Why?!

[misslissa]

I am hoping someone can help me with something. I was a member of the DIS WISH board a long time ago, years ago. And, stopped. I am about 30 lbs heavier now. And, I sit here, teary eyed because of the mess I have put myself in.

I am not that old, 24, and have gained about 100 lbs in the past 8 years. I have no idea why, I think it is something that I have been mentally going through. Physically, I know why, I am not active like I once was, and I eat a lot of junk, fast food, Starbucks, you name it. My whole life is full of excess.

When I feel motivated to start a lifestyle change, or feel that I can not going on living my life this way, my "change" can't even last a day. I can't stick to it for some reason.

When I first met DH, I had about 30 lbs to lose. He was supportive, and I lost about 20 lbs. But, from there, every time I aim for more, I gain more and I feel like I am sabotaging myself. This is where I get to the "WHY?!" question. Everytime I try, my trying time gets shorter...

I have ready Dr. Phil's book about weight loss and I know that there has to be tons of reasons why we put ourselves through this. I know I have to have a mental hangup, like maybe I feel I deserve this or maybe I feel I can't do it. All I know, is that I feel like I can't even try anymore. Not even for a short period of time.

I wake up thinking about what I'm going to eat, the coffee shop I'm going to stop at on the way to work, the fast food joint I'm going to stop off at on the way home, if DH will let us get take out or go out for dinner, and if all else fails, if I can stop into a convenience store to get some snacks for the evening... and then the day begins again.

WHY?!

Like I said, I have a few hangups that I feel are stopping me, some are textbook. A few examples are that when I was young, we didn't have much money and we would always go to McDonalds or get junk food as special treats or rewards. When I got older, I would treat myself when I had extra pocket money. I also was a skinny, pretty girl (not to be conceited at all! ) but I did have to be in the situation of having inappropriate and even scary advances made from a pretty young age. I wonder if I use food as a reward, or to make myself feel good, or I use my fat as a defence. I don't know...

All I know as that I sicken myself, and I feel like I can't do anything... I can try, but I fail. I give up before I start, and I can't get that extra motivation.

When I am watching what I eat, I feel like I am neglecting myself, I feel very down. I always feel to tired to exercise. There are so many excuses I use. And, I get bigger and bigger.

I started at about 130 lbs and am now 250 lbs and 5'5.

Has anyone else gone through the same thing as me? Does anyone else know how to start once you have already given up?

 

[moredisneyplease]

Thanks for sharing misslissa and I'm sorry you feel so down about yourself!! Have you ever thought of therapy or counseling for your food relationship issue?

I have always had an unhealthy relationship with food as well and even though I "dieted" and did all of these programs I always seemed to gain it back (plus some!!). I realized that it wasnt so much the motivation of sticking with my diet/plan but instead the mental hang up I had with food. I realized that I needed to help my mind deal with my "food" issues, went to a therapist, and have since been able to change my approach to food intake and exercise.

From there its all very cyclical......one you feel better you start eating better so you exercise, which makes you feecl better and want to eat better so you have more energy to exercise which makes you feel better, etc etc etc

Good luck and know that we're all here to support you!!

 

[ohMom]

((Hugs)) to you....

i just wanted to add besides agreement with moredisney's suggestions.....you seem to be very hard on yourself. fact is, you are at this point in your life and you desire to better your life. that is an awesome a-ha moment! take advantage of it, and it's ok if it takes some time. maybe a couple years? no matter b/c you'll be improving your health dramatically every step of the way.

i do like Dr. Phil's approach, are you trying his plan?

first off -- rightful thinking -- right? been awhile since i read the book. focus on learning to love yourself...you are a child of God and he made you unique and purposefully who you are.

when you are ready take small steps, one at a time; once you feel that your new healthy habit is routine add another. say, first off you focus on drinking 64 oz of water each and every day. when that is routine maybe you switch from regular soda to diet, make sense. choose changes that you feel like you are READY to make

and to WISH! you will find lots of inspiration, motivation, and support here

 

[Tiger Lily 03]

Welcome back! I am happy to see you here.

You know we all support each other through the good and bad. I think the advice so far is spot on. Even your own advice to you. You know.

Come here and help others. I find that doing that keeps me going. It may help you too.

You CAN do this, focus on the small steps and make it happen.

 

[OlivesMom]

Thanks for sharing misslissa and I'm sorry you feel so down about yourself!! Have you ever thought of therapy or counseling for your food relationship issue?

I agree. I see a counselor every three weeks. Some of her suggestions have been right on. Especially the "I reward myself with good food because I don't get any other satisfaction throughout the day". My day is monotone and borring, I don't get any good feelings because I rarely get anything big accomplished, so I have some Ben & Jerry's and that makes me feel better.

My sister is seeing a hypno-therapist every week who is quite expensive but good. My couselor is through my work's insurance plan, I really like her as well.

Julie