"who Bit My Little Girl!?!?!"

[SLK1]

That's why we call the kids SLK, because they are not mature. Sorry, babies don't get born out of the womb automatically knowing right from wrong or knowing how to socialize. What about the kid at disney that throws a tantrum, do we keep them locked up until they can handle disappointment? Heck, how many teenagers make stupid, bone headed mistakes in the heat of emotion and they supposedly are old enough to know better? What do you suggest that we keep all the kids at home? Children learn, some very quickly, some very slowly.
I sure the poor kid was punished but I think locking up all the 5 year olds in the world because their not well behaved, emotionally stable, mini adults is a bit drastic

The kid at Disney throwing a tantrum isn't causing bruises and bite marks on another child. Teenagers generally have to deal with the consequences of their mistakes. If not, if they truly hurt someone, there are big ramifications. Learning about consequences early is very important.

Look, I'm lucky I haven't had one of mine bite someone or strike another child. But, one of mine did get bit (the first child, so of course I overreacted - if it was the other three I probably wouldn't have been quite so upset), and nothing at all happened to the other child. He went happily along, and bit a few more before he was told to stay home until he could handle the social situation (they were two years old). That was the right thing to do...it helped him deal with his frustrations - and his parents dealt with them rather than have some innocent other kids bear the brunt of his frustrations, and he also didn't get scolded so much.

You know if it happens once, fine, deal with it and watch that child carefully. If he does it twice, then that's it. Give him/her three or six months to gain a little maturity. As for school-aged children (kindergarten on up), there should be a zero-tolerance policy. In our school, the principal's daughter hit another kid and she was suspended. I imagine biting would have been held with the same regard. Why are people so afraid to discipline?

 

[jodifla]

The kid at Disney throwing a tantrum isn't causing bruises and bite marks on another child. Teenagers generally have to deal with the consequences of their mistakes. If not, if they truly hurt someone, there are big ramifications. Learning about consequences early is very important.

Look, I'm lucky I haven't had one of mine bite someone or strike another child. But, one of mine did get bit (the first child, so of course I overreacted - if it was the other three I probably wouldn't have been quite so upset), and nothing at all happened to the other child. He went happily along, and bit a few more before he was told to stay home until he could handle the social situation (they were two years old). That was the right thing to do...it helped him deal with his frustrations - and his parents dealt with them rather than have some innocent other kids bear the brunt of his frustrations, and he also didn't get scolded so much.

You know if it happens once, fine, deal with it and watch that child carefully. If he does it twice, then that's it. Give him/her three or six months to gain a little maturity. As for school-aged children (kindergarten on up), there should be a zero-tolerance policy. In our school, the principal's daughter hit another kid and she was suspended. I imagine biting would have been held with the same regard. Why are people so afraid to discipline?

Zero tolerance for Kindergarten? Lots of kids are 4 when they start kindergarten....

And sorry, you don't get to THROW KIDS out of public school. They take everybody, and deal with everybody's issues. Including autism, speech delays, emotional behavoirs, etc.

There was a little girl in my son's class who was the youngest in the class and had some emotion/anger issues due to her earlier treatment in life before she was adopted. She had a rough time in K, and was occasionally violent. Some parents even went so far as to make sure their kids weren't even in her class for 1st grade. She was kinda rough on my kid, who actually got written up one day because he accidentally poked her in the eye when she was coming after him and he raised his hand to stop her. But the mom and I just dealt with it (I was there when it happened) without going all nuclear on each other.

Flash forward a year, and she's doing really nicely, without all the troubles she had at K. We're making plans to get them together on a play date soon. She needed counseling, practice with other kids, time and understanding, not to be locked away someplace to keep the helicopter parents happy.

I have zero tolerance for parents who don't get that little kids are little kids!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[ekball]

kids will be kids and if the skin hasn't been broken; it's really not that big of a deal.

OP here - gotta disagree with you here. It IS a big deal. Not the bite itself - I agree, that is not a big deal. The big deal is that my DD woke up this morning and cheered when I told her that there was no school this morning. My DD who was thrilled to go to school every morning is now not wanting to go to school becaue the "poor kid" that bit her is mean to her and bothering her so much. There is a history with this little girl being less-than-nice to my DD (they were in pre-K together) but she has apparently become so bad that DD doesn't even want to be in class with her anymore. The BIG DEAL is that my child who was over-the-moon excited about being in Kindy is now feeling anxiety about it. Yes - that IS a big deal. This is a very important year for these children, and I certainly hope that no-one develops negative feelings about school because of one little girl who can't control her anger.

I know that we will get past this and that DD will be fine. I'm hoping that this will drive home the importance of being friends with everyone and using your words to solve problems. I'm sure that we are not scarred for life by this, and I assure you that mom is keeping her cool and talking DD through how she is going to handle 'the biter' in the future (my scenario of marching down to the school was a fictional/hypothetical post on a message board, folks. Ya know, "I'd LIKE to go down there and..." IRL I handled this calmly and appropriately. Geesh). I just can't believe that we are 3 weeks into the year and I'm talking DD into all of the reasons why school is great and all of the reasons why she should be excited to go. All because of one child who thinks it is OK to make other kids feel bad through her words and her actions. I think it's more than a big deal. Quite frankly, I think it stinks.

 

[SLK1]

Zero tolerance for Kindergarten? Lots of kids are 4 when they start kindergarten....

And sorry, you don't get to THROW KIDS out of public school. They take everybody, and deal with everybody's issues. Including autism, speech delays, emotional behavoirs, etc.

There was a little girl in my son's class who was the youngest in the class and had some emotion/anger issues due to her earlier treatment in life before she was adopted. She had a rough time in K, and was occasionally violent. Some parents even went so far as to make sure their kids weren't even in her class for 1st grade. She was kinda rough on my kid, who actually got written up one day because he accidentally poked her in the eye when she was coming after him and he raised his hand to stop her. But the mom and I just dealt with it (I was there when it happened) without going all nuclear on each other.

Flash forward a year, and she's doing really nicely, without all the troubles she had at K. We're making plans to get them together on a play date soon. She needed counseling, practice with other kids, time and understanding, not to be locked away someplace to keep the helicopter parents happy.

I have zero tolerance for parents who don't get that little kids are little kids!!!!!!!!!!!!

Three cheers for you!!! Great job for making the difference in the life of a child!

 

[jodifla]

OP here - gotta disagree with you here. It IS a big deal. Not the bite itself - I agree, that is not a big deal. The big deal is that my DD woke up this morning and cheered when I told her that there was no school this morning. My DD who was thrilled to go to school every morning is now not wanting to go to school becaue the "poor kid" that bit her is mean to her and bothering her so much. There is a history with this little girl being less-than-nice to my DD (they were in pre-K together) but she has apparently become so bad that DD doesn't even want to be in class with her anymore. The BIG DEAL is that my child who was over-the-moon excited about being in Kindy is now feeling anxiety about it. Yes - that IS a big deal. This is a very important year for these children, and I certainly hope that no-one develops negative feelings about school because of one little girl who can't control her anger.

I know that we will get past this and that DD will be fine. I'm hoping that this will drive home the importance of being friends with everyone and using your words to solve problems. I'm sure that we are not scarred for life by this, and I assure you that mom is keeping her cool and talking DD through how she is going to handle 'the biter' in the future (my scenario of marching down to the school was a fictional/hypothetical post on a message board, folks. Ya know, "I'd LIKE to go down there and..." IRL I handled this calmly and appropriately. Geesh). I just can't believe that we are 3 weeks into the year and I'm talking DD into all of the reasons why school is great and all of the reasons why she should be excited to go. All because of one child who thinks it is OK to make other kids feel bad through her words and her actions. I think it's more than a big deal. Quite frankly, I think it stinks.

Certainly, I agree: It does stick that your daughter feels this way!!!

Have you talked at all to your daughter about why they girl might be acting this way? It might help her to know that the biter's behavoir isn't about her, it's all about the biter...she might be sad or lonely or angry or whatever. K is really early to be running into truly evil kids, although I'm certain they are out there.

 

[nessz79]

Certainly, I agree: It does stick that your daughter feels this way!!!

Have you talked at all to your daughter about why they girl might be acting this way? It might help her to know that the biter's behavoir isn't about her, it's all about the biter...she might be sad or lonely or angry or whatever. K is really early to be running into truly evil kids, although I'm certain they are out there.

I don't think they're out there at all. I have learned as a high school teacher...don't get me wrong, there are kids that I don't want to be around and they give me a bad feeling, behave terribly, etc. However, I think that ALL kids that are this bad are victims of some sort. They weren't raised right.

Now, this little girl that bit may be going through some things. Yes, she needs to be disciplined, for sure! But I bet she needs some love pretty badly.

OP, I can understand what you're saying about feeling terribly about your daughter not wanting to go to Kindergarten. But little kids are resilient. I would keep your cheerfulness up for her and she will feel more confident. If you are harboring any bad feelings, she'll pick up on it. She needs you to be the rock, which I'm sure you are!

 

[kcromley]

my child was attacked repeatedly by another child in a preschool setting years ago. If I had it to do over again, I would be much more assertive in dealing with the teachers, administrators, and if necessary, school legal advisor, in demanding that action be taken to keep my child safe.

 

[churchpilot]

my child was attacked repeatedly by another child in a preschool setting years ago. If I had it to do over again, I would be much more assertive in dealing with the teachers, administrators, and if necessary, school legal advisor, in demanding that action be taken to keep my child safe.

Good luck---our son was bitten on the back "attack style" last year in the first grade. Of course he could tell us who it was, and we did get a call from the Prinicpal. She assured us that it was being handled and our son did see his Doctor because the skin was broken. We asked for assurances that our son was safe and that this wouldn't happen again. Guess what---two weeks later this same child threw a chair at another child and hit her in the head. One week later he bit my son again in almost the same place. At this point, we had no confidence in the school system and went to Administration because we wanted this child removed from our son's classroom. They wouldn't budge on our demand, so we demanded that our son be moved. They talked us down and said that issues like this one take time to resolve because it is a process. I guess this particular student has behavior problems and the school was documenting every incident so that they could get him in a different, more appropriate setting, which they did, 2 days later.

 

[livndisney]

I was just reading this, with my eyes wide open - Oh My God!

I have never heard of a child biting another one at school!!!!!

I hope the child that did this had to apologize first of all.
I would not want my child in the same classroom with a child that could hurt them. I know teasing and things can happen, but hurting?

I am so sorry that happened. Since I have no experience with public schools, I don't know what can be done. Obviously, that child should be punished somehow, maybe suspended? I mean, biting to cause harm - that is way over the limit. I wouldn't want my child in that classroom if the other child was there anymore - and maybe you can talk to the school to make sure that happens. That is just so unacceptable.

Oh, and if I ran a daycare and had a child that bit, I think I'd just not accept that child there anymore. Biting can cause serious harm.

I am so glad to hear someone else say this, I visited a school this summer that was AGAINST asking children to apologize when they hurt someone. I could not believe it.

To the OP I am sorry your DD got bit, hopefully she is ok.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Sorry, but biters should be kept at home until they are mature enough to handle their emotions. Why allow them to gnaw on other kids just because they are too immature to be in a social setting where things might not go their way?

Well I sort of agree with this. At 5 a child should know not to bite. Heck at 4 they should know not to bite. Now I know that kids sometimes do things that make us go but that is where we have to step in and teach them a better solution. OP- I would be steaming mad. I hope it all works out for you.

 

[livndisney]

Good luck---our son was bitten on the back "attack style" last year in the first grade. Of course he could tell us who it was, and we did get a call from the Prinicpal. She assured us that it was being handled and our son did see his Doctor because the skin was broken. We asked for assurances that our son was safe and that this wouldn't happen again. Guess what---two weeks later this same child threw a chair at another child and hit her in the head. One week later he bit my son again in almost the same place. At this point, we had no confidence in the school system and went to Administration because we wanted this child removed from our son's classroom. They wouldn't budge on our demand, so we demanded that our son be moved. They talked us down and said that issues like this one take time to resolve because it is a process. I guess this particular student has behavior problems and the school was documenting every incident so that they could get him in a different, more appropriate setting, which they did, 2 days later.

We got this song and dance last year. The schools position was it was ok for these two older boys to attack and harass my first grader because they were "having problems at home". Sadly, these boys are still attacking younger children and the school with the "zero" tolerance is still "looking into it". My child is now safe (out of the school), but I feel sorry for the other children these boys come in contact with.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Oh- I wanted to add something. While I understand why the schools don't tell the other party who the biter was, I think it is wrong. If my child was bit I want to know if the other child has a communicable disease for starters. I need to know this information especially if the skin was broken. That I feel is my right. I have to protect my child. Also, wouldn't the biter have to apologize? Or do they just get a free pass? I also would want to know so I could tell my child to stay away from the kid!

 

[kcromley]

In our case, the matter was finally resolved when I went into the school administrator's office and informed her that upon the advice of my pediatrician who examined the injuries, I was calling Child Protective Services and reporting the matter for investigation. The attacked was removed immediately thereafter. I wish I had done it much, much sooner.

 

[eliza61]

Oh- I wanted to add something. While I understand why the schools don't tell the other party who the biter was, I think it is wrong. If my child was bit I want to know if the other child has a communicable disease for starters. I need to know this information especially if the skin was broken. That I feel is my right. I have to protect my child. Also, wouldn't the biter have to apologize? Or do they just get a free pass? I also would want to know so I could tell my child to stay away from the kid!

Normally you would be told about any health issues without reveling the name of the child (actually most people with communicable disease are sent home if the school knows about it.). Children are made to apologize to one another at the time of the incident. The "biters" parents are informed and may want the child to apologize but that is up to his/her parents. How would you make another child that is a perfect stranger apologize? You can very easily tell your child to stay away from the "biter" without knowing who he/she was.

I'm in no way condoning biting incidents but I have seen the consequences of moms and dads coming to school the next day confronting little kids. It usually ends up with us calling the cops. What happens if the "biter" does not act contrite enough for you, I'll tell you parents usually lose their cool and it gets ugly. If you wish to talk with the "biters" parents then leave a note with the teacher requesting a chat with your phone number.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Normally you would be told about any health issues without reveling the name of the child (actually most people with communicable disease are sent home if the school knows about it.). Children are made to apologize to one another at the time of the incident. The "biters" parents are informed and may want the child to apologize but that is up to his/her parents. How would you make another child that is a perfect stranger apologize? You can very easily tell your child to stay away from the "biter" without knowing who he/she was.

I'm in no way condoning biting incidents but I have seen the consequences of moms and dads coming to school the next day confronting little kids. It usually ends up with us calling the cops. What happens if the "biter" does not act contrite enough for you, I'll tell you parents usually lose their cool and it gets ugly. If you wish to talk with the "biters" parents then leave a note with the teacher requesting a chat with your phone number.

I bolded because that is not true. A person/child can have a blood disease that can be dangerous to others if direct contact is made (blood to blood, saliva etc.)

 

[eliza61]

I bolded because that is not true. A person/child can have a blood disease that can be dangerous to others if direct contact is made (blood to blood, saliva etc.)

Children in most schools have to submitt an health form listing diseases. Now if the parents lied and didn't let the school know, you wouldn't be able to find out any way unless you took legal action to get the kid tested. Good luck with that.
If the school has adequate health records and they have a blood disease (I'm assuming you mean HIV because most blood disease are not communicable) than they would tell the parent.

Office of Communicable Diseases
Room 106
Phone: (401) 222-2577
Fax: (401) 222-2488
711 (RI Relay)
Email




Office of Communicable Diseases
Alphabetical Listing of Diseases
Amebiasis
Influenza

AIDS
Lyme

Babesiosis
Measles

Campylobacteriosis
Meningitis (meningococcal disease)

Chancroid
Molluscum Contagiosum

Chlamydia
MRSA

Chickenpox (Varicella)
Mumps

Clostridium Difficile Infection
Nongonococcal Urethritis (NGU)

Crabs
Norovirus Infection

Cryptosporidiosis
Pediculosis

E Coli O157:H7
Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID)

Eastern Equine Encephalitis
Pertussis (whooping cough)

Ehrlichiosis
Polio

Giardiasis
Rubella (German Measles)

Gonorrhea
Rabies and Animal Bites

Group A Streptococcal Disease
Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever

Group B Streptococcal Disease
Salmonellosis

Hepatitis A
Shigellosis

Hepatitis B
Scabies

Hepatitis C
Sexually Transmitted Diseases

Herpes
Syphilis

Hib/Haemophilus Influenza Type b infections
Tuberculosis

HIV
Vaginitis

Human Papillomavirus / Genital Warts
Varicella (chicken pox)


Most of the ones on the list kids are vaccinated from (chicken pox, measles, TB, Petrussi) Rabies is usally found in wild animals not 4 year olds.
HIV Vaginits is just want it sounds like.
You're more likely to get communicable diesease from hand to hand contact (which is why hand washing is your best defense) then bites.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Children in most schools have to submitt an health form listing diseases. Now if the parents lied and didn't let the school know, you wouldn't be able to find out any way unless you took legal action to get the kid tested. Good luck with that.
If the school has adequate health records and they have a blood disease (I'm assuming you mean HIV because most blood disease are not communicable) than they would tell the parent.

Well HIV is one of them but there are other things like Hep etc. that can be dangerous. Even if the kid had a cold sore and bit my kid I have a right to know. Sorry but even if my kid was the biter I would want the other parents to have that info from us as well. What if the kid that was bit had some sort of health issue? I just think it is ridiculous to keep the parents from finding out who the biter/bitee is. Aside from the obvious health issues it can cause, how do they deal with it? Shouldn't the biter have to apologize? Or do they do it in a confessional type booth so nobody knows who it is?

 

[eliza61]

Well HIV is one of them but there are other things like Hep etc. that can be dangerous. Even if the kid had a cold sore and bit my kid I have a right to know. Sorry but even if my kid was the biter I would want the other parents to have that info from us as well. What if the kid that was bit had some sort of health issue? I just think it is ridiculous to keep the parents from finding out who the biter/bitee is. Aside from the obvious health issues it can cause, how do they deal with it? Shouldn't the biter have to apologize? Or do they do it in a confessional type booth so nobody knows who it is?

You will, don't worry. If the school administration is on the ball, you should be able to get all the info you need. Sadly, the good ole days of when parents made the children apologize in person etc, etc (I remember many a day being marched some where by my pop to apologize) are long gone. I think it's a combination of our lawsuit happy society and also of years of Parents trying to be kids "friends" (just my totally unscientific observation) have left it's mark.
It's tough being mom & dad now, some stories I read make me really happy my kids are young adults now.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

You will, don't worry. If the school administration is on the ball, you should be able to get all the info you need. Sadly, the good ole days of when parents made the children apologize in person etc, etc (I remember many a day being marched some where by my pop to apologize) are long gone. I think it's a combination of our lawsuit happy society and also of years of Parents trying to be kids "friends" (just my totally unscientific observation) have left it's mark.
It's tough being mom & dad now, some stories I read make me really happy my kids are young adults now.

Ain't that the truth.

 

[PrincessPeyton]

I just wanted to add my experience, sorry if another posted added something similiar...
My DD is 2, her classroom is only 2 and 3 YO's. She comes home with bite marks and an incident report probably every two weeks because a little girl in her classroom bits her. One week it was on her arm, last week it was on her belly. Her daycare can't tell us who bit her but even at 2 my daughter will tell me who it is...HER DAYCARE DIRECTORS DAUGHTER! I actaully really like her daycare, her director, teacher, everything about this school and just hope that it wil stop soon. She actually absolutely loves the little girl that bites her, they play really well together most of the time! Her daycare director is very educated and a great mom, so I just think sometimes it's not the parents fault and a phase that some kids go through. I just feel very lucky that my DD doesn't think that because she gets bitten that it's okay for her to bite!