Why is it that someone can hold it together fine till they are asked "Are you OK?"...

[Disney Doll]

I'm the same way. I lost my dad 2 months ago. Most people have stopped asking if I'm OK. But the other day out of the blue, my DPartner asked me if I was OK. It was the 2 month mark since his death. I lost it. I felt like an idiot, but I guess I've just gotten so used to putting on a happy face and going about my day that I forgot that there are still feelings that I'm not dealing with.

I think that's it. We work so hard to get back into a routine when something bad happens. We put on the face, and go about our day. Then someone shows compassion, almost allowing us to put aside the happy face for a minute, and the flood gates open and it just pours out. You're definitely not alone, OP.

to you.

to you on the loss of your dad. I dread that day.....

 

[Evil Genius]

When I had three immediate family deaths in 6 months in 2007, I have what I call my public face and my private face. Try not to be an emotional wreck in front of the world. But yet let someone show a little kindness whether it be an "Are you okay" or touch my arm and the cracks start. It was just the fact that someone cared enough to ask and to know that I wasn't as alone as I thought I was

 

[Darsa]

When I was 19 (twenty years ago!) and my sister was 17 we worked at Bradlees, and one day it was held up at gunpoint and robbed. My sister had a knife held to her stomach and I witnessed the whole thing. Afterwards I was the one who called the police, spoke with them when they arrived, settled people down and sorted things out, making sure witnesses didn't take off and all that... and then I called home. As soon as my dad answered and I heard his voice say "Hello?", I completely fell apart. I will never forget that.

I really think that "Are you OK?" leads your brain to think that this person actually cares about you and how you are. Sooo, your brain's natural response to that caring and compassion is to let the emotions loose. At least that is how it seems to me.

 

[TheRatPack]

My nannie used to tell people "don't pet her"....LOL She's the same way and she knows if we're upset that petting us only makes it worse. Not sure where the word petting came from....but something I say often now as a mother with two emotional daughters LOL

 

[luvmarypoppins]

Heres a for you

I usually hold it together for everyone else in front of them, when they ask me if I am ok This would be the REAL answer - No, I am not really ok, but for the moment my cancer is in remission, its so rare they dont know about it etc. I just thank God for today.

I probably cry more by myself or sometimes if something triggers it. The trigger would be my 3 ds. The just dont get is sometimes.

 

[dec5girl]

I'm the same way. Hugs and questions bring on the waterworks. Sometimes you never know what's going to start the emotions. My nana died last November and I recently had a complete and total melt down over her coffee table. My DH thinks I'm crazy for sure. Emotions are a weird thing.

 

[Katy Belle]

Happened to me this week My DS9 has some anxiety issues and the beginning of the school year is a tough time. On the 2nd day of school at drop off time he had a big, bad meltdown. I shuttled him into the counselor's office and let him melt. I'm used to just waiting him out. Well, the reading specialist, whom I've known for 4 years, poked her head in the door, and said, "Are you alright?" I lost it. I had never cried at school before, but I just couldn't hold it together! Ugh. I did pull myself together and so did he!

Hugs to you. I have 2 good friends struggling with possible seperations and divorce. Its tough.

 

[kangareaux]

Soemtimes I just want to tell everyone in my life to just "chill".....

EXACTLY! I want to ask when I get to have MY nervous breakdown! Think they can pencil me in? LOL!

about your mom. That must be tough...

 

[kangareaux]

Happened to me this week My DS9 has some anxiety issues and the beginning of the school year is a tough time. On the 2nd day of school at drop off time he had a big, bad meltdown. I shuttled him into the counselor's office and let him melt. I'm used to just waiting him out. Well, the reading specialist, whom I've known for 4 years, poked her head in the door, and said, "Are you alright?" I lost it. I had never cried at school before, but I just couldn't hold it together! Ugh. I did pull myself together and so did he!

Hugs to you. I have 2 good friends struggling with possible seperations and divorce. Its tough.

WOW....I totally could have written this...almost word for word...only my DS won't be 9 unitl November. I need to PM you...but I have to get ready to go somewhere. (With HAPPY PEOPLE! YAY! LOL!) I'll definately try to remember when I get back.

 

[bumbershoot]

I'm the same way. DBF and I (of 7 years) broke up last night and I moved out of our home this morning.

My husband passed away right before my daughters 9th birthday (and we were on a Disney cruise when he died), one of the first things I did when I got home was see a lawyer about making a new will in case something happened to me. I did fine through the whole meeting, even talking to him about what was going to happen since my husband didn't have a will. Everything was fine till the lawyer asked what my husband's name was, at that point I totally lost it. I have no idea why I was able to talk normally that whole time before that point with no problem. Just remember, take things one day at a time!

I'm the same way. I lost my dad 2 months ago. Most people have stopped asking if I'm OK. But the other day out of the blue, my DPartner asked me if I was OK. It was the 2 month mark since his death. I lost it. I felt like an idiot, but I guess I've just gotten so used to putting on a happy face and going about my day that I forgot that there are still feelings that I'm not dealing with.

For me, having someone ask about my mom isn't what made me cry...it was the realization that everyone else thought that there was a time limit on grief, and they were NOT asking about it. There's no time limit on loss and grief. When I get sad about my mom, and it's going to be 10 years in March, it feels just about the exact same way as it did that morning when my stepdad called. The tears are the same, the heart-punch is the same, it is all the same feeling.

What changes is the amount of time between feeling that way.

Very few of my friends have suffered parental loss yet. They don't know. I know. I now have apologized to my friends who dealt with it before me, because I didn't know then, and didn't know what it was like, and probably wasn't there for them as much as I should have been.

That's a good partner you have, to ask that. I didn't know to ask until I experienced it, which helped out my husband when he lost his dad...I'm not glad to have had the experience, but I'm glad I was able to be there for him...woulda been a lot less lonely when I lost my mom, if I'd had more people around who Knew.

I have an elderly mother who is just draining the life out of me right now. She had a minor fall in April, no major injury, amazingly enough, but I think she has decided that she is old and it's time to die, and she really is quite exceptionally healthy for her age, and still fairly independent. I am the one who hears it...when she speaks to anyone else, everything is "fine", "great" etc...I hear the "my back hurts, I don't want to take Tylenol, I don't want to go for therapy, I am sick of going to doctors" blah, blah, blah....I can feel myself "tighten" up when I go to call her and I hate feeling that way about my mother!