Why would they do this--sports team related?

[Mickey's Minion]

I absolutely agree with both.

But clearly many on this thread have a completely different set of priorities I simply cannot relate to on any level. No way would I ever allow a *game* my child plays dictate my life and that of my family to the degree in which so many on this thread do.

It is not about the game, the game is just the vehicle.

It is about the character of the child, about honoring his or her commitment to a goal the team has set. It is about being a team player, which in real life is an important skill to have.

So, it is not about the game. It is about teaching your child to honor commitments and that sometimes that takes sacrifice. It is all about character.

That said, not knowing why the girl bailed, I am not going to judge her. She may have very plausible, mitigating circumstances. And to be honest, the vehemence with which the OP has dumped on this girl wants to make me come to her defense. If this is what she has encountered all year, I can almost understand choosing the party over the tournament.

And as the previous poster said, a true winning team, whether at work or just a little high school game, takes the setbacks in stride and just works a bit harder to make that deadline or win that tournament. You have faith in your team.

 

[goofy!]

Perhaps High School sports should implement measures that some club teams are starting to do.

I just signed a one year contract for my Dniece (legal guardian) agreeing to $1,000 penalty if she quits her sport early (barring injury. major illness or a move).

However, I am fully aware of what this means to us as a family up front, so I have no problems signing it.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

Perhaps High School sports should implement measures that some club teams are starting to do.

I just signed a one year contract for my Dniece (legal guardian) agreeing to $1,000 penalty if she quits her sport early (barring injury. major illness or a move).

However, I am fully aware of what this means to us as a family up front, so I have no problems signing it.

Is this a travel-team, or the regular "house" type of league? I'd hate to see that implemented in our intramural leagues. Some kids go out for these teams as a way to "try" a sport. You can't fault a kid for quitting if they just don't like the sport, nor do I think the parents should be fined.

Now, if this is a travel-type league, where these are the all-stars, committed to the sport, then, yes, I could see that rule.

 

[SeaShelley]

I understand all the replies about team commitment, and actually agree with most statments.

What upsets me is the OP's one-sided view of the situation. She has no idea about the background of the party planning. Her DD is the #1 golfer on the team - the party girl is #6. Sounds to me as though the real frustration is how this will make her DD look if the team doesn't do well.

Although the collective members make up the golf team - golf is mostly an individual sport. You, against the course. Any great golfer can go out & play a horrible round, and any average hacker can go out the same day & play the round of their life!

 

[goofy!]

Is this a travel-team, or the regular "house" type of league? I'd hate to see that implemented in our intramural leagues. Some kids go out for these teams as a way to "try" a sport. You can't fault a kid for quitting if they just don't like the sport, nor do I think the parents should be fined.

Now, if this is a travel-type league, where these are the all-stars, committed to the sport, then, yes, I could see that rule.

This is an all star club travel team.

And no, I don't think high school sports should implement it. I was being a bit facetious with my remark.

I love our school sports in that pretty much anybody can participate and while state finals are important, it is also an avenue as you suggested to try a sport and just be part of the school community.

My kids swam for their high school and the club swimmers were always taking off, with the team's blessings, to go to their club meets.

My daughter's team often sacrificed the opportunity to get that state qualifying time in a relay just so my daughter could participate on the relay. She has Down syndrome and while a technically excellent swimmer (she actually does a better fly than her state qualifying brother), her times are just not state level. And for that, I am ever grateful to those wonderful young ladies who understood the need for everybody on the team to have a chance, whether varsity or JV and not obsess so much about the win.

That is how I view high school sports - a team where winning is important, but the community and school involvement comes first. For rabid competitiveness, there are the club teams.

And you know what, the high school team still managed to rank in the top 10 in the country for several years and have had several swimmers swimming in the Olympic trials. Sacrificing a state time here and there didn't hurt their abilities to succeed as athletes.

My son and his teammates summed it up pretty well one day:

Club sports are the cake.
High School sports is the fluffy icing. Important to make the cake better and ever so more tasty. Or just sinfully good on its own.
And rec sports leagues are the sprinkles - the fun extras.

Oh, and just for comparison, in our state, girl's golf and girl's soccer are both spring sports.

 

[Mandychelle79]

It is about the character of the child, about honoring his or her commitment to a goal the team has set. It is about being a team player, which in real life is an important skill to have.

I don't think it is about the character of the child honoring his commitment. If she was missing to go out to a movie with friends or shopping, sure. But to miss for a family function, nope. Family should take priority.

There was one time that I let sports outrank family and it was for my cousins wedding. The only reason we missed the wedding was that I was the coach. If I wasnt the coach, she would not have went to the game. We did make the reception.

 

[agnes!]

DD15 is on the varsity golf team. They have their section tournament this Thursday and Friday. The team that wins goes on to the state tournament. They have a VERY good chance of making it to the state, or I should say they DID. DD told us yesterday that one of the seniors on the team scheduled her graduation party for Friday night which means she can't play in the section tournament at all . Why in the WORLD would they do that??? There are only 6 girls that play at a time. Now they have to bring up a JV player, who is an ok player but not as good as this senior. I just don't get it. This senior is going to college on a soccer scholarship so it isn't like sports are a big part of their lives.

Maybe I've missed it, but what does your DD (who didn't post the vent but could be affected by losing her team-mate) actually think of this girl & her party?

I have played on and coached state winning (and losing) volleyball teams.

Stuff happens in life. Injury, illness, family obligations and a whole lot of other stuff. Sometimes a coach gets the luxury of being able to prepare for these things, and sometimes they happen right at the last minute.

But in the end, the teams that are truly state winnig quality are the teams that can win even when the "stuff happens".

IF the girl is truly just blowing off this commitment, then she is by all means wrong.

But in my opinion as a former coach, the OP's daughter is also wrong in her attitude. You have faith in your team as a whole, substitutions and all. If you can't do that, then a team sport really isn't something you should be on. Is it ok to be bummed when something happens to a player on your team which may make it harder for the team to win. Sure, that's human nature and to be expected. But to get so upset, that your parent then gets so upset that they vent on a message board. That says to me that you are alot more worried about yourself and how you feel than your team.

Have faith in your team as a whole. You have no idea what is going on with the other teams, and what kind of adjustments they are having to make. Go out and give it your all, and encourage your teamates to give it their all.

Just remember, like in any team sport on any given day, you will win as a team and you will lose as a team. Everybody has to accept responsibility for both scenerios. If you can't do that, then a team sport isn't for you.

Great post.

This is an all star club travel team.

And no, I don't think high school sports should implement it. I was being a bit facetious with my remark.

I love our school sports in that pretty much anybody can participate and while state finals are important, it is also an avenue as you suggested to try a sport and just be part of the school community.

My kids swam for their high school and the club swimmers were always taking off, with the team's blessings, to go to their club meets.

My daughter's team often sacrificed the opportunity to get that state qualifying time in a relay just so my daughter could participate on the relay. She has Down syndrome and while a technically excellent swimmer (she actually does a better fly than her state qualifying brother), her times are just not state level. And for that, I am ever grateful to those wonderful young ladies who understood the need for everybody on the team to have a chance, whether varsity or JV and not obsess so much about the win.


That is how I view high school sports - a team where winning is important, but the community and school involvement comes first. For rabid competitiveness, there are the club teams.

And you know what, the high school team still managed to rank in the top 10 in the country for several years and have had several swimmers swimming in the Olympic trials. Sacrificing a state time here and there didn't hurt their abilities to succeed as athletes.

My son and his teammates summed it up pretty well one day:

Club sports are the cake.
High School sports is the fluffy icing. Important to make the cake better and ever so more tasty. Or just sinfully good on its own.
And rec sports leagues are the sprinkles - the fun extras.

Oh, and just for comparison, in our state, girl's golf and girl's soccer are both spring sports.

I think what your daughter's team-mates did for her belongs in a Chicken Soup for the Soul book or in one of those "Foundation for a Better Life...Pass It On" ads. That is one of the most wonderful things I have ever heard.

agnes!

 

[lillygator]

but is it a "family" party or is for all her friends to drop by? seems like that is what many of the kids are planning on these days....I guess we won't know the answer to that.

IMO she is a quitter...and non committed. If you know the schedule ahead of time and when this was, don't play, or redo your other commitments. DD's just got through with their first season of softball...it was a huge commitment on our part to make sure they were at the practices and games. They want to play again in the fall, but we can't make the saturday games...so guess what? we'll wait until spring and then do it. We're not going to make a commitment just to turn around and blow it off.

 

[DebD4T]

To me, the lack of committment to the team is what I find unfortunate.

My DD's don't play organized sports, but they do dance competitively. We had/have a similar situation this year. A small number of dancers (8) were asked to compete in the lyrical category. The director chose 4 younger girls (DD#2) and 4 older girls (from DD#1's class...DD#1 wasn't chosen). Each older girl was paired up with a younger girl. They choreographed the dance over the course of 3 months, anticipating performing it in the competition we were schedule to attend in April.

One week before competition, one of the older girls informed the director that she was not able to perform the dance because she had to attend a family wedding. The fact that she chose family over dance is not my issue. My issue is that we had these competiton dates since September and I am sure the family knew of the wedding at least a few months in advance.

My older DD got a call from the director asking her if she would fill in the spot. She said yes and actually learned the dance in 1 day. The director told her that she was just filling in for the other girl and that the other girl would perform the dance in the recital and at the National competition. I wasn't too pleased with that, since we all have to sign a contract with the studio stating that we agree to attend all competitions and if we do not live up to the contract, the dancer will no longer be in the competition troupe. So not only was the girl not let go from the troupe, she was given her spot back. I wasn't happy about it, but I felt it was not my call to make.

Well, guess what? This same girl (and her friend) just informed the director that they were not attending Nationals because they were going on a cruise. They were both dropped from the troupe. Because they are no longer dancing with the troupe, ALL the dances have to be re-choreographed...our dress rehearsal is in less than a week, and our recital is in 2 weeks. Nationals are in a month. This puts an incredible amount of pressure on the remaining dancers...these dances have been finished for months, and now they have to change them.

I don't know the particulars of why they have to go on the cruise at that particular time, but I do know that their mothers approached the director and asked if she would call the competition and request that our dances be scheduled on different days. Make of that what you will...

 

[luvmy3]

This thread just cracks me up. No one knows why this girl chose to schedule her party at this time. Maybe she's got family in town, or maybe they had to schedule it around a family member's work schedule, yadda yadda yadda... who really knows. and really, who cares? If the top 4 scores count, and she is typically #6.. it's unlikely that she would have had a freak score during this one tournament to put her in the top 4 scores. If the rest of the girls are so good, they won't have a problem making up for this girls absence, eh?

Instead of moaning and groaning about this girl who chose to celebrate her graduation from high school, you all should focus your energy on being happy for the JV girl who gets a shot in this tournament.

I am very interested in how this plays out. If the JV girl goes.... and the team moves on.... who golfs in the next tournament, the girl that bailed or the JV girl?

If I was coaching it would definitely be the JV girl.

Sports are supposed to teach life lessons. Commitment. Teamwork. Sacrifice. Apparently the girl that is bailing on her team missed the memo.

I will say that as an athlete, coach, parent and fan.... I feel this is 100% wrong. If my parents had done this to me, I would tell them sorry, I have made a commitment to my team and I HAVE TO follow through. Not that they ever would have....

Oh please, things come up and sometimes it is the sport that has to be sacrificied. This doesn't discount all the years she apparently learned those "life lessons". I assume she wouldn't have gotten a scholarship, or won that award if she did in fact miss that memo.

She can still have the party on the same day just start it 2 hours later and problem solved.

And you know this because?

 

[SaraJayne]

Heres my thoughts and I was a high school athlete/drill team member.

1. Without knowing the reason why her graduation party is scheduled for when it is no one should be judging this young woman. Everyone's family is different so just because you ( generic you) would be ok with great grandma not making it because shes only going to be in state for the few days surrounding graduation, doesn't mean I am.

2. Family obligations will always outweigh sports obligations

3. There is more to life than sports.

Couldn't agree more.

Family will always come before sports for us. Regardless of it's a tournament, sectionals, etc

And if golf sectionals are anything like other high school sports, getting to sectionals isn't a guarantee.

I agree with the poster that said maybe the party was scheduled to annoy other parents ~ and maybe one parent in particular.

 

[golfgal]

Best post on this thread! ​

The Op's daughter (or the OP at least) also has a bit to learn about being a team player. The way this OP has disparaged this girl and alluded to constant tension between her and the other mother, who knows why the girl has decided to not play. Perhaps she is sick of the drama, perhaps she is spiteful, thinking "fine, your little girl is #1, let's see her do it on her own." Perhaps she has something the OP doesn't know about that absolutely mandated the party during this time. Perhaps the girl is just a jerk, not honoring her commitment to her team.

You deal with it, you work the problem as a team.


And no, my kids have never been allowed to skip a commitment that affects others unless there were severe mitigating circumstances.

There is no spite, and the girls have learned a good lesson, not to count on people they thought were their teammates. These girls have all gotten along great all year. They have had a blast. They are every coaches dream team--great students, great kids-USUALLY really responsible that is what this is such a mystery of why they did this. The fact that they just let the coach know this past Friday leads me to believe they didn't look at the calendar when planning the party but I don't know. There hasn't been "constant" tension between the girls at all and the other mother has never said anything directly to me, we are friendly. The coach has relayed information so IF something were to be said in her presence we were informed but nothing ever came of it. Her DD bumped the starting senior goalie off the soccer team when she was a freshman so I have no idea what their issue was and quite frankly, I didn't really care, scores are what they are and it's pretty hard to dispute which players are better in golf.

Maybe I've missed it, but what does your DD (who didn't post the vent but could be affected by losing her team-mate) actually think of this girl & her party?



agnes!

The whole team is really disappointed in this girl. They are also just shocked that she would do this. The kids will play and move on but it is kind of disheartening after working so hard all season to get to this point. Also, for as competitive of an athlete this girl is, this is her one and only shot to play in a state tournament in 4 years of high school sports (the soccer team is ok, but not state caliber) so again, just really mystified why??

 

[brerrabbit]

At some level the sport does become pretty important. The commitment to the team can sometimes take precedent to other activities. I think the question is what was the commitment and did the coach make that clear from the outset of the season. I live in Texas and HS sports are a really big deal here. Most sports will tell you up front that here is the commitment you are making. If it's a spring sport like Baseball or Softball the Coach tells all players before tryouts, if you make the Varsity you will: have no spring break, commit to be at all practices and games, and during the playoffs you might be commiting to missing many senior events. Last year our Baseball and Softball teams made the state tournament. That means they were one of the four remaining teams, two wins from the state title. The semi finals were in Austin and were the night of HS graduation. All the Seniors missed graduation and played. An Assistant Principal went with the teams and held their graduation ceremony at the Hotel that night after the games. This year the Softball team is again in the semi finals and will be playing this Friday night as graduation is happening back in Pearland. Once again an Assistant Principal will be there to hand out diplomas.

As an earlier poster said in some sports the HS team is not as important as club teams for getting scholarships but that varies by sport. Volleyball is a club sport and the HS teams are secondary. In Softball and Baseball HS is more important that club. The girls on the team fell one win short of winning state last year and there is not a senior on the team that would miss playing for another shot at the title.

 

[SaraJayne]

At some level the sport does become pretty important. The commitment to the team can sometimes take precedent to other activities. I think the question is what was the commitment and did the coach make that clear from the outset of the season. I live in Texas and HS sports are a really big deal here. Most sports will tell you up front that here is the commitment you are making. If it's a spring sport like Baseball or Softball the Coach tells all players before tryouts, if you make the Varsity you will: have no spring break, commit to be at all practices and games, and during the playoffs you might be commiting to missing many senior events. Last year our Baseball and Softball teams made the state tournament. That means they were one of the four remaining teams, two wins from the state title. The semi finals were in Austin and were the night of HS graduation. All the Seniors missed graduation and played. An Assistant Principal went with the teams and held their graduation ceremony at the Hotel that night after the games. This year the Softball team is again in the semi finals and will be playing this Friday night as graduation is happening back in Pearland. Once again an Assistant Principal will be there to hand out diplomas.

As an earlier poster said in some sports the HS team is not as important as club teams for getting scholarships but that varies by sport. Volleyball is a club sport and the HS teams are secondary. In Softball and Baseball HS is more important that club. The girls on the team fell one win short of winning state last year and there is not a senior on the team that would miss playing for another shot at the title.

How very, very sad.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

At some level the sport does become pretty important. The commitment to the team can sometimes take precedent to other activities. I think the question is what was the commitment and did the coach make that clear from the outset of the season. I live in Texas and HS sports are a really big deal here. Most sports will tell you up front that here is the commitment you are making. If it's a spring sport like Baseball or Softball the Coach tells all players before tryouts, if you make the Varsity you will: have no spring break, commit to be at all practices and games, and during the playoffs you might be commiting to missing many senior events. Last year our Baseball and Softball teams made the state tournament. That means they were one of the four remaining teams, two wins from the state title. The semi finals were in Austin and were the night of HS graduation. All the Seniors missed graduation and played. An Assistant Principal went with the teams and held their graduation ceremony at the Hotel that night after the games. This year the Softball team is again in the semi finals and will be playing this Friday night as graduation is happening back in Pearland. Once again an Assistant Principal will be there to hand out diplomas.

As an earlier poster said in some sports the HS team is not as important as club teams for getting scholarships but that varies by sport. Volleyball is a club sport and the HS teams are secondary. In Softball and Baseball HS is more important that club. The girls on the team fell one win short of winning state last year and there is not a senior on the team that would miss playing for another shot at the title.

Funny, I was thinking, how awesome. Excellent post, brerrabbit.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I have read the whole thread. All I can say is I am truly blessed that both of my children attend schools and play sports with very caring friends and parents. I am confident that the parents would be appalled by the responses here. All the teams have conditions, family first, school second, team third. This does include a very intense travel team. The team constists of players who form the team, not an individual who makes the team. No matter what the reason, we are not here to judge her. Right or wrong her decison was made for or by her. I only hope that neither her or her parents read here. Life is way to short and in the end, good or bad decision, this poor girl has feelings also.

Once again, I feel blessed to be in the sports/school families we are and I hope you all find the same.

 

[Nancyg56]

Funny, I was thinking, how awesome. Excellent post, brerrabbit.

Me too!

 

[luvmy3]

How very, very sad.

MTE. My kids wouldn't be missing their graduation ceremony and recieving their diploma in some hotel.

 

[golfgal]

I have read the whole thread. All I can say is I am truly blessed that both of my children attend schools and play sports with very caring friends and parents. I am confident that the parents would be appalled by the responses here. All the teams have conditions, family first, school second, team third. This does include a very intense travel team. The team constists of players who form the team, not an individual who makes the team. No matter what the reason, we are not here to judge her. Right or wrong her decison was made for or by her. I only hope that neither her or her parents read here. Life is way to short and in the end, good or bad decision, this poor girl has feelings also.

Once again, I feel blessed to be in the sports/school families we are and I hope you all find the same.

I find it very hard to believe that if a parent on your team scheduled a party for the day of the finals of regions that is make or break it to get into the state tournament when they team has an excellent chance of making the state tournament, knowing full well 5 MONTHS before the tournament that the team members would not be upset about this. You can be as high minded as you want about it but the fact remains, she let her team down.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I find it very hard to believe that if a parent on your team scheduled a party for the day of the finals of regions that is make or break it to get into the state tournament when they team has an excellent chance of making the state tournament, knowing full well 5 MONTHS before the tournament that the team members would not be upset about this. You can be as high minded as you want about it but the fact remains, she let her team down.

I am sorry that you can't conceive a team where this may be possible. I did not take a side at all re: the situation you were in, or the girl. All I said was that I was grateful that my children are on teams where I feel the parent would understand and are like-minded to myself.

Tonight, my DS is missing a game that may determine if his team will be advancing into state finals for his soccer team. He is missing to be at his sister's award ceremony. The coach didn't get upset, no words were exchanged with parents at all. Contrary to what you may believe these parents agree with me 100% that my son belongs at the award ceremony. And if it means that I am "high minded" because I feel that a child and family needs to make decisions that may not be popular with other parents, than go ahead and keep your opinion of me. I know that the soccer parents DO NOT have this opinion and that is what counts. I hope your daughter does well in the tournament. That is what is really important, yes.