Whose Wedding Is It, Anyway? Destination Weddings and Family

[robinb]

I was reading a thread in the Disney Weddings and Honeymoons board. Don't ask me why since I am already married, LOL! Actually, I read all "New Posts" at once from all boards and feel free to respond to all boards except the Teen and College boards. So, a thread about "Wedding Drama" caught my eye and I responded. I went back to read it some more and there were horrible stories about family kicking up a fuss over the couple's choice of Disney World for their wedding. Some family members have refused to go. Others have "disowned" the bride or groom. This is not the first I have read about such goings on.

First question: Is a wedding a family celebration? Or is a wedding a celebration of the bride and groom only?

Second question: Should the bride and groom change their plans to make their family happy? Specifically, should they forgo a Dream Disney Wedding because family members cannot afford or refuse to go?

 

[mickeyfan2]

First question: Is a wedding a family celebration? Or is a wedding a celebration of the bride and groom only?

It is the bride and grooms day, but the point of a wedding is to include others in that celebration. So to pick a location that they cannot afford to go could be seen in a negative manner by some.

Second question: Should the bride and groom change their plans to make their family happy? Specifically, should they forgo a Dream Disney Wedding because family members cannot afford or refuse to go?

Yes, to both questions, if it is close family members. Many brides and grooms do location weddings to reduce their own cost for the wedding and honeymoon, but adding costs for others. If I was in the same town and the bride and groom and was asked to go to another location that would cost me my vacation time an money, I would not go. I think that many brides put too much into the day and not enough into the future.


ETA: What happens to the guests who have airline tickets etc and the engagement is broken off. Is it fair to them?

 

[goodeats]

I am sort of a newlywed (married 16 months ago), and I firmly believe that the wedding day is just as much the parents' and grandparents' day as it is the bride and groom's day. If my (or his) parents disapproved of some important factor of the wedding day, I would have changed it. Now if Great Aunt Myrtle twice removed (or whatever) disapproved of something I wouldn't really care. So, yes the bride and groom should change their plans if it causes so much upheaval.

For what it's worth, DH and I wanted to elope and take the money and run so to speak. But my Mom told me how much it meant to them to see me get married that we changed our plans.

 

[Mom2be]

I'm not big on destination weddings because it cost a small fortune for everyone to go. I would have loved to see my cousin Jerry get married but they did so on a Cruise ship and I couldn't afford to go, not to mention take the time off from work. They did a reception when they got back and I'm sorry but I feel a little cheated. I want to see you get married - not hear about it afterwards. However it isn't my special day so of course I didn't say anything at all, and kept my mouth shut. My SIL also had a destination wedding that cost my DH (then my DBF) and I a small fortune to attend when we were both in college full time and hardly had any money.

~Amanda

 

[Skylarr29]

I believe weddings are to be celebrated with family but I also believe when it comes down to it , it is the bride and grooms decision. I think people expecting them to change their wedding plans is crazy and I would not budge. I think the wedidng is about the bride and the groom and too many times family gets in the way... like having a huge wedding... you get so stressed out about worrying about everyone and everything else you forget about why you are really there.... to show your love for one another. I say invite who you want and if they dont come tough for them. I dont understand why people discredit disney so much when it comes to weddings there. What is wrong with getting married at Disney??? I can think of crazier things... like gettiing married by Elvis but that is perfectly acceptable.


Oh and the part about family members disowning someone because they are getting married at disney is completely ridiculus!!!!



A little off topic I have heard about alot of Catholics having problems with family because Disney is non demoninational in their weddings and that its not a church so it is not counted as a wedding to catholics ( or something like that... not catholic so i am not 100% sure on all that reasoning)

 

[sleepyone]

I am sort of a newlywed (married 16 months ago), and I firmly believe that the wedding day is just as much the parents' and grandparents' day as it is the bride and groom's day. If my (or his) parents disapproved of some important factor of the wedding day, I would have changed it. Now if Great Aunt Myrtle twice removed (or whatever) disapproved of something I wouldn't really care. So, yes the bride and groom should change their plans if it causes so much upheaval.

For what it's worth, DH and I wanted to elope and take the money and run so to speak. But my Mom told me how much it meant to them to see me get married that we changed our plans.

Me too! I would have just liked something simple in front of a justice of the peace or something. Instead our parents and dh wanted a big wedding. I went along with it since I was the minority. Mom, had a great photographer and told me years down the road, I'd be glad I had a big wedding and would look at the pictures and be glad. I got married in 1993 and still hate my stupid dress, the church, the preachers....vows, all the crowd, dealing with all the drama a wedding entails, etc. I don't have a single picture of our wedding on dispay to this day. The only thing I liked was the cake and I only took one bite of it before we took off because everything was going so fast and making my head spin...LOL. I definately would rather have spent the money on our new home, furniture, or something, than waste it the way it was on one single evening.

Now, the pictures from Maui, I really do appreciate those!

Edited to add: For all the new brides, do what will please you and your soon-to-be husband. Don't worry about what everyone else wants. Just expect that people may not show and if it doesn't bother you, do it! I sure was one unhappy bride on my wedding day...LOL.

 

[mickeyfan2]

IA little off topic I have heard about alot of Catholics having problems with family because Disney is non demoninational in their weddings and that its not a church so it is not counted as a wedding to catholics ( or something liek that... not catholic so i am not 100% sure on all that reasoning)

The Catholic Priest will not perform a ceremony at Disney. If you want to get married there you go to Mary Queen of the Universe Church just off of Disney property.

 

[RC Fan]

I think a wedding is a celebration for the bride and groom. I don't get this feeling of entitlement that other people seem to have. Unless you are the one getting married, or the one paying for the wedding, you aren't entitled to anything.

If it is your dream to get married at Disney, I think you should do it, provided you are financially able to do so. I would think people planning destination weddings have already assumed that some or most people won't be able to go.

 

[palmtreegirl]

I think the bride and groom should do what makes them happy since it's their wedding.

 

[Beth76]

I think the Bride and Groom should absolutely not change their plans for anyone. It is THEIR day, no one else's. I changed my plans and I've regretted it ever since. After six years I still harbor very negative feelings about it. I paid well over $1000 for my stupid wedding pictures and I never look at them. It actually makes me sick to look at them. I hated my dress, I hated the fuss, I hated everything about that day.

 

[rigs32]

In our ever increasingly mobile society, how many people actually meet and marry someone from the same area, even the same state?

DH is from MN and I am from NY. There was no way that no one would be able to travel, that's just how it is.

Friends of ours wanted to do a FL wedding (non-Disney) and the grooms parents refused to travel, so they dropped 5x as much money to get married here and the groom's parents still didn't show up to the rehersal or rehersal dinner and only got to the wedding site 30 min before it started. And, yes, they like the bride.

 

[pearlieq]

The wedding is the bride and groom's and should be celebrated as they see fit. If this includes as destination wedding, so be it.

The caveat here is that the bride and groom need to be prepared for the reaction. The family might not "approve" of the destination wedding. They may choose not to go. They are not obligated to send a gift if they do not attend. Mom and Dad may not choose to pay for a destination wedding.

If the bride & groom can live with this, they can have a very happy wedding. I think the trouble starts when they want it both ways...

 

[jennyl772003]

I guess I had what you would call a destination wedding. I got married on a cruise. I KNEW not every one was going to be able to come. To compensate for that, I had an informal picnic after we got back.

if people had a problem with how I did it, it is too bad for them. I loved my wedding and I would do it again in a heartbeat. It was perfect for me and DH.

We did not go into debt for it, it was paid for entirely before we even went. I did not have to do a lot of planning. I am a procrastinator and I would have HATED planning a more traditional wedding.

I had 10 days of wedding, most people have a couple of stressful hours that they don't even have the time to appreciate.

 

[suzannen]

I think it should be up to the bride and groom (and their respective parents IF they are the ones paying). If all of them are happy with a destination wedding, that's all that matters in my book.

Most couples I know who had destination weddings were extremely thrilled with the experience - beautiful locale, smaller and more intimate ceremonies, surrounded by those closest to them. If I'm invited to one and can afford to go, great. If I can't, I'll still send my love and best wishes for THEIR happy future.

 

[diznygirl]

I feel that a wedding is a family celebration. It's the bride and groom's day, but what fun is it if you can't celebrate with someone?

When my DD was born, my DH and I immediately thought about her wedding - how he will get to walk her down the aisle and I will be up front crying....she's only 2 1/2! And I already know what song I want to dance to at my DS's wedding - he's 6. I can't imagine that I may not get to share these moments with them because they end up feeling I have no "right" because it's THEIR wedding, not mine.

My DH and I will go wherever our children have their weddings, but if we can't for whatever reason (illness, finances) I really hope our children care enough to share their wedding day with us to plan accordingly.

 

[skiwee1]

I think it is up to the bride and groom BUT they shouldn't be upset if anyone, including close friends and family, don't want to attend. There are many out there that feel that it would be a total waste of money to go to a destination wedding and I can't blame them.

 

[luvmydogs]

The wedding is the bride and groom's and should be celebrated as they see fit. If this includes as destination wedding, so be it.

The caveat here is that the bride and groom need to be prepared for the reaction. The family might not "approve" of the destination wedding. They may choose not to go. They are not obligated to send a gift if they do not attend. Mom and Dad may not choose to pay for a destination wedding.

If the bride & groom can live with this, they can have a very happy wedding. I think the trouble starts when they want it both ways...

What pearliq said.

Have the kind of wedding wherever you may want--but don't get all snarky when people can't/won't join you.

 

[scrump]

It's the bride and groom's day. If they want to make it a family celebration, it is their decision to do so. They shouldn't have to change their plans for anybody, unless they want to.

We had a small ceremony and private dinner. We had some pressure to have a big wedding, and to include a wider circle of people (DH is from a HUGE family). I am also not the type of person who wanted a big wedding, and to have all that attention on me. So for anybody who says that the wedding is meant for the entire family, that is simply not true. It is for the bride and groom to plan as they want to celebrate it. Big inclusive weddings for those who opt for it, small private affairs for others. The choice should be out there, without judgment.

 

[ead79]

I might be just a tiny bit biased about this topic. LOL

I believe that the wedding is ultimately about the bride and groom. It’s a personal choice whether they want a celebration with just the two of them or a celebration with family and friends. It’s the couple’s choice either way.

While a Disney wedding probably wouldn’t have been my parents’ first choice, they were wholly supportive of the decision. We received similar responses from the vast majority of our family and friends.

However, we knew there would be people who wouldn’t/couldn’t travel to our wedding. We realized that by choosing a Disney wedding we would likely have fewer guests than if we had been married in our hometown.

As others have mentioned, it’s important for the couple to understand if not everyone can make it. It’s just a fact when having a destination wedding.

That being said, I think it is absolutely ridiculous for family members to “boycott” a wedding (provided of course that they have the financial means to go) simply because they don’t like where it is being held.

In my own personal experience, it worked out wonderfully. We were surrounded by family and close friends who really meant something to us. One plus that is sometimes overlooked is that you don’t have to invite coworkers that you don’t know or very extended family or not close acquaintances to a destination wedding like you might feel obligated to at home.

 

[malibuconlee]

I read all new posts as well, so don't just stick to one board either.

DH and I had a wedding away. We went to Las Vegas. We'd been together 4 1/2 years and engaged for 2 1/2. My father was deceased and my mother couldn't afford to pay for a wedding. We couldn't really afford a large one either. We just didn't make that much money.

I'm still not really sure how we chose Vegas exactly, but it was a great solution for us. We got married and had a honeymoon. Then we came home and had a reception. My mom paid for the cake and we asked his parents to pay for some deli trays. I think it turned out well and everyone who wanted to was able to celebrate with us, just not on that day. It was a great party with a DJ and lots of friends and family.

If someone had offered to pay would we have had the big wedding at home? Maybe. But we're really happy with the way things went.

Let the bride and groom decide what's best for them. My best friend from high school just got married earlier this year. She ended up on Zanax from the stress (added in she had three relatives die within a month of her wedding.) That just doesn't sound like fun to me.

The only other people that should have any say would be whoever is paying, but it's no reason to disown family.