Who disciplines? The mother or father?

[KAREN55555]

Okay here it is. My DH and I have had a major discussion on who should discipline our ds-4yrs. He had always done this until now. He says (and I can agree with him) that I don't like the way he disciplines our ds so he's told me that he doe'snt want to argur over it and is stepping down from the position. And now I'm in charge of discipline. First off we never argue about this in front of our ds. And the majority of the time I agree with my dh tactics. But then there's those few times that I don't agree. And of course must voice my opinion about it. Any feedback? Anyone?

 

[Gail T AGAIN]

It should be both parents when it comes to disiplining but in my household it was always the Mom, me, uno one. I still to this day and he is 20 the one to guide in through life (I know thhat is a scarey thought) but his dad has always bowed out trying to look like the good guy. Well kids not only need love and guidance they need to be punished, yelled at, told what the difference between right and wrong is, I have a great relationship with my son who has become a GREAT young man with mannars, respect and love for others, all cause of ME.


Ouch, my arm hurts, think i patted myself just a little to much but I told the truth and how it was.

 

[WilmaBud]

It depends on what is is you don't like about his disciplining methods. Have you been specific about things you would like him to do or not to do? If so, he should give your feelings some thought, and you both should discuss the situation. His bowing out of the discipline is just a cop-out, in my opinion (ie. "Well if you don't like the way I'm doing it, do it yourself!"). I hope you're not offended by my answer, but my husband has tried that approach with some situations, and it peeves me. It's passive-aggressive, and I don't accept it.

 

[amid chaos]

Me...he's never home.

 

[Lucky4me]

Are you talking about punishment or discipline?

Discipline to me means everything we do to teach my child right from wrong. Teaching her good manners, hygiene, nutrition, honesty, responsibility, how to treat others, etc. DH and I both do this equally and agree on what we teach.

Punishment is what we do after shes knowingly done something wrong.

DH and I have definite differences about punishment. He's much tougher and doesn't bend at all. I tend to look at her perspective before I meter out punishment. I think this is an age old problem between parents. The best thing to do is compromise. It is important that the child believes you are a united front rather than two people he can play against each other.

In my experience, it's a lot easier when they are 4 than it is when they are 14! The bigger the kid, the bigger the problem..

 

[JasonLyons]

the dad better make sure the kids listen to mom

 

[browneyes]

I'm with them more, so they get more discipline from me.

 

[Buckalew]

I giving thumbs up to Lucky4me. I agree with her post.

My DH is a lot tougher than me also & sometimes I cringe because I feel sorry for her but in the end, it works and she learns from it. I think differences in parenting is a struggle parents have always faced but you need to realize your DH is doing the best he can do (unless he is beating the child which I really didn't gather from your post) and you should not be too critical. However, you all may want to gather some reading material to see if there is a better way. But, IMO, you both need to dish out punishment when needed--not just one or the other. I think that makes it too easy for kids to "play" one parent off of the other.

DH and I are pretty equal in disciplining and punishing. And yes, I have had to keep my mouth shut a few times & I'm sure he could say the same.

 

[Kitty 34]

Originally posted by browneyes
I'm with them more, so they get more discipline from me.

Same here.

 

[GEM]

I definately agree that both parents should share in the discipline, otherwise one parent always ends up being "the bad guy". However, I have a sinking feeling that with our kids, I'm always going to end up being the tough one. DH is just to big of a softie. That's the way it was in our house when I was growing up, too. Mom was always much harder on us than Dad. He would let us get away with almost anything.

 

[believe]

We both discipline....I don't always agree with DH
Any disagreeing is discussed and if DH or I need to correct how we discipline the individual who disciplined corrects it. We do our best to not discuss our differences on disciplining in front of the children. DH and I work opposite shifts, so the disciplining is 50/50.

 

[Lanshark]

Whoever is around when they're "Caught"

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

My husband never follows through with punishments. He grew up in a very strict, unhappy home and he doesn't want his son to go through that. Unfortunately, DS knows DH is a pushover and that he can get away with much more from Daddy than with Mommy. Most of the discipline falls to me, although DS is a very easy going kid and doesn't need to be disciplined very often.

 

[Serena]

We couldn't agree on discipline, on punishments or how to discuss or compromise on any of it or that it should be discussed.
It was a big problem in my house and part of why he is no longer here.
At any rate, I did most of it and now I'm doing all of it.

 

[KAREN55555]

Thanks to everyone whos posted so far. I felt like this was the end of the world. And that no family had just one person doing the discipline. I know my DH has said he will not discipline but I'm hoping this will be short lived. I do feel alot more confident knowing that alot of Mom's are doing this themselves.

 

[Pin Wizard]

BOTH!