Why Do Kids Think They Can Say Whatever They Want?

[scanne]

I'm talking mostly about middle school aged kids - that is what I teach. I'm planning a trip with one of my classes and they have know about the trip since SEPTEMBER. They knew the cost, the fundraiser we'd be doing (which only 3 kids completed) and they knew when payments were due. Now more than 1/2 the class owes around $100 and they are screaming and yelling that it's too much, they didn't have enough time, etc. Two students even emailed me at my school account basically telling me off. This is when I start to really wish I could be a SAHM and teach my OWN children respect and courtesy, responsibility and a sense of ownership and just plainly put GOOD MANNERS. These students have gone too far and I will be printing out the emails and submitting them to the principal tomorrow. I really just needed to vent - my DH always tells me I overreact to everything and I just don't want to hear it from him.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Tanuki]

It may be that what you thought was a great idea was not as attractive to your students as you thought it was.

You have done everything to promote the trip and it seems to have failed because your students had other things they would rather spend their time and money on than going.

At this point you may have to let the half of them who paid know that you are going to have to cancel the trip because of lack of interest.

That's the real world for everyone

 

[lw49033]

Submit it to the kids' parents, not the principal.

To answer your question--they feel they can say whatever they want because they CAN say whatever they want--there are usually no consequences either at school or home. You might get lucky and have one or two kids with parents who really didn't know the kids were like that and will correct the situation with some serious punishment.

If I'd ever told off a teacher I don't even like to think of what my mom would've done to my hiney!

 

[LoveWDW]

It looks to me as if a lot of the class wasn't interested. I agree to either cancel or to just take those who paid on time. If any of those who didn't pay complain- hey! maybe next time they'll remember that their actions of lack of actions have consequences.

 

[scanne]

The trip is to NYC to see a Broadway show and participate in a theatre workshop. They have paid for the tickets, the workshop and lunch but still owe for the bus transportation. That's $30 - the rest of the money is to pay for their costumes for the show they are in which is in April. They were given a fundraiser in NOVEMBER to complete which would have covered the cost of the bus and costume. 3 kids completed in and several others did about 1/2 of it. So now the kids are complaining to me that I did nothing to help them bring the cost down.

I cannot cancel the trip - but I do need to find a way to pay for the bus. It's just the tone in the voices of these kids and their accusatory words. It is so hurtful (which is what my DH doesn't get) because I thought this trip was going to be a great learning experience and a ton of fun and now they've all clouded it with these feelings of disgust and resenment. I just can't stand the way kids talk to teachers these days. And there is very little disciplinary action because the parents (not all but most) feel it is perfectly acceptable for these kids to talk this way - it's the way the kids talk to their parents, so of course it doesn't bother them. It just makes me angry and sad at the same time. And I am liking my students a lot less because of this whole fiasco. PLUS all correspondence about the trip, the cost and the fundraisers were sent home TO the parents starting way back in September. So I just don't understand the whole mentality that I didn't give them enough time.

I'm really at a loss and really not looking forward to tomorrow.

 

[kristen821]

Are you getting any complaints from the parents? I don't understand why the kids are so worried about because most of the parents would be paying for it. It sounds like maybe one kid was legit in thier complaint and the rest are following to look cool or something.

 

[LVSWL]

I would NOT cancel the trip! I would make it clear that the students and parents who followed through and raised enough money would be taking this trip and the ones who did not will be staying behind. Frankly, as a room mom I became quite discouraged with parents who year after year never paid their child's fair share primarily because they knew that someone else eventually would. It is not fair to the kids who have held up their end of the bargain. That is the real world. You do the work you follow directions you should be rewarded, not the ones who don't. As far as the disrespectful e-mails, our school systems e-mail states in bold print that anything written can be traced back to the sender. They should have thought about that. I say off to the Principal and let him speak to them and the parents. Good luck and thank you for being a teacher!

 

[Pin Wizard]

it's the way the kids talk to their parents, so of course it doesn't bother them.

And if the parents don't take care of it at home, of course the kids will do it elsewhere.

I just sent my 7th grader to his room for saying "who cares" to me! Grrrrrrrrrrrr! TV is gone the rest of the weekend. What else can I come up with? Everyone else tells me how polite he is. Well, home is apparently getting to be another story. And it's started just recently.

 

[lw49033]

I'd make him stay sitting on his bed in his pajamas for the rest of the weekend unless he has chores to do. PLUS send him to bed early.

 

[kidzmom3]

They were given a fundraiser in NOVEMBER to complete which would have covered the cost of the bus and costume. 3 kids completed in and several others did about 1/2 of it. So now the kids are complaining to me that I did nothing to help them bring the cost down.

PLUS all correspondence about the trip, the cost and the fundraisers were sent home TO the parents starting way back in September. So I just don't understand the whole mentality that I didn't give them enough time.

I'm really at a loss and really not looking forward to tomorrow.

when our school has a larger cost trip, anything over $15, parents have to come to an informational meeting and sign the contracts for the cost. Then, there are dead lines for every payment. If you miss the payments you have one late date. If you miss that you are out. period. It should not be on the shoulders of middle schoolers to meet financial obligations. This is a parent issue (the money).

The disrespectful behavior is another matter. and i would give any rude emails to the principal.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

The trip is to NYC to see a Broadway show and participate in a theatre workshop. They have paid for the tickets, the workshop and lunch but still owe for the bus transportation. That's $30 - the rest of the money is to pay for their costumes for the show they are in which is in April. They were given a fundraiser in NOVEMBER to complete which would have covered the cost of the bus and costume. 3 kids completed in and several others did about 1/2 of it. So now the kids are complaining to me that I did nothing to help them bring the cost down.

I cannot cancel the trip - but I do need to find a way to pay for the bus. It's just the tone in the voices of these kids and their accusatory words. It is so hurtful (which is what my DH doesn't get) because I thought this trip was going to be a great learning experience and a ton of fun and now they've all clouded it with these feelings of disgust and resenment. I just can't stand the way kids talk to teachers these days. And there is very little disciplinary action because the parents (not all but most) feel it is perfectly acceptable for these kids to talk this way - it's the way the kids talk to their parents, so of course it doesn't bother them. It just makes me angry and sad at the same time. And I am liking my students a lot less because of this whole fiasco. PLUS all correspondence about the trip, the cost and the fundraisers were sent home TO the parents starting way back in September. So I just don't understand the whole mentality that I didn't give them enough time.

I'm really at a loss and really not looking forward to tomorrow.

I wish I could send my son! He LOVES Broadway and theatre! That is what he is going into along with film. He entered one of his films into the New York film festival and it was selected for viewing. It is in May. He is a sohpomore in H.S.

I drive a bus and the worse age is 6th,7th,and 8th grade students. Not all of them, but some.

 

[EthansMom]

I would send out notices to those parents who still owe money for the trip, giving them a deadline to come up with the rest of the money of forfeit the money they have already paid. As the deadline approaches, call the parents who still haven't paid.

Unless the emails from the students were particularly vile or violated the student code of conduct in some way, I would just email a reply that the students and their parents knew about the expenses ahead of time and had XXXX opportunities to earn money towards the trip. If they are unable to come on the trip because of the expense, you will understand. (In other words, whining and crying isn't going to help.)

I hope this helps!

 

[Rock'n Robin]

As a teacher (HS) and a parent of a middle-school parent, I would go ahead and give copies of the rude E-mails to your principal. These kids need to find out that teachers are to be respected. I would think your school code of conduct has something in it about disrespect. I would also contact the parents personally by phone and discuss not only the fact that they have had 6 months to pay for this, but their 'little darlings" are rude little ^$*#@&$#s.
As for the fundraiser, I would be afraid that if you only take the kids who have paid, they will have to pay a bigger share for bus transport, am I right? That punishes them. See if you can get these fees added to their school fees--if they don't pay them, no grade card, etc.
My DD#1 is going to Washington DC in May with about 90 other 8th graders. We received notice in June that the trip was available (it is not required). We were able to make payments and just sent our last one in. That was about $850 total for food, bus, and hotel, and any attractions that charge fees (most don't), leaving on a Wednesday about 10AM and getting back Sunday morning. I heard a parent complaining the other day that they just don't have enough time to raise that kind of cash, as if they just found out about it! Not only did all 8th grade parents get a letter in June, there was a parent meeting in September announced on the school announcements, in the newsletter, and on the website. Some parents just don't pay attention.
Robin M.

 

[christineann]

I would definitely give the emails to the principal and then the parents. Hopefully, the kids who are acting like that will be banned from the trip. The parents and administration need to address the rude behavior and inflated sense of entitlement now or deal with more serious problems later.

 

[GEM]

That's terrible. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. I teach theater classes - acting, musical theater, playwriting, etc. for kids in K-12th grades. It is a program run through our local university and there are fees for the classes, so the kids are only there if they really want to be, which I know makes a huge difference!

Last year I took 13 of my high school group on a 7 night trip to New York. These are kids who eat, sleep, and breathe theater. We flew from Arkansas, spent 7 nights in a hotel, saw 5 Broadway shows, did acting classes, musical theater classes, dance classes, special backstage tours, discussion sesions with actors and directors, etc. It was a really huge deal for the kids - absolutely the trip of a lifetime. Total cost was $2,300 per kid. They did raise some of that (about $300 each) themselves with a few fundraisers, but the parents had to pay the rest. We had payment contracts and they knew that each monthly payment had to be made on time, or they would be canceled out of the trip and loose the money they had already paid.

This year, I'm taking 11 of my junior high and high school students to Disney World for 8 nights. We're doing a special acting class at Epcot, a video production class at MGM, a backstage tour of the Cirque theater before we see the show, discussion sessions with actors and designers, and lots more special stuff. Total cost is $1,700. Again, we had payment contracts and they knew that each monthly payment had to be made on time, or they would be canceled out of the trip and loose the money they had already paid.

Happily, I can say that we have had no issues at all (money related or otherwise). Of course, I know there is a big difference between my situation and a public school situation. Like I said, the kids involved with these trips have devoted a huge amount of their lives to theater. Most of them have been in our programs since they were very young and they are planning on lives in the theater. So, they are thrilled to have these experiences and they behave accordingly.

I can tell you for sure, though, that if they were behaving the way your students are they would be dropped from the trip immediately and wouldn't be invited on any future trips! (Next summer's trip is to London!) Of course, you may not have that option in your situation.

I'm really sorry this is ruining what could be a fabulous trip for you and the kids!

 

[LuvDuke]

This is when I start to really wish I could be a SAHM and teach my OWN children respect and courtesy, responsibility and a sense of ownership and just plainly put GOOD MANNERS.

Yup, SAHM's kids never get mouthy or overstep their bounds.

 

[Stitchfans]

It may be that what you thought was a great idea was not as attractive to your students as you thought it was.

You have done everything to promote the trip and it seems to have failed because your students had other things they would rather spend their time and money on than going.

At this point you may have to let the half of them who paid know that you are going to have to cancel the trip because of lack of interest.

That's the real world for everyone

This was the first thing that I thought after reading your thread.

Also just like lw49033 said I suggest you send the emails to the parents and the principal.

 

[paigevz]

Well, I think that's quite a reasonable cost, frankly.

You meet all kinds. There are kids who are polite when they know they can get caught and impolite if they think they won't. There are kids who are polite all the time, and there are some that are nearly always impolite.

I'm sure you've got all three kinds in your class. Make sure the parents know, some may really get on them, because those kids are the ones who are only impolite when they think they can get away with it.

I'm glad you won't cancel the trip. It's not good for the polite kids who did all the could to get the money (and some may have done all they could and still couldn't get the money.......it happens).

My oldest DS has gone through impolite phases.........as far as I know, only at home. He's in a polite phase now.

My younger one is pretty rude. We don't allow it, he just does it. He gets sanctioned for it, but does it anyway. I think most of it comes from TV and movies where the underlying current seems to be that it's entertaining for the kid to act that way (one of his faves is HOME ALONE, and that kid talks terribly to his family........I think that's where my son got the "I hate you" comments).

The other day I was in a store, and I heard a kid talking with his parent. He was looking at an "insect environment"........he said he'd like to have it. She said, "What would you do with it?" He said, "I'd collect bugs to put in it. DUH!" Now, at that point I didn't really think anything of it, expected her to talk to him or swat his bottom, like most parents I've encountered out when their kids are rude. She said and did absolutely nothing. That shocked me more than what he said! Like I said, mine can be rude.......but you'll sure see me talking with him about it. How will he grow up polite if he's allowed to talk like that now with out anyone telling him he's wrong? He was about 4 or 5.

 

[froglady]

Just out of curiosity, was the information about the trip maiked to the parents? I can't tell you the number of papers that were sent home to "parents" that never made it out of the backpack.

If something at his school involves parents in any way (money, help, etc) it's mailed, e-mailed, or I get a phone call.

 

[mylilnikita]

I could never be a teacher, so major Kudos to you!!! I am sorry that the kids are being you pick a word-lol. I am 38 and I would never have thought to talk back to a parent or a teacher. I remember in grade school they had paddles in the school. I was too afraid of my Dad and my teachers telling my Dad to talk back to them. I was mouthy once in high school and that was because my Guidance Counselor was supposed to tell all my teachers I was going in the hospital and she didn't tell a couple of them and I came back and had holes in my arms from the ivs, etc.-I do not have good veins and the teacher accused me in front of the class of shooting drugs and not coming to school. Let's just say my Dad ripped them all a new one afterwards-lol.
I would show the principal and the parents the emails. My DD is in second grade and if my DD is absent, I go to the school that day and get her homework. A couple weeks ago, she was out for 2 days so I got her homework and class work sheets and sent them all back finished when she went back to school. The teacher wrote a note thanking me because a lot of the parents don't even make their kids do the read and record each night list. SHe has had to write notes saying it is part of the child's homework is to read 20 minutes a night-that is sad. Well, good luck to you.