why do men leave

[Disney Doll]

I'm sorry. I"ve been very careful to say there are times when divorce is the only thing. You should never stay with a jerk. I try not to be biased. But alot of the women I know who left seemingly out of the blue did it as an act of desperation to get away from a clueless, mean, unchanging man. They tried and the man didn't even know they tried. I know a man who is raising his kids first on his own and now with new wife. I've seen him in situations and know he's a cruel horrible person. He had no money. I can imagine his wife left him with the kids because she felt she had no other way to get away from him.

And I would ask the question how could she leave her children with a "clueless, mean,unchanging man"? So her life is swell now because she's away from the louse, tbut the kids' life stinks.

 

[Disney Doll]

This is the 3rd time I've had to explain myself. Did I ever say these guys were perfect? It has nothing to do with what THEY look like, it has everything to do with what their wives look like.

We all understand that you do not agree with this statement of why men leave their wives. I guess we women are just incredulous at the audacity of some paunchy, middle-aged guy to comment that his wife isn't as sexy as she once was...he with his receding hairline, beer belly, and smelly socks laying all over the house.

 

[Marseeya]

We all understand that you do not agree with this statement of why men leave their wives. I guess we women are just incredulous at the audacity of some paunchy, middle-aged guy to comment that his wife isn't as sexy as she once was...he with his receding hairline, beer belly, and smelly socks laying all over the house.

Yeah, that's nasty and all, but you know what's even more ridiculous? That there's some silly twenty-something year-old twit who will think he's all that because he's probably got a few more dollars in his wallet than guys her own age.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

We all understand that you do not agree with this statement of why men leave their wives. I guess we women are just incredulous at the audacity of some paunchy, middle-aged guy to comment that his wife isn't as sexy as she once was...he with his receding hairline, beer belly, and smelly socks laying all over the house.

 

[mariolatry]

plenty of guys put on weight, drop the romance, don't help the wife much, etc. They're adults. It's easy enough to see the sex is bad because of the life getting too busy not paying enough attention. It should also be easy to see that the young naieve girl who gives him all the sex he wants in 7 years will be exactly like the wife he left and have a new set of kids, home, family. If sex is a chore for your wife maybe it's because you're not that good at it.

Amen to that, sister!! Sometimes husbands are the ones who becomes less interested in jumping through all of the hoops to ...um...make everyone happy. Some wives like sex but why engage in an act that you don't get...um...a "return" on, if you get my drift.

 

[DVC-Don]

My Mom walked out on my Dad, sister and I back in 1959 when I was 7.

 

[sumtimesitsherfault]

I understand that many men leave their wives for another woman or because they can't handle the responsibility of kids and real life, but sometimes they leave their wife because she is the one that can't handle real life.

Yes, I have left my wife and am currently going through the divorce mess. Thank God we don't have any kids! Don't get me wrong, kids are the greatest thing in the world and I look forward to the day when I have a family. I love kids!!! That is why I left my wife. This past year her mother had a heart attack. I raced to the hospital to take care of her while my wife (her daughter) sat at home talking with her friends. Some of the people she was talking to where/are my friends and they where horrified that she would stay home on the computer while her mother was in the hospital. Over the next few days she did go see her mother a few times, but only when forced to do so. I left her because of the fear that if something happened to me and we had kids, would she "not be able to handle it" if our kids where sick and in the hospital. Nobody wants to think of the chance that they might die young and leave there kids without a parent and nobody wants to think of the children in the hospital, but it was something I had to face. She has always been lazy and selfish and I fear that she would be the same when kids entered the picture.

I'm sure some will say I am a bad guy, but I am thinking of my future kids here. She has chosen not to accept my reasons and has chosen to blame anything and everything but herself.

Sorry for the rant, but I had to make the point that sometimes the guy leaves because of the kids best interest.

 

[Tiggeroo]

I'm so sorry for your situation. I clearly don't blame all men. And I think the issue without kids is completely different. To end a marriage at it's early stages before children, because you realize it won't work is probably a very good thing to do. I believe there is the right person out there for you, so when you heal you will be able to find her.

 

[TDC Nala]

Absent physical or mental abuse or they just plain don't get along with each other anymore (sometimes, leaving is the best decision, such as in the case of the poster who was married to someone he didn't think he could trust future children to), people leave because they want what they want, when they want it, and they don't have the necessary character to get past the temptation of wanting something different than what they have.

I've never been able to trust people enough to actually get married. I wouldn't recommend that anyone get to that point.

 

[LastTycoon]

I think there is a generational element to marriage issues as well. I recently turned 28, and there are two huge problems I see with the married couples in my age group.

1- The wedding business is out of control. So many women I know don't really think beyond the fabulous $30,000 party they are going to throw. I've been in two weddings in the last five years where the woman freaks out before going down the isle, to marry the man that has taken a backseat to the gorgeous ring, the pretty flowers and the perfect dress. Back when my parents got married and had cake in the basement of the church, this wasn't such an issue.

2- It seems like the women and men in my age group expect diffferent things. My friends (male and female) have mothers who were in the first generation of women who mostly worked outside of the house. But they still did everything inside the house as well. Most of the men I know don't know anything different and don't have any problem with that. It's the way they were raised and the way it is supposed to be. The women, on the other hand, went into their marriages with an impowered mindset ("That won't be what my marriage will be like...") and honestly thought that the work (household and child) would be divided equally, especially if they work outside the home.

 

[cardaway]

Yeah, that's nasty and all, but you know what's even more ridiculous? That there's some silly twenty-something year-old twit who will think he's all that because he's probably got a few more dollars in his wallet than guys her own age.

While the man may have let himself go the truth of the matter is it doesn't make that much of a difference to the women they are leaving their wives for. If they are not getting any at home, or the wife has let herself go, many men will jump at the chance to trade up. And many women do the same thing.

 

[sumtimesitsherfault]

I'm so sorry for your situation. I clearly don't blame all men. And I think the issue without kids is completely different. To end a marriage at it's early stages before children, because you realize it won't work is probably a very good thing to do. I believe there is the right person out there for you, so when you heal you will be able to find her.

Don't worry, I didn't think that you or anybody else on here really would blame all members of one gender. There are good and bad on both sides of the gender gap.

Thanks for the encourgment. BTW, I have found a wounderful girl which have become very close with. Who knows maybe we will be more than friends once the divorce is final. Yes, she does know I am currently married, and NO we are not having an affair. I'm sure that the future will find me in a happy and loving relationship with the perfect girl for me.

 

[Glenn]

Someone I knew walked out on his wife because he felt like a border. Sex disappeared because she had a head ache, the kids might hear. A get away weekend? Forget it she wouldnt leave the kids with anyone even her sister. Her sole attention was the kids, going here, there, and no attention to him and im not talking sex, just anything he was interested in. He was the guy that lived there and paid the bills. So after the last of the 2 kids left he walked out. He hasnt talked to her in a few years. The kids never call because wife put him last and so do the kids. He used to joke that the dog got more attention. He's living on his own, doesn't bother to date and doing things for himself. Doesnt believe women are worth it anymore.

 

[sumtimesitsherfault]

Can't say I'm ready yto give up on all women. Sorry to hear about your friend, sounds like he got burned bad and maybe he should have gotten out sooner.

 

[disneylizzy]

Exactly, planogirl. If only one person is willing to work hard to stay together, it just doesn't work. And I don't think that people realize when they post things like that, it can be hurtful to those who really tried, but had a marriage fail. Sort of like--well, if you had really put some effort into it, you wouldn't have gotten divorced. I know that may not be how they mean it but it's how it sounds.

I try to stay away from these threads because they do get me all wound up. If you haven't been through a divorce, you really don't understand. It's the most painful thing I've ever been through and I've never known anyone who just did it on a whim.

[/QUOTE]

This is so true. My ex left because "the spark was gone". I begged him to try counseling, etc., we have 4 kids. After thinking and thinking about this, I have concluded that although I would like to think that marriage is forever, sometimes people grow and change and take different paths. What I will never, never understand is leaving your children. Just leaving and seeing them every few months. His loss, believe me, but my heart aches for them.

 

[Belle0101]

I don't think we should be so quick to judge. The only 2 people who really know what goes on in a marriage are the husband and wife. So many couples look "perfect" on the outside, but their lives could be full of problems and they are just good at not showing it.

I'm starting to accept that my marriage is one of those "perfect on the outside" marriages but if anybody knew the real story My friend / neighbor even comments on how lucky I am to have DH.

Having grown up reading Ann Landers, I keep asking myself "better off with him or without him?" With, unlike my ex - he isn't abusive, he has a job, we do have things in common, goodwith the kids, but his responsibilities begin and end with his job. Meaning, if I don't do it then it doesn't get done, except for mowing the lawn, I'm not allowed to touch the mower. Everything else is my responsibility.

And yes I've talked to him, not yelled, screamed, cried or threatened, actually t-a-l-k-e-d. He knows how I feel and I know how he feels, nothing changes.

And no, it wasn't always this way. He's flat out said to me that he's just too busy to have to do anything around the house.

So, yeah, just because every marriage looks happy doesn't mean it is.

 

[sumtimesitsherfault]

I'm starting to accept that my marriage is one of those "perfect on the outside" marriages but if anybody knew the real story My friend / neighbor even comments on how lucky I am to have DH.

Having grown up reading Ann Landers, I keep asking myself "better off with him or without him?" With, unlike my ex - he isn't abusive, he has a job, we do have things in common, goodwith the kids, but his responsibilities begin and end with his job. Meaning, if I don't do it then it doesn't get done, except for mowing the lawn, I'm not allowed to touch the mower. Everything else is my responsibility.

And yes I've talked to him, not yelled, screamed, cried or threatened, actually t-a-l-k-e-d. He knows how I feel and I know how he feels, nothing changes.

And no, it wasn't always this way. He's flat out said to me that he's just too busy to have to do anything around the house.

So, yeah, just because every marriage looks happy doesn't mean it is.

I feal your pain! The straw that broke the camels back for me may have been the issue with her mom, but sounds like things are the same with you as they were for me. Yep, I cut the grass, but I also cooked the meals, did the dishes, did the laundry, cleaned 90% of the house myself (she did manage to clean her desk off every once in a while when the glasses and dishes got to high to see the computer screen).

Everybody was surprised when I left her because we seamed like the perfect happy couple. I don't know your situation with kids (you mentioned having some), but if the two of you can't work things out and BOTH be happy I would get out! I know kids make this a bit more difficult and maybe impossible, but you deserve to be happy and you should ask yourself if it is fair to either person to stay in the relationship if one of you is not happy? Also, think about you kids and what the learn about relationships from the two of you. Will they grow up to have the same type of relationships and would it be better for them to see what a true happy and loving relationship is like?

Good luck!

I know the big "D" is scary, but I do think that it is for the best some times.

 

[chobie]

I didn't link to or paste anything from Tom's site because I think it's offensive and I don't agree with him.

Good work 2funny2c, how nice of you to share.

Oh reaalllly...

Actaully, I think much of your "males are so bashed" material comes from Tom Leykis.

 

[Papa Deuce]

To lighten things up.... my wife asked a friend of hers the other night how things were between he and his wife ( was there a problem? I don't know ).... He replied "We're agreeably comfortable"...... I laughed at first.

 

[drakethib]

i'm sorry bill. I know women leave but it's not that often.

I totally disagree with you on this (and maybe this is one of the reasons men leave as there are always women who will blame the man no matter what). Maybe 30 years ago this may be the case but I know of a good deal of women who run around, bar hop, cheat, go to the hotel and hook up with Mr. X at lunch, and the likes just as much as men do.

And by the way just in case we are thinking lower class people, these are senior executives for pretty good sized companies.

But of course many people will refuse to believe this.

While it is not a 50/50 case, to say it is not that often is wrong IMHO.

The reason I think men or women leave is because they take for granted what their spouse contributes (love, happiness, etc.) and instead focus on insignificant items. For example, is it really that big of a deal of the hubby does not clean the garage out as often as wifey would like or does it really matter that wifey does not cook as much as "mom" used too?.


By the time the tempers flare up and the fighting starts, many people say more then they mean to and the other just has enough and packs up.

Just my 2 cents.