Why it still acceptable....

[The Orchid]

By the way, FireDancer, I realize it comes off that I'm picking on you. I'm really not trying to do that. Believe it not, I agree with much of what you said. It was your delivery that really sucked. Instead of being positive and supportive, you have chosen words that were humiliating and negative. You expressed disgust and doubt instead of making some effort to be empathetic. It's really easy to say, "Oh, you need more will power" and then to go on and on about poor choices. But it's much harder to say, "I can see you are struggling....I have some suggestions on HOW to develop more will power" and then kindly give ideas that you have tried that have worked for you. THAT would be supportive and understanding. You can't just tell somebody who has an addiction to just "get the will power." That's very simplistic and degrading.

 

[SereneOne]

Honugirl,

I'm going to say this in the nicest way possible. You are going to have to just ignore people. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO JUSTIFY YOURSELF TO ANYONE least of all anyone on this board. You never should have to explain why you are a specific size one way or the other. It's none of there damned business. Be comfortable with whom you are and ignore what the others say. It takes time and maturity and a whole lot of self esteem. I hope that you can get to that place of contentment sometime soon.

However, you do have to realize that all overweight people aren't overweight because of meidcal conditions. Medical conditions may happen because of it but that's something different. It's still not right to judge and point and anything else some on this thread feel the need to be so superior about.

I can say this all knowing that I'm still overweight but healthy. It really does happen. A fat girl can be happy, loved and healthy. My goodness I was born 9lbs10oz with all this hair and short and I'm sure I'm going to die fat, shorter and still have all this hair. Hey, I like it. It's who I am. Be happy with whom you are and don't let the finger pointers get to you.

Awww, I have always found you beautiful inside and out, reading your posts here and there.

 

[FireDancer]

Every psychology experiment ever done on this subject will tell you that the way to encourage people to do better, be healthier, or study/work harder is to compliment good behavior and that knocking people down or humiliating people is not only not helpful, it usually has negative affects. But then you already know this, yes FireDancer? You strike me as a well read person. You know you're not helping people. Just out of curiosity, as you read about the hurt feelings you have caused on this thread, including belittling a woman whose child has died....do you feel better about yourself? Are you forgetting your own physical/personality flaws, just for a little while as you smugly watch the affect your words have had on good, decent people?

You are taking my entire argument completely out of context. I have no problem with people who are over weight. I have no problem with people for any reason really. Everything I have stated has been about responsibility. I have made and will make bad choices in life again. When I do I know that I am responsible.

It sounds like you have a legitimate medical reason for being the way you are. I made sure I stated as often as I could that I realize people have medical issues that may cause them to gain weight. There are, however, many people who do not have medical issues or those medical issues are caused by their weight. Are there people who even as they finish an Ironman will have high blood pressure or unhealthy levels of cholesterol...yes. Are there also people who can adjust their diet and control these things without drugs...yes. The over-medication of America is a whole different thread but using drugs to mask symptoms instead of addressing the actual underlying cause is one of the major contributors. Again, you may not fit this but very many do.

Everything I stated in every post is that the vast majority of us are responsible for the choices we make, wise and poor. If your choice is to sit on the couch and eat a tub of ice cream that is your and only your choice. If you choice is to get out there and walk around the block that is also your and only your choice. If you have a medical problem that keeps you from good choices than it is what it is. However, I know people with no legs that have completed marathons in wheelchairs so even in bad circumstances better choices can be made.

I would have no problem being in the same room as you. I am friends with all kinds of people and never mention their weight. As I stated in my post though, if I go to their house and hear the complain about their weight while they are eating ranch covered salads, cheesy potatoes, and chicken salad made with mayonnaise I will call them out. Not because they are over weight but because they are sitting there contributing to it.

I am very active on the WISH boards, I am the chairman of my wellness committee at work, and I coach new runners. In all of these circumstances I use positive reinforcement (positive random reinforcement actually works best but doesn't fit most of the programs) in all of these circumstances. I know people who a year ago had to stop half way up the stairs that can now walk or slowly jog a 5K. All of this is someone showing they are trying to get healthier and that is admirable. What I don't like and will continue to not like is when people make excuses for why they are a way they are. There are legitimate ones and you may very well fit that mold, none of anything I stated is directed at people like that.

As far as belittling someone who lost a child I did no such thing. I said that I found using food (or drugs or alcohol or gambling) as a coping mechanism to be silly and stand by that. It was the behavior I was speaking about, not a death. The reason someone gains weight after a tragedy is because they consume more calories than they burn and have a calorie surplus. The excuse for eating is that tragedy. There is a difference between a reason and an excuse. I am the child of an addict so I know what it is like to be effected by one. The #1 thing I learned from my father is that if you love your family more than your addiction you will find a way to beat it for them. He chose his addiction over us so he is out of our lives. It may be hard to beat an addiction but people do it. Be one of those people, not my father.

I dated a dietitian at one point and her favorite line was that food is not a friend, it is fuel. It is often repeated on the WISH boards. When you use food as something it is not intended to be you have a problem. I eat because it is necessary to sustain life, that is why for thousands of years we as humans ate. Evolutionarily our bodies are still very much the same as our ancestors who ate what they could farm or catch. We are programmed to eat natural foods in the proper quantities. Our ancestors didn't chase down a buffalo with a spear and then eat to make themselves feel better. They ate because they had to. Now, we can walk into a store and buy all the food we want, often made with synthetic stuff we should never eat, but our bodies are still in ancestor mode. That is why when we eat a large meal we store the excess as fat, because in those years it might be a while before we were able to chase down another animal. When we cut our caloric intake to something ridiculously low our bodies don't think we are binge dieting, it thinks that we can't find food so it slows our metabolism and stores fat.

Our bodies are complex and pretty high maintenance. It does take work to be in shape. There are a lot of days I don't feel like going out on the bike or going out for 2 and a half hours on my long run but I do. If I choose not to, that is my choice and I would not make excuses for it.

What always gets me is when these threads start that are "woe is me, the tabloids say I should be thinner and I am mad about it because I don't fit the ideal". If you want to be thinner then get thinner. If you don't that is 100% fine with me, but don't complain about it. As I stated, I am shorter than the ideal. I never come on here and complain that the tabloids say I have to be tall to be the ideal. It is what it is. Maybe it isn't fair but not all of us can be ideal. I can't control my height (yeah I know, I can have surgery, that is a bit drastic) but I can control my weight and fitness. I chose to control those things. If you can't than you can't but if you can but don't then the problem is not society it is you.

 

[phorsenuf]

Just because you are ignorant does not make something silly, "Shortie"

I think you have a complex because of your lack of height and you try to deflect your flaws by making the disgusting comments that you do. Have you gotten that height surgery yet? It is just silly that you are short and no excuse for it. You could just get the surgery and stop making excuses. Who cares if you consider being short not a problem for you, society does, short men are less successful in the workplace and in romance, you need to do something about that, and until you do, I and everyone else can make fun of you...makes as much sense as the crap you are spouting, huh?

And if you know you have an addictive personality? How do you know you have an addictive personality smart one? You say gambling is an addiction in your family, so you do not do it...hmmm...HOW DOES ONE NEVER EAT ANY TYPE OF FOOD, OH BRILLIANT ONE??? And hmmm...I was NEVER overweight until I gained weight when my child died. And no duh that doing something benifical like running would be a better way to grieve...have you buried a child, jackbutt? have you had a child die in your arms? have you felt your child grow cold in your arms? To sit there and say that someone in those circumstances should think to run and be healthy and not succumb to something comforting like the Nestle Tollhouse cookies they offer you in the Ronald McDonald House is absolutely asinine. I wanted to die, you magnanimous idiot! I have never been in the devastating pain that I was in when I lost my child and my other daughter hovered between life and death for several months. My other children were the only thing that kept me alive. When I returned to the Ronald McDonald house at night, I ate what they had which usually was lasagna, lasagna, lasagna (And I thank you volunteers that took time out to think of us and feed us!). Do you have any idea how expensive it is to have to stay away from your family for four months to take care of your baby in NICU and what lovely options (ya right) there are in the hospital?

YOU do not know what you are talking about and need to just shut up! Just because you can't comprehend something does not mean another person does not struggle with something and does not deserve human decency. You are a sad, sad little man and not just in height.

You go girl!

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

 

[SereneOne]

You are taking my entire argument completely out of context. I have no problem with people who are over weight. I have no problem with people for any reason really. Everything I have stated has been about responsibility. I have made and will make bad choices in life again. When I do I know that I am responsible.

It sounds like you have a legitimate medical reason for being the way you are. I made sure I stated as often as I could that I realize people have medical issues that may cause them to gain weight. There are, however, many people who do not have medical issues or those medical issues are caused by their weight. Are there people who even as they finish an Ironman will have high blood pressure or unhealthy levels of cholesterol...yes. Are there also people who can adjust their diet and control these things without drugs...yes. The over-medication of America is a whole different thread but using drugs to mask symptoms instead of addressing the actual underlying cause is one of the major contributors. Again, you may not fit this but very many do.

Everything I stated in every post is that the vast majority of us are responsible for the choices we make, wise and poor. If your choice is to sit on the couch and eat a tub of ice cream that is your and only your choice. If you choice is to get out there and walk around the block that is also your and only your choice. If you have a medical problem that keeps you from good choices than it is what it is. However, I know people with no legs that have completed marathons in wheelchairs so even in bad circumstances better choices can be made.

I would have no problem being in the same room as you. I am friends with all kinds of people and never mention their weight. As I stated in my post though, if I go to their house and hear the complain about their weight while they are eating ranch covered salads, cheesy potatoes, and chicken salad made with mayonnaise I will call them out. Not because they are over weight but because they are sitting there contributing to it.

I am very active on the WISH boards, I am the chairman of my wellness committee at work, and I coach new runners. In all of these circumstances I use positive reinforcement (positive random reinforcement actually works best but doesn't fit most of the programs) in all of these circumstances. I know people who a year ago had to stop half way up the stairs that can now walk or slowly jog a 5K. All of this is someone showing they are trying to get healthier and that is admirable. What I don't like and will continue to not like is when people make excuses for why they are a way they are. There are legitimate ones and you may very well fit that mold, none of anything I stated is directed at people like that.

As far as belittling someone who lost a child I did no such thing. I said that I found using food (or drugs or alcohol or gambling) as a coping mechanism to be silly and stand by that. It was the behavior I was speaking about, not a death. The reason someone gains weight after a tragedy is because they consume more calories than they burn and have a calorie surplus. The excuse for eating is that tragedy. There is a difference between a reason and an excuse. I am the child of an addict so I know what it is like to be effected by one. The #1 thing I learned from my father is that if you love your family more than your addiction you will find a way to beat it for them. He chose his addiction over us so he is out of our lives. It may be hard to beat an addiction but people do it. Be one of those people, not my father.

I dated a dietitian at one point and her favorite line was that food is not a friend, it is fuel. It is often repeated on the WISH boards. When you use food as something it is not intended to be you have a problem. I eat because it is necessary to sustain life, that is why for thousands of years we as humans ate. Evolutionarily our bodies are still very much the same as our ancestors who ate what they could farm or catch. We are programmed to eat natural foods in the proper quantities. Our ancestors didn't chase down a buffalo with a spear and then eat to make themselves feel better. They ate because they had to. Now, we can walk into a store and buy all the food we want, often made with synthetic stuff we should never eat, but our bodies are still in ancestor mode. That is why when we eat a large meal we store the excess as fat, because in those years it might be a while before we were able to chase down another animal. When we cut our caloric intake to something ridiculously low our bodies don't think we are binge dieting, it thinks that we can't find food so it slows our metabolism and stores fat.

Our bodies are complex and pretty high maintenance. It does take work to be in shape. There are a lot of days I don't feel like going out on the bike or going out for 2 and a half hours on my long run but I do. If I choose not to, that is my choice and I would not make excuses for it.

What always gets me is when these threads start that are "woe is me, the tabloids say I should be thinner and I am mad about it because I don't fit the ideal". If you want to be thinner then get thinner. If you don't that is 100% fine with me, but don't complain about it. As I stated, I am shorter than the ideal. I never come on here and complain that the tabloids say I have to be tall to be the ideal. It is what it is. Maybe it isn't fair but not all of us can be ideal. I can't control my height (yeah I know, I can have surgery, that is a bit drastic) but I can control my weight and fitness. I chose to control those things. If you can't than you can't but if you can but don't then the problem is not society it is you.

What gets me is someone like you lying about being for wellness. If you were for wellness, then you would realize promoting people to look like human lollipops and being anorexic, etc. is just as unhealthy as being obese. I don't make excuses, I lost the weight and I will lose it again and if you would have read my post, you would have seen that I said I am working towards having running as my "bad" habit instead of eating comfort foods. Of course that won't help me when my daughter is in the hospital and has to have a parent with her 24/7, I bet your butt won't be there with her so I can run. But thankfully I know people who are truly interested in wellness and they have suggested bands and free weights and exercise tapes I can use while she is there instead of telling me that I am silly and making excuses. The women in those tabloids are NOT HEALTHY. Looking like a survivor of a concentration camp is NOT healthy.

Actions, not words, shortie (you can call me boo)

 

[FireDancer]

What gets me is someone like you lying about being for wellness. If you were for wellness, then you would realize promoting people to look like human lollipops and being anorexic, etc. is just as unhealthy as being obese. I don't make excuses, I lost the weight and I will lose it again and if you would have read my post, you would have seen that I said I am working towards having running as my "bad" habit instead of eating comfort foods. Of course that won't help me when my daughter is in the hospital and has to have a parent with her 24/7, I bet your butt won't be there with her so I can run. But thankfully I know people who are truly interested in wellness and they have suggested bands and free weights and exercise tapes I can use while she is there instead of telling me that I am silly and making excuses. The women in those tabloids are NOT HEALTHY. Looking like a survivor of a concentration camp is NOT healthy.

Actions, not words, shortie (you can call me boo)

Wow, bitter much? Again, at no point have I ever once stated that anorexia is healthy. I feel being overly thin is easily as bad as being over weight, I can't find anywhere where I said I want to play the xylophone on someone's ribs to see if they are healthy.

I also find it a bit telling that in response to my view of a behavior you chose to start name calling. I never made any personal attacks on a person, I made my feeling known on behavior, responsibility, and choice. I never said anyone is lazy, I said that chosing to do nothing is lazy, and I feel it is.

I still, even after the personal attack, won't stoop to calling someone a name. I am all for wellness, I promote healthy choices and organized a biggest looser contest at work. I have healthy cooking demonstrations. I don't take people into the bathroom and show them how to put a finger in their throat as you seem to be implying. Taking what I say about the health consequences of being over weight an assuming that I must support the exact opposite end of the spectrum is disingenuous. There are people capable of intelligent conversation and disagreeing without stooping to name calling, bo.

 

[The Orchid]

I still, even after the personal attack, won't stoop to calling someone a name.

Well, you kinda already did call her a name...you called her "silly" in response to her very painful/emotional story about her child dying and the comfort eating that resulted.

I think the point where people here took the greatest offense is that in your need to "promote wellness" you failed to show some compassion for a woman who just told you her child died and her other child was very sick. There are times to lecture a person and there are times you just step away from your "cause" and say nothing. This was one of those times when the best choice would have been to leave it alone. How can you expect to NOT receive a strong reaction from a grieving mother who has just been called "silly" for overeating when her life was in total crisis?

You call her "bitter" but can you even wrap your mind around what she has been through? She has lost a child and her other one is fighting for her life. I had dreams about what she is going through after reading her story last night. I have a child. What happened to her could happen to anybody and the realization of is very scary. I would not even dream of judging her reactions. If I were you, instead of baiting her further, I would be grateful that your life isn't full of the pain and complications this brave woman is facing. Who the hell cares what she eats?????

 

[FireDancer]

Well, you kinda already did call her a name...you called her "silly" in response to her very painful/emotional story about her child dying and the comfort eating that resulted.

I never called her silly. Her post brought up the point that people use food for comfort. That was merely the point in the conversation that this form of eating was introduced. I find the behavior of comfort eating to be silly. Maybe silly isn't the word, illogical may have been a better choice, but it was not directed at any one person. It was a generalization of people who for any reason view food as something it is not, comfort, a friend, something to fill a void (other than in their nutritional pyramid). If it came across as a direct attack on her than I am truly sorry, but my discussion of eating for comfort was not directed at an single person any more than my discussion about poor choice was directed at any single person.

If you look at the post I made in response to the subject of comfort eating, I stated:

"eating for comfort is just silly. Food is fuel that is used to keep you alive, not a friend. Emotional eating just makes no sense to me. Food is something that is necessary to sustain life."

All of this is addressing the notion of viewing food as comfort, it does not, nor should it, take into account the reason for the action, just the end result. "Is silly" is the adverbial phrase that modifies eating for comfort, it does not address any noun what so ever.

I went back and read every one of my posts from the beginning to make sure I didn't attack anyone in particular or that I interchanged facts and opinions. My posts have both, but I don't believe I stated any of my opinions are facts. I started by merely stating that calling a spade a spade is fine with me. My first post states I am all for people trying to get healthier and my remarks are reserved for those who chose not to. Then it started getting blown apart on specifics.

One person stated their medical issues. I said time and time again that my remarks are not directed at those who are trying or can not lose weight. They are directed only at those who make poor choices. Yet every time someone points out how they can't be healthy because of blah blah blah.

I will state again, I do believe that there are those with medical issues that prohibit them from exercising or eating healthy. I even made a point of stating that I believe people have cravings that they physically have to address but that a healthy sweet like fruit is better than an unhealthy sweet like a cupcake. This is exactly the kind of constructive guiding I do in my role in other forums. I also find it to be factually true that having an apple is better for you than having a cupcake. Perhaps this is bad information

I never stated I was better than anyone, I merely stated I take full responsibility for my actions, good and bad. I hold others accountable for theirs. That has been the crux of everything I have said. Unless directly replying to someone I only used the pronoun "you" because a generic second person narrative is a much more flowing than a generic third person narrative. I trust that in context people can make the distinction. Just like in context you know if read is mean to rhyme with bed or feed. If the generic you was taken as a personal attack than that too was not my intention.

Time and time again what I have stated has been taken completely out of context or blatantly lied about. I never said being underweight was better than overweight, I didn't even bring it up when I was accused of it. I don't remember the exact quote but it was something like "you can't be for health because you think that these people who look like lollipops are healthy". What!?!?! I never stated or even implied such a thing.

This is my bottom line belief, it is true of health, education, or anything else you want in life. The only person holding you back is you. Want to go to college? Go. Want to do a marathon? Go. Want to get a job doing <insert profession here>? Go. And want to get healthy? Go. I think people can do what they want when they really want to. There are outliers that can't, but on the bell-shaped curve of life the vast majority of people can. I don't sugar coat what I think, I blatantly state it and welcome others to do the same. I don't even take personal attacks all that personal.

 

[The Orchid]

You're just not getting the "human" side of what I'm trying to say. The point is, a woman posted a very painful story, and instead of showing compassion, you went on and on about how she "could have done this" and "could have done that." Could you not see that her emotions are still raw? In my opinion, it was poor judgment on your part to pursue it. You have no possible way of knowing what her experience was like at the time. When nurturing a sick child, not everybody is thinking in terms of where they can find fresh fruits and salads in between dealing with their kid.

You have generously given approval of the fact that people like honu and myself have illnesses/medication that lead to weight gain. But you are still failing to realize that not everybody has the so called "will power" that you have. People are different, they live different lives and they face different challenges. You just can't make all the assumptions that you so freely make without appearing as though you lack compassion. Everybody has their own challenges, and certainly you have (or will have) your own as well. I hope the people around you are more understanding of you and your flaws than you are of people who have weight issues. You may "not like" when overweight people worry about their weight while having cheese potatoes for dinner, but you can bet that there are things about you that people dislike as well. Generally, most people will decide that if they are your friend, they will love you despite your flaws and turn a blind eye to them. That is what friendship and love means. It's not judgmental. Do yourself a favor and get over the things in life that do not directly affect you. What your friends eat has nothing to do with you. If it's too much of a burden to listen to them stress about their weight while eating foods you don't approve of, then find other friends. But trying to shame, humiliate, and change them into what you feel they should be is not your right. It's really that simple. If they ask for your advice, by all means, tell them what you think. Otherwise, if they are your friends, accept them as they are.

Trust me, you'll be a better friend if you stop harping on people. I have had friends who have made a pain of themselves by constantly bringing up things about me they disagree with, whether it be politics, gay rights, or my health issues (it's AMAZING how many people presume to know more about my illness than my doctors do). It's always hard because I generally like things about these people a great deal, but you can only be lectured so much before you give up on them. I had a friend who used to swear that the herbal supplements (that she happened to sell) were proven to cure my autoimmune disease. I asked my doctor and my doctor told me that the herbs could actually make it worse, so I respectfully declined buying her herbs. Every single freaking time she came into my house, she insisted that "I wanted to die" because I wouldn't buy her herbs. I eventually got sick of it and severed the friendship. It was too bad because other than that, I REALLY liked her. Nobody wants to be lectured, especially from their friends! PLEASE, hear what I'm saying. I suspect that you are a nice guy, but you are truly not seeing how your actions/comments affect people. You feel very passionate about wellness and health, and that is to be commended. But it's important to recognize the difference between living that life for yourself and trying to nag other people into living it as well.

It's really no different than people who try to tell other people that their religious views are wrong. I'm pretty sure we've all been there. We've all had somebody we care about tell us our spiritual beliefs (or lack of them) are misguided and that we risk eternity in hell unless we convert. I have never met anybody who enjoys when people do that to them. Making unsolicited comments about people's weight is the exact same thing. You care about your friends, you want to save their health, just as the religious person wants to save their soul. But if the comments are not wanted or invited, it is an intrusion.

 

[FergieTCat]

One person stated their medical issues. I said time and time again that my remarks are not directed at those who are trying or can not lose weight. They are directed only at those who make poor choices. Yet every time someone points out how they can't be healthy because of blah blah blah.

Just so we're all on the same page, it's OK for someone who has medical issues to be chubby, but the rest of us are subject to your scorn for making poor choices?

I guess that high horse you're on, Firedancer, compensates for your vertical challenges.

 

[FireDancer]

Just so we're all on the same page, it's OK for someone who has medical issues to be chubby, but the rest of us are subject to your scorn for making poor choices?

My scorn is for those who refuse to take responsibility for poor choices. This could be eating habits as this thread addresses but includes anything in which the consequences of a choice are projected on someone or something other than the person making the choice. I am willing to practice what I preach and would welcome anyone pointing out poor choices I make to me. In fact when I made the choice to start getting healthier I loved the exact kind of advice and criticism I am willing to give. Just as I don't sugar coat what I think I don't want what others think sugar coated either.

I made my opinion known and then responded to direct questions or quips at or about me or my posts. The personal attacks were not from me, they are at me.

While Orchid and I don't agree (and that is fine, I welcome differing opinions) she seems the only person able to discus the actual facts of my posts instead of either taking them out of context or narrowing them down to a single sentence that shows a complete lack of critical thinking.

As an aside, I prefer a high horse to high shoes, it is too easy to tip over on a windy day.

 

[rie'smom]

It's become acceptable to critize people about their weight because they are next in line after smokers. You had to know it was coming. When people start showing intolerance for 1 group sooner or later they'll start showing intolerance for other groups.

And yes I do compare smokers and overweight people because many in both groups have an addiction. You can't survive w/out food but you can survive on 2000 calories a day. You can survive w/out junk food and soft drinks. Just eating healthy foods won't take off the pounds if you eat too much of the healthy stuff.

You do have to take responsibilty for your actions. If you don't want people to comment on your weight, do something about it.

I seem to remember some here-not necessarily on this thread- saying that if their child saw someone smoking it would be ok for the child to tell that person, they stink and lots of DISsers thought that would be fine. Is it ok now for a child to tell someone they're fat?

People have to be careful when living in glass houses.

 

[locolala]

Oh comfort eating.. another bane of my existance. I lost the baby I was carrying last fall. Up until then, I was eating good, healthy food, restricting sugary drinks, cut out caffiene.. then I found out her heart stopped beating. After my D&C, I wanted mcdonalds. Nothing else would do. I had to have a big old burger, salty fries, and a cold soda. Eating comfort foods releases endorphins and calming chemicals in your brain, that's why comfort eating COMFORTS you. I still do it from time to time, but with healthier stuff. I don't think the idea of comfort eating is silly. Think about how you feel after a run or a bike ride, you feel good, you feel calm.. it's because your brain releases those same chemicals into your head. So, would going running while upset be silly too, FireDancer? I think it's horrible that kids are being weighed at school, having BMIs done (which aren't that accurate btw) and having letters sent home. Watching a 13 yearold starve himself and spit constantly and sweat so he can make weight for a match. It's insane, it really truely is. I had a riding instructor tell me that the best exercise I could do was to push myself away from the dinner table. So many people out there don't understand what real, healthy eating entails, and that yes, you are allowed and encouraged to splurge every now and again.

 

[FergieTCat]

Firedancer,

It must be nice to be the perfection that is you.

Not only am I going to bed, I am retiring from this thread as well. The one thing I have learned over the years and especially from the Dis is not to try and reason with a bigot.

Night all!

 

[Boxley]

It's become acceptable to critize people about their weight because they are next in line after smokers. You had to know it was coming. When people start showing intolerance for 1 group sooner or later they'll start showing intolerance for other groups.

And yes I do compare smokers and overweight people because many in both groups have an addiction. You can't survive w/out food but you can survive on 2000 calories a day. You can survive w/out junk food and soft drinks. Just eating healthy foods won't take off the pounds if you eat too much of the healthy stuff.

You do have to take responsibilty for your actions. If you don't want people to comment on your weight, do something about it.
I seem to remember some here-not necessarily on this thread- saying that if their child saw someone smoking it would be ok for the child to tell that person, they stink and lots of DISsers thought that would be fine. Is it ok now for a child to tell someone they're fat?

People have to be careful when living in glass houses.

I guess you are missing the point here. There are some people who have medical conditions that make it harder for them to lose weight, sometimes they eat healthy and diet and yet there is that medical condition that affects them. So are those people addicted to being overweight? I would love for you to tell a person like that that the reason they are fat is because they are addicted to food. Imagine the responses you would get.

 

[NikitaZee]

To answer the question about self medicating I find any form of it silly, with food, drugs, gambling, or alcohol. The role of food is to nourish, not make us feel better. I understand people have issues in life but to use it as an excuse to abuse anything is just justification. There are much healthier ways to expel energy than to consume more energy, like running, biking, or as a PP did, pick a sport. I'm also not willing to be one of those people who doesn't say what they feel. I would never tell anyone else to hold their tongue if they have an opinion, even on different than mine, this is America and all.

I agree with you FireDancer. Although some of your comments did come off as abrasive, I understand the point you are trying to make here.

 

[FireDancer]

I agree with you FireDancer. Although some of your comments did come off as abrasive, I understand the point you are trying to make here.

I thank you and don't mean to come off as abrasive. I admit that when I am passionate about something I am passionate about it and maybe when read instead of heard it doesn't come off the same. Kind of like how sarcasm often comes off cheeky or even conceited when read instead of heard. I guess those people who say inflection and body language are as important as what is said knew what they were talking about.

Think about how you feel after a run or a bike ride, you feel good, you feel calm.. it's because your brain releases those same chemicals into your head. So, would going running while upset be silly too, FireDancer?

This is exactly 100% a point I tried to make earlier. If someone needs a release of tension there are healthier options than binge eating. Maybe it isn't running, someone earlier played a sport. There are circumstances when going a run while upset would be silly, yes. For example, if I were recovering from an injury and the run or bike would harm me more than it would do me good, I would consider it silly yes. 100%

I also love when the bigot word is thrown around. It shows a complete lack of intelligence when it is misused. I do not have an "irrational hatred" of anyone. Not fat people or gay people or people of other origins or races. I can have an opposing view on something without being a bigot. I am not trying to take the rights away from anyone or trying to say I am more of a human that anyone else. I am a libertarian at heart. The heart of my argument has never been that my way is correct or even than eating healthy is the only way to go. Everything I have stated has been about the lack or responsibility. If someone makes a bad choice that is fine, I don't begrudge them that. I just don't like the disconnect between what someone says and what they do. If you want to be healthy be healthy. If you don't don't, but take responsibility for it, don't blame anyone. That includes the tabloids which is where this all stated.

Some people instead of looking at something they don't agree with and calmly and rationally pointing out the specifics they don't agree with pick up a wide fence brush to pain a pin head.

I have only made my opinion heard on a behavior, not any person. I am willing to base my opinions on logic rather than emotion. People can disagree with my logic with other logic and while we don't see eye to eye neither of us are bigots. I would say neither of us is even right or wrong, opposite opinions can just be opposite without being right or wrong.

 

[kaytieeldr]

"eating for comfort is just silly. Food is fuel that is used to keep you alive, not a friend. Emotional eating just makes no sense to me. Food is something that is necessary to sustain life."

It makes no sense to you because you don't do it. You probably know people who do (possibly even friends who, when you're their guest and they complain about their weight, you admit you tend to criticize). Emotional eating isn't merely physical. Gotta agree with the poster pointing out your lack of compassion.

 

[kaytieeldr]

My scorn is for those who refuse to take responsibility for poor choices. This could be eating habits as this thread addresses but includes anything in which the consequences of a choice are projected on someone or something other than the person making the choice. I am willing to practice what I preach and would welcome anyone pointing out poor choices I make to me.

Truly? Okay - scorning and criticizing people you don't know, who behave a certain way or partake in a certain activity for reasons that, ultimately, you don't know.

 

[The Orchid]

My scorn is for those who refuse to take responsibility for poor choices. This could be eating habits as this thread addresses but includes anything in which the consequences of a choice are projected on someone or something other than the person making the choice. I am willing to practice what I preach and would welcome anyone pointing out poor choices I make to me. In fact when I made the choice to start getting healthier I loved the exact kind of advice and criticism I am willing to give. Just as I don't sugar coat what I think I don't want what others think sugar coated either.

I made my opinion known and then responded to direct questions or quips at or about me or my posts. The personal attacks were not from me, they are at me.

While Orchid and I don't agree (and that is fine, I welcome differing opinions) she seems the only person able to discus the actual facts of my posts instead of either taking them out of context or narrowing them down to a single sentence that shows a complete lack of critical thinking.

As an aside, I prefer a high horse to high shoes, it is too easy to tip over on a windy day.

In my humble opinion, it is wrong to scorn anybody unless they are doing or saying something that harms other people. I'm pretty sure this is why so many people are offended by your comments. Honestly, I would never go up to somebody and say, "That shirt is hideous" or "Your voice is like nails on a chalkboard to me." It's just not necessary. You say you are open to having people point out these flaws in you. Well, that is you. But you are a very small minority. Most people simply do not find it acceptable to say hurtful things to other people, regardless of what the issue is.

I don't want to sound like your mother, and I fear I do! But please try to hear what I'm saying. Feeling scorn against people who have not harmed you is a waste of negative emotion and it creates negative energy. These things catch up to a person. When you're young, you sound idealistic, motivated, and determined when you see everything that is wrong and set out to fix it. In twenty years, people will find you angry, bitter, and condescending for the very same characteristics. So please keep that in mind. Carrying those negative feelings eventually take their toll on a person. It's so much easier to relieve yourself of the burden of feeling "scorn" against a person who hasn't harmed you than to allow yourself to feel the soul sucking negative emotions.

I do realize you are willing to practice what you preach and that you're fine if people call you on your negative traits. But just remember, when you're overweight, people see your most negative trait right off the bat. Oftentimes, overweight people are rejected before anything is known about them. You on the other hand, are young and attractive. Your negative traits are the sort of traits that people probably won't see until they come to care about you enough to where they are willing to overlook them. A person may get to know you and come to love you, then realize you can be a little judgmental. It's entirely possible that if a person knew about that trait, they may opt not to give you the time of day. But they come to see the wonderful things about who you are first and they love you and overlook it. Imagine how hard it is for an overweight person when they are judged before anybody knows about the wonderful things they are inside.

One more thing, this comment stuck out to me as being VERY significant:

when I made the choice to start getting healthier I loved the exact kind of advice and criticism I am willing to give.

The key word here is "when" you made the choice to get healthier, you loved the advice and criticism you are willing to give. When. You didn't love that kind of "advice" before you were ready. And nobody else loves that kind of advice when they don't want it either.

Anyway, I appreciate your comment that I'm willing to talk about facts with you. Please keep one thing in mind though. I am one of only two that you seem to not be "scorning" for her weight issue. Frankly, I would probably be every bit as defensive if I were any of the other posters on here.