Working moms - do you feel guilty because you work???

[treesinger]

Originally posted by Toby'sFriend
I think that if you want to work it is none of my business as long as you are not neglectful to your children.

That's the crux of the debate. Some people are pretty loose as to what neglect really is. The most avid SAHM/D will say anytime that you put your kid in child care is neglect because that is time they SHOULD spend with a parent. I'm not stating my opinion, just pointing out where the line is fuzzily drawn.

 

[missypie]

Good point, Snoopy.

There is a guy I work with who has 2 daughters. He is always trying to be "supportive" by admiring us working moms and how we balance everything...he is the kind of guy who has always worked every Saturday, doesn't shy away from deals that will have him working on holidays (including Christmas) and most of his vacations have always been golf vacations with his buddies.

I know he's trying to make us working moms feel good with his comments of "I don't know how you do it, with 3 kids and all..." but I always want to grill him on why he doesn't feel the need to spend more time with HIS family...after all, he's a working dad! In my opinion, he should feel guilty big time, but in his mind, he is doing what a dad does.

 

[treesinger]

None of the SAHD comments seem on base to me. Those that live in SAHP families are usually traditionally valued. Meaning that one person stays home to car for home and family, the other goes out and earns a living for the family. In Mom makes more, Dad can stay home.

Single Dads do the same thing single Mom's do as far as balancing career and family, they use day care. As far as reversing roles in the home, Dads tend to make more than women so that rarely is an issue to need to balance home and family. Their responsibility is to provide.

 

[treesinger]

Originally posted by missypie
Good point, Snoopy.

There is a guy I work with who has 2 daughters. He is always trying to be "supportive" by admiring us working moms and how we balance everything...he is the kind of guy who has always worked every Saturday, doesn't shy away from deals that will have him working on holidays (including Christmas) and most of his vacations have always been golf vacations with his buddies.

I know he's trying to make us working moms feel good with his comments of "I don't know how you do it, with 3 kids and all..." but I always want to grill him on why he doesn't feel the need to spend more time with HIS family...after all, he's a working dad! In my opinion, he should feel guilty big time, but in his mind, he is doing what a dad does.

I'll agree with you from this one viewpoint. If Mom is the main breadwinner and Dad supplements the income, then sure, he should be the one trying to balance work and family. It would be his responsibility in the support role he holds.

 

[GoofItUp]

I don't think anyone is implying this, but I want to toss in a thought here because it's one of my pet peeves!

SAHM/D's WORK, TOO! They are just working in the home (or many would say all over town!) without pay and benefits. They are doing one of the most important jobs in the world!

Now, back to those of you with children.......

 

[AirForceRocks]

I'd say that a place to live, food on the table and clothing is, if not pay, at the very least a benefit.

 

[siouxi31]

Wow! You've set off my hot button.

Yes, I work. I would rather be a SAHM.

There are endless rants I have about this and it always makes me resent my husband so I won't get started. I was just starting the like the guy again last night after resenting him for a couple of weeks.

 

[tkd lisa]

No, I don't feel guilty. I do think it's sad when people feel forced into a decision about working outside the home. I know people who would rather work, but the man thinks the wife should "stay home with the kids", so she does. I also know families where the wife would like to stay home, but they need the money (I know that's debatable, but probably true in this case), so she works.

One time while we were out with 2 other couples, one wife was rambling on about how it's so important for the mom to stay home with the kids while they're little, and how she will DEFINITELY do this when they have kids. The entire time, the other mom at the table (who was the one I mentioned above has to work), was nearly in tears. Of course, I had to put my foot in my mouth and say that since I had the better paying career, if one of us was staying home it would have been my DH, but that the decision to work or not was a personal decision between the couple, and was no one elses business! Subject was changed very quickly.

I do many things with my kids. I've been on at least one field trip each year (usually alternating one child each time), and I've been scout leaders for both of them. Yes, we eat out more than I'd like, and my house is messier than I like, but we do have lots of time together as a family. Just because I'm at work while they're in school doesn't mean that I'm not there for them when they need me (and even when they don't!!)

 

[southernclass]

My future husband makes enough money so that when we do have children I will not have to work, but I think if you have to or you choose to is your own business and you should not feel guilty unless you are neglecting your children for your job. I think if you decide you have children, that they should be your number one priority and putting food in their mouths and paying tuition sometimes mean both parents having to work. To me working to give them what they need IS putting them first. I am making the choice to be a home school mom but that is not right for everyone. I say you do the best you can with what you have and no one can tell you what they would do unless they are in YOUR shoes.

 

[nuke]

SAHM/D's WORK, TOO! They are just working in the home (or many would say all over town!) without pay and benefits. They are doing one of the most important jobs in the world!

I have two jobs then!

I work outside the home full-time and I parent my child.

 

[AirForceRocks]

Originally posted by nuke
I have two jobs then!

I work outside the home full-time and I parent my child.

Yep! DH and I have always said that we both hold down two full-time jobs.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Ugh! I hate working. It's soooooooooo tiring and takes the best hours out of my day. Perhaps I'll love my next job and not feel that way. I haven't felt "guilty" about working. I do miss parts of not working. The only thing I've felt guilty about was leaving work for a few hours to have a Valentine's lunch at the day care center when he was little, leave for school plays, calling in to take off a day when he's sick, etc. The guilt factor has come in because of the boss, not because I'm not home. But still, I'd rather be home than work. My sister is the work-a-holic in the family...LOL! I'd rather not. BUT life as a single parent kind of forces the issue to work. I think the fairytales should be banned. LOL!

 

[browneyes]

Originally posted by GoofItUp
I don't think anyone is implying this, but I want to toss in a thought here because it's one of my pet peeves!

SAHM/D's WORK, TOO! They are just working in the home (or many would say all over town!) without pay and benefits. They are doing one of the most important jobs in the world!

Now, back to those of you with children.......

There is a misconception that SAHM/Ds don't work. They do. I was a SAHM for years, and I know I worked. There is a also a misconception that non-SAHM/D's don't spend quality time with their children. I do spend quality time with my kids.

 

[frustrated]

Originally posted by browneyes
There is a misconception that SAHM/Ds don't work. They do. I was a SAHM for years, and I know I worked. There is a also a misconception that non-SAHM/D's don't spend quality time with their children. I do spend quality time with my kids.

You are so right! I've been both and both had good and bad points. Mostly I saw women belittling one another and taking advantage of one another rather than supporting and appreciating one another!

P.S. I felt guilt at times in both postitions!

 

[Pin Wizard]

This is where I get hot under the collar...education and working. I would be thrilled to be married to someone who could support a family without my working. Too many times I hear about SAHMs who went through college and got a degree. All I can think is...what a waste! They're enjoying being home (I suppose) when they could be out making a really good salary! Here I am struggling as a single parent especially since my dad didn't think girls needed to go to college. One of the biggest mistakes!! If I had a "real" career making "real" money, I might actuallly enjoy working! But when it's lousy office jobs that are low paying...FORGET IT! Vent over.

 

[Hillbeans]

This may come out wrong, but I don't mean it to be offensive.

My SIL in PA is a SAHM and she's soooooo lazy. I remember when I put my DS in school and I got so much grief from my Mother in law about how (SIL in PA) stays home and my son is a "daycare" child. She doesn't move from the couch more than twice the whole day and I find myself asking how was that a better situation than me putting my DH in a structured caring active daycare? It wasn't.

Now I just ignore any comments like that. I know what's best and it works for our family.

 

[GoofItUp]

Too many times I hear about SAHMs who went through college and got a degree. All I can think is...what a waste! They're enjoying being home (I suppose) when they could be out making a really good salary!

This is a very unfair comment. College-educated people should also have the choice of being SAHP. A really good salary does not equate to happiness.

 

[meandtheguys]

Originally posted by Pin Wizard
This is where I get hot under the collar...education and working. I would be thrilled to be married to someone who could support a family without my working. Too many times I hear about SAHMs who went through college and got a degree. All I can think is...what a waste! They're enjoying being home (I suppose) when they could be out making a really good salary! Here I am struggling as a single parent especially since my dad didn't think girls needed to go to college. One of the biggest mistakes!! If I had a "real" career making "real" money, I might actuallly enjoy working! But when it's lousy office jobs that are low paying...FORGET IT! Vent over.

WOW! I guess that the 15 years I worked before I had children didn't count, or that I should continue working now because I am educated! I am sorry that you are unhappy, but I am not jumping you about your choices...please don't jump me about mine!

 

[onecoolmama]

Originally posted by Pin Wizard
Too many times I hear about SAHMs who went through college and got a degree. All I can think is...what a waste! They're enjoying being home (I suppose) when they could be out making a really good salary!

I sincerely hope that you truly dont believe this. Every person has the right to be educated. Education is NEVER wasted on anyone! Yes, SAHM/D's have a right to be educated and YES it is important for everyone to have that.

Should I have not taken my full scholoarship to college becuase I knew inthe end I was going to be a SAHM! Anyone that wants to gain knowledge through education should be encouraged. Especially women by other women!

My brother has his maters and let me tell you if he found a woman that could support them both...he certainly would stay home. Having an education no matter who you are; wanting to improve yourself; gaining knowledge..is a wonderful healthy thing! It is NEVER a waste!

 

[Laura]

I think a college education would be great for a SAHM. I mean, the more educated the parent is, the more knowledge to pass on to the children. Right?