Why would they do this--sports team related?

[FireDancer]

I play on many teams and have since I was young. I would never miss an important family event for a mere game or tournament of anything. This student might not think that golf trumps family.

It isn't a professional sport where you are obligated to play. It is an extra little thing you do in addition to life and if life gets in the way life wins, at least for me. If I call any of my softball team mates and let them know I can't play because I have a family thing no one would even bat an eye or question me and I wouldn't question them. I've had to miss races that I signed up and paid for because people end up scheduling events and I don't really mind.

It could also be that this kid just wants to be done with high school and doesn't feel like continuing to play on a team into the summer once she is done with school. I was ready to move onto my next step of life when I graduated (I had already gotten a job and was starting the day after graduation) and wouldn't have wanted to hang onto high school just to play some golf.

How very, very sad.

I love and play a lot of sports and that is beyond weird and quite sad. I'd never miss important life experiences, like graduation, for a high school sporting event. Not even for a trophy.

 

[mjkacmom]

Tonight, my DS is missing a game that may determine if his team will be advancing into state finals for his soccer team. He is missing to be at his sister's award ceremony. The coach didn't get upset, no words were exchanged with parents at all. Contrary to what you may believe these parents agree with me 100% that my son belongs at the award ceremony. And if it means that I am "high minded" because I feel that a child and family needs to make decisions that may not be popular with other parents, than go ahead and keep your opinion of me. I know that the soccer parents DO NOT have this opinion and that is what counts. I hope your daughter does well in the tournament. That is what is really important, yes.

I would never make my ds miss an important game to have to sit through his sister's awards ceremony, but that's me (she has one next week, and at least one child will miss it because of dance class). With 5 kids, we have MANY conflicting events, and we do the best we can, but a child's own activity trumps attending a sibling's activity. OP, I can't imagine skipping a tournament in order to hold your old graduation party at that exact same time - I don't even think I had a graduation party.

 

[AshleyW]

All I keep thinking is how angry this girl and her parents would be if they saw this thread, and people talking about them and berating their choices.

The fact of the matter is, not one single person on this thread knows why the girl is having her party at this time. The girl has won an award for her excellence in academics and athletics, so it's obvious that this is probably a one-time thing. I don't really think this is a good enough reason to light up the torches and storm the castle. The other girls on the team are disappointed.. boo hoo, life isn't fair. There's always going to be a weak link in your team, and if they can't deal with it and make up for the loss of a team member, I think it says a lot more about the team than it does the girl missing a tournament to celebrate something as huge as graduating high school with her family and friends.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

"There are only two options regarding commitment. You're either IN or youre OUT. There is no such thing as life in-between."

-Five time championship NBA coach Pat Riley

 

[FireDancer]

"There are only two options regarding commitment. You're either IN or youre OUT. There is no such thing as life in-between."

-Five time championship NBA coach Pat Riley

You sure love your quotes.

In this case the player made their choice, they are out (of the tournament). High School sports aren't professional so no one is obligated to participate or even continue to participate once they start. Unlike professional sports, there is no contractual obligation in high school and, really, it isn't all that important in the grand scheme of life.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I would never make my ds miss an important game to have to sit through his sister's awards ceremony, but that's me (she has one next week, and at least one child will miss it because of dance class). With 5 kids, we have MANY conflicting events, and we do the best we can, but a child's own activity trumps attending a sibling's activity. OP, I can't imagine skipping a tournament in order to hold your old graduation party at that exact same time - I don't even think I had a graduation party.

I typed up a large response, but erased it. Bottom line, my DD and DS are very close and have been raised no matter what, family first. Every family has to do what they feel is important. In our family, this award ceremony is important and most likely DS will not be sitting through the ceremony. He will be on his feet applauding his sister, just as my DH and I will.

 

[ZuZugal]

"There are only two options regarding commitment. You're either IN or youre OUT. There is no such thing as life in-between."

-Five time championship NBA coach Pat Riley

LOVE IT!!!!

and this from John Wooden:

“For an athlete to function properly, he must be intent. There has to be a definite purpose and goal if you are to progress. If you are not intent about what you are doing, you aren't able to resist the temptation to do something else that might be more fun at the moment.”

 

[SaraJayne]

"There are only two options regarding commitment. You're either IN or youre OUT. There is no such thing as life in-between."

-Five time championship NBA coach Pat Riley

Family will always come before sports in our life. ALWAYS.

Doesn't matter how many "cute" quotes you pull out ~ doesn't change my mind a bit that family is always more important than a mere game.

 

[krcit]

I hardly think anyone here is ready to tar and feather the girl, just expressing the opinion that when you are a member of a team that it is a commitment. The OP was asking opinions and people gave them.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

You sure love your quotes.

Yes I do. As I said before, the great have imparted their wisdom so far be it for me to attempt to say it better.

As a matter of fact, there were so many good ones re: sports and commitment, I had trouble deciding. So I'll post a few more.

“Individual commitment to a group effort -- that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work.”
- Vince Lombardi

“A man can be as great as he wants to be. If you believe in yourself and have the courage, the determination, the dedication, the competitive drive and if you are willing to sacrifice the little things in life and pay the price for the things that are worthwhile, it can be done.”
- Vince Lombardi

I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.
-Thomas Jefferson

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance.
-Samuel Johnson

Ask not what your teammates can do for you. Ask what you can do for your teammates.
-Magic Johnson

The way a team plays as a whole determines its success. You may have the greatest bunch of individual stars in the world, but if they don't play together, the club wont be worth a dime.
-Babe ruth

The country is full of good coaches. What it takes to win is a bunch of interested players.
-Don Coryell, ex-San Diego Chargers Coach

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.
-Archie Griffen, two-time Heisman winner ( 5ft 9)

The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand.
-Vince Lombardi

The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a mans determination
-Tommy Lasorda

Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.
-Coach Darrel Royal

You can become a winner only if you are willing to walk over the edge.
-Damon Runyon

 

[TheZue]

I can't imagine ever putting sports above family. Being a family is being a team, and it's the most important team. Sounds cheesy as hell, but these are the people that I will have to work with and support until I die...I intend to keep my commitment to them first. I also plan on instilling that in my children.

Personally I'd be asking what a sports organization that deals with grads was thinking putting the tourney this close to grad weekend.

 

[MIGrandma]

2. Family obligations will always outweigh sports obligations

3. There is more to life than sports.

I agree with both of those.

In the grand scheme of life, family obligations are much more important than a high school golf competition.

 

[SaraJayne]

I can't imagine ever putting sports above family. Being a family is being a team, and it's the most important team. Sounds cheesy as hell, but these are the people that I will have to work with and support until I die...I intend to keep my commitment to them first. I also plan on instilling that in my children.

Personally I'd be asking what a sports organization that deals with grads was thinking putting the tourney this close to grad weekend.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I find it very hard to believe that if a parent on your team scheduled a party for the day of the finals of regions that is make or break it to get into the state tournament when they team has an excellent chance of making the state tournament, knowing full well 5 MONTHS before the tournament that the team members would not be upset about this. You can be as high minded as you want about it but the fact remains, she let her team down.

I call bull. A team can still be put together and play. Your daughter is losing nothing.

What about commitment, loyalty, respect etc to your family?

If I ever put sports ahead of my family I hope someone slaps some sense into me.

 

[luvmy3]

"There are only two options regarding commitment. You're either IN or youre OUT. There is no such thing as life in-between."

-Five time championship NBA coach Pat Riley

Well if this girl ever gets to play for the NBA making millions I'm sure she'll take that quote as seriously as you do Until then, a senior in HS will have "life" in between.

 

[crazee4mickey]

I really don't "get" what the big problem is with someone else's daughter having their graduation party when they want to and not when you think they should

She won the Triple A award at her school which obviously you don't agree with but someone in the position to choose saw her dedication, devotion and committment and rewarded her for it

You have shared with us that your daughter is #1 on the team and the other girl is #6, so what exactly are you saying?

You first made it sound like the team was held together by this one girl and a JV player wouldn't suffice but in the next breath you tell us you have the #1 player and this girl is #6------apparently it would not bother you to not attend a family event in lieu of a sports event....guess what? Not everyone shares that same opinion...sports are not their whole life and family events can and do sometimes take priority.

BTW, did you know that some actually play sports because they want to have fun and they actually enjoy it?! Its when uptight parents start sticking their noses in so that it ruins it for the kids......

Oh, for the record so some don't go assuming why I may be bitter on the whole "sports thing".......my children will never be sports stars in the MLB, PGA, NHL, NBA---this is by choice not by adult selection........we will attend family events as we have the opinion that sharing family moments together is more important than sports.......and we have encountered many a parent who have sucked the fun and enjoyment out of sports for kids and I do harbor a tad bit of resentment towards people who feel they have that right to do so!

Hmmmm, now where is that soap box smilie as I am going to climb off it now

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

Family is more important. If there is a death in the family.... If there is a car accident...... if someone falls and breaks something.....

But for a family to schedule an "event" at the same time the guest of honor has a commitment to the team is a major let down in the family dynamics of respect for each other, working together, and avoiding conflicts.

Sports are not everything, but family should not dominate and take away from other areas of life. JMO.

 

[mumom95]

Family is more important. If there is a death in the family.... If there is a car accident...... if someone falls and breaks something.....

But for a family to schedule an "event" at the same time the guest of honor has a commitment to the team is a major let down in the family dynamics of respect for each other, working together, and avoiding conflicts.

Sports are not everything, but family should not dominate and take away from other areas of life. JMO.

I completely agree with you.

But I think the majority of us are giving the girl the benefit of the doubt and not just assuming they scheduled a party that could be scheduled at some other time.

Maybe the extended family has a wedding to go to on Saturday and since everyone will be in town, they scheduled the graduation party for Friday that way everyone could attend. And maybe they can't schedule it two hours later because the rehearsal dinner for the wedding is that night.

I have no idea if this is the case or not, but the OP has not mentioned that the girl has slacked in her commitment duties all season, in fact she mentions that the JV player hasn't gotten to play varsity, so I'm going to assume the girl has honored her commitments.

So, if this girl is a senior who was awarded a major award for her academic and athletic contributions to the school and has honored her commitments to the team throughout this season, given her track record I'm going to assume the girl and her family have a good reason for scheduling the party when they scheduled it.

Yes, the girls on the team have a right to be bummed. It's no different from them having a right to be bummed when a teammate gets injured and can't play. But saying the girl let her teammates down is a bit harsh, given that we don't know the circumstances (although, I won't completely be surprised if the OP comes back tomorrow and says that the girl admitted that they just want to have the party that day and she doesn't care about the team, these kinds of thread often times take that kind of a turn).

The team is still going to regionals, and the team can still go to state. If they don't win at regionals and can't go on to state, it's because the team, and every member of the team, OP's daughter and the girl included, didn't so what needed to be done to advance.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

From A League Of Their Own

Tom Hanks, talking to Geena Davis about the fact that she is bowing out just as the team is off to a big game.

Jimmy Dugan: Taking a little day trip?
Dottie Hinson: No, Bob and I are driving home. To Oregon.
Jimmy Dugan: [long pause] You know, I really thought you were a ballplayer.
Dottie Hinson: Well, you were wrong.
Jimmy Dugan: Was I?
Dottie Hinson: Yeah. It is only a game, Jimmy. It's only a game, and, and, I don't need this. I have Bob; I don't need this. At all.
Jimmy Dugan: I, I gave away five years at the end my career to drink. Five years. And now there isn't anything I wouldn't give to get back any one day of it.
Dottie Hinson: Well, we're different.
Jimmy Dugan: Shoot, Dottie, if you want to go back to Oregon and make a hundred babies, great, I'm in no position to tell anyone how to live. But sneaking out like this, quitting, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Baseball is what gets inside you. It's what lights you up, you can't deny that.
Dottie Hinson: It just got too hard.
Jimmy Dugan: It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard... is what makes it great.

 

[robinb]

I have played on and coached state winning (and losing) volleyball teams.

Stuff happens in life. Injury, illness, family obligations and a whole lot of other stuff. Sometimes a coach gets the luxury of being able to prepare for these things, and sometimes they happen right at the last minute.

But in the end, the teams that are truly state winnig quality are the teams that can win even when the "stuff happens".

IF the girl is truly just blowing off this commitment, then she is by all means wrong.

But in my opinion as a former coach, the OP's daughter is also wrong in her attitude. You have faith in your team as a whole, substitutions and all. If you can't do that, then a team sport really isn't something you should be on. Is it ok to be bummed when something happens to a player on your team which may make it harder for the team to win. Sure, that's human nature and to be expected. But to get so upset, that your parent then gets so upset that they vent on a message board. That says to me that you are alot more worried about yourself and how you feel than your team.

Have faith in your team as a whole. You have no idea what is going on with the other teams, and what kind of adjustments they are having to make. Go out and give it your all, and encourage your teamates to give it their all.

Just remember, like in any team sport on any given day, you will win as a team and you will lose as a team. Everybody has to accept responsibility for both scenerios. If you can't do that, then a team sport isn't for you.

My DD is a swimmer. As a swimmer she competes individually, scores points for her team's overall standing and on a relay team of 4 girls all in the same meet. That kind of individual/team dynamic is different from the pure team dynamic in a sport like volleyball. Having blind faith in your team is easier to do when you practice and compete substituting in players. It's not so easy in an individual sport like swimming and golf with a team component.

In addition, think about your best 6 girls on your team. The way they could read each other and know where to be to get the pass and set up perfectly for the spike. Replace one girl with another and everything is little off ... just enough so the team struggles. Even with an individual sport like swimming the girls who swim together on the "A" team get to know each other's quirks. They know that one girl speeds up at the wall while another might take an extra stroke. They KNOW how the girl who swims before they do finishes and it's familiar when it comes for the relay race. They can anticipate the rate of the finish and get the fastest start possible. Put a different girl in the breaststroke for the championships (like happened to my DD's team this season *sigh*) and everything gets messed up.

The girls on the OP's DD's golf team know each other and have a rhythm. They know what to expect from every girl on the team ... how each girl hits the ball on each stroke. The new girl will mess up the team more by her being different and her play being unexpected than her being 7th instead of 6th.

Frankly, I cannot begin to think of a single good reason for the family to arrange a graduation party on the day of the sectional tournament other than golf simply does not have the same importance with the soccer scholarship already in the girl's pocket. She already has a free ride so why bust her butt or inconvenience Uncle Jack? What makes her abandonment of her team even worse is there are two other seniors on her team that may miss out on getting a golf scholarship because Miss #6 let the team down. If the team does not go onto to the championship tournament those girls may not get the same notice from the college recruiters.

Golfgal, I would try to put Miss #6's party behind you and start to talk up the JV player to the other girls. Maybe she'll rise to the occasion and put in a good day . Maybe the top 5 girls will do well enough that they won't need Miss I-Already-Got-Mine-#6 or even her replacement. In any case, it will be a good experience for the JV girl to participate in the tournament and it will make her a stronger player for next year. Good luck .