Who witnessed your birth? And your children?

[turkeymama]

Our little girl is due in November. My wife and I have mutually agreed that I will be the only one witnessing the birth.

I would be very hurt if she chose to have her mother or sister in there instead of me.

Also, they are both kind of 'high drama', so having them in the room is not the best idea.

My husband would agree with you. I can't imagine leaving him out and allowing him to miss two really amazing moments in our lives.

He wouldn't be able to do anything for you?? If he's your husband or even the father of your child, he should want to be there whether or not he feels he can "do" anything for you or not. He can hold your hand, talk to you or even sit in the corner and be quiet. If the only person who can "calm you down and help" is your mother, what are you going to do once your married?

I agree that everyone has different feelings about who should witness a labor and delivery, but I kept thinking the same thing.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

When I was born my father was in the room. When I came out and started crying, he swore I said Dada!!!!

For DD 1 & 2 - I'd only allow my DH in there with me (along with the Dr and nurse of course). I didn't need anyone else in there creating drama, or looking in places where they don't need to be looking!!!!!!

 

[decaff38]

For me just Mom and unknown dr and nurse.

For my first 2 just the Dr and Nurse for one and Dad Dr. and Nurse for the other.

The third was another story. I was on the North Slope of Alaska and the first white women to give birth there in 10 years. It was Dr. and Nurse for me, Dad, two nurses for the baby, 2 lab techs and an orderly. It was rather crowded but it only took 15 minutes total. It was actually kind of fun. Everyone cheered. By the time the 3rd or 4th get there an Army could march through and I would wave and smile. All done with that stuff now.

 

[ckay87]

totally agree! It's not a Broadway show for pete's sakes, and there will be no beverages served! I was really not up to entertaining during labor and only my then DH was there.

Really, to expand on that....for me I didn't even want to have to entertain DH!! I mean, it was such a long and boring process, I kept telling him to just go and do something else, so I could watch tv and pass the time without having to make chit chat. I know...cold.

I don't know any of the people who were there for my birth in '69...not even the woman I exited. She gave me to my real family immediately after. She's a good woman, I just don't know her.

 

[alexandria674]

He wouldn't be able to do anything for you?? If he's your husband or even the father of your child, he should want to be there whether or not he feels he can "do" anything for you or not. He can hold your hand, talk to you or even sit in the corner and be quiet. If the only person who can "calm you down and help" is your mother, what are you going to do once your married?

I don't see how him not being there hinders his role as a father. He will be fine getting ice chips and whatever, but when the chips are down and the baby is coming out, I just would feel more comfortable with my mother there. Every person should have a choice in whether or not they want to be in that room, and this is ours.

As for the questions of my future marriage, we both made this decision about my mother being the one there. This wasn't a decision I made alone,there are other reasons why I chose my mother to be the only one there. Once again, the decision may change at a later time but as for right now I only want my mother there.

 

[Laura]

I don't see how him not being there hinders his role as a father. He will be fine getting ice chips and whatever, but when the chips are down and the baby is coming out, I just would feel more comfortable with my mother there. Every person should have a choice in whether or not they want to be in that room, and this is ours.

I think the poster was asking about other issues in your marriage, if your DH can't soothe you and make you feel better when you're sick/lose a job/whatever, are you going to go see your mom instead? I think it's great you have such a wonderful relationship with your mother (I lost mine 15 years ago) but honestly the "baby-is-coming-out" part is what a dad usually wants to be there for. The umpteen hours leading up to that, not so much. Lots of women have their moms there, I don't think it's odd. But it is a bit strange that you would kick the baby's dad out just before the good part and have only your mother there. Just because he can't soothe you doesn't mean he doesn't have the right to be there. Of course, there's time to decide; like you say, you're not even married yet. But if he really wants to be there, I wouldn't keep him out.

I'm pretty confident my father wasn't there for my birth; it was back when the dads weren't allowed in, and no I don't think it hinders his role as a father. It was a different way of thinking. Certainly most adoptive parents don't witness the births of their children and I don't think it hurts their roles as parents. But, my DH wouldn't have missed our daughter's birth for anything; it was a wonderful and momentous occasion for both of us and we're both glad he was there to witness it.

 

[sbell111]

I don't see how him not being there hinders his role as a father. He will be fine getting ice chips and whatever, but when the chips are down and the baby is coming out, I just would feel more comfortable with my mother there. Every person should have a choice in whether or not they want to be in that room, and this is ours.

As for the questions of my future marriage, we both made this decision about my mother being the one there. This wasn't a decision I made alone,there are other reasons why I chose my mother to be the only one there. Once again, the decision may change at a later time but as for right now I only want my mother there.

This is all hypothetical, since you are not currently pregnant.

When the time comes, both you and your husband may feel differently. I know that I want to be there in November when our little girl is born. If you had asked me a few years ago when it was all just theory, I don't think that it would be important to me, at all.

 

[alexandria674]

I think the poster was asking about other issues in your marriage, if your DH can't soothe you and make you feel better when you're sick/lose a job/whatever, are you going to go see your mom instead? I think it's great you have such a wonderful relationship with your mother (I lost mine 15 years ago) but honestly the "baby-is-coming-out" part is what a dad usually wants to be there for. The umpteen hours leading up to that, not so much. Lots of women have their moms there, I don't think it's odd. But it is a bit strange that you would kick the baby's dad out just before the good part and have only your mother there. Just because he can't soothe you doesn't mean he doesn't have the right to be there. Of course, there's time to decide; like you say, you're not even married yet. But if he really wants to be there, I wouldn't keep him out.

I'm pretty confident my father wasn't there for my birth; it was back when the dads weren't allowed in, and no I don't think it hinders his role as a father. It was a different way of thinking. Certainly most adoptive parents don't witness the births of their children and I don't think it hurts their roles as parents. But, my DH wouldn't have missed our daughter's birth for anything; it was a wonderful and momentous occasion for both of us and we're both glad he was there to witness it.

There are some parts I agree with on this. I know he can soothe me during the times I lost a job, etc (believe me, there were times he had to pick me up off the ground) but in this situation, the person I would need the most is my mom. He and I stick together in a lot of things, but this situation, she is the person who can help out the most. He can be there if he wants, I wouldn't push him out, but all I know is that I want my mom there. Of course, this is my hypothetical pregnancy but if I do get the real thing, then we'll see.

 

[Laura]

There are some parts I agree with on this. I know he can soothe me during the times I lost a job, etc (believe me, there were times he had to pick me up off the ground) its just that I am terrified of the labor for many other reasons and at the moment all I can think about is having my mom there to help me out. He can be there if he wants, I wouldn't push him out, but all I know is that I want my mom there. Of course, this is my hypothetical pregnancy but if I do get the real thing, then we'll see.

When I was pregnant, I certainly felt comforted by the idea that my OB would be there when I gave birth, but unfortunately that didn't work out and another OB in the practice took her place (a man). I really wanted a woman in there with me who had already given birth before and could help me through it. My L&D nurse fit the bill; so, I can see how your mom could reassure you in a way that your DH could never be able to.

I know birth is a long way off for you, but don't be afraid. It's only pain, and it's only temporary. Heck, I slept through a good bit of my labor (not the pushing part) thanks to my epidural.

 

[legalsea]

Odd that you ask that question.

When I was born the then President of the United States, Dwight Eisenhower, was in the room, along with Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas, the Roman Catholic Pope at the time (I forget his name), Joe DiMaggio, Marlon Brando and a young Mother Teresa.

You see, my father had been telling everyone that a ‘miracle’ child was going to be born.

When I finally arrived surrounded by trailing clouds of glory, President Eisenhower and Justice Douglas simply snorted in unison and left the room. Joe DiMaggio punched Brando in the gut and then walked out; the Pope told my father that I could never belong to his church (“Try the Protestants” he said) and then he left (he forgot his hat and had to come back in for it), and then Brando and Mother Teresa went off together.

I know all this is true because my parents never, ever referred to the matter in my presence.