Women: Do you want male coworkers commenting on your appearance?

[salmoneous]

Taking something out of another thread... do women want their male coworkers to comment on their attractiveness? Ignore any sexual harassment issues or workplace rules - just focus what you would like your coworkers to do/not-do.

If a guy notices something that makes you look good, should he say something? The particular issue from the other thread was a significant hair cut. If you cut your hair short (colored it, etc) would you want the guys in the office to say "Hey, I see you cut your hair - it looks nice?" Or is the attractiveness of your hair something the guys should just keep to themselves?

What about other things... If you wear a red sweater that is particularly flattering to your figure, I gotta figure that is off limits - no? Where exactly is your line on this sort of thing (again, just asking for personal thoughts, not comments on what the rules "should be")

Thanks,
Sal

 

[Aidensmom]

If it is a dramatic change like a change in hair color or if getting a short hair cut when my hair was previously long, I wouldn't think anything about it. I would feel a little uncomfortable though if a male co-worker commented on my clothing or just that I wore my hair slightly different because I wouldn't know how to take it.

 

[Nikel]

As long as it doesn't border too closely on sexual harrassment, then it really doesn't matter to me either way.

 

[Honu]

It's best not to say anything about personal appearance. Everyone has a different comfort level. The person you're complimenting may not have a problem with it, but people that overhear it may thing you're inappropriate for doing it. No sense setting yourself up for the office gossip mongers.

 

[TxDsnyGrl74]

I guess I'm one of those people that you could say just about anything and I wouldn't take offense (unless you called me a fat cow ). So no, it wouldn't bother me in the least bit and would be happy to receive the compliment.

 

[KariC]

i worked w/mostly men in my former life as an engineer. i didn't mind general comments on new hair syles, clothes, etc. Now, if someone had said, "wow, your *** looks hot in those new jeans" then i'd be pissed.

 

[Camicar]

In the abstract, no, I don't mind innnocuous comments on my appearance, like noticing a new hair cut, etc.

In reality, I would prefer to avoid comments on my looks because what I've found is that most workplaces have the "male jerk". The one who thinks that if Male A comments, "Nice suit today, Cami. Is it new?" that means he -- Male Jerk -- is entitled to say, "Hey, Cami. Great skirt with that suit. Glad to see you're showing off your fabulous legs. Next time, buy a new suit with a skirt that's even shorter -- you know, like the ones on Ally McBeal? Yeah, those. Mmmm."

Or one male coworker saying, "Congratulations on being pregnant. You and your husband must be so excited about a first baby!" and Male Jerk then following up with, "Oh, that's why your B***Bs are so much bigger! Your husband must be so excited about your chest. Mmmm."

Yeah, that happened to me. Cretins like that simply cannot see the difference between the first innocuous comment and their sexually-tinged commentary. All they can 'hear' is a directive to never make ANY personal comment to a woman about her appearance. So given that has happened to me in more than one workplace, sadly, I'd rather give up the innocuous comments if that means less of the offensive kind.

 

[JunieJay]

I wouldn't mind someone commenting on my hair. I had this creepy guy a few years ago tell me I was a "long cool drink of water" and it skeeved me out beyond belief. First and foremost I wasn't sure wth he meant by that, and secondly, I didn't even know the guy. I felt like we were in a bar instead of a business meeting. He was a vendor, not a fellow employee, but needless to say we ended up NOT doing business with his company. Gee I wonder why? I also had a guy ask me out in a thank you letter, back when I was interviewing people. He was another one who didn't understand why he didn't get the job.

I think we can all tell the difference between someone being nice and giving you a compliment, and a lecherous and scary co-worker. That said, I think if people are smart they err on the side of caution when handing out compliments. I avoid any mention of personal appearance, unless its a close friend at work who I know isn't going to file sexual harrassment charges on me. There is a woman here who has beautiful green eyes and I always want to comment on them, but I don't know her well and would never in a million years mention it. Thats all I need, her going to HR complaining that I'm trying to pick her up.

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

I would have no problem with it. I remember the days when compliments were seen as nice and not naughty.

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

i worked w/mostly men in my former life as an engineer. i didn't mind general comments on new hair syles, clothes, etc. Now, if someone had said, "wow, your *** looks hot in those new jeans" then i'd be pissed.

??Ummm, ya DON't wanna look hot?

(So WHY did you buy the Jeans??)

 

[Crankyshank]

If it's a sincere compliment and not a harrassing, pervy, or creepy comment I have no problem with it.

 

[amyhughes]

There is a difference between discussing a change in hair color (complementing the change as flattering) or discussing one's figure or flattering clothing to one's figure.

Let me put it in this vernacular, if a guy wears a nice tie I will comment on it. But I am not about to say "Hey those pants make your butt look fab!"

 

[Alex2kMommy]

I think it depends on how well you know the coworker, and what kind of person he is. A simple "nice haircut!" or "great coat!" compliment could probably be made by anyone, but I suppose compliments on other articles of clothing could be easily misunderstood.

I've been complimented before by male coworkers whom I know very well and like, I know they're in stable marriages, etc. I felt it was nice of them to notice the change and provide a compliment.

I've also been complimented by a creepy, married male coworker who liked to hang out after work with the young, single crowd, and showed up at a single girl's housewarming party... after the party was over, and asked repeatedly if he could come in and see her bedroom! He was disgusting, his eyes were wandering as he made the compliment, and he made my skin crawl.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I wouldn't mind someone commenting on my hair. I had this creepy guy a few years ago tell me I was a "long cool drink of water" and it skeeved me out beyond belief. First and foremost I wasn't sure wth he meant by that,

Not too long ago an adult in our congregation made that comment to my husband about our teenage son. It was a compliment, but I was clueless about what it mean.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

??Ummm, ya DON't wanna look hot?

(So WHY did you buy the Jeans??)

Grumpy, you are soooo gonna get yourself in trouble!

 

[disykat]

If I had a new haircut or a drastic change in wardrobe I'd have no problem with a "I like your..." or even a "you look nice today." If a male coworker showed up in a suit (not typical attire in my work environment) I might say the same thing. I agree with others, that anything that implied "sexy" would not be appropriate.

 

[JunieJay]

I also think it can be a generational thing. The man who called me a "long cool drink of water" was older, perhaps in his generation that was acceptable. I was mortified and made to feel humiliated, but I don't think he really meant for me to feel that way. KWIM? For that reason, I let it go during the meeting and kinda laughed it off, even though I was dying of embarrassment inside.

 

[SC Minnie]

It depends. I had a manager that would make comments on what I wore and the way he said it and the way he looked at me made me extremely uncomfortable. A quick comment about a new hairstyle or an off hand comment on a suit when I wouldn't normally wear one wouldn't bother me. Looking me up and down with a grin while saying 'you look very nice in that pant suit' gives me the creeps.

 

[DVC-Don]

Nowadays it's best not to say anything unless it's against the dress code.

 

[GoofieRuthie]

Wouldn't bother me a bit. I'm another one that you could say just about anything to and I wouldn't care. I think worrying about sexual harrassment over every little comment is absurd. I mean, it's a compliment people. Even if someone told me that my rear looked great in my jeans, I'd either hug them or tell them to get their eyes checked. The compliments that bother me are the ones that you aren't sure if they are telling you that you normally look like crap.