White Canadians adopt US African Americans

[doubletrouble_vb]

This article bemused me...

I thought it was pretty ironic...so many people go out of their way to go overseas to find babies because they can't find them here yet citizens of other countries are able to satisfy their need to have babies by getting them from the US. Most curious. I wonder...do they get to keep their US citizenship?

http://www.oregonlive.com/living/oregonian/index.ssf?/base/living/1088683162300260.xml

 

[HollyNEd]

Thank you for posting this article!! My husband and I are in the process of adopting 2 wonderful foster children who are african american. We had looked into adopting from a foreign country and couldn't accept the feeling of buying a child. Then someone pointed us in the direction of all of the great kids in the foster care system right here in the US who so desperatly needed loving parents. We too have had to deal with the race issue and not just from the outside world but from our children themselves and their birth mom who hates it that a white couple is loving and raising her children like she couldn't (didn't) want to do. I have had many long talks with my children over the black and white issue and finally it has gotten to be a non issue. Just tonight my best friends 2 kids who are my 2 kids best friend were here having ice cream and it struck us all funny how the 2 chocolate kids were eating strawberry ice cream and the 2 pink kids were eating chocolate ice cream!

I find it really ashame of how people from other countries are having to adopt american children just because all of the american families don't want aa children. I guess my parents hippy ways have rubbed off on me to where I don't see color just a child. Funny how this country still has major issues with race and not just the white people but also the aa people .

I hope that someday this will not be a problem but until everyone works together to fix the problem it will stay the same.


Holly

 

[LisaZoe]

As you can see by the pic in my sig, my DD is also African American. I adopted through a private agency which works on domestic as well as international adoption. I was amazed by how many caring people seemed to not even really consider adopting domestically. Some were adopting children from Africa so it definitely was not about race.

As the article notes, there are many reasons but here are a couple I've noticed:

1) It seems like there is more acceptance in general of international adoption that crosses racial boundaries. Unfortunately, that's not always the case for domestic adoptions. There are some states that won't let a caucasian family adopt AA children.

2) I think there's a general belief that children in need of adoption in the US are still so much better off than children in other countries. I don't doubt that is true but I still was so much more interested in adopting domestically after just a little soul searching.

As I said, I adopted through a private agency and did so because a single parent adopting through the state has very limited options. I respect people who adopt special needs children but I knew that such a choice was not one I could make, especially since I am single. Also, I hoped to adopt an infant and knew that I would be very unlikely to get such an opportunity through a state adoption.

This was the best decision I ever made. I've had people make comments about how wonderful I was to adopt her. I respond by saying that I am fortunate I was able to be her mother and that I am so grateful to her birth parents for making such a hard decision. BTW - They participated in selecting me as the one to adopt their birth daughter.

One thing I wish would happen is that the states would do more outreach in the AA communities to let people know about the need for adoptive parents. A former co-worker once asked me about my adoption because she was considering that route for herself but didn't think she could afford it. I told her as much as I could about both private and state adoptions and I think she was surprised to hear that state adoptions were so inexpensive. A friend adopted 2 children through the state and I'm pretty sure she and her husband had all the adoption expenses reimbursed once the adoption was final.

One last thing and I'll get off the pro-adoption soapbox If anyone reading this is considering adoption (or knows someone who is) but is pu off by the expense, please check into the Federal adoption tax credit. I think you can now get a tax credit of up to $10,000 of your adoption related expenses!

 

[disneyjunkie]

Thanks for posting that article, very interesting.

 

[Kallison]

I just want to say how wonderful and amazing the adoptive parents on this thread are. Bless you.

 

[Robinrs]

This is an issue very close to my heart.

My son's babysitter is White and adopted two AA children. She was their foster mother first. During the foster process she emphasized that the race of the child never mattered to her, nonetheless she would get the calls that reminded her of the color of the child and that she would probably NOT want to take them in... ... she found herself SCREAMING at these people! "I said that doesn't matter!!"

She also convinced me to check into the adoption process because there were so many AA children in the system. I thought since I was a single parent but was told that was not a problem. Not only would they accept a single parent, they would PAY us to take them in!! I couldn't believe it was so desparate.

The person I spoke to at the adoption agency told me the problem was incredibly desparate. They had so many children waiting to be adopted and hardly no parents willing to accept them. Then I come to this board or to my office and speak to people literally spending a years income to adopt NON American children.

I'm sorry, I don't understand this, but maybe I do.

I mentioned this once on the board about two years ago and go lambasted by an adoptive parent. When I asked a guy at my job who was adopting a child in China (he is white) he said "we just want a chld who looks like Mommy and Daddy."

Two weeks ago I went to an Adoption Block Party here in Atlanta for children seeking adoption. It is so sad that so many children are not wanted and each year they become less adoptable. If the Canadians are helping these children out, I applaud them. These children need parents.

LisaZoe, your post touched my heart. I know that you are doubly blessed for your decision. I had no idea that your Princess was adopted and what a blessed child she is to have a Mom like you.

God bless,

Robinrs

 

[CEDmom]

I think it's wonderful that children without a loving home are finding them. I wish our court system was better about realizing some people may be able to have babies are not able to parent them and relinquish parental right much more quickly than is currently done. Unfortunately too many children are allowed to languish in the system until they suffered all kinds of abuses.

Saying people are going overseas to get babies they could get here is a simple answer to a complicated question. As you can see from the picture of my DD she is Chinese. DH and I chose international adoption because after exploring our options it was the right choice for us. We did not buy our DD - no one cannot put a price tag on something as precious as a child. Our adoption fee covered a whole host of things not the least of which was foster care for her.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Originally posted by Robinrs
This is an issue very close to my heart.

My son's babysitter is White and adopted two AA children. She was their foster mother first. During the foster process she emphasized that the race of the child never mattered to her, nonetheless she would get the calls that reminded her of the color of the child and that she would probably NOT want to take them in... ... she found herself SCREAMING at these people! "I said that doesn't matter!!"

She also convinced me to check into the adoption process because there were so many AA children in the system. I thought since I was a single parent but was told that was not a problem. Not only would they accept a single parent, they would PAY us to take them in!! I couldn't believe it was so desparate.

The person I spoke to at the adoption agency told me the problem was incredibly desparate. They had so many children waiting to be adopted and hardly no parents willing to accept them. Then I come to this board or to my office and speak to people literally spending a years income to adopt NON American children.

I'm sorry, I don't understand this, but maybe I do.

I mentioned this once on the board about two years ago and go lambasted by an adoptive parent. When I asked a guy at my job who was adopting a child in China (he is white) he said "we just want a chld who looks like Mommy and Daddy."

Two weeks ago I went to an Adoption Block Party here in Atlanta for children seeking adoption. It is so sad that so many children are not wanted and each year they become less adoptable. If the Canadians are helping these children out, I applaud them. These children need parents.

LisaZoe, your post touched my heart. I know that you are doubly blessed for your decision. I had no idea that your Princess was adopted and what a blessed child she is to have a Mom like you.

God bless,

Robinrs

Robin, I'm so glad you posted this. I've been thinking about adoption but I thought being a single mom would be a problem.

 

[6_Time_Momma]

I have two wonderful adopted nephews. One is half AA and half Caucasian and the other is 3/4 AA. You should hear some of the comments my BIL and SIL have gotten though.

They were actually adoped as newborns without any kind of waiting list because there is not much of a waiting list for African-American or especially mixed children.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

People need to do what they can do and make the decision that works for them.

It does break my heart every Wednesday evening on the local news when they profile a "Wednesday Child", a child or children who is in the foster care system who is in desperate need of an adoptive home. Many times these children are considered hard to place because of their age, but often they've been in the system for a long time and didn't have the age card working against them at that point. Heartbreaking!

T&B

 

[hipporina]

We have 4 kids - 2 adopted already / 2 in our 6 month wait until consummation and all 4 came through the foster care system. They are all white, but were hard to place because they are older and were sibling groups. My first pair was 2.5 & 7 and my second pair is 4 & 6. We were looking into private adoption because I really want the experience of raising a baby too. I was appaled to find that the same agency will charge $33,000 for a white child and $5,000 for a black or biracial! Nauseating!

Now, here's a funny story that happened last week. We are really good friends with a family at church that also fosters and adopts. They have 9 kids right now, 4 adopted. The adopted kids are white, black/hispanic, white/black, and black. A very diverse family and the parents are both white. Well, the littlest one, John, the black child, homeschools with my kids and family. My mom was explaining to my 6 yo sister, Natalie, that John sometimes has trouble in school because he was a drug baby like the one we had for a while. Natalie was so confused as to how Ms Pam had a drug baby, so mom said "John is adopted just like Kristy's kids." Her reply "Oh, I didn't know that!" Nevermind that he is black and mom and dad are white! We all got a laugh out of that one!

 

[Tiggeroo]

I would love to do this. I have two sons who are high school seniors and a dd who is in college, but I was young when I had these kids. I another year they will all be off to school and I was thinking it would be great to adopt a foster cihild. Is it difficult to get a younger child? Did you often take in foster children, get attached and then have to give them back to a parent who maybe wasn't the best? I don't care at all about the race. Would the fact that I rent my home be a problem? I have had friends who did this, but I have seen them be in the process of adoption and then have the child removed because the birth parents came back or they found an african american family.

 

[Tantorini]

I honestly don't understand how only adoptive parents are singled out as "needing to look at home first". That attitude indicates that we are looking to "save" a child - when that's really not what *we* have chosen to do.

Why doesn't the same "pressure" come down on parents who choose to create a family through fertility help, or parents in general?

Just because we are adopting, does not mean that we somehow are the designees to save!

Telling an adoptive parent they are wrong to adopt from another country, proves you don't truly understand what drives us to adopt. We aren't looking to adopt ANY children; we are looking to adopt our children.

Don't criticize us because we've made a choice that's right for our family, we don't criticize you for giving birth instead of adopting.

That being said, I think it's wonderful for the families that have found the right children for them, right here


beth
(a very happily in process International adoptive parent)

 

[Laura]

What a great story, hipporina. Children really are colorblind until someone tells them to think otherwise.

Most people seem to want to adopt an infant who has the same racial characteristics that they do. Plenty of people go on long waiting lists because of it, when there are lots of needy children out there close to home. But we are world citizens, and all children need a home whether it's in this country or another one. And unless one's ancestors were all Native Americans, one is descended from foreigners.

I worked for a private adoption agency very briefly. There was a white couple who returned a baby because the white birth mother lied about the father being white--he was African-American. That baby went to a white family. The fact that a couple can just "return" a baby like that just astonished me. What made me angriest, though, was that there is such a lack of people willing to take on African-American children that the agency I worked at charged less in fees for an AA baby. If the baby was Asian, Hispanic, Native American, Caucasian or any combination of those, the regular fees applied. But if the baby was full or half African-American, the fees were halved. I guess it's because the other races look "whiter".

 

[Robinrs]

Originally posted by Laura
What a great story, hipporina. Children really are colorblind until someone tells them to think otherwise.

Most people seem to want to adopt an infant who has the same racial characteristics that they do. Plenty of people go on long waiting lists because of it, when there are lots of needy children out there close to home. But we are world citizens, and all children need a home whether it's in this country or another one. And unless one's ancestors were all Native Americans, one is descended from foreigners.

I worked for a private adoption agency very briefly. There was a white couple who returned a baby because the white birth mother lied about the father being white--he was African-American. That baby went to a white family. The fact that a couple can just "return" a baby like that just astonished me. What made me angriest, though, was that there is such a lack of people willing to take on African-American children that the agency I worked at charged less in fees for an AA baby. If the baby was Asian, Hispanic, Native American, Caucasian or any combination of those, the regular fees applied. But if the baby was full or half African-American, the fees were halved. I guess it's because the other races look "whiter".

It's called supply and demand, Laura and no, none of this surprises me.

Tiggeroo, check with your state and the steps and requirements for adopting. I was quoting Georgia's policy which are very loose because there are so many children needing parents.

 

[sha_lyn]

When Russ was born he was in NCIU for a few days. We became friends with the adoptive parents of a preemie that was in the nursery with him. They were an older couple who had been trying to adopt for almost 20 years.
In the early to mid 70's they adopted a baby that was 1/2 AA but the mother had lied about the father. They had the baby for several months, but the adoption agency wouldn't let the adoption go through when they realized that the child was 1/2 AA. They begged to keep the baby, but at they time it was against policy for a white couple to adopt anything but a white child.

Our closest friends are an interracial couple. We often have their children with us, or they have our children with. In fact DS is out of town with the dad this weekend for a martial arts seminar.
Anyway, I've noticed how people look at us when we have their 2 children with us. If I'm alone I get a lot of sneers, shaken heads etc (I'm assuming people think my 2 white kids and the 2 biracial kids are all mine). However if DH is with me, we get nods and smiles (I assume people think we adopted them).


When DS played football one of his teammates was AA and was adopted by a white couple. They had several biological children, but had started fostering, then adopting children born in prison when their bio kids were in highschool. They had 3 adopted children, 2 AA boys and an Asian/hispanic girl. They were a beautiful family, both inside and out.
I've considered adopting a highrisk child, and if I we do we will probably go through the same program. This seems to a be group of kids that are pretty much ignorred by the system.

 

[TigerBear]

Lisazoe, your daughter is absolutely beautiful!!

 

[LisaZoe]

Tantorini - I certainly was not criticizing anyone for choosing to adopt internationally. Originally that was my plan because, silly me, I assumed adopting an infant as a single parent would be very unlikely if the child was born in the US. It was only after I went in to agency the first time to discuss the different programs that I was told that adopting an infant would only be difficult if I "had" to adopt a caucasian child! I also expected a multi year wait for a US adoption but again was told that adoption of a minority infant could happen very quickly - which it did. I started the adoption process in August of 2001. My home study and all paperwork was completed and submitted by mid-November. Less than a week later, I got a call from the adoption agency to let me know of a waiting baby girl - actually 2. Although I felt overwhelmed with how quickly it went, I knew that everything was happening as it was meant to do and was holding my then 4 week old DD in my arms the Saturday after Thanksgiving!

My main point in my verrry long post (sorry!) was to point out that many people may be adopting internationally because they really are not aware of the waiting children in the US, and not just through governmental agencies. Also, I think the media has scared some people away from US adoptions because of the stories about birth parents fighting to get custody of their children again. I know that does happen even if it is a very small precentage of all domestic adoptions and just the thought of that can scare some people off. I know I still have momentary panic attacks anytime I get a letter from my agency or the one in FL that worked with my DD's birth parents ( the letters are usually fund-raising requests ). Those feelings are lessening as time passes but they are still there ready to rise to the surface.

Sorry again for a long post. I guess I'm just passionate on the subject of adoption of any kind One last note - I have considered adopting a second child and would not rule out international adoption if that felt right so I truly do not fault anyone for making the choice that is right for their family.

TigerBear - Thank you. I must agree

 

[Tigger&Belle]

LisaZoe, very well said!

Where in Oregon do you live? I'm from southern Oregon, but haven't lived there for many years.

T&B

 

[LisaZoe]

I live in "Wine Country" Oregon - mid-Willamette valley. A beautiful place and, I hope, a great area in which my daughter will grow. However, since she is a definite minority in the area, I am ready to move to Portland so she can be in an area where more people look like her. We'll see how it goes as she gets older. I am pleased to see more and more people of color in our town so I think she'll do fine at least until dating age gets closer. Hopefully, by then (30 or 40 years ) there will be even more diversity and acceptance of transracial dating.