Why do exes want to stay friends with you after they mess up?

[hereyago]

Why do exes want to stay friends with you when they mess up? I am not friends with really any of my exes for various reasons. My exdh I have to talk to because we have our DD, but it's not like I am going to confide in him.

 

[FireDancer]

What do you mean by mess up? If the relationship just didn't work out and you have mutual friends it is good to be adult about it and be friendly even if you don't stay friends.

If there was cheating involved and there are no other connections like mutual friends or children I would imagine most men wouldn't stay friends with the person who cheated on them.

 

[hereyago]

If the guy or girl cheated and they messed up that way, then they want to be friends with the person they hurt right after. That type deal. I just added girl to be equal, but this case guy messed up got caught, now wants to talk and be friends. and this wasn't just a brief relationship and no mutal friends that they shared really.

And no, once someone cheats on me, I don't take them back, I learned that from Exdh. But once someone hurts me and I don't have a bond say a child with them, I just really don't have anything to do with them.

 

[MushyMushy]

Could be any number of reasons. Maybe they feel guilty and think that by being friends, it'll absolve them of any wrongdoing. Maybe they truly want to be in this person's life for whatever reason. Maybe they can't let go.

I was really never able to remain friends with exes. FriendLY after a lot of time had passed, yes, but I never really wanted to be friends with someone who broke my heart or whose heart I broke.

 

[paintnolish]

I am not friends with any of my exes. There's a reason we broke up. I have no need to keep in contact. I, of course, have a business-like contact with my Xh due to our children. DH has a few XGFs as friends on Facebook. I can't pretend I don't care. I'd rather he didn't.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I never understood this either. If we didn't like each other enough to avoid breaking my heart why on earth would I think we like each other enough to pal around.

 

[MonkeyDishwasher]

I remember seeing this guy a while back. He came to a few parties my friends and I would have (not really parties, more like kick backs... anyways...). So he decided to break things off with me because he got hired into my workplace and he "doesn't date people he works with."

My favorite part of the whole thing was that after he said that, he followed it with "But if you and your friends have more of your parties, can you still invite me?"

Um. NO?

(fortunately he was fired within a month of starting work, so really it was my gain afterall)

 

[alexandria674]

Honestly, yeah.

A guy I dated cheated on me. I was hurt and we no longer spoke, I got with my fiance a good while later. I learned to forgive my ex and realize that there were other things going on and besides, he and I drifted apart in the relationship. I can't wish that I didn't have a heartache because without it I wouldn't of learned what I did and most likely would not have met my fiance. Later on, the ex and I met each other at a party again and talked. It was steady but we became very good friends after a while. I am his second son's godmother. Judge it all you want, but we are much better friends then boyfriend and girlfriend.

 

[hereyago]

Honestly, yeah.

A guy I dated cheated on me. I was hurt and we no longer spoke, I got with my fiance a good while later. I learned to forgive my ex and realize that there were other things going on and besides, he and I drifted apart in the relationship. I can't wish that I didn't have a heartache because without it I wouldn't of learned what I did and most likely would not have met my fiance. Later on, the ex and I met each other at a party again and talked. It was steady but we became very good friends after a while. I am his second son's godmother. Judge it all you want, but we are much better friends then boyfriend and girlfriend.

No judging here. My exdh, we are better at friends because I don't care where he is or who he is with-lol.

But I don't get the let's meet and talk and we don't have to do anything if you don't want, I don't do friends with benefits. or the 4 or 5 emails,texts or phone calls in a day, what is that?

 

[alexandria674]

No judging here. My exdh, we are better at friends because I don't care where he is or who he is with-lol.

But I don't get the let's meet and talk and we don't have to do anything if you don't want, I don't do friends with benefits. or the 4 or 5 emails,texts or phone calls in a day, what is that?

I think the thing with my ex and I was that we were better without all that pressure of dating. I don't really understand the friends with benefit thing either, I knew some friends who did that and it got ugly.

 

[Acklander]

I'm pretty good friends with several of my exes (that's ex boyfriends, only have 1 ex husband). I was fortunate to date some really great guys, they didn't stop being great just because our relationship had run it's course. Then again there were never any nasty break ups, we just moved onward, so that makes it easier.

 

[Pakey]

My husband and I have been married for 25 years; he remained friends with his first wife after their divorce. Her second husband and I got added to the fold as we entered their lives. We even vacation together.

 

[MouseJunkie]

I think it allows them to feel less guilty about things. My ex wants to be friends and I'm like um NO! I'm still reeling from what he did -- good days and bad days. I have no intention of helping him feel better about the wrong he did to me. I just say hope she was worth it and I didn't deserve what you did and I'm better off without you. No, we can't be friends. He's like maybe you'll forgive me one day...I'm like no, don't think so, not this time.

I'm not one who can be friends with someone who broke my heart, especially twice. He left me twice for the same girl. I know shame on me this time. I only went back because he promised me forever this time...ring...wedding and all...yeah RIGHT!

I posted this same thing about 2 years ago when he emailed me "to chat". A year later we started dating again because he left her. He was unhappy with her. Oh, how I wish I could go back and change time -- I would have never answered his email or later phone call. Yeah, she's great again and well I suck now. WHATEVER! Live and learn.

So, my answer is: I think you can only be friends if things ended on good terms and there was a pre-existing friendship.

 

[MouseJunkie]

Another reason, is they want to keep you as back up in case their new love interest doesn't work out.