Why Do Some People Find Daycare a Negative?

[ZachnElli]

I've been in both roles. When we started our family I was a SAHM who absolutely didn't want my kids in daycare, "I" didn't want someone else raising my child, yeah, I was one of those. I was a stay at home mom for 12 1/2 years. Then life happens, dh loses his 6 figure job, I have to go back to work too, to try to keep our roof over our heads and food on the table. So my youngest (2 1/1 years old at the time) had to go to daycare. I certainly didn't plan to "dump" my kid off at a daycare, but life happens and I had to help out. I saw very quickly that some families have always had to do that and it's not easy! Some people don't not "sacrifice" their career, some sacrifice time with their children for food on the table, shoes on their kids' feet and a roof over their heads, how selfish! LOL! It's so nice riding on that high horse of a spouse with a high income and a superior attitude that nothing can touch you and everybody else's lifestyle is their choice and wrong. I hope you don't get bucked off, trust me, it's a long, hard and humbling fall!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Well, also having great season tickets to the NY Giants would be an automatic qualifier.

As would being able to vacation at Disney at least once a year.

Well we can ALL agree on those things!

 

[bettymae1121]

Wow. I've learned from this thread that if/when I have kids, I'll be the perfect mother.

You see, I work full time...from home. So I've got the income/personal fulfilment side and the be-there-for-my-child every-waking-and-napping-moment locked.

Ummm yeah. Big fat right there. Ain't none of us have a "lock" on this parenting thing. I'm sure when the time comes and I have to find a part-time in home sitter to come so I can actually work while at home (my company is fussy about telecomuters actually working during business hours, company policy states we must have child care arrangements), I'll get an ear-full from the DIS parental police telling me that I should quit my 45k + fabulous benifits job so I don't need a stranger raising my child (never mind I'm in the next room) or that I should find a job outside the home so I'm fulfilled in my job and raise independant kids that aren't dependant on mommy being around (cuz ya know I'm right there in the next room). Or some other senario I haven't thought of, I'm sure.

My mother was a SAHM for my brothers, but at age 2 I had racked up so much in hospital bills that my mom HAD to work to pay them off. So I went to an in-home daycare for a few years before kindergarten and was then in the same day care in the afternoons once I was in K. The in home caregiver was okay, she left the older kids play in the basement while she sat upstairs with the babies and watched her soaps (Days of our Lives, I can still remember the theme music playing!). She didn't interact with us unless someone started to cry/scream. But that was fine with us, we liked playing with each other and didn't really want/need an adult around (at least I didn't and if the other kids felt so, it wan't obvious. No one cried for mommy - or daddy- that I ever saw).

So, my older brothers had the benift of a dedicated SAHM and I got "dumped" in daycare. All three of us are happy, normal, adjusted adults. So I say that daycare vs. SAHP makes no real difference, it's the quality of parenting that takes place and not the quanity (and no, Mrs. N didn't raise me, my mom and dad did). I have very clear memories starting at about age three and I never felt that I missed not having my mom around durring the day. Mom and Dad went to work, my brothers went to school and I went to Mrs. N's house. We all got home and had dinner together and spent time together as a family until bedtime. On the weekends my brothers and Dad would do Cub/Boy Scouts and mom and I would do stuff together. Sundays we went to Mass. Rinse repeat. By the time I reached 1st grade the medical bills were paid off, but by then my mom say the benifits of having a 2nd income. That 2nd income allowed us to do a lot of things (including a WDW trip) and allowed my parents to retire early. Which was a good thing because Mom died at age 62. Had my parents not retired early they wouldn't have been able to spend the last 10 years of their lives actually, you know, together.

But that's what worked for US, and this is what will work for DH and I when the time comes. What works for us may not work for you, and I don't presume to judge anyone else, and no one has the right to judge me and mine.

The vast majority of the replies on this thread, and I've read all 14 pages, has said the same. To each their own and can't we all just get along? For those that think one parent needs to be at home full time or why bother...

....I just say thbbbbbbbbbbbt!

 

[disfan07]

We nearly moved to Fairfax County years ago and your reasons are why we didn't

And you were very smart not to..lol. So not worth the money IMHO. Yes the schools are good but seriously....so freakin expensive. I lived there for 20 years....I have no plans on returning.

 

[C.Ann]

Every situation is individualized.. Every parents does what they need to do - or what works best for them and their children..

There's no right or wrong - simply because every single situation is different..

As long as these children are loved and provided for, what is there to argue back and forth about?

 

[Robinrs]

Every situation is individualized.. Every parents does what they need to do - or what works best for them and their children..

There's no right or wrong - simply because every single situation is different..

As long as these children are loved and provided for, what is there to argue back and forth about?

awww, C.Ann, the DIS wouldn't exist if that was the case... I'm glad there are people with sense who have agreed with this.

 

[Pigeon]

We had a great daycare situation. My kids had a blast and got to socialize with a few other kids in a very safe, loving environment, cared for by a wonderful woman and her adult daughter who did a phenomenal job. My kids still want to go visit her from time to time and they are now 13 and 9. They got far more individual attention than dh or I ever got from SAHM mothers in huge families. The posts that are scandalized by a 1:4 ratio make me laugh.

I work, have a job I love, and happen to think my job makes the world a better place in a small way. I don't give a hoot what the "daycare is evil" crowd think. The research does not support them. My kids are well adjusted, get top grades, and we have enough money to do a few things to enrich their lives, which we would not have had I been a SAHM.

 

[Robinrs]

We had a great daycare situation. My kids had a blast and got to socialize with a few other kids in a very safe, loving environment, cared for by a wonderful woman and her adult daughter who did a phenomenal job. My kids still want to go visit her from time to time and they are now 13 and 9. They got far more individual attention than dh or I ever got from SAHM mothers in huge families. The posts that are scandalized by a 1:4 ratio make me laugh.

I work, have a job I love, and happen to think my job makes the world a better place in a small way. I don't give a hoot what the "daycare is evil" crowd think. The research does not support them. My kids are well adjusted, get top grades, and we have enough money to do a few things to enrich their lives, which we would not have had I been a SAHM.

My son is Facebook friends with BOTH of his care providers, one from 11months to 4, the other from 4 to 10yo. They love the man he's grown into and take pride in being a part of his development.

 

[TwinsinCA]

The posts that are scandalized by a 1:4 ratio make me laugh.

Why?

Taking care of 4 infants (which is what I meant when mentioning the ratio) and 4 small children (which someone with a big family might do) are very different.

 

[jodifla]

Why?

Taking care of 4 infants (which is what I meant when mentioning the ratio) and 4 small children (which someone with a big family might do) are very different.

Plenty of people with triplets seem to manage. ( I don't know that many people with quads.)

 

[talulabelle]

Plenty of people with triplets seem to manage. ( I don't know that many people with quads.)

I know 2 families with triplets and one with quads. (all results of invitro)

They don't manage alone (at all).

The family with quads has a contant rotation of family members, aunts uncles, grandparents etc. to help.

Both families with triplets had full time nannys when they were infants to help cope.

 

[jodifla]

An 8 week old does NOT need to be socialized with other children They need their parents to hold them and talk to them, yes. Of course. They need that kind of parental socialization.

But this whole “My baby was bored” saying when infants are dropped off at daycare is not true. Your little baby is not bored. They don’t care about other children.

Any psychologists out there know the age in which little children need other little children for socialization? I would be curious about the age. I know it is NOT 8 weeks (and that is when most daycares start taking in infants).

Uh, who said their baby was bored? I said my 20 -month-old was bored. Big difference.

 

[disfan07]

I know a family of triplets. They were actually at our daycare in the infant room (They were 12 weeks old when they started) for about 4-5 hours a day (their mom worked PT) and they had no outside help besides daycare. no nannys and no family in the area.

 

[jodifla]

I know 2 families with triplets and one with quads. (all results of invitro)

They don't manage alone (at all).

The family with quads has a contant rotation of family members, aunts uncles, grandparents etc. to help.

Both families with triplets had full time nannys when they were infants to help cope.

The rooms I saw had probably 8 cribs, so that's at least two people in the room. There were also people that rotated in to help.

Again, I didn't have to use infant care, but it would have been fine. We were glad to have the opportunity to have him with his dad and grandpa, even if they didn't meet up to the DIS board supermommy standards.

 

[Colleen27]

Plenty of people with triplets seem to manage. ( I don't know that many people with quads.)

I don't know anyone with quads, but both the families I know with triplets had almost round-the-clock help during the infant stage and still found meeting the demands of that many babies exhausting. There's a reason human babies so rarely come in multiples - biologically speaking, we're designed to care for singletons.

 

[jodifla]

I don't know anyone with quads, but both the families I know with triplets had almost round-the-clock help during the infant stage and still found meeting the demands of that many babies exhausting. There's a reason human babies so rarely come in multiples - biologically speaking, we're designed to care for singletons.

Even in an infant room, most babies don't get there until they are 6 weeks old, and most likely 3 months old. And all 8 babies are likely to be different ages, making them easier to care for.

Also, the people in the room ONLY care for the babies. They don't have laundry to do, or dishes, or the phone to answer, bills to pay, etc. They have also all had a good night's sleep, most likely.

It's a different ballgame.

 

[december]

I have a cousin with triplets. She is a sahm, but doesn't have any outside help. I don't know anyone who has ever had a nanny. Here, it is SAHM or daycare.

It doesn't really matter. We can all come up with examples to try to prove our own beliefs. One of the basic facts in math, and in life, is that you can't prove anything is true by example. You can make conjectures, but that isn't proof. Different things work for different people.

When I was in high school, I was a very judgmental person. I saw everything in black and white. As a high school teacher, I see the same in my students. As an adult, I can see that most things in life aren't that absolute. Maturity does that for you.

 

[december]

Even in an infant room, most babies don't get there until they are 6 weeks old, and most likely 3 months old. And all 8 babies are likely to be different ages, making them easier to care for.

Also, the people in the room ONLY care for the babies. They don't have laundry to do, or dishes, or the phone to answer, bills to pay, etc. They have also all had a good night's sleep, most likely.

It's a different ballgame.

Exactly. They are in a baby proofed room, where their only job is to take care of babies. Do they love my daughter like I do? No, of course not. She is my child. But they take good care of her while I'm at work. They play with her, feed her, and keep her safe.

 

[TwinsinCA]

Also, the people in the room ONLY care for the babies. They don't have laundry to do, or dishes, or the phone to answer,

You'd be wrong. We had to do all those things at the infant rooms I worked in. We had a phone in the room we had to answer. We had to change the sheets on all the cribs and wash those plus the burp rags, bibs, washcloths, blankets, etc. Laundry was done daily. We had to clean off/sanitize the high chairs between babies and meals, sweep after all meals and snacks and mop at the end of the day. We had to prepare bottles and cereal and cut up food to an age appropriate size. We had to change ALL the babies every 2 hours. We had to keep the room picked up, we had to keep it decorated by the season, we had to keep detailed records of diaper changes, feeding times/amounts and behavior during the day. You have to do your best to keep the hitters/biters/head bangers from doing their thing and hurting themselves or other babies. We had to do a LOT besides sit in a rocking chair with a baby and a bottle.

And that 1:4 ratio was MN and CA. I know other states (many in the south) had ratios of 1 to 6 for infants. NM was one (or at least it was when I lived there). I no longer worked with kids in a daycare setting after we moved there because the ratios were so outrageous.

You clearly have never worked in a daycare.

 

[disfan07]

You'd be wrong. We had to do all those things at the infant rooms I worked in. We had a phone in the room we had to answer. We had to change the sheets on all the cribs and wash those plus the burp rags, bibs, washcloths, blankets, etc. Laundry was done daily. We had to clean off/sanitize the high chairs between babies and meals, sweep after all meals and snacks and mop at the end of the day. We had to prepare bottles and cereal and cut up food to an age appropriate size. We had to change ALL the babies every 2 hours. We had to keep the room picked up, we had to keep it decorated by the season, we had to keep detailed records of diaper changes, feeding times/amounts and behavior during the day. You have to do your best to keep the hitters/biters/head bangers from doing their thing and hurting themselves or other babies. We had to do a LOT besides sit in a rocking chair with a baby and a bottle.

And that 1:4 ratio was MN and CA. I know other states (many in the south) had ratios of 1 to 6 for infants. NM was one (or at least it was when I lived there). I no longer worked with kids in a daycare setting after we moved there because the ratios were so outrageous.

You clearly have never worked in a daycare.

I HAVE worked in a daycare. In an infant room. Our ratio was 1:3. In the infant room we had no more than 8 infants enrolled in each room (2 rooms) and very rarely did we have all 8 there at the same time. We had 3 people in each room at all times and 1 or 2 "floaters" who would work in any of the infant or toddler rooms when necessary.

We had eight highchairs in each room as well as eight cribs. Each child had their own highchair and own crib (their names were written on a piece of tape and on the crib and highchairs). With that, that meant we did not have to change sheets during the day UNLESS they got sick, leaky diaper, etc. We also did not have to sanitize the high chairs during the day. We would clean them up after they were done by wiping them down quickly usually before we take the child out of the chair, but the same child would use it later. We dont do ANY laundry. All laundry is sent home with the kids and it is the parents responsibility. We didnt prepare bottles either. The bottles had to be prepared by the parents at home and brought in for us to store. Same with food. It had to be cut up already when brought in by the parents. We also didnt have to keep the room picked up at all times. We had the room separated into a play area and a nap area. All the toys in the play area were fine for the ages that were in there so there was no reason to pick them up constantly throughout the day. Also, we had to keep the room decorated throughout the year as well but that was something that was done before or after or it was done by one of the "floaters". It could also be done usually between 5 and 6 PM because we usually only had 1 or 2 babies left with 2 staffers. We had to change the babies as well but seriously, that was the easiest part. After youve chanegd enough babies it becomes automatic and it took like 15 mins at the most to change all of them. And we didnt necessasrily change them all every 2 hours. If they were dry, we didnt change them.

All of our kids were on their own schedule. So say if we had 6 infants that day, we would have 2 asleep, 1 being fed, and 3 on the mats playing or having tummy time. so 4 kids were awake and we had 3, sometimes 4 adults in their.

I understand that you have had not so great experiences by working at daycares but not ALL daycares are like that. You dont seem to be open minded enough to see that some of the infant rooms at daycares are very well run and that Yes, infants can get one on one time with a caregiver for at least a little while everyday because not all the infants are there or awake at the same time. Each infant in our room got at least some one on one time everyday.