Working moms - do you feel guilty because you work???

[CEDmom]

I don't feel guilty. I guess it could be because of many things. First I have a good work situation. I went from full time to 3 days a week after we adopted DD. I could stay home if I really wanted to but I honestly don't. As much as I love the time DD and I spend together I also enjoy the satisfaction of going to work. I think it actually makes me a better mom.

To be honest I was home with her full time for about 7 months and I knew then that I wasn't made to be a SAHM. Maybe now that DD is older and actually has playdates it might be easier but it was really hard and very isolating when she was little. There aren't many SAHMs in our neighborhood and I don't have family around so that's why I felt isolated at times. I remember calling DH a lot.

I do feel badly for moms that have to work and really want to stay at home but there are plently of us that are happy working outside the home and our kids are happy too. I think that's the key.

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

Originally posted by southernclass
My future husband makes enough money so that when we do have children I will not have to work, but I think if you have to or you choose to is your own business and you should not feel guilty unless you are neglecting your children for your job. I think if you decide you have children, that they should be your number one priority and putting food in their mouths and paying tuition sometimes mean both parents having to work. To me working to give them what they need IS putting them first. I am making the choice to be a home school mom but that is not right for everyone. I say you do the best you can with what you have and no one can tell you what they would do unless they are in YOUR shoes.

I thought you already had kids, 2 of them...

southernclass
Welcomed Guest

Registered: May 2004
Location: Destin Florida
Posts: 29
I very rarely bring my children, two and three to the store with me, but on the rare occasions when there is no one to watch them I look foward to the use of those big buggies. They are way more comfy for the children than those other buggies.


__________________
Southern~Class

http://disboards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=574226&perpage=15&pagenumber=2

 

[Barb D]

Up until a week ago, I was working AND homeschooling AND raising a 4yo. That whole situation is actually just a set-up for guilt. No matter what I did/do at home, there are at least 4 other things that NEED to be done, so no matter what I did/do I feel guilty because the other 4 things aren't getting done.

But about going to work, no, I don't feel guilt. I do it because I have to.

 

[Cruise04]

As I'm reading some of these I'm getting the feeling think I'm unhappy because I have to work. I'm not unhappy, well maybe sometimes I get into a rut and would really just love to be home - like now when the weather is great. But my dd, who is 14 now, is working this summer and what would I do if I were home? Clean - probably and how fun is that.

I'm very happy to be working because I've been able to provide for my child. I've been able to give her a great education and her education will continue to be great in high school. I have also been the girl scout leader + (I'm very involved in Girl Scouting), been the parent to volunteer for class trips (I've always been one of the first parents to volunteer because I want to enjoy the day with my daughter but the SAHM's have been, always, the ones chosen to go on the trips. I have missed many for that reason and was told so - that the "mom's that aren't working were chosen to go since so many of them volunteered"), I was the chair for our Market Day program for 5 years, I am always there for school functions when they need help and when they don't need help. Why? Because it helps my daughter's school which in turn helps her to have a great educational experience.

I too have wondered about those that went through college and never have worked since getting their degree - and I know several who have done just that. They went to college 1) because their parents paid for it and 2) it was a great time to party and get away from their parents and these individuals have told me that. I also was a child raised by a father who had the mindset that women were meant to be barefoot and pregnant and at home. So no money was ever offered to me to go to school. I started and then got pregnant and haven't been able to go back (because of finances). I remember when I got my first job, my dad was so upset. But then I wanted my own car and he was fine that I was working because he didn't have to pay for it.

I love my job of being a mom (guess I'm a two job person too). I wouldn't give up what I have done for her for the world.

 

[southernclass]

I have a buisness degree and am currently working on my MBA and I still plan to be a SAHM. In case some people overlooked the fact that nothing lasts forever, I do not want to be stuck with a low paying job I hate if something happens to my marriage and God forbid, I would be a single mom with no skills. I don't think you have to be un-eduated just because you chose to devote more time to your children or home school them to avoid all the negative infuences in school. In fact if you plan to home school, it might help if you know what you are talking about.

 

[Bumbles]

Man, I hate when I forget I have kids....a clear sign that you're working too much

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

All of the SAHM's I know in my neighborhood have college degrees. some even have advanced degrees.

don't think of those degrees as "wasted". who do you think runs the PTA, the civic association, the social action committee at the synagogue?

as for me -- I never had a choice. i don't work, we don't eat. though it would have been nice to have been part time, especially when my kids were younger.

 

[NMAmy]

The older DD gets, the more guilty I feel about working. Unfortunately, I have to work--I would much rather be home. She's 13 now and I no longer have afterschool programs to fall back on. She's home alone until I get there and I worry. She also has more afterschool activities and has to walk back and forth (it's only a block away). I feel that in these years, it's even more important to maintain a link with your child.

 

[meandtheguys]

Are you speaking of the two, 2 and 3?

 

[aprincessmom]

Single mom here. No guilt at all. And I didn't have guilt when I was married. I was the primary breadwinner. I went to college and entered a career field based on the thought that I would be supporting myself and my family for the rest of my life. I have no guilt, sadness, or remorse related to that decision.

I work hard to achieve balance in my life. I work for an employer who believes in allowing employees to have that balance regardless of family situation. I have a job I like working for a company I like with people I like. It took some time to find it and I passed up many other opportunities that were far more lucrative but money wasn't and isn't my sole job satisfaction measure.

My daughter understands that she is my primary concern in life and I am very active in her life as a role model and mother. But she also has had the opportunity to see me do other things besides be her mom and gain satisfaction from it. She has seen, first hand, that maintaining a balance is the key to happiness. And for that valuable lesson, you can be either a working mom or a stay at home mom.

 

[Bumbles]

Originally posted by meandtheguys
Are you speaking of the two, 2 and 3?

I think that would be them

Perhaps they got lost in the big buggy?

 

[southernclass]

Originally posted by gymnasticsmom68
I thought you already had kids, 2 of them...




http://disboards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=574226&perpage=15&pagenumber=2

I am going on my second marriage!! For someone who pays so much close attention to me you sure miss a lot. I have two children with my first husband and he has custody.

Thanks so much for reminding me of my two children that I only see once a month if that! Your such a kind person!

 

[meandtheguys]

So...the kids you never had per the c-section thread are back? Just wondering?

 

[onecoolmama]

Originally posted by NMAmy
The older DD gets, the more guilty I feel about working. Unfortunately, I have to work--I would much rather be home. She's 13 now and I no longer have afterschool programs to fall back on. She's home alone until I get there and I worry. She also has more afterschool activities and has to walk back and forth (it's only a block away). I feel that in these years, it's even more important to maintain a link with your child.

There is a GREAT book for raising girls this age called Raising Ophelia. You can even get it on tape. Child Psychology was my major in college and I researched this age group. I recommend it to everyone that has a daughter 9-16.

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

Originally posted by southernclass
I am going on my second marriage!! For someone who pays so much close attention to me you sure miss a lot. I have two children with my first husband and he has custody.

Thanks so much for reminding me of my two children that I only see once a month if that! Your such a kind person!

If I remember the post you wrote yesterday correctly, and I do because who could forget THAT, you said you haven't had any kids yet. You have to be 'reminded' that you have 2 kids with your first husband? Hmmmm....that's odd. I'd suggest keeping the story straight, or avoid lying altogether, it makes life so much easier, really.

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

I worked up until I had my third. And I had absolutely no guilt whatsoever, in fact I have more guilt now that I am a SAHM.

I was much more organized when I worked, I would pick up the girls from daycare, come home play, go to the park etc. cook dinner baths, books and bed. While now, I have the mentality that it can get done tomorrow (which by the way it seldom does) It just was not cost effective to have three kids in daycare. But now that my middle one is starting Kindergarten in Sept, I am looking to go back at least part time.

And no, I do not think my degree is a waste

 

[Dopey Sharon]

Originally posted by southernclass
I am going on my second marriage!! For someone who pays so much close attention to me you sure miss a lot. I have two children with my first husband and he has custody.

Thanks so much for reminding me of my two children that I only see once a month if that! Your such a kind person!

Wait, I'm confused. Didn't you just post, yesterday, to the now locked thread about C sections, that you didn't want to have kids because of....ummmm....how do I put this (don't want to get deleted like yours did)....small...ummmm....you know.

 

[Bumbles]

I agree Dopey Sharon....there was something odd about that post, but I couldn't put my finger on it........

 

[meandtheguys]

Originally posted by Bumbles
I agree Dopey Sharon....there was something odd about that post, but I couldn't put my finger on it........

AThat would be two fingers...right?

 

[Bumbles]

alas no - just one