Why would they do this--sports team related?

[Aneille]

I agree with the OP. I would be upset as a parent, and I am sure my child would be upset. To refute some of the arguements:

1. This girl is a senior, school is finished for her, however she has been playing golf, a spring sport presumbably for 4 years. She was well aware, as were her parents that the sport continues past the Seniors last day. I played High School sports and I was on a terrible softball team, yet all the seniors, everyone them came to every practice and every game that was scheduled after the seniors last day. It stinks, but its a price a senior pays for playing a Spring sport. And its known by all before the sesason begins.

2. Whether the player is #6 or #8 or the team it doesn't matter. She is part of the team. The girls on the team that are not seniors and especially those that are seniors have an opportunity to do well this year, partly because this girl is a good golfer. They got this far with her, they need her. The other seniors that have given up part of their summer vacation will never get this opportunity again. What about all the others on the team that have given up parties, dates, vacations all season so they can improve and be in this position to win? Golf in highschool is a Team Sport. If everyone on the team only shows up when they felt like it, they wouldn't be very good and they wouldn't be a team.

Now saying all this, I am not going to comdemn her. I have no idea why her parents scheduled the party this day or at that time but it may have nothing to do with her. She may be upset about it as well. I don't know.

All I know is that commitment is a commitment. My 8 year old knows that. I have to sign a contract for her that states that she is required to attend 3 tournaments this winter, that her playing time is up to the discretion of the coach and missing practice and games will affect her playing time. Now at her age (U10 team) they are pretty understanding but by U12 the expectations that you give 100% commitment to that team is greater. Because when 1 kid doesn't show up, it effects everyone else. And if you can't do this, then a team sport isn't for you. And that is okay too, but you shouldn't be figuring this out our Senior year.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

You just don't understand, and more than likely never will.

I understand sitting in the rain watching your football team lose it's 5th game in a row while you play your melophone like your life depends on it. I understand 8 hour bus trips for competitions. I understand driving 4 hours to a dance competition because there aren't any locals ones that your studio signed up for. I understand daily football practices in the heat of August and September.

I don't understand playing a high school sport after you graduated high school.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Actually, school ISN'T done until the end of the day Friday for the seniors. They don't graduate until Saturday so she is STILL in school.

Having read the OP again, I stand corrected. The girl doesn't graduate until after the competition, then she should still play.

Never mind.

 

[Rainwater]

I understand sitting in the rain watching your football team lose it's 5th game in a row while you play your melophone like your life depends on it. I understand 8 hour bus trips for competitions. I understand driving 4 hours to a dance competition because there aren't any locals ones that your studio signed up for. I understand daily football practices in the heat of August and September.

I don't understand playing a high school sport after you graduated high school.

I think you are just enjoying pulling everyone's leg. I think you are bored, and need something to do.

 

[Mermaid02]

There is nothing you can do about it- you can't FORCE the girl to play. Let it go. Good luck in the tournament!

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I think you are just enjoying pulling everyone's leg. I think you are bored, and need something to do.

Actually, no, I misunderstood the problem. If the girl doesn't graduate until after the competition, she should play.

But having to play after you graduate still sucks.

 

[krcit]

I agree with this. There is a subtlety there that the kid will ultimately pay for. My son plays AAU. Going in, it's understood that that comes before other team sports and things like vacations, parties and other recreational events. Yet people still blow off games and tournaments and then wonder why their kid isn't playing much or isn't asked back to the team next year. From a coach's perspective, they're leaving the team high and dry, while other kids are there working their butts off and have made the choice to give up other things to be there as well. It boils down to, at least by appearance, that they don't care about the team, so why should the team care about them? Disagree with me all you want - I've seen it. Last year a parent was overheard by the coach's wife trashing him to another parent. Do you think that kid was asked to be back on the team this year? There were also parents that hid the fact from the coach at a regional tournament, the event they'd worked for all year (literally), that they were going to pull their kids out toward the end of the game so they could let them play in their town All Star games, when other kids had given up their All Star spots knowing they had a commitment to the tournament. How is that fair to everyone on the team? And these are the same people complaining about everything. Don't think the coaches and team members don't know it and see it. Like it or not, this is the reality of what happens.

I get so annoyed when my dd goes to a game and only 5 players from her team show up. This has happened at almost every game this season. Granted it's a town league, not high school but it really is not right. We either have to forfeit or borrow girls from the other team to play the game. What kind of message are these parents sending to these kids when they let them blow off game after game for a birthday party or to go roller-skating. Ughh. I'm glad that that is not tolerated at the high school level. My dd sprained her thumb and couldn't play for 2 weeks this season. She still went to every game and every practice until the coach said she could skip practices until she was healed. It's called being part of a team.

 

[mumom95]

I am guessing you have never seriously played on any type of athletic team.

She went into the season fully knowing when playoffs were AND that they would be held after the school year ended. As the OP has stated, the other seniors are in it till the end, and I'll bet they are happily and proudly representing their team and their school.

I have played on and coached state winning (and losing) volleyball teams.

Stuff happens in life. Injury, illness, family obligations and a whole lot of other stuff. Sometimes a coach gets the luxury of being able to prepare for these things, and sometimes they happen right at the last minute.

But in the end, the teams that are truly state winnig quality are the teams that can win even when the "stuff happens".

IF the girl is truly just blowing off this commitment, then she is by all means wrong.

But in my opinion as a former coach, the OP's daughter is also wrong in her attitude. You have faith in your team as a whole, substitutions and all. If you can't do that, then a team sport really isn't something you should be on. Is it ok to be bummed when something happens to a player on your team which may make it harder for the team to win. Sure, that's human nature and to be expected. But to get so upset, that your parent then gets so upset that they vent on a message board. That says to me that you are alot more worried about yourself and how you feel than your team.

Have faith in your team as a whole. You have no idea what is going on with the other teams, and what kind of adjustments they are having to make. Go out and give it your all, and encourage your teamates to give it their all.

Just remember, like in any team sport on any given day, you will win as a team and you will lose as a team. Everybody has to accept responsibility for both scenerios. If you can't do that, then a team sport isn't for you.

 

[Normangirls]

But having to play after you graduate still sucks.

Why does that suck? You want to play the sport, you commit to play the sport through the entire season. It is a privilege to play at the varsity level, one that is earned through hard work and commitment. If you think it sucks to "have" to play (an attitude I would find extremely disturbing in an athlete at that level of play), then don't choose to play at all.

 

[kellyg403]

I have played on and coached state winning (and losing) volleyball teams.

Stuff happens in life. Injury, illness, family obligations and a whole lot of other stuff. Sometimes a coach gets the luxury of being able to prepare for these things, and sometimes they happen right at the last minute.

But in the end, the teams that are truly state winnig quality are the teams that can win even when the "stuff happens".

IF the girl is truly just blowing off this commitment, then she is by all means wrong.

But in my opinion as a former coach, the OP's daughter is also wrong in her attitude. You have faith in your team as a whole, substitutions and all. If you can't do that, then a team sport really isn't something you should be on. Is it ok to be bummed when something happens to a player on your team which may make it harder for the team to win. Sure, that's human nature and to be expected. But to get so upset, that your parent then gets so upset that they vent on a message board. That says to me that you are alot more worried about yourself and how you feel than your team.

Have faith in your team as a whole. You have no idea what is going on with the other teams, and what kind of adjustments they are having to make. Go out and give it your all, and encourage your teamates to give it their all.

Just remember, like in any team sport on any given day, you will win as a team and you will lose as a team. Everybody has to accept responsibility for both scenerios. If you can't do that, then a team sport isn't for you.

Exactly!

Kelly

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Why does that suck?

Because you graduated. High school is over. You only have from the middle of June through the middle of August to get ready for college. Maybe even less time if you have to go early for fall sports practice. Time to move on.

I'm not saying I'd let my kids get away with it, I'm just saying it sucks. Fortunately, my kids aren't seniors yet, and currently only play fall sports, so we don't have to deal with this yet.

 

[lillygator]

I understand sitting in the rain watching your football team lose it's 5th game in a row while you play your melophone like your life depends on it. I understand 8 hour bus trips for competitions. I understand driving 4 hours to a dance competition because there aren't any locals ones that your studio signed up for. I understand daily football practices in the heat of August and September.

I don't understand playing a high school sport after you graduated high school.

and from your statements I don't think you will.

 

[Aneille]

I have played on and coached state winning (and losing) volleyball teams.

Stuff happens in life. Injury, illness, family obligations and a whole lot of other stuff. Sometimes a coach gets the luxury of being able to prepare for these things, and sometimes they happen right at the last minute.

But in the end, the teams that are truly state winnig quality are the teams that can win even when the "stuff happens".

IF the girl is truly just blowing off this commitment, then she is by all means wrong.

But in my opinion as a former coach, the OP's daughter is also wrong in her attitude. You have faith in your team as a whole, substitutions and all. If you can't do that, then a team sport really isn't something you should be on. Is it ok to be bummed when something happens to a player on your team which may make it harder for the team to win. Sure, that's human nature and to be expected. But to get so upset, that your parent then gets so upset that they vent on a message board. That says to me that you are alot more worried about yourself and how you feel than your team.

Have faith in your team as a whole. You have no idea what is going on with the other teams, and what kind of adjustments they are having to make. Go out and give it your all, and encourage your teamates to give it their all.

Just remember, like in any team sport on any given day, you will win as a team and you will lose as a team. Everybody has to accept responsibility for both scenerios. If you can't do that, then a team sport isn't for you.

I agree with this post, but I do understand the other team members being upset.

Stuff does happen, injuries, suspensions from games, academic probations all kinds of things can prevent a player from playing. But in this case, it appears the player could have simply just changed the time of the party. Maybe thats not so, but it appears that way.

The other kids on the team must feel very let down. It appears that their teammate thought very little of them, very little of the team, and very little of the work they put into the season. And that is what truely sucks. Their teammate let them down.

 

[jrmasm]

I agree with this post, but I do understand the other team members being upset.

Stuff does happen, injuries, suspensions from games, academic probations all kinds of things can prevent a player from playing. But in this case, it appears the player could have simply just changed the time of the party. Maybe thats not so, but it appears that way.

The other kids on the team must feel very let down. It appears that their teammate thought very little of them, very little of the team, and very little of the work they put into the season. And that is what truely sucks. Their teammate let them down.

Maybe she thinks very little of them and maybe she's sick to death of the drama.

 

[Mandychelle79]

Heres my thoughts and I was a high school athlete/drill team member.

1. Without knowing the reason why her graduation party is scheduled for when it is no one should be judging this young woman. Everyone's family is different so just because you ( generic you) would be ok with great grandma not making it because shes only going to be in state for the few days surrounding graduation, doesn't mean I am.

2. Family obligations will always outweigh sports obligations

3. There is more to life than sports.

There are times where my daughter is scheduled to be two places at once.

Softball game vs dance recital- Dance recital won.

Softball game vs awards night- award night won.

 

[Aneille]

Maybe she thinks very little of them and maybe she's sick to death of the drama.

Maybe she does. But it doesn't change the other girls feelings, or that it sucks for them to lose a valuable player going into an important tournament.

Inherent in team sports is a trust that all the players agree the success of the team is important. When a player breaks that trust, the others will feel let down.

But I said earlier that without knowing more information about why the party was scheduled on that day, I can't condemn her. But it still sucks for the rest of the team.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

I have played on and coached state winning (and losing) volleyball teams.

Stuff happens in life. Injury, illness, family obligations and a whole lot of other stuff. Sometimes a coach gets the luxury of being able to prepare for these things, and sometimes they happen right at the last minute.

But in the end, the teams that are truly state winnig quality are the teams that can win even when the "stuff happens".

IF the girl is truly just blowing off this commitment, then she is by all means wrong.

But in my opinion as a former coach, the OP's daughter is also wrong in her attitude. You have faith in your team as a whole, substitutions and all. If you can't do that, then a team sport really isn't something you should be on. Is it ok to be bummed when something happens to a player on your team which may make it harder for the team to win. Sure, that's human nature and to be expected. But to get so upset, that your parent then gets so upset that they vent on a message board. That says to me that you are alot more worried about yourself and how you feel than your team.

Have faith in your team as a whole. You have no idea what is going on with the other teams, and what kind of adjustments they are having to make. Go out and give it your all, and encourage your teamates to give it their all.

Just remember, like in any team sport on any given day, you will win as a team and you will lose as a team. Everybody has to accept responsibility for both scenerios. If you can't do that, then a team sport isn't for you.

Best post on this thread! ​

The Op's daughter (or the OP at least) also has a bit to learn about being a team player. The way this OP has disparaged this girl and alluded to constant tension between her and the other mother, who knows why the girl has decided to not play. Perhaps she is sick of the drama, perhaps she is spiteful, thinking "fine, your little girl is #1, let's see her do it on her own." Perhaps she has something the OP doesn't know about that absolutely mandated the party during this time. Perhaps the girl is just a jerk, not honoring her commitment to her team.

You deal with it, you work the problem as a team.


And no, my kids have never been allowed to skip a commitment that affects others unless there were severe mitigating circumstances.

 

[TwinsinCA]

2. Family obligations will always outweigh sports obligations

3. There is more to life than sports.

I absolutely agree with both.

But clearly many on this thread have a completely different set of priorities I simply cannot relate to on any level. No way would I ever allow a *game* my child plays dictate my life and that of my family to the degree in which so many on this thread do.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

I can honestly say I'm surprised at the vilification of this young lady in this thread.

We don't know reason #1 why this party was scheduled for this time. My grandfather was my whole inspiration growing up, and my party was planned around making 100% sure he was able to attend (he was ill at the time).

I played HS Tennis and made the post season tournament. Lucky for me, the dates did not interfere, but if they had, my Grandfather being able to celebrate my achievement of graduating would have taken precedence.

Yes we all make commitments to things, and we should do our best to fulfill those commitments. Family, however, comes first. Without knowing why this date & time were chosen, none of us have any place in disrespecting the girl in this situation.

 

[ICF]

I can honestly say I'm surprised at the vilification of this young lady in this thread.

We don't know reason #1 why this party was scheduled for this time. My grandfather was my whole inspiration growing up, and my party was planned around making 100% sure he was able to attend (he was ill at the time). .

I noticed that as well....

We've "heard" one side of this story from a parent who clearly isnt happy with the girl in question and the choices she has made and how they impact her daughters team.

We dont have the slightest idea of WHY this girl (or her family) has made the choices they have.

Perhaps....

-the girl DOESNT want to miss the tournament, but her parents are making her.
-the girl has a good reason to make the party at that date / time to accommodate some family members schedule whom might be very important to her.
-the girl has issues with the coaches / players that either the OP is unaware of or hasnt posted about.

Sure, maybe it sucks that she is missing it but her score might not even figure into the team results and who knows if the JV girl might impress and get experience for next season.

For "adults" to vilify an 18 year old girl on here, whom most dont even know, based on 1 side of the story is rather sad.