Work from home and how friends have disappeared...

[Dian-er]

I don't work from home, but I've had a different kind of disappearing. A friend told me that when her husband passed away, she had almost all of her couples friends slowly disappear from her life. She warned me that it would probably happen to me. I didn't believe her, but boy oh boy has it happened in aces & spades. It's one of the reasons I will be going back to the north east in afew years. I feel pretty abandoned, especially, when hear/read that those friends have gone out to dinner, parks, etc & haven't included me. It hurts, I'm just glad I have many single friends who have helped to fill the gaps. Also, my kids, though they aren't nearby, have been very supportive.
I know that Bob worked hard to hold onto his friends after her started to work form home. Fortunately, he had lots to do in the parks & had to get out frequently. It kept him connected. miss him the most, but am doing ok in spite of that.

 

[kaligal]

I have a friend who has been working from home for years now and it is damned annoying. We schedule dinner or whatever and she has to take a call and then make a call and then call back the original caller. Sometimes this whole thing plays out several times. "I'm sorry," is her constant refrain.

She even once swore up and down that we were going on vacation and that she wasn't going to take one single phone call. At all. Promise, promise, promise. Swear to God. 70 minutes into the drive, she's on that phone jabbering about work crap.

Her kids hate her job and her cell phone. There are times where I hate her taking those calls. It's just rude. If you need to work, then don't agree to socialize.

I forgive her because we've been friends for 100 years. I remember when she was broke and I understand why she feels the need to stick with work that brings home the bacon and not risk any of it. But, not everyone does and she has lost friends because of her rudeness.

On the flip side, there are days where she doesn't feel like doing whatever she should be doing and we go to the mall or the zoo or whatever...with the phone, of course. Never go anywhere without the phone.

I don't know if you see yourself in that picture or not. But I do know that she lost at least two friends over it. People will say, "It's fine" and "I don't mind" and tell you they understand and such, but it isn't fine and they do mind. Her oldest leaves for college next fall and said that the best thing about it will be being away from his mother's phone. It's a pain to be interrupted and try to pick it back up (why bother, you'll just get interrupted again) and it sucks being reminded that you are the 2nd priority...especially when you're that person's kid.

 

[HollyMac71]

Hi Everyone! I have happy to say when I log out on my computer that is the end of my day. I don't have to worry about people calling or me calling others. Unless I offer to do OT.
My department has meetings every couple of months. So then we all "play" catch up and see how everyone is doing - then go home and close the door again. It is the few that you speak with on daily basis.
It's the long time friends that one might think would stay around wander off. Out of sight out of mind?
Don't get me wrong I love working from home - traveling 25+ miles in one direction does take a toll on you. It's the emails and such you tend to miss.
Holly

 

[SamSam]

I don't work from home, but I've had a different kind of disappearing. A friend told me that when her husband passed away, she had almost all of her couples friends slowly disappear from her life. She warned me that it would probably happen to me. I didn't believe her, but boy oh boy has it happened in aces & spades. It's one of the reasons I will be going back to the north east in afew years. I feel pretty abandoned, especially, when hear/read that those friends have gone out to dinner, parks, etc & haven't included me. It hurts, I'm just glad I have many single friends who have helped to fill the gaps. Also, my kids, though they aren't nearby, have been very supportive.
I know that Bob worked hard to hold onto his friends after her started to work form home. Fortunately, he had lots to do in the parks & had to get out frequently. It kept him connected. miss him the most, but am doing ok in spite of that.

Dian-er, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I've seen this happen to people who have lost spouses and also to divorcees. It's a sad thing, and I'm not sure why it happens.

Dh and I ran our own business for 20+ years (construction), but our 'friends' were separate from our business (mostly). For the last 5 years we've worked out of our home office (new business), which has taken some adjustment but thankfully we still have the same circle of friends.

Our biggest problem is that we work 7 days a week because it's right here in our home, and it's hard not to go to the office to do 'a few things'. The only way to get away from it, is to leave on a trip...even then we take our computers and work part of each day. The good part is that because we can take some of our work with us, we are able to travel more.

 

[safetymom]

I don't work from home, but I've had a different kind of disappearing. A friend told me that when her husband passed away, she had almost all of her couples friends slowly disappear from her life. She warned me that it would probably happen to me. I didn't believe her, but boy oh boy has it happened in aces & spades. It's one of the reasons I will be going back to the north east in afew years. I feel pretty abandoned, especially, when hear/read that those friends have gone out to dinner, parks, etc & haven't included me. It hurts, I'm just glad I have many single friends who have helped to fill the gaps. Also, my kids, though they aren't nearby, have been very supportive.
I know that Bob worked hard to hold onto his friends after her started to work form home. Fortunately, he had lots to do in the parks & had to get out frequently. It kept him connected. miss him the most, but am doing ok in spite of that.

I so agree with this!!! Glad to hear your single friends are there for you.

I hope you have a great 2011.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

I gave up trying to figure it out a few years ago.

I quit working full time 5 years ago. Out of the supposedly 8 good friends I had there, there is only 1 of them who still keeps in touch and I have to initiate the contact.

Then I decided to volunteer at the local elementary school to meet other Moms. Worked for awhile. Met 3 good friends there. One moved away and haven't heard from her since and she hasn't responded to my emails. The other 2 have gone back to work full time and when they are home, they want to be with family not doing something with a friend.

And now my kids have reached an age when school volunteering is few and far between so there goes that outlet for making new friends.

I've been having to work a bit more - 4 hours a day and keeping busy with my making jewelry hobby and cross stitching but I haven't figured out a new outlet for making new friends. Guess I'll keep thinking on it.

Good luck OP. I hope you make some great friends soon.

 

[Susan R]

Hi Holly,

I work for a company that has W@H associates. In fact most of my team works from home and love it. There is a wide variety of personalities from those that are very social and outgoing to those that went W@H to get away from the office politics. One thing that people tell me helps is that our company has an open door policy...you are welcome to open your door and come in to the office whenever you feel like it. We always make sure there is space for them in the office. Many work at home co-workers come in for a week every now and then to connect with us again and I love seeing them! I wonder if your company offers the same opportunity?

Some of the other things we do is to get together outside of work. We go to lunch about once a month - more often if we can find an excuse like a birthday! An email goes out to the group giving a time and place and those that can, come and those that can't don't. I must admit I have a few work at home friends that don't like being in a group setting so I call them up and "drag" them out to go see a movie and have dinner and a visit. They tell me it helps keep them sane (who knew *I* could keep someone sane and not *drive* them insane)?

In the end both you and your work friends need to make an equal effort to keep in touch...it's not always easy but you will find out who your real friends are.

Enjoy working at home!

Susan

 

[paulasillars]

I work for a computer company that is 80% men and I'm the only woman on my team - I get on great with the guys I work with but we never socialise outside of work and I often get "excluded" from the their group lunches - I have to practically force myself to get included when they have get together to go to the local Vietnamese takeaway.

The other women at work are nice but for the most part they are involved outside of their work with their kids lives (we are child free by choice) so I have little in common with them.

I also work with DH (though he's on a different team) and otherwise the only other person I see outside of work regularly is my Mum.

I have lots of online friends but for some reason can't seem to make friends easily outside of work or keep them. I suspect its because I tend to make friends much easier with men but their girlfriends/wives find threatening. I know when I was single that I had a lot of single male friends but as soon as they got girlfriends they dropped me (as often happens in a new relationship) but never tried to pick up the friendship again.

I think the answer is that I need to make gay male friends