Why do parents insist on bringing gifts when the invite says "No Gifts!"

[testifyoncruises]

DP and I are planning a limo ride to the Melting Pot for chocolate fondue for DD and six of her girl friends for her birthday. We got into a big discussion about putting No Gifts on the invitation since our child is certainly not for want.

We have been to other no gift parties and at almost every single one of them, almost every single kid but ours brings a gift. We have been told by other parents 'We just wouldn't fee right not bringing a gift.' We just respond that we like to follow the requests of the invitee.

So the question is, if the invite says no gifts do you bring no gifts? And if you do, WHY?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I bring a gift because growing up it would be considered rude to go to a celebration such as a birthday empty handed. I also will bring cake or something when I come to your house for coffee. I would be very uncomfortable going to a party and not bringing a gift.

 

[DearDaisyinDurham]

First of all, going to the Melting Pot, yummo! Very fun.

Can you donate the gifts to a womens' shelter? There are always children there & the gifts could go to a girl in need. Just a thought.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I bring a gift because growing up it would be considered rude to go to a celebration such as a birthday empty handed. I also will bring cake or something when I come to your house for coffee. I would be very uncomfortable going to a party and not bringing a gift.

What MHM said.

 

[C.Ann]

I bring a gift because growing up it would be considered rude to go to a celebration such as a birthday empty handed. I also will bring cake or something when I come to your house for coffee. I would be very uncomfortable going to a party and not bringing a gift.

This is the way I was raised as well - although if the request was "no gifts", I would go with something "smallish" or something rather unusual..

 

[testifyoncruises]

I bring a gift because growing up it would be considered rude to go to a celebration such as a birthday empty handed. I also will bring cake or something when I come to your house for coffee. I would be very uncomfortable going to a party and not bringing a gift.

Just know that the person who put on the invite no gifts is going to think a person arriving with a gift is very rude for not respecting their wishes.

 

[Sarah_Rose]

Perhaps, instead of writing, "no gifts" you could ask for donations to a local charity? For example, if your DD loves animals, why not ask for donations (such as pet food and supplies - you can normally get a list of things that they need off of their website) to a local animal shelter instead of gifts?

That way, people still feel like they are bringing "something" and you still get your "no gifts" request.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Just know that the person who put on the invite no gifts is going to think a person arriving with a gift is very rude for not respecting their wishes.

I can understand that but let's turn it around and I would say that the person making any request about gifts is rude.

 

[C.Ann]

Just know that the person who put on the invite no gifts is going to think a person arriving with a gift is very rude for not respecting their wishes.

I don't think you can speak for everyone.. If I were the person who made the request, I would not think a person arriving with a gift anyhow was "rude" at all.. If anything, I would assume that they were raised the same way that I was..

 

[RNMOM]

Perhaps if you really don't want gifts for your daughter you can give them something else to donate to. A collection of money for the charity of your choice or some other charity in your area. This would be a way for all the guests to feel good about their own donations.

I kind of think people give gifts for themselves as well as for the recipient. Why else do we try to have the nicest and best wrapped, etc?

 

[PolyndianPrincessJes]

We've been to a few "No-Gifts" parties, but like PPs, I always feel a little akward not bringing something. I'll usually bring something like a little candy basket or a gift card that won't clutter someone's home/room, just a small gesture of acknowledgment and appreciation. If someone thinks I'm rude, that's ok. They wouldn't say anything about it, otherwise they'd be as guilty of rudeness as I was.

 

[DearDaisyinDurham]

Just know that the person who put on the invite no gifts is going to think a person arriving with a gift is very rude for not respecting their wishes.

OP, the thought behind wanting no gifts is a good one - if you think that people will brings gifts anyway, can you explain to the girls bringing the gifts, that the gifts can go to a charity where they are needed? You don't want the girls to feel bad for bringing a gift.

It's nice that the party focus is on having a good time together & not the gifts. Maybe you can look into making a donation to the food bank as well, for the same amount as dinner?

 

[disneyfan123]

My hubby and I just adopted our kids 4 months ago and they both had December birthdays. We told everyone that they were already getting spoiled and not to bring a gift, well everyone else also wanted to spoil them so they got a LOT of gifts. The funny thing was that for my daughters party she had no interest in all in opening her gifts, all she wanted to do was play with her cousins. Same thing happened at Christmas, to her getting cousins was a pretty big gift.

 

[shortbun]

Our group has NO trouble with 'no gifts.' I find this interesting. Perhaps it's because for years we ALL asked for charitable donations to organizations such as Heifer and Homeless Families Foundation. If my son wants to get a friend a gift and the party reads 'no gifts', he gives his friend a gift at a different time. He has a couple of friends with whom he swaps presents traditionally. Lately they are trying to outdo each other in a 'Chuck Norris' theme,lol!

 

[C.Ann]

If the OP is so worried about receiving unwanted gifts, then something should have been written on the invitations along the lines of: "In lieu of gifts, please feel free to make a donation to _________ - or the charity of your choice.."

Problem solved..

 

[shelbys mommy]

One of my friends got TONS of presents for her daughter for Christmas & was told there was more coming. She made a point of saying "NO MORE GIFTS! If you have something to my baby donate it to a charity or St. Jude's." I thought that was awesome!

 

[Abbie]

Just know that the person who put on the invite no gifts is going to think a person arriving with a gift is very rude for not respecting their wishes.

I can't think in any stretch of my imagination how I would consider someone rude for bringing a gift, even if I had requested "no gifts". I think most folks are just programmed to feel they want to bring something and no matter what, we would be appreciative and understanding.

 

[emma'smom]

Count me as one who wouldn't send my dd to a party without at least "a little something". We had an invite to a "no gift" party for a 4 year old last year. I sent dd with a 4.99 gift (a My Little Pony doll). It was just a "little something". I was glad that I did since most of the other kids brought something too.

However, we've also received invites specifically asking for small donation for various charities that are the theme of the party (Humane Society for an "animal party"). In this case, we bring a card with a cash donation inside.

In both situations, I feel like I am sending my dd with "something".

P.S. I also always take a something to parties (bottle of wine, etc) and return plates with a little treat in them.

 

[VillageMama]

OP, please tell me that you would at least include the word "please" at the end of your gracious phrase "No gifts".

 

[PolyndianPrincessJes]

Count me as one who wouldn't send my dd to a party without at least "a little something". We had an invite to a "no gift" party for a 4 year old last year. I sent dd with a 4.99 gift (a My Little Pony doll). It was just a "little something". I was glad that I did since most of the other kids brought something too.

However, we've also received invites specifically asking for small donation for various charities that are the theme of the party (Humane Society for an "animal party"). In this case, we bring a card with a cash donation inside.

In both situations, I feel like I am sending my dd with "something".

P.S. I also always take a something to parties (bottle of wine, etc) and return plates with a little treat in them.

I was always taught never to return an empty dish. Good rule, I think!