Who is being rude

[Dznypal]

I’m sure some of you remember my posts about my friend who’s flipping out cause she’s going to Tanzania. Just wondering whose being the rude one. She had asked me if she could borrow a dress for a wedding. That’s fine with me. So I said why don’t you come over after bingo and you can pick one out. So we get to my house and the first thing she does is gets on her phone to start calling around to get all these shots she needs. Started with one and ended with 3. When she was into the second one I went in the living room and turned on tv. She actually said can you turn that down. And it wasn’t even that loud. Was I just supposed to sit there and wait till she’s done. For one she should have made the calls at her house. Also this is the second time she’s done this with calls and the tv. Finally she gets done. She takes 3 dressses and says I have to go now. If she was in that big of a rush she should have just took the dresses and left. We didn’t get to visit at all. So was she rude for making these calls from my house and the leaving right away or was I the rude one for turning on tv so I could something while she’s on the phone. Just curious

 

[Skywalker]

I think you are incompatible as friends. Do you even like her?

 

[focusondisney]

She was. You’re doing her a favor & she acts like that? You’re much nicer than me. I might have said no, but you can take your call outside. Probably without the dress.

 

[Dznypal]

We’ve been friends for like 50 years. We used to have so much in common but it seems like we’ve drifted. We do like taking a Zumba class. And for the most part bingo. But even with that she can drive me nuts. I do feel bad for her though cause she lost her husband about 2 years so I do try and do some things with her. But the trip bit it’s getting hard to do.

 

[kymom99]

We’ve been friends for like 50 years. We used to have so much in common but it seems like we’ve drifted. We do like taking a Zumba class. And for the most part bingo. But even with that she can drive me nuts. I do feel bad for her though cause she lost her husband about 2 years so I do try and do some things with her. But the trip bit it’s getting hard to do.

I’m 58 and some of my friends are starting to get on my nerves. Seem to be less patient, want to complain all the time, etc. I find I have to mentally prepare myself before I get together with some of them. So I know where you are coming from. Life sometimes changes people.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

She was the rude one. You were kind enough to let her borrow one of your dresses and she treated you like you meant nothing at all. Obviously it’s all about her and honestly I can’t stand people like that.

 

[slo]

Technically…I think she was rude, but after 50 years of friendship (my best friend and I have been friends since we were 2 and we’re now 51) you’re kinda like sisters and sometimes sisters bicker and can be a little rude to each other. But, since you love each other you turn a blind eye sometimes, forgive and move on.

You definitely weren’t rude for turning on the TV - that’s for sure.

If it’s bugging you, bring it up to her and hopefully she can have an adult conversation about it and not get all butt hurt about it (I love that saying - LOL!)

 

[anniemae]

I think she is probably really stressed. I don't know the background as I have obviously missed the original post, but it seems she has a big trip coming up. She is stressed with what to wear, shots, packing and probably a hundred other things. Traveling out of country is a lot.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Technically…I think she was rude, but after 50 years of friendship (my best friend and I have been friends since we were 2 and we’re now 51) you’re kinda like sisters and sometimes sisters bicker and can be a little rude to each other. But, since you love each other you turn a blind eye sometimes, forgive and move on.

You definitely weren’t rude for turning on the TV - that’s for sure.

If it’s bugging you, bring it up to her and hopefully she can have an adult conversation about it and not get all butt hurt about it (I love that saying - LOL!)

I was going to say the same thing. Sounds like sisters to me.

 

[prairie_girl]

She probably has a ton of things she needs to focus on before her trip so, while you might have found her rude, I’d cut her a little slack.

 

[NannyBeBe]

In our house, we just step into another room if we need to make a phone call and need a quiet place. It seems to me that your friend could have done the same.

 

[GAN]

We’ve been friends for like 50 years. We used to have so much in common but it seems like we’ve drifted. We do like taking a Zumba class. And for the most part bingo. But even with that she can drive me nuts. I do feel bad for her though cause she lost her husband about 2 years so I do try and do some things with her. But the trip bit it’s getting hard to do.

I’m not suggesting you do this because we’re all different -but I would call her out on it and let her know how you feel. Usually honest communication is the answer, even if it’s difficult. If she doesn’t respond with any kind of understanding then I’d consider ending the relationship

 

[VandVsmama]

I’m sure some of you remember my posts about my friend who’s flipping out cause she’s going to Tanzania. Just wondering whose being the rude one. She had asked me if she could borrow a dress for a wedding. That’s fine with me. So I said why don’t you come over after bingo and you can pick one out. So we get to my house and the first thing she does is gets on her phone to start calling around to get all these shots she needs. Started with one and ended with 3. When she was into the second one I went in the living room and turned on tv. She actually said can you turn that down. And it wasn’t even that loud. Was I just supposed to sit there and wait till she’s done. For one she should have made the calls at her house. Also this is the second time she’s done this with calls and the tv. Finally she gets done. She takes 3 dressses and says I have to go now. If she was in that big of a rush she should have just took the dresses and left. We didn’t get to visit at all. So was she rude for making these calls from my house and the leaving right away or was I the rude one for turning on tv so I could something while she’s on the phone. Just curious

Why in the world are you friends with somebody like this?

 

[sam_gordon]

I think you need to have a conversation with your friend. Tell you feel hurt when, instead of talking to you when you're together, she'd rather spend time on the phone.

Then maybe you'll find out she had special circumstances that she HAD to make the calls then. Did the first call give her information that she had to make the 2nd & 3rd calls? Was it to people that could only be reached at a certain time?

Or, your 50 year friendship is falling apart and she doesn't respect you.

 

[Disneylover99]

I see both sides.

She asked if she could come over to borrow some dresses. She came over and made a few phone calls first. I can see how you would consider that to be rude.

Then you turned on the tv, while she was on the phone, and as you describe it, “it wasn’t even that loud.” Which to me sounds like it was loud, but not that loud. I know when I’m on the phone, I need quiet, so if I’m on the phone first and then someone turns on the tv in my family, I might ask them to turn it down. I can see why she might consider that rude.

Overall, it sounds like it was never a social visit. She just came over to get a dress and you feel kind of ignored because you didn’t get a chance to visit with her. Your expectations were different than hers.

In the end, you two have been friends for 50 years, so there are bound to be some annoyances from both sides from time to time.

 

[ronandannette]

Technically…I think she was rude, but after 50 years of friendship (my best friend and I have been friends since we were 2 and we’re now 51) you’re kinda like sisters and sometimes sisters bicker and can be a little rude to each other. But, since you love each other you turn a blind eye sometimes, forgive and move on.

You definitely weren’t rude for turning on the TV - that’s for sure.

If it’s bugging you, bring it up to her and hopefully she can have an adult conversation about it and not get all butt hurt about it (I love that saying - LOL!)

I love this! In any long-term relationship, I think the only "right" way to handle things is either to forgive, let go and resign yourself to whatever the troublesome behaviour is OR talk it through. We get comfortably complacent with each other and sometimes stop giving each other our best, or even taking advantage in ways we'd never do with people we're not as close to. Whether in marriage, with our family members or with long-abiding friendships like the OP's, sometimes an honest "come to Jesus" meeting is needed to keep things on the right path.

And by not choosing one of the above options and continuing to stew on it, one is just hurting themselves. @Dznypal - it may feel good to have us all tell you your friend is the villain, and yes, I'd say she was the rude one. But what good does that do for your relationship? Please consider either just chalking this up to her-being-her or talk to her about it.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I have some friends whom I would make it a several hour long event just to borrow something from them or for us to ask each other what we think of xyz as we catch up, chat, etc. But then there are people where it's a more stop in for a min and go. And sometimes it really depends on our moods and our discussion about how much time we've got.

While I understand her making phone calls annoyed you it might have been more that way because you assumed she was there to spend time with you and her attention clearly wasn't on that. Does that make her rude? Well I'm more leaning towards a misinterpretation of what you thought the time would go. I'm not siding with your friend though just thinking you thought this was a chit chat social call, she appears to have thought it was just a pick up some dresses and figured she could arrange some appointments for necessary vaccinations while her mind was on the trip.

That said I agree with another poster about incompatibility. After so many decades surely you're aware of each other's mannerisms and norms. Something tells me this isn't the first time you thought it was a social call and it turned out to not be.

FWIW While I can understand you turning on the tv to occupy your time while she was occupying her time on the phone if you thought it was supposed to be a social call it would have been slightly petty to just turn on the tv, like you were going for a tit for tat she's not giving you the attention so you might as well ignore her while she's doing her thing. I'll also agree it is possible that you might have had the volume up a tad or maybe it was just your normal volume but it may not have considered someone being on the phone.

Now if it were me I would have said "do you mind if I make a few phone calls before we get to the dresses?" and taken my phone calls elsewhere. But I wouldn't have expected you to turn on the tv either while I was taking those phone calls, at least to me most people try to occupy their time with something that can easily be stopped like they go through mail, spruce up the countertop or something like that.

 

[LuvOrlando]

You were being very nice to share your things.
Friend was being a bit ungrateful being anything but nice.

As for rudeness, I suppose both the phone and TV were bad form but her giving you lip to turn it down when her behavior was the catalyst while also being the recipient of a kindness, well I guess her move was the most wrong move, if that makes sense.

 

[sailorstitch]

NTA. Opps, I mean not the rude one.

 

[Dznypal]

Just another thought being on the phones these weren’t even to her regular dr. These were a travel vaccination place. She did a search to find out where these places were Also due to the nature of the calls I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing them someone’s house. Since it dealt with my medical history and insurance and they weren’t short calls either which is why I turned on the tv. Just wonder what the next bazaar thing will be.