Why can't parents just admit it? - All kids aren't academically gifted!!!

[gina2000]

Intelligence will only get you so far in this world -

I disagree with this. Intelligence can get you VERY far in this world if utilized properly and developed fully. Optimum utilization and development should be the goal for any skill/capability a child or adult may possess. We all have talents and it is up to parents and children to try to develop their talents to their fullest extent. This development makes for a fuller, more satisfying, and hopefully more successful life.

 

[MareQ]

I disagree with this. Intelligence can get you VERY far in this world if utilized properly and developed fully. Optimum utilization and development should be the goal for any skill/capability a child or adult may possess. We all have talents and it is up to parents and children to try to develop their talents to their fullest extent. This development makes for a fuller, more satisfying, and hopefully more successful life.

I didn't say you can't get far - I said intelligence will only get you so far - The smartest person in the world isn't going to be successful just because they're the smartest person in the world.

 

[Disney Doll]

Now my 4-legged kids on the other hand are extremely gifted!

Mine is too!!!!!!!

 

[princesspumpkin]

Funny, I often thought about starting a thread titled "Aren't there any average students out there?" It seemed like everyone's child is considered gifted. DD-9 is in the g/t program, and although she does well in school, she works very hard to achieve good grades. I don't really consider that to be gifted. I always thought that gifted children could achieve success in school without really trying too hard. I questioned the g/t teacher about whether she actually belongs in the program. She said "Well she did pass the test". I struggle with keeping her in the program, and am wiling to pull her out if she starts to seem overwhelmed. I want her to be able to experience as much "out of the box" learning as possible, but I'm not willing to stress her out just to have the "gifted" label. I feel that she is a bright child, but I'm not sure about gifted. And, I love her just the same

 

[arminnie]

Her kindness towards others is something I am very proud of.

Very important. Nice job.

 

[Disney Doll]

I think there are so many parents who think they have g/t kids because many parents see their children as an extension of themselves so "if my kid is g/t I must be a wonderful parent".

I agree with the poster who said intelligence will only get you so far. I have experienced personal examples of how far intelligence won't take you without other skills, such as common sense or emotional stability.

High school...I was in honors classes, not sure why because the classes were made up of #1-10 in the class, and me, who was like #40. Maybe they thought it would do me good to "stretch"??? Anyhow, #1 in the class, valedictorian and so on...tried to make my life a living hell...nasty comments about being "stupid" and so forth. I was holding my own amongst the smarties, so I was OK and not too easy to rattle. She goes on to graduate with honors, valedictorian of the class, 4 year full academic scholarship to a prestigious university in Washington DC. I go to nursing school. She spends a month at college, has a nervous breakdown, comes home & goes to an institution for a while, gets out, gets a job as a diner waitress, gets pregnant by a 65 year old man (mind you, we were about 19 at the time), has a fistfight with her mother on the front lawn and gets arrested, loses custody of her daughter to her parents. Fast forward to now...25 years later. She was just a patient of mine, having another breakdown, no job. A sad, sad life. And I wonder how much of it had to do with her having to remain "gifted". And here I am...the one she called "stupid" and I am doing pretty darn well for myself!

Nursing school...the valedictorian of the class flunked state boards. 'Nuff said!

Plus, if everyone is "gifted" then doesn't "gifted" become average?

 

[barkley]

i think it's interesting to see what happens to these kids when they graduate from/leave their 'gifted' programs. we've had kids that were in gifted programs transfer into the little private school my kids attend (no gifted program) and when they found they were actualy in the norm for that school academicly it could be a real blow to their egos. they had always been made to feel via their programs and parents that they were 'above' the bulk of their classmates and had a special standing. they also get frustrated when they can't guage their performance vs. someone elses (we don't do honor rolls, teachers are very discreet as far as grades go), and they can become very obsessed with wanting reassurance and 'kudos' that their academic performance is 'better, gifted, above and beyond'. it's very sad-i've seen kids in this situation start to adjust and go from being very self absorbed to much more well rounded, socialy happy kids-only to have their parents pull them out and put them back into their old 'gifted' programs because the parents could'nt handle not having the distinction of being the 'parent of a child in the gifted program'.

some of the kids in the gifted programs experience major crash and burns when they go on to college-they are accepted (rightfully so) into top notch academic programs, but soon find they are no longer the big fish in the small pond. they are one of many little fish all with the same aptitude, skills and 'gifts' in a pond where the achievements they previously were lauded for are the basic performance expectations.

a good friend has a son who is realy bright in MOST subjects. as a result the schools were always pushing to have him in the gifted programs-she went ahead with it because it was the only way their school district allowed kids to do ap or honors classes. but-she puposely has had him do activites/electives that she knew focused on his his weaker/less favored skills (he detests writing so she had him take journalism as an elective, when he went for his eagle scout standing his project was heavily focused on writing). she wanted him to both work on the skills she knew he'd (if given the choice) do just the bare minimum on and 'slide by', as well as experience what it was like to struggle with a subject while others around you excell with seemingly no problem/efforts. as a result the kid has developed an appreciation that different people have different strengths and weaknesses-and not to discount what a person has to offer based on their academic standing/performance in a given subject area.

 

[m&m's mom]

I also agree that life success is not based on intelligence.
I am amazed how much better I turned out than the top 5 in my graduating class.
It drives me nuts too about parents that brag about their kids g/t status. I have a perfectly normal 10 year old that makes A and B's - which I find astonishing since she was born 16 weeks early at 1 pound. I was pretty much told 100% that she would have LDs when she was born. I have purposely not told any of my DD's teachers about her prematurity because they would probably be like me and surprised a baby born that little would even have a shot at "normal".
Second DD seems pretty "normal" to me except a bit too social at school. She will be in 1st grade so a little too early to tell.

 

[ZachnElli]

Oh, I can admit it, my dh might have troubles with it though! DS 11 is so not gifted, far from it. DD 7 definitely has a chance to be a straight A student, but that doesn't mean gifted and of course the baby is still in genius status with mommy!

 

[missypie]

I have three kids. All three were "identified" as gifted between Kindergarten and second grade. I think the standards have gotten pretty lax - I bet that at least 20% of both of my younger kids' classes are "gifted."

Of the three, I think that only the oldest - DS15 - is truly "gifted." He just thinks differently than the rest of us. He has an incredible vocabulary. This summer he is reading the three books in Dante's "Divine Comedy" for fun. He also has Asperger's Syndrome and is very ADD. Thus, of the three, he gets the worst grades, because he is not "together" enough to get top grades in school. (Hey, if Einstein was in high school, he'd fail math if he didn't turn in his homework!)

The girls are bright and "good at school", but I don't perceive that they have truly original thoughts or exceptional creativity. (They're like their mom - figure out what the teacher wants, give it to him, and get an A.)

 

[WDWfan36]

Me too - because I KNOW my kid would win...

LOL

 

[wellesleyprincess]

I agree that a large part of the problem is that the gifted programs are aimed at bright children not at the truly gifted children.

I don't want to brag but here's my story about gifted programs. I was tested in 2nd grade and several times later, I always tested on the border of Highly Gifted and Exceptionally Gifted. (THere are different levels of giftedness just like there are different levels of learning disabilities. For more info on giftedness, I suggest you check out the website http://www.hoagiesgifted.com) I was then supposed to skip third grade. My parents refused as I had difficulty socializing with my same age peers. I hated the pullout program. I actually told the teacher it was no more challenging than normal class and was almost kicked out because I would finish the stuff too fast. Flash forward to sixth-grade, there was a group of 6 of us in a similar situation so the teachers decided to teach us a curriculum at our level (mostly from 9th to 10th grade books) and only send the kids that were in mildly gifted (ie the bright kids) to the pullout program. By the time the talent search programs came around in seventh grade, we all scored roughly around a 25 on the ACT (that would easily get you accepted to just about any state university in our area). I started doing college courses back in sixth grade and was a research assistant and second author on a published paper while I was in high school. Now the school, was a pain in my butt about anything we did to try and challenge me. I had trouble making same age friends until high school and college. The problem here is that pullout programs have become aimed at "bright kids" and the truly gifted don't get the benefits they need except when you get a few teachers that truly make an effort.

 

[Maleficent13]

When my school system began its gifted program many many moons ago, it chose 12 kids...12 out of approx. 1500 students across the district. That seems to be about the right percentage to me.

disclaimer: I am not an education expert, nor versed in the current definitions of gifted.

 

[alnickandme]

Probably will get some flames for this but along these lines- I cringe every time I see all those lists printed in our local paper - alll the kids that made the Honor Roll or High Honor Roll. These are not celebrations of children that worked their hardest - they are celebrations of children that worked their hardest and achieved near perfection... FANTASTIC for them - but what about all the kids that worked 10 times harder only to get half as far?? My child because of his learning disabilities will never make it on the honor roll but he works even harder than most other kids. He gets all the help we can give to him, he stays for the afterschool program for tutoring, goes to the summer school session every year - we sit every night and work on therapy work, homework - he tries his absolute best each and every day - but since we don't reward hard work by itself his name will never be on a list...

I definitely understand what you are saying - I feel the same way when I get our local paper and have to sift through four pages of high school athletic highlights, with the same kids (the "stars") picture in week after week. I wonder about all of the other kids practicing hard who dont get any recognition.

I made the honor roll once in a while and finding my name in the paper (listed after the four pages of athletic highlights) in some microscopic font was a nice ego boost for me. Those kids who struggle academically probably feel the same way about the honor roll that I did when I warmed the bench for most of the softball games after practicing just as hard as everyone else.

 

[Squirlz]

My parents had no delusions. They always introduced me as "the stupid one".

 

[sara74]

Squirlz - Ouch. That had to hurt. Now mine called me "s%*& for brains" I was a straight A student with no effort but a little flaky at times with the common sense stuff. Usually had to do with the fact that I had my head in a book all the time and so would let the toast burn, pasta boil over, etc.

My kids are too little for schoolwork yet really, but I can say that DD is not a gifted athlete! She's almost 4 1/2 and just started riding a trike! The pedal motion was just tough for her to catch on to. Meanwhile the little boy down the street (3 days younger than DD) rode his bike to our house last year with Dad walking along behind him, didn't need any help at all!

 

[aprilgail2]

I think what they term gifted today was just a normal kid years ago. Sure many of us read at well above grade level...we were just normal kids then though, not "gifted". They throw the "gifted" term around to much now, a kid that is just simply a smarter kid is called gifted and once they hit Jr high all of a sudden they are in for a shock that they were just smarter earlier than the other kids and are now just average!

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

Let me tell you, giftedness isn't the "golden ticket" a lot of parents seem to think it is. Gifted kids have different strengths and interests, can be learning disabled, may have social issues--on and on.

My DD11 tested into our highest level gifted program (they only test at 4th grade--up until that point, it's test scores, grades, and teacher recommendation). She loves it, and is much tougher on herself than we ever would be. She's a child who will always take the harder path, which we encourage. I don't want her to miss out on a great learning experience because she's hung up on honor roll or her GPA. My DS9, I suspect, is smarter than his older sister--but can have a real poor attitude and take the easiest way. We push him because he needs it.

I tell DD11 that her work ethic and positive attitude is going to get her farther in life than a few IQ points either way. Will she one day be valedictorian? I doubt it--someone else is likely to want it more. But she's likely to be a success at whatever she chooses to focus on, and that works for me.

 

[barkley]

we have one little girl at our school that if she was in one with a 'gifted' program would be referred in a heartbeat and held up as a 'shining example to aspire to'. that 'example' is regularly physicaly ill/has complete emotional meltdowns (in private) if she does'nt live up to her own self imposed standards. the parents struggle with trying to get their child to enjoy the process of learning vs. focusing on what grade she gets, what level she's at. is'nt open to trying anything she is'nt sure she will have 'instant' success at and as a result closes herself off to allot of real learning experiences.

they have a pretty good handle on it now and the school works with them on it ( counseling and some type of arrangement where work does'nt get a letter grade just an indication of it's acceptable) but they are realy worried when she'll move on to another school in 3 years (ours goes k-8th) and there will be the whole issue of gifted programs, honors classes and the big emphasis on grades for college admissions.

i would much rather be in the position of trying to motivate my child vs. trying to prevent an 11 year old from developing ulcers and anxiety attacks

 

[taximomfor4]

great story!

Maybe that mom just wanted to help her kid through a very ambitious undertaking like Moby Dick or something.

I can admit the truth about my kids' academics...my oldest is extremely intellectually gifted, but suffers from profound disorganization. My other 3 we don't know yet. Dont' think #2 is super-intelligent even though she taught herself to read at age 3. #3 is pretty smart, but it is math that he seems to "get" very easily. #4, who knows. She is just turned 4 and forgot how to get to the bathroom in time. So at the very least, her BLADDER is not intellectually gifted.

I, on the other hand, was a classic overachiever. Straight A's, ,but only a slightly above average IQ.