Why are you a single parent?

[jennasmommyinMS]

I'll try to keep this brief. I was barely 18 and very naive when I got pregnant with my oldest daughter--and still 18 when she was born. I was a single parent right from the start. My first husband was the father of my second daughter, but that marriage ended when she was 3 years old, due to many complicated reasons. My youngest daughter was the product of my last marriage, which was very abusive, and I've now been divorced from him for 10 years. Thankfully he has broken contact with us, even though he lives less than half a mile away. My daughter is 13 now, but she hasn't seen him since she was 6. He has two sons that are grown but still live with their mother, and we stay in contact so that my baby girl can still have a relationship with her brothers. They're good and decent young men, and they have an awesome mother--I call her my ex-wife-in-law!

I don't see myself ever marrying again--I've decided that since I'm an only child, I don't play well with others!

 

[MommyMeNDisney]

Well...I don't talk about it much. I was the one who thought I'd never get married. I fell in love and thought I was happy. I didn't realize at the time I had convinced myself of something that wasn't really love. Things were just ok. Then I got pregnant with little man and was terrified...I never wanted a child. But I'm a big believer that everything happens for a reason. For me there was no option other than keeping him. My ex didn't want him but was mostly respectful that I did. Once little man was here and all that stress and sleeplessness was upon us things changed fast. Ex ended up committing a crime against my infant son. I pressed charges, hired a lawyer, did all the right things. Ex was out on bail when he found us and committed another crime against our son. Please don't think I'm one of those women that let ex around my son again after something like that happens...it was not like that...he took my son from me in the parking lot of daycare. Anyway after that he went to jail for good and had his rights terminated. That was when little man was 7 months and we haven't seen him since.

While it was awful....I'm very thankful that I have little man and that now things are very final and it's just the two of us forever with no question or having to deal with anyone else. And that those things happened while little man was way too little to remember anything.

I'm so glad you and your little man are ok now! I'm glad you two don't have to deal with him anymore.

 

[Tiffylv]

.

 

[MommyMeNDisney]

Thank you. I'm very glad that if things were going to escalate to that point that it happened before little man was old enough to remember anything. I'm also thankful I don't have to deal with an ex and custody issues and all that stuff. The hard thing is that little man has no idea...when he asks I will of course be honest with him in an age appropriate manor....but he hasn't asked yet. He gets upset around Father's Day when his class makes Father's Day gifts and they have a dads breakfast but I come to dads breakfast and he normally makes the same gift for me. For now when he gets upset I just tell him all families are different and no one type is better than another that I love him so much that we don't need anyone else. He has never specifically asked about his dad...I think he may not even know he used to have one...but that day is probably coming very soon...I'm surprised it hasn't happened yet.

I feel for you in your situation as well. I am happy that you are separated because now you can heal and move on with your son. Those days are so tough...I remember that well...so much crying and sleepless nights. Delight in your son and know there are better days ahead.

Awe, I'm sure that has to be hard on him on Father's Day (rather leading up to it). However, you are helping him cope nicely.

Thank you. I cope by focusing on DS and how blessed we are to have each other. I savor every moment I have with him. I also dream a lot about a time when I no longer have to deal with the stress my ex causes on almost a daily basis.

 

[Arielsfanmom]

I am doing single parenting for the second time around now. My first husband passed away when my children was 6 and 3.(now 15 and 12) after a couple of years alone I thought I had found my prince and remarried. After my youngest daughter(4) was born he changed would not keep a job always spending money staying gone all hours of the day. I knew we had problems but we was trying to work on them with counseling (big waste of time and money) I took my kids on vacation with my parents when I came home my husband had moved out and emptied my bank account while I was gone. I am now happily divorced 18 months and counting. He never visits rarely calls, child support is a joke. The best part is when baby girl asks to go see her Daddy she is talking about my dad whom she has completely wrapped around her finger. The only time she asks about her biological father is when she sees a fire truck and she calls him by this first name not daddy

 

[BelleOfTheSouth]

I'm a single mom with no ex to deal with. He gave up his rights to her when she was 2 and she's now 6. He's never even seen her. It's gotten easier, but Sometimes harder, to be the only parent. I have an amazing support system, though, with family and friends. I'm so used to doing it by myself that I don't think I'd ever want to change things! She and I are super super close and I hope it always stays that way!

 

[MommyMeNDisney]

I am doing single parenting for the second time around now. My first husband passed away when my children was 6 and 3.(now 15 and 12) after a couple of years alone I thought I had found my prince and remarried. After my youngest daughter(4) was born he changed would not keep a job always spending money staying gone all hours of the day. I knew we had problems but we was trying to work on them with counseling (big waste of time and money) I took my kids on vacation with my parents when I came home my husband had moved out and emptied my bank account while I was gone. I am now happily divorced 18 months and counting. He never visits rarely calls, child support is a joke. The best part is when baby girl asks to go see her Daddy she is talking about my dad whom she has completely wrapped around her finger. The only time she asks about her biological father is when she sees a fire truck and she calls him by this first name not daddy

I'm so glad you and your children are in a good place now.

 

[hdrolfe]

I'm single mom by choice (used a donor) and am so grateful I don't have to deal with all the ex-drama. My son is 5 and mostly understands that we don't have a daddy in our family. He sometimes asks me to get him one, and to give him a brother and sister as well. We are very close, and I honestly think it's so much easier doing this on my own than with a partner. I am really looking forward to August, I've booked 5 weeks off work to spend with him and cannot wait to be "bored" together, and hopefully do some day trips around the area and just relax! I had a miscarriage two years before I got pregnant with my son, I was with a guy who was not the greatest but that experience made me realize how much I wanted to be a mom, and is why I pursued it on my own. I love being a mom, and if I was younger I would have had more I feel like now, he's 5, he'd be at least 6, I'm the big 40 (ugh) so it just doesn't seem likely! So instead, I'll spoil him, and we'll travel and go to Disney and do cruises and hopefully see the world.

 

[mom4praise]

I'm a happily divorced single mom. I got pregnant by my ex when I was 19 and was raised that it takes two to raise a family so we got married. I had my first DS when I was 20, my DD at 22, and my 2nd DS at 25. By the time I was 26 I knew my ex was a lying-cheating *****; but he had convinced me that I would never amount to anything on my own, nor would any court grant me my kids (yes I survived an emotionally abusive marriage). At age 29 I called the cops and had him removed from my house when he physically attacked me. A few years later I met a guy who I thought was Mr. Right. Neither of us wanted marriage again due to past history and I had our son when I was 33 (no this was not planned and I had a 1/2% chance). Turns out Mr. Right was not ready for full-time parenting and my best friend was still ready and willing to go out and party.

Seven years of being happily single has allowed me to enjoy raising my kids without the excess negative drama. My youngest DS does see his dad every-other weekend and he comes to all baseball games. We are civil - almost friendly around him. I love every moment I get with my kids, the good ones and the bad ones. My youngest is special needs - Asperger's and Sensory Processing - so it's not always sunshine and butterflies. But I wouldn't change a moment. I am blessed with a wonderful family and I have amazing friends who I enjoy kid-free time with. I am really excited to be taking just the youngest to Disney World in April 2016.

 

[terri33inne]

Another adoptive single Mom here (glad I'm not alone)... I always knew I had to be a Mom, and I always said if I wasn't married by 35 I would adopt. The weekend of my 35th bday I held my daughter for the first time. I love being a Mom, and while single parenting brings unanticipated challenges I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I love going to Disney b/c it's just 'us'... no schedule, no others to consider... just her & I.

 

[Kirk]

Widower here. That was June 5, 1996. Took my then 8 year old daughter to WDW for the first time a couple weeks later because we were in the area for another reason. Made that a "new tradition" along with snow skiing in the winter (advice from a psychologist). Both worked well for both me and DD. DD just turned 28 and we're headed back with her 3 kiddos. I'd advise the same in your situation, pick a new tradition - something fun and different. Worked wonders for me and DD!

 

[jamnmom]

I know that OP 'warned' that this may be a bummer subject; but I want to applaud all who have shared their stories. There's something to be said for opening your hearts and trusting others when you share your personal experiences. For me, I was married in '79 and had 3 kids (DS 35, DD 27, DD 25). We divorced in '95 due to his alcoholism and financial abuse. I got sooo tired of getting calls from different bars in town wanting the money that he owed (some more than $5,000) for his bar tab. When a bar refused to add it to his tab, he'd just move to the next one down the street. At the time, our kids were only 15, 7 and 5. Because of his behaviors, I was already single parenting for several years. None of our kids have maintained any kind of a relationship with him and he has never met any of our 4 (soon to be 6) grand kids. A few years later, I met a man through a mutual friend. We were very quickly pregnant and he wasn't happy about this. I'd been told that I could not have any more children, so this was a very BIG shock, to say the least. After telling him I was pg, I never saw him again. Our son was 3 yrs old when his father was KIA in Iraq in April, 2003. I have been very happily single for past 20 years. I don't count the time I was in that brief relationship because it was just too brief. My kids and I have wonderful relationships and I dearly adore all of my grand kids and can't wait to meet my 2 newest ones by the end of this year!!

For those of you who are very much struggling with your situations...please know that you have made the decisions you have made for the very best reasons -- your kids!! I want to wish you Peace, Comfort and Hope that things will get better and you will, someday, know days without pain and tears.

 

[MommyMeNDisney]

I know that OP 'warned' that this may be a bummer subject; but I want to applaud all who have shared their stories. There's something to be said for opening your hearts and trusting others when you share your personal experiences. For me, I was married in '79 and had 3 kids (DS 35, DD 27, DD 25). We divorced in '95 due to his alcoholism and financial abuse. I got sooo tired of getting calls from different bars in town wanting the money that he owed (some more than $5,000) for his bar tab. When a bar refused to add it to his tab, he'd just move to the next one down the street. At the time, our kids were only 15, 7 and 5. Because of his behaviors, I was already single parenting for several years. None of our kids have maintained any kind of a relationship with him and he has never met any of our 4 (soon to be 6) grand kids. A few years later, I met a man through a mutual friend. We were very quickly pregnant and he wasn't happy about this. I'd been told that I could not have any more children, so this was a very BIG shock, to say the least. After telling him I was pg, I never saw him again. Our son was 3 yrs old when his father was KIA in Iraq in April, 2003. I have been very happily single for past 20 years. I don't count the time I was in that brief relationship because it was just too brief. My kids and I have wonderful relationships and I dearly adore all of my grand kids and can't wait to meet my 2 newest ones by the end of this year!!

For those of you who are very much struggling with your situations...please know that you have made the decisions you have made for the very best reasons -- your kids!! I want to wish you Peace, Comfort and Hope that things will get better and you will, someday, know days without pain and tears.

Thank you for sharing your story, for the words of encouragement and congratulations on the new additions to your family coming soon. How exciting to have two of your daughters pregnant at the same time.

Welcome to the group.

 

[leshunlenese]

I was never married to my DS father but I was convinced we would be! He has never cared for my child past 7 months! No calls on his birthday or any holiday. Child support uh never paid in 3 years! How can some get away with that and others cannot. Anyway. I am much happier without him. my child does not even remember him. it kind of sucks because I wanted my child know his dad no matter our differences but he never made the effort. I would call and tell him to come to his school or his karate evaluations and he would say he would come and never show. I stopped begging. I figured if he wanted to be in his child's life he would make the effort but we haven't heard from him in two years. I don't understand how you can have more kids and take care of them and have nothing to do with another one. His lost because my son is amazing!!!

 

[LoverDisney]

My divorce was finalized last year after 16 years of marriage. I have two children ages 10 and 13. We went on our first Disney trip in 2012 after the separation and it was a well deserved trip. It gave me a chance to get away and refocus on the next stage of my life as a single parent. I didn't think this would ever happen but with God's guidance I continue to put one foot in front of the other.

It does get easier but I have days when I get tired of doing this alone. I don't have any family nearby which is difficult at times. The ex would never agree to me leaving with the kids to be near family so I make the best of it. I am grateful for what I have and I have two wonderful kids.

 

[nataliej_vk]

It's so encouraging to see so many different stories! I am a single mother to an 8 year old daughter. There is no ex I got pregnant with my baby girl after I was at a party and someone drugged my drink. I thought about adoption (I am adopted) but I almost lost my baby at 5 months and after that she was mine!!!! She asks me to get married but though I have dated i know what I want and need in a partner , thus far no one has fit the bill. Hard to find someone who is willing to be a father to another child or agrees on parenting style or likes Disney (I'm not asking for much ) also I recently took on custody of my 2 day old nephew (now 8 months) and that could develop into an adoption. We take little man to Disney for the first time this Dec!!!

 

[MommyMeNDisney]

It's so encouraging to see so many different stories! I am a single mother to an 8 year old daughter. There is no ex I got pregnant with my baby girl after I was at a party and someone drugged my drink. I thought about adoption (I am adopted) but I almost lost my baby at 5 months and after that she was mine!!!! She asks me to get married but though I have dated i know what I want and need in a partner , thus far no one has fit the bill. Hard to find someone who is willing to be a father to another child or agrees on parenting style or likes Disney (I'm not asking for much ) also I recently took on custody of my 2 day old nephew (now 8 months) and that could develop into an adoption. We take little man to Disney for the first time this Dec!!!

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so glad you made it through that. I'm sure you have an incredible bond with your DD.

Your upcoming vacation sounds great. The first of many with little man now included. Enjoy!

 

[DisneyClown]

It's so encouraging to see so many different stories! I am a single mother to an 8 year old daughter. There is no ex I got pregnant with my baby girl after I was at a party and someone drugged my drink. I thought about adoption (I am adopted) but I almost lost my baby at 5 months and after that she was mine!!!! She asks me to get married but though I have dated i know what I want and need in a partner , thus far no one has fit the bill. Hard to find someone who is willing to be a father to another child or agrees on parenting style or likes Disney (I'm not asking for much ) also I recently took on custody of my 2 day old nephew (now 8 months) and that could develop into an adoption. We take little man to Disney for the first time this Dec!!!

Well, I have an Uncle and 2 male cousins who all took on kids that weren't biologically theirs, so there are those guys out there! You will find him eventually, and if you don't, you're still ok!

 

[Dismom820]

Me and my child's father never dated...we were heading that way, I got pregnant not too long after meeting him and he kept pushing for an abortion...I'm all for having a choice in that matter, to each their own, but i couldn't do it...and I'm glad i didn't...my daughter is THE best thing that's happened to me! we tried dating, it just didn't work, he lives 2 hours away from me...so we decided not to work it out. He's seen her maybe 4 times since she was born, she's now 2. I don't push a relationship on them...she doesn't know him..he doesn't ask about her. anyways, why I'm a single parent??? its hard dating now, finding a man who is willing to take on the role of a father right away is hard...and i know i shouldn't be, but i'm rather picky when it comes to my man hahah but hey, i want what i want! hahah plus, the dating game is ridiculous! finding a decent man now is soooo hard! BUT i know some day my prince will come and all this time waiting for him will be worth it! In the mean time, I'm enjoying my time with my little one!

 

[jupers]

I thought I was relatively happily married for 15 years. This past Thanksgiving we came back from my brother's for the weekend and within an hour of unloading the car I was told "I'm done, im leaving." I was shocked...still am I guess...he sees the kids (11 and 7) every other weekend. We don't speak, only email, divorce court date is August 25. House is for sale, heading to Mom's to get solvent and maybe buy a little house for me and the kids. Don't know that we will ever be civil because he just quit, no attempt at counseling, he just walked.i agree house is a lot more peaceful but I wasn't unhappy so it's hard to see the good in this. I'm grateful because I have great supportive people and 2 good jobs. We are headed to WDW at the end of the month with mom...we are DVC members and I really hope to keep it in the divorce. We had a big trip to Disneyland planned for April for my 40th but I cancelled when he left and used the air credit for this trip. I'm hoping that this trip is good for the 3 of us.