Why do teenagers have babies?

[Wishing on a star]

As one previous poster mentioned, I believe that many girls 'have babies' in order to experience unconditional love.... They want something that is 'theirs'. They see this as a way for them to 'validate' themselves as a person/young adult. Even though they do not realize that having a child will really almost obliterate the control that they have over their lives... From their skewed perspective, it is a way to gain some control, 'BF won't leave me...' 'parents will have to 'accept' me and their grandchild', etc...

At young ages, I feel that there is NO way that they have the capability to truly understand adulthood/parenthood/etc...

If there is a reason that they would actively make the decision to have a baby, I think it is for the immature and unrealistic reasons that I just mentioned.
It is just SO much easier to offer excuses than it is to face up to the above mentioned reasons.

PS: I don't see 'birth control' or 'it was an accident/just happened' as preconceived reason to 'have a baby'.

IMHO, in most cases... "We couldn't help ourselves...." or "It was an accident/birth control/etc..." are the given excuses... not the reason.

In this day and age.... " I didn't know.... " really comes across as unbelievable.

 

[MrsPete]

You'll never find one answer to this question because you're talking about the motivations of large numbers of people. However, I think most of them fall into a couple categories:

I don't believe lack of knowledge about birth control is a large factor. Abstinence only hasn't been taught here in the 17 years I've been teaching high school; oh, it's mentioned -- it's held up as the best option, but factual details about birth control are also taught. Information on birth control IS being dissiminated in middle school, then again in 9th grade health class, then again in 10th grade Biology class. Okay, a few kids' parents refuse to let them take part in these lessons, but around here you're talking about 1-3 kids per grade -- not enough to be significant. Also, this information is widely available on the internet and in teen magazines. More than any generation in the past, teens have access to information and GIRLS KNOW how to avoid getting pregnant. Maybe the youngest or the dumbest of them don't grasp the facts, but the vast majority of teens have access to the information about birth control, and it isn't rocket science.

But knowing doesn't translate into doing. They don't believe it's going to happen TO THEM. Living in a fantasy world of their own making, they don't believe that this fate could really and truely befall them. Getting pregnant is something that happens to other people. So they take chances -- just this once; okay, this is really the last time; starting next weekend, we'll be good . . . and they get caught.

Also, they don't necessarily use birth control correctly and consistantly. They may use condoms if they're available, but they may just say, "Oh, well" when they don't have them. Or they may not pay attention to details such as the fact that birth control pills become ineffective when taken along with antibiotics. This isn't a matter of not knowing about birth control -- it's a matter of being sloppy about its use. Evidence: The Norplant implants, which don't require any thought or effort on the user's part are much more effective than other methods.

All teenaged girls believe they're the lucky one who's going to marry her high school sweetheart. As a result, they may not worry about getting pregnant: "We aren't trying to have a baby -- of course not! But if we do, it won't be the worst thing in the world. After all, we're going to get married someday and have children. IF I get pregnant now, it'd just be a little sooner than we planned." None of them ever imagine that this child will be doing the weekends with daddy thing, none of them would ever believe that someday they'll dislike the father of this child (and his new wife, who doesn't like that he pays child support).

For some of them, getting the birth control is a problem. Transportation, money . . . especially for the younger teens, they don't necessarily have it. Or they're afraid that their parents will find it at home.

HERE'S MY BIG ONE: There's little social stigma to having a baby out of wedlock these days. So many people do it that it's not the major life crisis that it once was. So it becomes a matter of, "Well, I don't want to get pregnant, but IF I do, it won't be the worst thing in the world. Other people have dealt with it." People who buy into this idea would say that the idea that you must be married to have a child is old-fashioned, no body cares about it anymore.

I have known girls who WANTED to become pregnant, and in every case it was a desire for love. Some of them saw a baby as a way to cement their relationship with a boy, perhaps thinking that a baby will save a sinking relationship. Others think that a baby is a way to create a permanant person who'll love them. I don't think this is all that common a reason for becoming pregnant.

I have known of a couple girls who wanted to have a baby because they think it's a way to get money for college, and I know of a bunch of illegal immigrant girls who've had babies. I can't help thinking that this is a path to citizenship for them.

A related question is, why do the girls KEEP the baby? Quick answers:

They don't think it'll be all that difficult to take care of a baby; that is, they believe they'll be able to do everything they do now PLUS take care of the baby in their spare time.
They don't believe that having a baby will hold them back from meeting their goals: school, jobs, etc. All those scary statistics are about someone else!
They don't think far enough ahead to imagine that baby being anything except a sweet little baby; they don't see themselves parenting a toddler, a school-aged child, etc.
Money is available from the government, making it financially possible (though difficult) for a teen to keep a child. The social stigma of being a teenaged mother is largely gone.
They believe that the baby's father will be involved in heavily raising the child, and that the love between them will only grow stronger as they raise the child together.
Also, every teenaged mother I know has had the idea that her friends are going to be very much involved in the raising of the baby -- that she's going to have oodles of help and once the baby's born she herself will have little to do.
They don't want an abortion, yet they think raising the child will be easier than dealing with adoption.

 

[Gina]

Wow! That didn't take long. Thanks, you guys, for the quick answers! The whole class is focused on the welfare process and procedures, and the evolution of welfare over the history of the U.S. Frankly, I don't care -- at this point, I just want to graduate without killing someone. Five weeks left -- it's going to be down to the wire. LOL

Finishing this degree in between working fulltime and being a single parent wasn't the best idea I've ever had. KIDS, STAY IN SCHOOL!! lol

Thanks again for the help, y'all!

 

[laurie31]

I will ditto the "unconditional love" reason. When working on my Master's degree, I did clinicals in a "teen-tot" clinic (where teen moms and their babies could see the same doctor, thus making it easier for both of them to keep up to date with preventive care), and that's why most of them chose to have/keep their babies. Lots of them also CHOSE to get pregnant, and we even had one 15 year old who came in wanting FERTILITY TREATMENT!! She had been trying for 6 months and still wasn't pregnant.

Ummm...we took care of the girls after they got pregnant, but we sure as heck didn't want to help them get that way! We did everything we could to counsel them about birth control and safe sex. However, all that falls on deaf ears if they WANT a baby in the first place.

 

[Acklander]

Self Esteem. Some girls who feel that they can't accomplish, and feel as failures, find something they're able to do - have babies. I think it's important for us to tell young girls - not just our daughters, but all young girls that they have more to contribute to society besides babies.

 

[DVC Sadie]

Because they can. Sorry to be so blunt but that is the truth of it.

Our society has changed over the years and what once was taboo is now considered the new norm.

We don't bat an eye at children having children and I feel so sorry for those children. (both parent and babies).

 

[Stitchfans]

Wow, some very excellent answers. Some I would of never thought of. The first thing that popped into my mind was low self esteem. But unconditional love. Interesting. Especially when I hear so many kids talking about how much they hate their parents, and can't wait to get out the house. At least that is what I heard while I was a cashier at the high school cafeteria. MANY even commented how they never talk to their parents or tell them anything about what is going on in their lives. Sad.

And yet these girls are having babies to gain unconditional love? Shame they didn't turn to their moms or dads. A lot of mom and dads have unconditional love for their kids. Like I said it is all so confusing.

So glad I have a great relationship and communication with both of my DDs. Hope it continues.

 

[paintnolish]

...because a large number of them don't use protection or use it incorrectly. Some of this has to do with a lack of education and some of it has to do with the thought processes of adolescents-It can't happen to me!

I am in an adolescent psych class right now, and we covered sexuality last week. After seeing the stats, I am truly shocked that more teens aren't pregnant. It was scary!

 

[laurie31]

And yet these girls are having babies to gain unconditional love? Shame they didn't turn to their moms or dads. A lot of mom and dads have unconditional love for their kids. Like I said it is all so confusing.

So glad I have a great relationship and communication with both of my DDs. Hope it continues.

Some of the girls I worked with came from horrible homes. Abuse, neglect, the Mom on drugs, the Dad never even a part of the girl's life, or one or both parents incarcerated and the kids bounced from one relative to the next.

One girl's drug-addict mom threw her out when she got pregnant and she was living with her ex-boyfriend's family (the baby's father) and she said it was the first time she'd lived anywhere where she wasn't beaten and there was food in the house. She was in awe of how well her ex's mom treated her. Of course, her child was that woman's grandchild, but how very sad; she was only 13. And yes, she got pregnant intentionally, because she wanted SOMEONE to love her.

People need love, just like we need food, water, and oxygen. If children don't get it from their parents, they will search for it elsewhere.


ETA - I don't mean ALL teens who get pregnant are looking for love. Some come from good homes and they fall into the "it can't happen to me" camp. I'm sure there are PLENTY of teens who buy the "you can't get pregnant your first time" line and discover the hard way that it's a lie.

 

[Stitchfans]

Some of the girls I worked with came from horrible homes. Abuse, neglect, the Mom on drugs, the Dad never even a part of the girl's life, or one or both parents incarcerated and the kids bounced from one relative to the next.

One girl's drug-addict mom threw her out when she got pregnant and she was living with her ex-boyfriend's family (the baby's father) and she said it was the first time she'd lived anywhere where she wasn't beaten and there was food in the house. She was in awe of how well her ex's mom treated her. Of course, her child was that woman's grandchild, but how very sad; she was only 13. And yes, she got pregnant intentionally, because she wanted SOMEONE to love her.

People need love, just like we need food, water, and oxygen. If children don't get it from their parents, they will search for it elsewhere.

Not to sound cold but these are isolated cases. There is still plenty of girls who have parents who love them and will listen and are really good parents. I see it so often around here. Some adults at the school even reach out and are told to mind their own business. Shame the girls can't find the love without bringing innocent helpless babies into the scene. Yes, I do feel bad for the one's you mentioned, but all of them don't have those circumstances.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Bottom line my reason was lack of a way to getting birth control.

My answer as well. Lack of access to birth control.

 

[focusondisney]

I agree with the previous posters who said the lack of social consequences. It has become totally acceptable in today's society. In years past if you had children you were expected to raise them yourself & PROVIDE for them. Now, you can have a baby at 16 & get some one else to pay for it. And it's not politically correct to suggest otherwise.

 

[joyjoy]

All teenaged girls believe they're the lucky one who's going to marry her high school sweetheart. As a result, they may not worry about getting pregnant: "We aren't trying to have a baby -- of course not! But if we do, it won't be the worst thing in the world. After all, we're going to get married someday and have children. IF I get pregnant now, it'd just be a little sooner than we planned." None of them ever imagine that this child will be doing the weekends with daddy thing, none of them would ever believe that someday they'll dislike the father of this child (and his new wife, who doesn't like that he pays child support).

This is the one that touched our lives. My boyfriend's teen daughter, whom he raised by himself, got pregnant at 18. She wasn't at all upset since she was sure she and baby daddy were going to live happily ever after. Right. Within 3 months after the baby was born, she was back living at her dad's, baby daddy was unemployed - oh, wait. He's in a band. Sorry. Then he started sleeping with one of her friends. It's just so completely trashy and my poor boyfriend is just heartbroken. Of course we love the baby, but damn. Really? Did she really think this was going to turn out great?

 

[luvmy3]

When I was in High School, a girl got pregnant because she felt unloved by everyone in her family and wanted someone of her own to love and be loved by...very sad

When I was a teen I knew a few girls who got pregnant and this was their reason

I think it's a combination of what others said but I also think it's because of the media. Kids see young celebrities (Jamie Lynn Spears to name one..) having kids and they make it look easy. Of course, teenagers don't know that celebrity families have the money to pay for a live in babysitter so the mom can still have a life.

In addition, TV shows (One Tree Hill, Degrassi, Secret Life) make it look like having babies is glamorous.

Teens have been getting preggos long before JLS or any of those TV shows. I think those shows are a result of the teen pregancy issue not a cause.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

My answer as well. Lack of access to birth control.

Lack of access, lack of money, and something that wasn't mentioned, being embarassed to be seen by a doctor. It's one thing to be "in love" and have relations with your boyfriend, it's quite another to let a stranger look at you and poke and prod you. Not all girls who get pregnant are sleeping with multiple partners. Some are good girls who just make poor choices.

Also, some spend their lives raising their siblings or their siblings children. They don't have a life of their own, aren't allowed to just be children, so they figure, hey, if I'm going to get stuck it might as well be with my own child and not everyone else's.

 

[ginna74]

based on my experience (had first at 19) I would say irrisponsibility and inmatuarity flat out.

 

[mjkacmom]

Because they can. Sorry to be so blunt but that is the truth of it.

Our society has changed over the years and what once was taboo is now considered the new norm.

We don't bat an eye at children having children and I feel so sorry for those children. (both parent and babies).

I agree with this. When I was in HS over 20 years ago, there was only one girl who had a baby. I knew of girls who got pregnant, but terminated the pregnancies. It was taboo to have a baby. I don't know if more girls are getting pregnant now, or more are keeping the baby.

 

[MrsPete]

This is the one that touched our lives. My boyfriend's teen daughter, whom he raised by himself, got pregnant at 18. She wasn't at all upset since she was sure she and baby daddy were going to live happily ever after. Right. Within 3 months after the baby was born, she was back living at her dad's, baby daddy was unemployed - oh, wait. He's in a band. Sorry. Then he started sleeping with one of her friends. It's just so completely trashy and my poor boyfriend is just heartbroken. Of course we love the baby, but damn. Really? Did she really think this was going to turn out great?:sad2:

Judging from the girls I know personally, yes, she probably DID think the situation was going to turn out just fine. ALL of the girls I've taught over the years have been CERTAIN that pregnancy was just a bump in the road, just a little sidetrack to their plans. In large part, they seem certain that THEY can handle this because THEY are smarter than their parents, teachers, and everyone else. THEY are going to be different from the others. THEIR boyfriends are going to stick by them, etc., etc., etc. So, yes, I suspect she did believe this situation was going to turn out to be hunky-dory.

Makes me think about the idiot who had a baby with my cousin. My cousin who's a high school drop out with a criminal record and a drug habit. Now they live together, and she's mad that he's not able to find/keep a job for any time at all. Did she THINK he was going to provide her with a middle class life?

People don't always think things through.

 

[MrsPete]

I agree with this. When I was in HS over 20 years ago, there was only one girl who had a baby. I knew of girls who got pregnant, but terminated the pregnancies. It was taboo to have a baby. I don't know if more girls are getting pregnant now, or more are keeping the baby.

I think the number probably isn't all that different, but more girls are keeping the baby. It's more socially acceptable, and there's money available.

 

[tink20]

A friend of mine has a son who is 21, a year ago his, then 19 year old girlfriend got pregnant on purpose. She wanted to get married, he said he wasn't getting married until he was 25. Well she skipped some of her pills. And now they are married with a 9 month old.