Will the family drama ever end

[dakcp2001]

Today is the day of my cousin's wedding. Hopefully the family drama will finally end, but somehow I think it might keep on going. It is a big fancy wedding, over 300+ guests. They invted me +1, and did not invite my sister. My mom, thinking it must have just been an oversight, called my aunt to ask about it and was told, it was not a mistake they didnt want anyone who might not behave appropriately. My sister had some problems in HS but has been a respectable citizen for the last few decades. So now there is a lot of hurt feelings, and grudges that will prob last a few more decades. I RSVP'd no, on time, and do not plan to send a gift. My mother however, is furious. Watch out world.

I am trying to tell myself it doesnt matter, but well, I feel bad. It hurt. And I know it hurt my sister's feelings.

 

[kellyg403]

Ya know, this is one of those times where I would have had to send my regrets. I don't think I would have gone to the wedding at all. Regardless of past indescretions, I don't think I would have the ability to let my sister be the lone man out.

Family is family, there is always gonna be drama, and for this I hope karma is not a bad thing for the bride and groom. There is probably someone in the crowd that will behave inappropriately at some time, especially if alcohol is being served.

Kelly

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Today is the day of my cousin's wedding. Hopefully the family drama will finally end, but somehow I think it might keep on going. It is a big fancy wedding, over 300+ guests. They invted me +1, and did not invite my sister. My mom, thinking it must have just been an oversight, called my aunt to ask about it and was told, it was not a mistake they didnt want anyone who might not behave appropriately. My sister had some problems in HS but has been a respectable citizen for the last few decades. So now there is a lot of hurt feelings, and grudges that will prob last a few more decades. I RSVP'd no, on time, and do not plan to send a gift. My mother however, is furious. Watch out world.

I am trying to tell myself it doesnt matter, but well, I feel bad. It hurt. And I know it hurt my sister's feelings.

It is understandable for there to be hurt feelings and grudges. Your cousin was rude and mean to your family. This is not something that you can go to and support. I would not go either. The cousin will go on the "ignore" list. I would be polite at functions but I would not go out of my way to have them in my life.

Is your mother going to the wedding?

 

[irishtigger]

I can't believe that. So I am assuming HS was at least 10 years ago if not more? WOW people can change I have family members who did dumb things throughout their life but I wouldn't even fathom the thought of them not being at my wedding. I really hope some one who is of a respectable nature gets drunk and behaves inappropriately. Family is Family and I agree with you I would not have gone either.

 

[dakcp2001]

My mother is not going, but she RSVPd yes. She is on a rampage and I think every family member within the next few states had to hear about this, which only made my sister feel worse. The bride & groom never responded to any of it. I know a few of my cousins also RSVPd no, for the same reason I did. There was another cousin left out as well. SO a few family members have chosen not to go.

IrishTigger-HS was 17 years ago for my sister

 

[Disney Doll]

You need to do what you feel is right. FTR, I agree with you.

I'd probably just let it lie. If questioned by another extended family member, I'd just say "It didn't work out for me to be able to go to Sue and Bill's wedding".

My guess is that karma's gonna get the bride and groom...mark my words, there will be one badly behaved guest at their wedding.

 

[horseshowmom]

Seventeen years is a long time to hold something over somebody's head.

I agree with the others. You're doing the right thing by not going.

 

[Disneyrsh]

Today is the day of my cousin's wedding. Hopefully the family drama will finally end, but somehow I think it might keep on going. It is a big fancy wedding, over 300+ guests. They invted me +1, and did not invite my sister. My mom, thinking it must have just been an oversight, called my aunt to ask about it and was told, it was not a mistake they didnt want anyone who might not behave appropriately. My sister had some problems in HS but has been a respectable citizen for the last few decades. So now there is a lot of hurt feelings, and grudges that will prob last a few more decades. I RSVP'd no, on time, and do not plan to send a gift. My mother however, is furious. Watch out world.

I am trying to tell myself it doesnt matter, but well, I feel bad. It hurt. And I know it hurt my sister's feelings.

I totally would have RSVP'ed yes and had my +1 be my sister, then acted like a total, um, jerk at the wedding. And took pictures.

If they want to treat my sister like she's a pariah, let's give them a good reason.

It'd be awesome-everyone would be talking about you, instead of the bride. Serves her right.

 

[sparklynails23]

Did your sister do something to personally hurt or embarrass the person getting married? Did she steal someone's identity or steal money? Those might be good reasons to leave someone out of the festivities.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Did your sister do something to personally hurt or embarrass the person getting married? Did she steal someone's identity or steal money? Those might be good reasons to leave someone out of the festivities.

OP says

My sister had some problems in HS but has been a respectable citizen for the last few decades.

Few decades? Probably puts her in her 30's maybe?

Be honest. Would you want to socialize with someone who does this to your family? I would not.

Basically if you are deemed "inappropriate", you are off the list.

 

[MerMom60_94]

Call me passive aggressive, but I too would have replied yes and brought my sister as my +1 just out of spite. I wouldn't have proven them right through bad behavior, though. I would have been on my best behavior. I also would have given them just enough of a gift for them to know I didn't forget and it didn't get lost - enough to send a message but nowhere near enough to cover the cost of having me there. Wow. I can imagine all the burned bridges this bride is leaving behind.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Call me passive aggressive, but I too would have replied yes and brought my sister as my +1 just out of spite. I wouldn't have proven them right through bad behavior, though. I would have been on my best behavior. I also would have given them just enough of a gift for them to know I didn't forget and it didn't get lost - enough to send a message but nowhere near enough to cover the cost of having me there. Wow. I can imagine all the burned bridges this bride is leaving behind.

OK, you are passive aggressive.

I would not force myself to go if I can opt out. I mean this is a valid "get out of jail free" card.

I hate drama & I don't have the energy anymore. I am too old for this stuff.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

My sister had some problems in HS but has been a respectable citizen for the last few decades.

The last few decades?? So she's in her 40s or 50s? Wow...people do hold grudges.

My mother is not going, but she RSVPd yes.

She responded yes knowing she wasn't going??

I totally would have RSVP'ed yes and had my +1 be my sister, then acted like a total, um, jerk at the wedding. And took pictures.

If they want to treat my sister like she's a pariah, let's give them a good reason.

It'd be awesome-everyone would be talking about you, instead of the bride. Serves her right.

Seriously? I can't imagine putting myself out there like that, for revenge or otherwise. You'd only be proving the bride's family right anyway.

Having said that, I'd guess I'd question as a PP did if there was some other reason besides bad behavior "a few decades ago". There's no way on earth that I'd invite my sister to one of my kids' wedding; I want nothing to do with her and for some very good reasons that I haven't gone around announcing to aunts/uncles/cousins. I'm not saying your situation is anything like this...I'm just saying everything isn't always black and white.

When a cousin of mine got married, a cousin of hers on the other side of the family wasn't invited (don't know the details), but showed up head to toe in leather and with a girlfriend who looked like a ***** (he was married). Yeah, he showed them.

 

[Disneyrsh]

I can't imagine putting myself out there like that, for revenge or otherwise. You'd only be proving the bride's family right anyway.

Absolutely. I'd be more than happy to live up to the spoiled brat bride's expectations.

If you're going to burn a bridge, then BURN it, baby. Then move on.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Since you can bring a guest, I think you should bring your sister.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Absolutely. I'd be more than happy to live up to the spoiled brat bride's expectations.

If you're going to burn a bridge, then BURN it, baby. Then move on.

Personally, I'd rather burn it and move on without being an *******. But maybe that's just me.

 

[DizBelle]

Did your sister do something to personally hurt or embarrass the person getting married? Did she steal someone's identity or steal money? Those might be good reasons to leave someone out of the festivities.

I think I'd have to know this also. Did your sister do something to the cousin that was deep and personally hurtful? Or did she just have generally bad behavior?

On my wedding day, I wouldn't want to be reminded of deep and personal pain caused by someone else - regardless of how long ago it was.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think I'd have to know this also. Did your sister do something to the cousin that was deep and personally hurtful? Or did she just have generally bad behavior?

On my wedding day, I wouldn't want to be reminded of deep and personal pain caused by someone else - regardless of how long ago it was.

I do agree with this. Hopefully OP was not holding back on that info and would have told us.

I am assuming she did not "wrong" the bride in an awful manner. And if she did then I might change my answer.

 

[Scurvy]

Personally, I'd rather burn it and move on without being an *******. But maybe that's just me.

No, it's not just you. I think any civilized person would feel the same way. The suggestion to attend with the sister as a guest and then intentionally behave badly sounds completely childish and incredibly rude. It's ridiculous. There is no excuse for anyone behaving that way. I can certainly understand the temptation to do something like that - but surely no one would be so "low class" as to actually behave in such a way.

The fact is, the cousin has every right to invite and not invite anyone she wishes. Is excluding the sister the right thing for her to do? From the OP's account, my thought is that it isn't. But that doesn't matter, because the bride is well within her rights to exclude the girl for any reason at all. Maybe there's more backstory there that would explain the exclusion, and maybe there isn't. But when it comes right down to it, it's her wedding and she can exclude anyone she wants to.

If the OP and her mother disapprove of the exclusion, the right way to respond is to RSVP "No" and move on. That's it. If you feel strongly enough about the situation, then cut the bride and groom out of your life completely after RSVP-ing. Register your displeasure that way, like an adult. Don't RSVP "yes" and then be a no-show - that brings you down below the cousin's level. Don't go to the wedding and behave like a buffoon - that just makes you look like a fool to everyone else and proves the cousin right. OP, I know you aren't doing either of those things and I think you are handling this perfectly. The bride and groom are also handling this well at this point - they absolutely should not be responding to your mother's drama.

OP, It's very unfortunate that your family has had such a terrible falling out. I hope someday they can find a way to mend the breech. But in the meantime, staying out of it is probably the best thing you can do!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

to Scurvy.

(If this post was taken out of context, it would be weird.)