Hi Guys
This is kind of a downer post. I cant get ahold of Mom, so youll have to hear my wining.
As you know, Ive been overwhelmed at work. Friday was a night mere. I got there at 8:30AM and turned around and found myself frantically trying to tie up lose ends at 5:30 so I could get to DSs daycare on time. I dont have 9 hours of recollection; it was all a blur. All I know is I have a drop dead deadline of April 18th that was supposed to be last Thursday and I still dont know what Im doing. I did something very out of character. I marched down the hall and grabbed people. (well, not literally) I basically said do you know hardware? Come with me, do you know Simulink? I need you right now. I did this until I had 6 hardware experts and two new guys that didnt know any better. I have no authority to pull people off of their own projects but its a funny thing, when you speak with authority people responds affirmatively. Im sure the new guys were thinking who the h is she? They probably went back to their desks to check the roster.
The good news is that not one of them could solve my problem, and the 8 of them forming a think tank still couldnt come up with a oh thats how it goes sort of aha moment. This is good news because I have been drowning in self-doubt and insecurity because the higher ups that dropped this in my lap keep telling me this should be trivial and acting curious as to why Im struggling. Well if 6 MIT experts dont see a readily obvious solution then it
IS NOT TRIVIAL. Not to mention this is the sort of thing people go to school for 4 years to learn how to do. I got it dropped in my lap and the next thing I know Im being billed as a hardware expert. The bad news is the flip side of the good news that my team of experts didnt see a readily obvious solution and I still have to make this work.
The reason this is even remotely pertinent to the thread is I am battling a full blown panic attack. All day Friday and today my chest has been so constricted I have to force myself to take deep breaths. The only time that I dont feel scared that I could be losing control is while Im running. I even tried other exercises. I ran 6.5 miles today and my breathing was under control. On top of that, my blood pressure is out of control. I dont know if its this panic stuff or one or both of the meds I had to start after the marathon, or the fact that Ive been really sick for two weeks. But my normal bp is ~128/78. Ive been monitoring it since Friday and Ive had readings as high as 150/105 but mostly 140/95. And my usual "bragging rights" resting pulse rate in the 40s is now in the 90s! Can panic really cause that kind of a spike? Ive been on the meds since mid-January so its odd that they could all of the sudden cause this. Im a wreck. I've been working late, missing workouts and hardly seeing my family.
Sorry to be such a downer. My chest is imploding. I'd give anything to walk out those doors and never look back. Too bad I earn 80% of the family income.
Sunny
PS I did get in 6.5 miles thogh

I ran at the track with my eyes closed! I just let my eye lids flutter enough to see the white lines on each side of my body. It was very trance like and therapeutic.