why do men leave

[Marseeya]

That is beyond sad. My sister is part of a remarriage of his hers and theirs. They are raising 3 of his kids. Their mother has nothing at all to do with those kids and hasn't in years. The few kids I know whose mothers have left really have issues. I know it seems unfair but I think if your mother leaves you feel even worst then if your father leaves. Your mother is supposed to love you and put you first no matter what. Imagine thinking even my mother doesn't love me. That's the kind of leaving i'm talking about. Where instead of addressing your own issues you run away. I married and had kids young. I had my fun raising them while young. We played together and still do. I wouldn't recommend it but you make the best of your decisions.

My biological mother was like that (I was given up for adoption). She left her kids behind a few times -- including when she left town to give me up. There were 8 of them in all besides me, but she only really stuck around for the youngest two. They all have issues.

While I had some serious issues with my adoptive parents, I was better off with them.

 

[NMAmy]

People are often unbelievably selfish but there are the cases where it just simply doesn't work. I don't think that breakups are always due to not trying hard enough or being self-centered. Even if they usually are.

Exactly, planogirl. If only one person is willing to work hard to stay together, it just doesn't work. And I don't think that people realize when they post things like that, it can be hurtful to those who really tried, but had a marriage fail. Sort of like--well, if you had really put some effort into it, you wouldn't have gotten divorced. I know that may not be how they mean it but it's how it sounds.

I try to stay away from these threads because they do get me all wound up. If you haven't been through a divorce, you really don't understand. It's the most painful thing I've ever been through and I've never known anyone who just did it on a whim.

Case in point--my mom divorced her first husband. He was cheating on her. She later married my dad and they were married for 40 years until my dad died. So, it's not like she was a quitter or couldn't commit to a relationship. She just couldn't make it work with her first husband. Sometimes relationships just don't work.

 

[Tiggeroo]

Exactly, planogirl. If only one person is willing to work hard to stay together, it just doesn't work. And I don't think that when people post things like that, it can be hurtful to those who really tried, but had a marriage fail.

I'm sorry. I"ve been very careful to say there are times when divorce is the only thing. You should never stay with a jerk. I try not to be biased. But alot of the women I know who left seemingly out of the blue did it as an act of desperation to get away from a clueless, mean, unchanging man. They tried and the man didn't even know they tried. I know a man who is raising his kids first on his own and now with new wife. I've seen him in situations and know he's a cruel horrible person. He had no money. I can imagine his wife left him with the kids because she felt she had no other way to get away from him.

 

[nativetxn]

I suppose I should qualify what I said. I meant both partners had to fight for the marriage. One person can't do it alone.

My mother was married and divorced 4 times. She never considered it to be a failure because she fought as hard as she could for those marriages. She was apparently shadow boxing, though, and she couldn't make the marriages work by herself.

I don't think of divorce as being a "failure". I just think that in general young people tend to give up too easily.

Katholyn

 

[CharlesTD]

The holidays aren't actually that bad my parents split when I was 7 and it was hard at first but we have a great family and we got 2 times the gifts at christmas and our b days so we loved that. We alsospent lots of time at both grandparents and now my mom and dad are best friends and we even have dinner all together at my moms place my dad and his DF and my mom and my family and so on it is great.

 

[2funny2c]

Cardaway, I didnt link or quote from Tom Leykis' website. You brought him into this discussion. If you found him so offensive maybe you should not even mentioned him. I see you sticking your finger up in the wind liek most good liberals to gauge your reaction to Leykis based on the reaction of other posters.

Choosing your spouse is one of the most important decisions you will make in your life. It is imperative to teach your children to choose wisely when looking for a spouse. Dont be unequally yoked. Contrary to popular belief, love does not conquer all.

Marriage is not a short term endeavor. In today's society too many people dont want to work and fight for what is important. We live in a disposipal culture. Marriage is easily discarded, babies are thrown in the trash. Children that are a product of these dysfunctional marriages, where the parents were too stupid to put the families needs ahead of their own, are discarded by deadbeat parents that flee any sort of responsibility.

Teach your children. The responsibility lies with the parents to teach their kids what a healthy marriage looks like.

Dont get me wrong, there are jusitified cases where a marriage should end but most cases it is just selfishness that causes marriages to end. Chasing that elusive concept of happiness.

 

[NMAmy]

.
Marriage is easily discarded, babies are thrown in the trash. Children that are a product of these dysfunctional marriages, where the parents were too stupid to put the families needs ahead of their own, are discarded by deadbeat parents that flee any sort of responsibility.

You know, equating divorce with throwing a baby in the trash is just ridiculous. There are also plenty of dysfunctional families in which the parents remained married.

Plenty of divorced couples love their children and make a concerted effort to care for their kids. My ex has a lot of flaws but he loves our daughter and is a huge part of her life. Her needs are very important to both of us. I've seen other divorced families that put the kids first.

 

[cardaway]

Cardaway, I didnt link or quote from Tom Leykis' website. You brought him into this discussion. If you found him so offensive maybe you should not even mentioned him. I see you sticking your finger up in the wind liek most good liberals to gauge your reaction to Leykis based on the reaction of other posters.

I mentioned him because WIcruiser's comments sounded like something from his show. I listen to him on occasion for the same reason I listen to Rush, to try and listen to all sides.

Tom, Rush, Ann, all shock jocks that don't really say anything of value, but are fun to listen to.

And I am sticking up a finger.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

My Wife left me so it happens on both sides. We weren't having major problems, we still get along fine, she just didn't want to stay married and eventually she moved to the West Coast and I raised my daughter alone. It's something I can't understand. I suspect you're either the type of person who stays commited to a relationship or you're not.

Gee Bill, my brother is going through the same thing, in October his wife left him and my 2 nephews. They cry for their mother, its heartbreaking. My brother kept the house and is trying to keep life normal for them. He is good with them so I am sure in time everything will be ok. They do see their mother. Oh and she has a daughter from a former marriage that now lives with her father because of all this. She doesn's see her daughter who is 1400 miles away now. I just don't understand how a mother leaves her children.

 

[WIcruizer]

I mentioned him because WIcruiser's comments sounded like something from his show.

It still bothers me that I have never even heard of this guy before. I thought I at least HEARD of all the major national radio shows. But it sounds like I'm not missing anything.

 

[OhMari]

This is so true. A couple just came in this week and told the teachers and the principal that they are divorcing. They told their kids the night before. They got married young and had 4 children right away. She loved the baby part of it, but now that the kids are older 5-8th grade, she doesn't want to deal with the kids anymore. She wants the single life, going out to bars with the girls. Her husband said, "good ridance" he has been raising the kids alone now for a couple years-and he had enough. (The teachers couldn't believe she admitted all this).

I'm quoting my own quote. This mother works at McDonalds. I'm not cutting down anyone that works there, but there is no way she can support herself. She is from a divorced family, so I don't know if her dad, or her mom will let her move in. I really doubt that. She had her little sister live with her and was basically a mom to those kids. Her little sister is now 23 and out on her own.

I'm sure there is 2 sides to this story. At some bb games 2 years ago, they were giving each other the dirtiest looks. Everyone knew there was a lot of tension. The dad would take all the kids home after the games, and the mom would leave with her McDonald buddies-people 10 yrs younger than her. Maybe he wasn't the easiest to live with who knows. I do see him though with those kids all the time after school. He brings them to all sporting events, to the library. The teacher says he was always the one the kids say helped them with their homework.

It is a sad situation, the twins in 5th grade are still not back in school today and they were told Wednesday.

 

[cardaway]

It still bothers me that I have never even heard of this guy before. I thought I at least HEARD of all the major national radio shows. But it sounds like I'm not missing anything.

Don't sweat it, you're not missing anything, and he isn't heard in every part of the country (no idea where you are from).

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

Do you REALLY want to know why? I mean REALLY? Close your eyes if you don't. Most of the men that leave do so because of their sex life, or lack thereof. We all know the formula. Couple gets married, wife puts on 10 pounds. Wife has children, puts on another 20-30 pounds or more over the years. Doesn't try hard to look attractive anymore, isn't passionate anymore...certainly not imaginitive. Sex becomes a chore for her she must check off the list once a month or so.

Now in no way am I saying this is the whole story, or that it's the case every time. But this is a pretty typical situation for a man to leave. I've sen it ahppen with a couple acquaintances, and heard quite a few stories about "friends of friends, etc.) Again, I'm not saying it's a VALID reason for leaving, but that's why men leave. Boredom, routine, not appreciated...

And what do you think husbands look like after a few years? LOL!!!!

 

[In a hurry]

And what do you think husbands look like after a few years? LOL!!!!

So true! Women just aren't shallow enough to leave because hubby has chunked out a bit. Or it is too hard. They know from the get-go that they will probably (not always!!!) have their work load doubled if they have children, while the ex goes hunting for the trophy and takes the kids a few nights a month.

 

[Skylarr29]

My brothers wife left him and the girls saying she was trapped and need to live her own life. This also happened to my husbands friend at work. He came home and his wife just said it was over.

Oh my gosh that is so sad. I could never, ever, ever leave my children. How can you just quit on your family Those poor children and your brother. I hope everything turns out for them in the long run.

 

[jodifla]

I think ultimately that men often just aren't mature enough when they marry. (Some women, too.)

It's OK until the kids come, because before that it's basically like living together. But once the kids come, the real work begins, and many men just aren't cut out for it. It doesn't help that sometimes women abandon their husbands emotionally after the kids are born, spending all their time being the perfect mom (whatever that is!)

I belonged to a baby and me class, and of that small group, two marriages broke up within a year after the child being born. Basically, these guys didn't want the responsibility of it all.

It is a cautionary tale of being very careful whom you marry. Someone once told me, regarding marrying the wrong person: "It's a long life." And then, don't rush into having kids before you have a solid foundation.

Of course, you can do all these things, and your partner can still flake out on you.

 

[jodifla]

I have lost an additional 12 pounds past my original weight before having my daughter. I have a good hairstyle, have been dressing better since clothes fit me better. (5'2" and 123 pounds, so not overweight) But, according to DH, I will always have that pooch no matter what I do - he says this in a bad way. He also said that even though I lost the weight, my backside is still big and I lost too much from the frontside if you know what I mean. He also thinks I need a nose job and a breast lift. I am a brunette but he wants me to have red hair. I keep telling him that red coloring doesn't work well on me and is expensive to maintain. He also wants me to have a short hairstyle even though I really like the one I have. He has lost interest in sex - when I want it, he says no, when he wants it, I better say yes or he gets upset. I am not beautiful to him. I look 'good' as he puts it. I told him other men think they're wives are beautiful and he thinks that term should be reserved for people like actresses and models. When I have discussed with him (in a calm tone I promise!) how all this makes me feel low about myself, he responds with, boy, you sure do need a lot of validation. I have had to tell him that I want a hug and kiss every day when he gets home - so I get one, but you can tell it is forced. It was not like this at the beginning, but he claims he doesn't remember it being any different. So I find myself questioning how much is this 'working at my marriage' by putting up with it and how can I get this kind of treatment to stop. I brought up counseling, but was told I needed it, not him. After my last abusive marriage, this almost feels like small potatoes if that makes sense, but it makes me very unhappy and sad. But I feel like it would be very selfish for me to walk away. And I do agree with some other posters about how important some of this is to men...

Oh, boy, my heart aches for you. That treatment must just feel demeaning. I think I would get counseling if I were you...just to shore yourself up against this kind of treatment. Someone who treats you this poorly must ultimately feel bad about himself.

Good luck to you!

 

[Tiggeroo]

Oh, boy, my heart aches for you. That treatment must just feel demeaning. I think I would get counseling if I were you...just to shore yourself up against this kind of treatment. Someone who treats you this poorly must ultimately feel bad about himself.

This is an example of something you shouldn't take. I wouldn't, even if I had kids. And this would prob be an example of a stunned man who can't understand why his wife left him.

 

[WIcruizer]

And what do you think husbands look like after a few years? LOL!!!!

This is the 3rd time I've had to explain myself. Did I ever say these guys were perfect? It has nothing to do with what THEY look like, it has everything to do with what their wives look like.

 

[Texan Mouseketeer]

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<