C
charlie,nj
Guest
....THIS time for allegedly defacing a WAL-MAR store that he was contracted to paint. I just received a call from a DISer friend who lives in the area. (dont worry I wont reveal your name..Im no Sammy the bull Gravano) He said all of the local news channels and papers are covering the story. He said it might go national tonight. (keep your eyes and ears open)
Supposedly the media is contacting DISers to get an insight into the inner workings of Willys melon. If the media contacts you PLEASE check with Pete before answering any questions about Willy. I think this might became a big legal issue/headache for Pete. We wouldnt want Pete getting sued and losing all of his millions, now would we? Especially to that 8 ball Willy! (hey Pete I bet just the thought of Willy wearing your Mickey flip flops laying on your best floating pool chair floating around your Mickey ear shaped pool sipping your non-alcoholic drinks from your fancy party glasses really makes your blood boil)(let alone him playing your Kingdom of Hearts PS2 game )
From what I gather Willy was hired to paint the old WAL-MAR store down on Highway 46. Willy and his crew loaded up the trucks and drove down last week. ( It's your birday We gon' party like it's yo birday) (thanks 50 cent) Willy and the boys were very excited about this job its been a loooong coooold winter. (looking at his paint truck convoy Willy remarked the US 3/7th Cavalrys convoy over in Iraq aint got nothin on us we bad!)
The paint job was going very well until Willy got to the rear of the store where the deliveries are received. Willy noticed a big 18 wheeler with an advertisement for NyQuil plastered on its side over near the loading dock. Being the patriotic fellow that he is...his keen eyes noticed that it was left open and unattended. Willy thought to himself how could the driver have left it like that in these times of terrorism and war? Do you know what would happen if the terrorists got a hold of Americas NyQuil supply? The Horror! Willy pictured himself receiving the first ever Home Land Security Medal of Honor (a gilded roll of duct tape) from Secretary Tom Ridge..no make that President Bush for his act of bravery. (medal of honor my left foot Willy was just frightened that his NyQuil supply would be cut off)
This is a little known fact when the Home Land Security Council was putting together its list of what to have at home in case of attack, Willy lobbied feverishly to have NyQuil taken OFF of the final list. Willys gonna be painting a lot of senators houses for free this summer. Willy was very relieved that they only asked for paint jobs. (hey snoopy could be a good time for a DC DIS meet) It is still not known if his motive was greed or addiction. If you think the governments stockpile of over a 300 million doses of small pox vaccine is something you should see Willy boys stockpile of NyQuil. (he acquired a lot of it after the big year 2000 computer scare/joke people were more or less giving it away on ebay.)
Willys greatest fear is being tagged the pusher man. (Im talking a real life tag not a tag from that goofy DIS tag fairy) Willy often hears the lyrics of that famous 1968 Steppenwolf song The (NyQuil) Pusher Man playing over and over in his head. Willy doesnt mind too much he feels its a lot better then hearing its a small world over and over. (or a Ricky Martin tune)
Well, now if I were the president of this land
You know, I'd declare total war on The (NyQuil) Pusher man
I'd cut him if he stands, and I'd shoot him if he'd run
Yes I'd kill him with my Bible and my razor and my gun
G** d*** The (NyQuil) Pusher
G** d*** The (NyQuil) Pusher
I said G** d***, G** d*** The (NyQuil) Pusher man
Ripleys believe it or not is was written and composed by that great country music star..Hoyt Axton. (I bet you didnt know that little piece of trivia ..miss radio station girl Robinrs)
Willy called his men over and they all cautiously approached the truck. (paint brushes at the ready) As they came over to the side of the truck (after the 5 minute Three Stooges routine of no you go first, no you, no Im not going first, why yoooou) they could see that no one was around. There were boxes and boxes of the precious green liquid lying on the dock. One of his men mentioned that the Wal-Mar employees must be at the front of the store having one of those wacky morning team greeting exercises. (all together now I am Wal-Mar, Welcome to Wal-Mar, May I help you? ,Let me see if we have it in stock, Thank you come again)
Willy agreed and told his men to get the **** back to work (as you can tell Willy never held those morning team greeting exercises for his employees) Willy told the guys he would stick around for a while and keep his good eye on the stuff. One of his men mumbled something about a kid guarding a candy store. Willy yelled back if I catch the bum who said that you will be painting ceilings lying on your back ala Mikey Angelo for the rest of your life, Ill break both of your &^#$%# legs. The workers said yeah right and flipped him the bird in unison.
Towards quitting time Willys painters noticed a big commotion over at the loading dock. The police were there and were giving the loading dock the once over..from top to bottom. (you would have thought they were playing a game of find the donut from the way they eyeballed that dock) The guys saw the cops heading their way so they tried to make a run for it. (Willy always told them if any bill collectors, cops, or ex-girlfriends come over to ask questions just RUN) This time there was no chance to ..unless they wanted to jump off the three story scaffolding. They looked at each other and said no way Jose! (or hose B for that matter)
The cops wanted to know if the guys saw anything suspicious around the loading dock. The guys relayed the story about the unattended NyQuil truck and how their boss Willy was going to watch it until the driver returned. (the boys didnt dare mention Willys addiction to NyQuil) The cops asked to speak with Willy no one could remember seeing him since setting up the scaffolding this morning. (that was strange because it wasnt pay day the guys said that Willy usually disappears on the day he is supposed to hand out their paychecks)
The police said that the manager called them and said that he seemed to be a little short on his NyQuil delivery. Just then a call came in over the police radio that someone just painted the Wal-Mar store on Highway 46. The chief radioed back saying no **** Sherlock ..we are here with the painters now over and out! dang fools! I wish they would put cops back in the radio room its no dam place for civilian employees!
It wasnt until the chief went back to the front of the building that he realized what the call was really about. (he thought ..screw the civilian employees they still stink!) Someone had painted MAKE CORN NOT WAR! across the freshly painted facade of the Wal-Mar store. Dam communist hippies the chief said to himself. It must have happened when the police were in the back of the store. He cursed the young sales clerk in the music department for not getting his limited edition DVD of Police Academy III (directors cut) fast enough. if that imbecile hadnt taken forever I would have caught the perpetrator ..red handed! (or in this case red, green, and black handed)
The only witness the police had was an old homeless coot (SSB is coot cool!) named Augustus. Augustus was homeless because he could never get over the fact that his parents named him after that famous Scotland golf course. (why couldnt they have played on a course named Bob or Ted?) He said he saw a guy in a very loud Hawaiian shirt up on the roof with a paintbrush in one hand and a bottle of NyQuil in the other. He was hooting and hollering something about war is not the answer that people should NEVER forget the devastation of the corn wars. He said the guy sort of reminded him of Otis from the Andy Griffin Show he wasnt letting go of that bottle for nothing. (not even for one of Aunt Bees hot apple pies or a basket of her crispy home fried chicken)
The chief ordered his men to go to the hardware department and get a good-sized ladder so they can check out the roof. Officer Baker asked the chief how much can we spend on it? the chief just gave him that you stupid *&#^$% moron look. Officer Baker knew that look far too well he didnt ask any further questions and proceeded to the hardware department.
Officer Baker was feeling a little embarrassed because of what just happened. Its a small town and every time he got rimmed out by the chief it always spread like wild fire. It hurt the most when he went to the schools to give the DARE presentations and the kids all called him Officer Barney Fife. (hey Barney got any bullets in that gun?) He often thought..why did that dang TV LAND channel have to air those reruns of the Andy Griffin Show for this generation to see? Why did he have to go and marry the chiefs only daughter? Instead of working to his advantage it backfired. Its bad enough that he will NEVER get promoted he is stuck with a female version of the chief. He daydreams about seeing the local newspaper headlines Officer goes berserk ..shoots wife and chief. Unfortunally that will never happen because like Officer Fife the chief doesnt let him have any bullets. (Gzee Barney had at least one)
Getting the ladder erected and his men on the roof was reminiscent of an old Keystone Kops film. (talk about good old clean slapstick comedy ..those were the days) The tough old chief who maybe laughed 3 times in his entire life was even cracking up. (those 3 times involved whacking prisoners with billyclubs..now THOSE were the days) Once on the roof the only clues visible were a few paint cans, paint brushes, an empty bottle of NyQuil, and a message painted on the hot tar paper Born to Run! .
Notice the white truck with the Tennessee - Home of the King on its U-HAUL trailer in the foreground ..Willy vamoosed without taking it. That is surprising being its his pride and joy. That truck has taken him on many a good trip back in the day. He used it to follow the Grateful Dead around the country. Forget about selling those grilled cheese sandwiches outside the arenas to the Deadheads (factoid: Dan Murphy was the very first Deadhead) Willy made his dough by selling shots of NyQuil and his famous NyQuil..breakfast of champions tie-dyed t-shirts at the concerts. (little did the deadheads know that he watered down the NyQuil..hey what the heck they were all stoned)
Hey CC be on the lookout at the Canadian boarder for a dude with a few bottles of NyQuil. (do you guys use NyQuil up there, or some Canadian knockoff?)
God Bless our troops!
Supposedly the media is contacting DISers to get an insight into the inner workings of Willys melon. If the media contacts you PLEASE check with Pete before answering any questions about Willy. I think this might became a big legal issue/headache for Pete. We wouldnt want Pete getting sued and losing all of his millions, now would we? Especially to that 8 ball Willy! (hey Pete I bet just the thought of Willy wearing your Mickey flip flops laying on your best floating pool chair floating around your Mickey ear shaped pool sipping your non-alcoholic drinks from your fancy party glasses really makes your blood boil)(let alone him playing your Kingdom of Hearts PS2 game )
From what I gather Willy was hired to paint the old WAL-MAR store down on Highway 46. Willy and his crew loaded up the trucks and drove down last week. ( It's your birday We gon' party like it's yo birday) (thanks 50 cent) Willy and the boys were very excited about this job its been a loooong coooold winter. (looking at his paint truck convoy Willy remarked the US 3/7th Cavalrys convoy over in Iraq aint got nothin on us we bad!)
The paint job was going very well until Willy got to the rear of the store where the deliveries are received. Willy noticed a big 18 wheeler with an advertisement for NyQuil plastered on its side over near the loading dock. Being the patriotic fellow that he is...his keen eyes noticed that it was left open and unattended. Willy thought to himself how could the driver have left it like that in these times of terrorism and war? Do you know what would happen if the terrorists got a hold of Americas NyQuil supply? The Horror! Willy pictured himself receiving the first ever Home Land Security Medal of Honor (a gilded roll of duct tape) from Secretary Tom Ridge..no make that President Bush for his act of bravery. (medal of honor my left foot Willy was just frightened that his NyQuil supply would be cut off)
This is a little known fact when the Home Land Security Council was putting together its list of what to have at home in case of attack, Willy lobbied feverishly to have NyQuil taken OFF of the final list. Willys gonna be painting a lot of senators houses for free this summer. Willy was very relieved that they only asked for paint jobs. (hey snoopy could be a good time for a DC DIS meet) It is still not known if his motive was greed or addiction. If you think the governments stockpile of over a 300 million doses of small pox vaccine is something you should see Willy boys stockpile of NyQuil. (he acquired a lot of it after the big year 2000 computer scare/joke people were more or less giving it away on ebay.)
Willys greatest fear is being tagged the pusher man. (Im talking a real life tag not a tag from that goofy DIS tag fairy) Willy often hears the lyrics of that famous 1968 Steppenwolf song The (NyQuil) Pusher Man playing over and over in his head. Willy doesnt mind too much he feels its a lot better then hearing its a small world over and over. (or a Ricky Martin tune)
Well, now if I were the president of this land
You know, I'd declare total war on The (NyQuil) Pusher man
I'd cut him if he stands, and I'd shoot him if he'd run
Yes I'd kill him with my Bible and my razor and my gun
G** d*** The (NyQuil) Pusher
G** d*** The (NyQuil) Pusher
I said G** d***, G** d*** The (NyQuil) Pusher man
Ripleys believe it or not is was written and composed by that great country music star..Hoyt Axton. (I bet you didnt know that little piece of trivia ..miss radio station girl Robinrs)
Willy called his men over and they all cautiously approached the truck. (paint brushes at the ready) As they came over to the side of the truck (after the 5 minute Three Stooges routine of no you go first, no you, no Im not going first, why yoooou) they could see that no one was around. There were boxes and boxes of the precious green liquid lying on the dock. One of his men mentioned that the Wal-Mar employees must be at the front of the store having one of those wacky morning team greeting exercises. (all together now I am Wal-Mar, Welcome to Wal-Mar, May I help you? ,Let me see if we have it in stock, Thank you come again)
Willy agreed and told his men to get the **** back to work (as you can tell Willy never held those morning team greeting exercises for his employees) Willy told the guys he would stick around for a while and keep his good eye on the stuff. One of his men mumbled something about a kid guarding a candy store. Willy yelled back if I catch the bum who said that you will be painting ceilings lying on your back ala Mikey Angelo for the rest of your life, Ill break both of your &^#$%# legs. The workers said yeah right and flipped him the bird in unison.
Towards quitting time Willys painters noticed a big commotion over at the loading dock. The police were there and were giving the loading dock the once over..from top to bottom. (you would have thought they were playing a game of find the donut from the way they eyeballed that dock) The guys saw the cops heading their way so they tried to make a run for it. (Willy always told them if any bill collectors, cops, or ex-girlfriends come over to ask questions just RUN) This time there was no chance to ..unless they wanted to jump off the three story scaffolding. They looked at each other and said no way Jose! (or hose B for that matter)
The cops wanted to know if the guys saw anything suspicious around the loading dock. The guys relayed the story about the unattended NyQuil truck and how their boss Willy was going to watch it until the driver returned. (the boys didnt dare mention Willys addiction to NyQuil) The cops asked to speak with Willy no one could remember seeing him since setting up the scaffolding this morning. (that was strange because it wasnt pay day the guys said that Willy usually disappears on the day he is supposed to hand out their paychecks)
The police said that the manager called them and said that he seemed to be a little short on his NyQuil delivery. Just then a call came in over the police radio that someone just painted the Wal-Mar store on Highway 46. The chief radioed back saying no **** Sherlock ..we are here with the painters now over and out! dang fools! I wish they would put cops back in the radio room its no dam place for civilian employees!
It wasnt until the chief went back to the front of the building that he realized what the call was really about. (he thought ..screw the civilian employees they still stink!) Someone had painted MAKE CORN NOT WAR! across the freshly painted facade of the Wal-Mar store. Dam communist hippies the chief said to himself. It must have happened when the police were in the back of the store. He cursed the young sales clerk in the music department for not getting his limited edition DVD of Police Academy III (directors cut) fast enough. if that imbecile hadnt taken forever I would have caught the perpetrator ..red handed! (or in this case red, green, and black handed)
The only witness the police had was an old homeless coot (SSB is coot cool!) named Augustus. Augustus was homeless because he could never get over the fact that his parents named him after that famous Scotland golf course. (why couldnt they have played on a course named Bob or Ted?) He said he saw a guy in a very loud Hawaiian shirt up on the roof with a paintbrush in one hand and a bottle of NyQuil in the other. He was hooting and hollering something about war is not the answer that people should NEVER forget the devastation of the corn wars. He said the guy sort of reminded him of Otis from the Andy Griffin Show he wasnt letting go of that bottle for nothing. (not even for one of Aunt Bees hot apple pies or a basket of her crispy home fried chicken)
The chief ordered his men to go to the hardware department and get a good-sized ladder so they can check out the roof. Officer Baker asked the chief how much can we spend on it? the chief just gave him that you stupid *&#^$% moron look. Officer Baker knew that look far too well he didnt ask any further questions and proceeded to the hardware department.
Officer Baker was feeling a little embarrassed because of what just happened. Its a small town and every time he got rimmed out by the chief it always spread like wild fire. It hurt the most when he went to the schools to give the DARE presentations and the kids all called him Officer Barney Fife. (hey Barney got any bullets in that gun?) He often thought..why did that dang TV LAND channel have to air those reruns of the Andy Griffin Show for this generation to see? Why did he have to go and marry the chiefs only daughter? Instead of working to his advantage it backfired. Its bad enough that he will NEVER get promoted he is stuck with a female version of the chief. He daydreams about seeing the local newspaper headlines Officer goes berserk ..shoots wife and chief. Unfortunally that will never happen because like Officer Fife the chief doesnt let him have any bullets. (Gzee Barney had at least one)
Getting the ladder erected and his men on the roof was reminiscent of an old Keystone Kops film. (talk about good old clean slapstick comedy ..those were the days) The tough old chief who maybe laughed 3 times in his entire life was even cracking up. (those 3 times involved whacking prisoners with billyclubs..now THOSE were the days) Once on the roof the only clues visible were a few paint cans, paint brushes, an empty bottle of NyQuil, and a message painted on the hot tar paper Born to Run! .
Notice the white truck with the Tennessee - Home of the King on its U-HAUL trailer in the foreground ..Willy vamoosed without taking it. That is surprising being its his pride and joy. That truck has taken him on many a good trip back in the day. He used it to follow the Grateful Dead around the country. Forget about selling those grilled cheese sandwiches outside the arenas to the Deadheads (factoid: Dan Murphy was the very first Deadhead) Willy made his dough by selling shots of NyQuil and his famous NyQuil..breakfast of champions tie-dyed t-shirts at the concerts. (little did the deadheads know that he watered down the NyQuil..hey what the heck they were all stoned)
Hey CC be on the lookout at the Canadian boarder for a dude with a few bottles of NyQuil. (do you guys use NyQuil up there, or some Canadian knockoff?)
God Bless our troops!
Nice, Charlie!!!!! 
