play with other children. She prefers to do her own thing and will usually push other kids away if they try to join in. She has played alongside one child in the same area at preschool, but I’m not sure for how long or if it was a one off.

She still kicks, bites, punches people. She also kisses random strangers.

She has regular meltdowns or tantrums if things don’t go the way she wants. She still doesn’t seem to be able to sit still for long although, she did recently let me read a short book to her when I added interactive bits into it.

She can match colours and can point as if to count but doesn’t say the colours or numbers.

She is still very clingy towards me and it took a while to get her settled at preschool. Once she had attached herself to a certain teacher she got better with it. I don’t take her to preschool, my family do, so I’m not sure if she would be ok with me leaving her. Once we get to preschool to pick her up she just attaches herself to me the whole time.

She still has sleep issues. She will sometimes fall asleep at around 8ish though which is an improvement. Even now, she still wakes up and gets into our bed. I have tried the usual sleep tactics. A few nights ago, I attempted to keep putting her back in her own bed each time. I lost count after 150. She thought it was a game. It went on from 11pm-1:30am. I eventually fell aseep in her room and she did too. At 4:15 she came into our room. I would have tried the same again but we had to be up at 6am so by the time she would have gone to sleep we would have been up.

She is still not potty trained. I have tried leaving her with nothing on, but she just holds it all day and then if she falls asleep, either at night or for a nap I will put a nappy (diaper) on her and she will do her business. She is quite happy to site on the potty or the toilet but nothing ever happens. I don’t think she really gets the point although I have tried to explain it to her she doesn’t understand.

Anyway, I still don’t really know where we are. Clearly, she has issues. Clearly, she will need help at school. We are not currently sure why or what is the issue. We are not currently sure of the best course of action.

I don’t even really know how I feel about it all. I think on the one hand if she was diagnosed with ASD and/or ADHD it would be awful because of the obvious reasons but then I think I would feel relieved that it’s not just that I am a hopeless parent with no clue how to teach a child the basics and no clue how to discipline bad behaviour.

I guess I just wanted to talk it through with people who are not involved but may know from their own experiences some of the issues we are facing.

Wow, sorry did not realise how long this was!! :scared1:
 
Thanks for the update. I posted back when you originally posted, and trust me, it's NOT you, or your parenting. She definitely had issues that needed to be addressed, and I'm very happy you are getting some assistance. Good work, mom!
 
i just found on facebook one of the kids i had in daycare years ago. she had lots of same problems your daughter shows. she had lots of extra help and meds. lots of problems in preshool and elem.school. today she is finishing her first year of college away from home.is has had some struggles but i proud fo what she has done. hope the same for your daughter some day.
 
They have said they have been a little inclined to downplay her issues. The preschool teacher whose group she is in is wonderful and specialised in Statemented children (Special Needs children). She is concerned that if DD is labelled it may cause her more problems. She asked us to please not send her to special school.

This part concerns me. I spent a year as an aide in a special needs headstart (preschool) classroom, and many of your daughter's behaviors are similar to ASD students we had. I am in no way qualified to diagnose your daughter, but IF she is ASD, multiple studies have shown that the sooner the child gets specialized help, the better they fare in the long run. The first few years of a child's life are the most important when it comes to ASD. While I'm sure the teacher is well-meaning, I fear that she is inexperienced when it comes to ASD and is giving you bad advice.
I can tell from your posts that you are definitely NOT a bad parent-you are a concerned and capable one. Best of luck!
 
i just found on facebook one of the kids i had in daycare years ago. she had lots of same problems your daughter shows. she had lots of extra help and meds. lots of problems in preshool and elem.school. today she is finishing her first year of college away from home.is has had some struggles but i proud fo what she has done. hope the same for your daughter some day.


Thank you all so much for the great advice. I am struggling with wanting to get her diagnosed so she can get help and worrying like crazy about what will happen if she does. The post above made me cry ( in a good way). Thank you.

I am concerned about the preschool teacher too. She really is great with DD but I think she may be worrying too much about what label she gets. There again she may have just been testing th waters to see what we thought as it was the first time she was mentioning any major concerns. I mean, it shows the level of concern she has when the first thing she said to us at parents evening was "Please don't send her to special school!!" So I guess she is aware that she has some issues but then she turns it around with the not wanting her to be labelled. She said that she really works hard with DD and now she can count to 2. She said she made it really clear to the Early Years Support Teacher that she could do this and do that. Fortunately, the EYST is also aware of what she can't do.

It's weird though, I mean originally I was worried more about just her behaviour and figured the speech would come. Now, she isn't speaking, I wonder if once she can talk she will be ok. Her behaviours are still odd. But are they odd enough to be considered a real problem. It's so hard to figure out what is normal behaviour for her age (3 years 8 months) and what is really not normal for her age.

I just don't know.
 
I have just seen your post and want to say you are being a wonderful parent as you are wanting whats best for yoru dd :hug:

I volunteer in our local primary school and there is a little girl age 9 who is on the ASD spectrum as well as having some other problems. She has a 1 to 1 assistant. The education authorities wanted to place her in a special school but her parents fought and she is in a mainstream school. When she was younger her parents were told she may never speak, she first began with just a few odd words when she was about 4 and now she says everything. Her reading level is about a year behind for her age but she is doing amazing. She struggles to write so does most of her work on a computer ( think this is more due to her other difficulties than ASD). She also has a special talent for music and can play the keyboard. Her 1 to 1 is brilliant and they spend many hours away from the classroom as she thrives on hands on experiences. I go swimming with her everyweek and she also goes horse riding and shopping every week too. She loves the whole school atmosphere and she is slowly learning how to socialise and interact with the other kids.

I guess what I am trying to say is that with the right support your dd will get there, it might take a bit longer but it will be all the more special. You just need to make sure that your dd gets the very best care and attention that she deserves, you may have to fight for some of it but don't give up as it will all be worth it.
 
I disagree with the teacher about not labeling her. Right now, she needs all the help she can get. If giving her a named diagnosis gets her the services she needs, that's a good thing.

I am wishing you both well, you must be exhausted. Your dedication to your daughter is inspiring.
 
Thanks for all the lovely replies so far. Ok I spoke to the preschool teacher today and she said the ed psych came last week and sat in the room watching DD for 40 mins. She said that DD didn't speak and was playing on her own with the sand. She said that the ed psych talked to DD and DD seemed ok with that. The preschool teacher said that DD was very good. I don't know whether she is hoping the ed psych will say DD is fine. It's kind of the ed psychs job to say how well they will cope in school and if they'll need any additional support. They are reknowned for saying that the child will be fine once they get settled at school and that they are perfectly fine etc. So now we'll see.
 

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