Who is being rude

[mjkacmom]

It doesn’t sound like this was a social visit at all, more of an errand. She came to grab some dresses and needed to make some phone calls. If this was a new friendship it might be weird, but I have several 40+ year friendships and this wouldn’t have bothered me. I think the OP has mentioned their friend’s trip before, so it seems to be a big deal to her.

 

[kymom99]

It sounds like she’s doing a lot of things last minute.

 

[focusondisney]

I don’t get everyone excusing the friend. She asked to come get a dress. She then proceeded to make several personal phone calls first. The OP was in her own home. She chose to turn on her TV. In her own home. She did not agree for the friend to use her home as space to carry out her personal business. I’m not sitting uncomfortable in my own home while someone else carry’s out personal business without even discussing if she can first. I don’t ask any outsider for permission to do anything in my own home.

If the friend had to make those calls at that particular time, she should have told OP she couldn’t come right then, have to go make these important calls. Can I come by later etc.

Going to someone else’s home & complaining to your host about what she’s doing while you ignore her is rude. No pass for how long your friendship has been. IMO.

 

[VandVsmama]

Next time, don’t let her borrow your dresses.
Next time when she’s over there and is on the phone and demands that you turn down the TV, tell her, “Well, this IS my home, you know. You’re welcome to make your phone calls elsewhere if you want.”

Stop being a door mat.

 

[Dznypal]

I would have been fine if she would have came over later for the dress or even if she would have said I have to make some phone calls so Im just going to pick up the dresses and Ill have to take off

that also would have been fine--

but to come over spend also half an hr on the phone--get ticked at me for turning on the tv in my own house which was not the first time shes done that-

and I know if I would say anything it would go right over her head cause she never hears me when I talk to her
it was funny cause one time we were all going to the casino to play bingo--we drove so they were in the back I was telling story and I knew she wasnt listening so I just stopped talking and took my hand and waved it ovr my head as if to say well that went over her head--well both the guys started laughing well that got her attention and goes whats so funny I said well if you were listening you would have known Im just she didnt get that either
the more I think of this the more worked up I get--this whole trip of hers is just so bazaar--but she thinks its great--or wait thats her pastor that keeps calling it a trip of a lifetime so when she heard she had to sign up and didnt really know what she was getting into

thanks for letting me vent--just wonder what the next bazaar thing will be--actually I wouldnt want to even tell people how you have to bring your own toliet paper and zip lock bags for used toliet paper but you ask her what there going to be doing and she doenst know or she tells me one thing and changes as time goes by

 

[TippyThomas]

This doesn't sound very friendly at all.

 

[evilmommie]

Ohhhhhh...I have a "friend" that started treating me like that. I let it go on and on, until I had planned a girls trip to DLand and she brought her laptop and phone into the parks. She was on them the whole time...incredibly rude to myself and our other 2 friends. She made my husband/me pick her up in the AM (he was dropping us all off) vs meeting at our house like the rest of the girls, as she had been up late working the evening before and was running late. I could go on and on about how this day from hell went down at the happiest place on Earth. Needless to say, this friend is no longer in my life. She lost 3 good friends that day due to her selfish behavior.

Yes, your friend was rude.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I don’t get everyone excusing the friend. She asked to come get a dress. She then proceeded to make several personal phone calls first. The OP was in her own home. She chose to turn on her TV. In her own home. She did not agree for the friend to use her home as space to carry out her personal business. I’m not sitting uncomfortable in my own home while someone else carry’s out personal business without even discussing if she can first. I don’t ask any outsider for permission to do anything in my own home.

If the friend had to make those calls at that particular time, she should have told OP she couldn’t come right then, have to go make these important calls. Can I come by later etc.

Going to someone else’s home & complaining to your host about what she’s doing while you ignore her is rude. No pass for how long your friendship has been. IMO.

I don't think she was complaining though, she just asked her to turn the tv down, complaining to me would be like making multiple comments about the tv volume, saying why did you turn on the tv to begin with, yadda yadda yadda. Asking to turn down the volume IMO doesn't equate to complaining. The OP mentioned to the friend to come over after Bingo. Might have been different had the friend asked to come over first.

From my memory this friendship the OP has isn't perfect on either end. I've got a friend I've been friends with for almost 30 years at this point. I'm well aware of our dynamic and I would assume the OP is well aware of her friendship's dynamic as well. Not every time I spend time with my friends are the same. Sometimes we chat for hours and other times we have things going on. And after 50 years (speaking about the OP) I'm sure the OP does things that the friend has issues with as well. At some point though you have to look at whether you're really that good of friends at it stands these days.

My home is my home but when I have someone over I also act as a host regardless of the relationship. I wouldn't view the tv as permission from my guest but I wouldn't have turned it on in the first place. If I did however I would ensure the volume is very low. But to be fair I do that even for my husband. When he gets a phone call from his family while he's sitting on the couch I either mute the tv, pause the show or turn down the volume very low as I'm cognizant of that phone conversation. This would be the same thing I would do even if I was miffed at a person coming over and getting on the phone.

 

[mjkacmom]

I don’t see anything bizarre in her behavior, except maybe she’s stressed before traveling.

 

[Wendy31]

I think, because you think your friend’s trip is bizarre, everything she does regarding the trip is bothering you differently than it would if whatever she was doing had nothing to do w/ her trip.

From what I gather from your posts & comments about your friend & her “bizarre” trip, she’s like the girl w/ crackers w/ you - anything she does relative to this trip is going to bug you.

Y’all have been friends for 50 years, & I’m sure, over a span of 50 years, you both have grown quite comfortable w/ each other & probably share a lot w/ each other which is nice & how a 50 year friendship should be.

As friends do, she came over to borrow some dresses, &, while at your house, needed to make some phone calls regarding immunizations for her upcoming trip (I assume that‘s what you mean by shots).

Would you be irritated w/ her if the calls weren’t related to the trip?

Was this the only time she could make these calls? I’m assuming she has to get her immunizations scheduled by a certain time. Have there been other times when either of you have had to either make calls or take calls while w/ each other? Are you comfortable enough w/ each other to do life stuff w/ each other - like going on necessary errands and/or making important calls w/ each other?

Going to your house to get the dresses was apparently after bingo, right? Was she pressed for time? While you were thinking she was going to visit w/ you while she got the dresses, maybe she was thinking differently, & y’all just got your signals crossed? Had either of you mentioned anything about visiting w/ each other while she got the dresses? Have you considered that she was maybe just running by after bingo to get the dresses, & the calls just ended up happening at the same time?

W/ just the facts as you’ve related them, expecting you not to occupy yourself in your own home w/ something like watching TV while she was making calls was inconsiderate.

But we’re just getting your side of things.

Did you turn on the TV to occupy your time while she was making calls or because you were irritated w/ her & upset that she was using her time w/ you in your house to conduct personal business related to her upcoming trip - the trip which you think is bizarre & seems to bother you?

WAS the TV loud? Did you have the volume up to a level which would drown out her talking on the phone?

Did she maybe just ask you to turn it down because she was having a hard time hearing her phone conversations?

If she expected you not to watch TV to occupy yourself while she made her calls, that’s maybe inconsiderate. However, if she was just asking you to turn it down so she could hear her phone conversations, I don’t think that’s necessarily rude. Everyone’s comfort level w/ TV volume is different - some people can carry on while the TV noise is in the background while some people need the TV to be quieter.

Presumably, in a 50 year friendship, one friend could say to to another friend, “Hey! Do you mind turning the TV down a bit? I can’t hear what they’re saying on the phone,” without the friend getting upset.

 

[ronandannette]

...the more I think of this the more worked up I get--this whole trip of hers is just so bazaar--but she thinks its great--or wait thats her pastor that keeps calling it a trip of a lifetime so when she heard she had to sign up and didnt really know what she was getting into

thanks for letting me vent--just wonder what the next bazaar thing will be--actually I wouldnt want to even tell people how you have to bring your own toliet paper and zip lock bags for used toliet paper but you ask her what there going to be doing and she doenst know or she tells me one thing and changes as time goes by

Just curious - why is her upcoming trip such a trigger for you? If you're not being compelled to go yourself or having to contribute anything (beyond the dress you apparently agreed to lend), what difference does any of it make to you?

 

[White Cat]

I’m sure some of you remember my posts about my friend who’s flipping out cause she’s going to Tanzania. Just wondering whose being the rude one. She had asked me if she could borrow a dress for a wedding. That’s fine with me. So I said why don’t you come over after bingo and you can pick one out. So we get to my house and the first thing she does is gets on her phone to start calling around to get all these shots she needs. Started with one and ended with 3. When she was into the second one I went in the living room and turned on tv. She actually said can you turn that down. And it wasn’t even that loud. Was I just supposed to sit there and wait till she’s done. For one she should have made the calls at her house. Also this is the second time she’s done this with calls and the tv. Finally she gets done. She takes 3 dressses and says I have to go now. If she was in that big of a rush she should have just took the dresses and left. We didn’t get to visit at all. So was she rude for making these calls from my house and the leaving right away or was I the rude one for turning on tv so I could something while she’s on the phone. Just curious

To me it’s just strange she asked to borrow some of your clothing. Never heard of that.

 

[mjkacmom]

To me it’s just strange she asked to borrow some of your clothing. Never heard of that.

Girls/women borrow clothes from each other all of the time, especially for dressy occasions. In HS one of my daughters used to share clothing with friends (they shared the cost). My 3 adult daughters wear the same size so it’s a free for all when they are all home, shoes too.

 

[ronandannette]

To me it’s just strange she asked to borrow some of your clothing. Never heard of that.

It's a lady thing - transcending region.

 

[Dznypal]

around here too we borrow clothes--actually I borrowed a dress from her for my nephews wedding last year
so I thought nothing of her asking me this

she also borrowed a dress from me last year for a wedding

 

[Dznypal]

with her and this trip its just the way she does and says about it--were going on a cruise to the british isles in sept and while were excited to go Im not dancing in the streets over it

you ask her something about it and either she doesnt know or she tells you one thing and a few weeks later its something else

all she says about it too is the strange things like the TP or zip lock bags or insets nets for sleeping

 

[sam_gordon]

with her and this trip its just the way she does and says about it--were going on a cruise to the british isles in sept and while were excited to go Im not dancing in the streets over it

you ask her something about it and either she doesnt know or she tells you one thing and a few weeks later its something else

all she says about it too is the strange things like the TP or zip lock bags or insets nets for sleeping

Regarding the bolded, that's because they're going somewhere that IS so different than what she's used to. And just making sure, you know she's talking about INSECT nets, right? I know it could be a typo or someone not hearing correctly.

 

[Dznypal]

Sorry about the confusion but yes it’s for bugs. She just told me that another group had gone over band for some reason didn’t know they needed a yellow fever shot so they had to get it at the airport. Would you believe according to my friend used shared needles. When I asked her about it she said since there such a poor country thsts what they do. Now there sharing needles. Thats not healthy or sanitary

 

[Southernmiss]

I would have just gone outside while she was on the phone

 

[8ginhay]

I’m 58 and some of my friends are starting to get on my nerves. Seem to be less patient, want to complain all the time, etc. I find I have to mentally prepare myself before I get together with some of them. So I know where you are coming from. Life sometimes changes people.