Work Retreat Cruise - Don't Want to Go!

[Nettester]

I think you summed it up when you said you and your DH aren't really fans of the cruising idea. He doesn't want to go, and you do not want to go, nor do you want him to go without you. So you're churning up all the reasons to justify not going, down to the cost of gas to drive a couple of hours to the port. Really, he must go. Whether or not you go, is up to you.

Since you don't want to go, just don't go. There is no need for you to justify your own staying home at all. It's OK for you to not go just because you don't want to, and your husband should support you and not guilt you into "needing" you there to hold his hand.

And, you definitely should encourage your DH to go with a great attitude, have fun, and make the best of it the little annoyances. Anything less would be ungrateful and bad for his career. They did not just spring this on him, he was well-informed upon accepting the job. That trip sounds awesome and is very generous of his employer!

I get you both have a lot of anxiety about all the details involved with this cruise. It can seem overwhelming. As an introvert, there are so many times my anxiety wants to hold me back from putting myself out into social situations. Usually once I am actually there, I have a good time and I'm glad I didn't stay home.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

Okay, I get the point about not liking it when your husband is gone. I hate it. When my husband travels, I miss him every single minute. And although I don't count the hours, I do count the days. Heck, I like having him around. And we have been married 24 years. So, no we aren't young.

But this trip is something you knew was coming. It was mentioned during the interview. And still you planned other vacation time. I have to agree with the other posters. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it. And tell your husband to do the same.

Quick story. After my husband working long hours, weekends and holidays, his company told him that he had to travel to Vegas for a long weekend to be at a show. He is an engineer. It made no sense, he never goes to shows. Heck, they don't let him talk to customers. Well, he shows up at the venue and finds out that he has no obligations while there, the owner just wanted to give him some time off for all of the hard work he had put in.

Great. So now he has a long weekend off, the first weekend off in months, and he is hundreds of miles away, in Vegas. All he wanted to do all weekend, was to come home and actually spend some time with his wife and family.

 

[mom2rtk]

Okay, I get the point about not liking it when your husband is gone. I hate it. When my husband travels, I miss him every single minute. And although I don't count the hours, I do count the days. Heck, I like having him around. And we have been married 24 years. So, no we aren't young.

But this trip is something you knew was coming. It was mentioned during the interview. And still you planned other vacation time. I have to agree with the other posters. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it. And tell your husband to do the same.

Quick story. After my husband working long hours, weekends and holidays, his company told him that he had to travel to Vegas for a long weekend to be at a show. He is an engineer. It made no sense, he never goes to shows. Heck, they don't let him talk to customers. Well, he shows up at the venue and finds out that he has no obligations while there, the owner just wanted to give him some time off for all of the hard work he had put in.

Great. So now he has a long weekend off, the first weekend off in months, and he is hundreds of miles away, in Vegas. All he wanted to do all weekend, was to come home and actually spend some time with his wife and family.

That's just nutty.

 

[PlutoPony]

DH and I don't really like the idea of cruises. We are not excited about going on one. (Of course, if it was a Disney cruise I would be more open to it!)

Why would a Disney cruise be different for you? I think this gets to the crux of maybe you might want to get a better understanding of cruising

I keep asking him if we can come up with some reason he can't go - serious sea sickness?

They told him up front that a cruise was likely and NOW you want to play the sea sickness card? How do you think that's going to look from the company's perspective?

NOT to pile on, but I think you have to take a step back and think about whether this is a good job for him, all things considered. IF he's going to continue with this company, I think you are both going to have to be more flexible with him being gone, away from you. And you will both have to come to grips with the cruising aspect (if that's really an issue for both of you). It sounds like the company was up front with him about the aspects of the job, so it's not a progressive disclosure type thing on their part. For whatever reason, one or both you weren't honest about what you were willing to put up with in the job. Is this a deal breaker? IF that's the case, it's ok - admit it, learn from it, and move on. Make sure you are both comfortable with the requirements of the next job and if travel/being away is an issue make sure your husband mentions that in his next serious interview. Will this be career limiting?

The other option is for him to go on this cruise by himself and make the most of it. He can see first hand if anyone else in the company doesn't go and then watch to see if there are negative ramifications in the future for the person who didn't go. If he doesn't see a problem in the future for someone to not participate, he can make that decision for the next one and take his chances.

Or of course you can as you put it "put on your big girl panties" and deal with it

 

[RitaE]

As somebody whose husband frequently travels for work I can understand your feelings. There are times that I see one of those email headers "Work Trip Scheduled" and I want to throw a brick through the window or something.

BUT

What everybody else has already said. This is life. Get used to it.

 

[cabanafrau]

How did you obtain a marriage license without a birth certificate?

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Your DH's passport should be covered by his employer.

 

[mjkacmom]

Time to put in your big girl pants! Many, many people have to travel for business. DH has a fun conference he's been attending every year (4 day conference), no spouses allowed, plus he has business trips pop up last minute frequently. Your DH knew about this when he accepted the position, he's the new guy, he needs to put on his big boy pants and go without you.

And you don't need a passport to cruise to the Bahamas.

 

[sam_gordon]

Your DH's passport should be covered by his employer.

Except it's not a requirement for a cruise.

 

[sunshinehighway]

What a bunch of ridiculous excuses.

 

[Missy1961]

I'm going to have to agree with most of the posters here. Time to put on your big girl panties and deal with this.

I don't know how he's gotten this far in life without the proper birth certificate, so suck it up and get it.

And then get a passport. It's worth it, and it's possible the company will pay for it.

He knew this was going to happen, so it's kind of late to try to pull out of it. I agree that sharing a hotel room with a co-worker would suck, and sharing a room on a cruise ship would really suck. So pay the extra.

I'm sure he won't have to spend 24 hours a day with his co-workers while on the cruise. He'll survive.

If you can be apart for 4 days for you to have a fun trip, you can be apart for a business trip for 5. It's only 24 more hours.

 

[cabanafrau]

If you can be apart for 4 days for you to have a fun trip, you can be apart for a business trip for 5. It's only 24 more hours.

If you parse the details more carefully you can stretch that 24 to make the cruise nearly twice the length of the girls' trip.

 

[Pumbaa_]

If nothing else, hopefully the comments echoing the same response will give you both some food for thought

 

[STLDisney_Freak]

I WISH my husband work would send him on a cruise.

 

[Pumbaa_]

either me or him! I would love the me time too

 

[Princesca]

I WISH my husband work would send him on a cruise.

QFT. I used to love when my husband (now ex, so that should tell you something) traveled on business. It's not that I hated him, but I loved having the house to myself sometimes. Eat what I want, when I want, treat myself to an at-home spa session...

 

[usnuzuloose]

I would go and enjoy it.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

Everything I've read says passports ate not required on closed loop cruises, but that it is strongly advised to have one.



DH agrees he must go. He's very committed to work. I'm not saying a cruise won't be any fun, but it's not something we would ever choose to spend our money on with limited funds.



The girls trip will require much less time apart. We would part around lunchtime Tuesday and I would be home early afternoon Friday (approximately 75 hours). The cruise trip will require him leaving early morning on a Monday and not returning until Saturday evening - around 135 hours, almost twice the time of the girls trip.

Thanks everyone for the responses. Sounds like I being a spoiled baby about this and need to buck up. It just sucks.

Ok so 75 hours apart for 100% entertainment purposes that is 100% by choice is ok but 135 hours for work purposes mixed with entertainment purposes is not ok? Even though there is down time this is still very much a work "thing" because your husband was told about this when he took this job and not going will leave a negative impression with his superiors. If you truly did not like spending time apart from your husband then you wouldn't be having your girls weekend.

 

[RedAngie]

Your DH's passport should be covered by his employer.

Except it's not a requirement for a cruise.

If the itinerary required a passport, of course the company should pay for it. Even on this particular cruise, while not required but recommended in case of unforeseen circumstances, I believe the company should still pay.

I understand that OP and her husband aren't fans of cruising. Neither are DH and I. We tried a three day cruise once; didn't care for it. But if was a job requirement, of course either of us would go, and it looks the OP's husband is willing to suck it up and do the same.

As for unwillingly being separated for 5 days, that's often part of life. Deal with it.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

How did you obtain a marriage license without a birth certificate?

I don't know about their state, but I do know one doesn't need one in my state. There are probably others like it. All you need is an ID card and to be 16. And if your local judge decides that someone under 16 is old enough, well he can issue an order for your marriage to be allowed.