Where is the "I need to whine" thread?

[lntsmom]

Like most of you, I live on a budget by necessity, not because I enjoy the challenge. I'm a single mom and sole support of my kids. Last year I moved cross country and took a significant (as in...20% of my pay) paycut in order to be closer to family and give my boys a good environment for their developmental years.

I'm lucky enough to be able to provide occasional splurges...such as last year's Disney trip. However, those types of things are rare, and I have to really work to make them happen.

We haven't had internet at home for over a year...long story involving an old iMac and a missing password that Mac knows but won't provide me because my machine is "vintage". Yes, I made a choice and when I had some money we went to Disney. A new computer will have to wait.

You all understand that.

Here's the whine:

My sister is also a single mom. She gets some help from her first ex. She let her second ex take most of the goodies from their marriage, so she, too, has been without internet service for a few months.

I went to visit her last weekend and found that she now has the HP system that was in WalMart's Black Friday ad. It seems the family who raised her is coming into some money next month, and they'd purchased an extra computer and gave it to her with the understanding that it is part of what she will be getting from this inheritance. I'm glad for her...but I sure wish that I would have that kind of luck. (The money isn't from a recent death or anything...it's not tragedy money, it's happy money!)

She and her kids also get a free trip to Southern California each summer thanks to one of her SILs. Totally free...they only need money for souvenirs. Again, waa.

I wish I could have been born under whatever lucky star sends these things her way. I'm sitting here today feeling puny...and stupid for feeling that way.

Maybe it's just the season...there's nothing like Christmas to remind you that others have more than you do.

I guess at least this Christmas we could afford to sponsor kids off the Angel Tree at church instead of being the ones sponsored. Anyone else have a bright side I can look on today???

 

[dislal]

I think you need a and just be thankful for you and your childrens health nothing else is very important.

 

[Huskerfamilyof5]

I understand how you feel, it just seems like there are those out there who are so lucky. I too will be in your shoes after the first of the year, I have spoken to some divorce attorneys and will serve my husband after the holidays. I want my girls to have one more holiday as a family, so I spend most of my time thinking about how we will make it on my income. I don't anticipate getting much from my husband, that is the reason for me leaving. As you can tell, he does not know I am leaving yet, will tell him after the holidays too.

Take care and hang in there.

 

[Belle0101]

You're not alone. I call it living under a black cloud. No sooner do we get closer to being where I want us to be financially then the rug gets pulled out from under us, like today. Every time after that a friend or relative will fall into a bucket of money or get given something super nice. I want to be happy for whoever it is but way down deep I get depressed.

In the long run, you are doing right by your children. They will grow up to be really great kids because you put them first. Not all kids are that lucky.

Hugs

Merry Christmas!!

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

I understand, it's hard not to be envious when you see others close to you having things handed to them while you're working hard, I've been in that situation, too. Just try to remember how independent you are and be proud that you're doing it on your own.

 

[Shmily1]

Your bright side today is knowing that your children love you and will grow up knowing that you should work for what you get and that it's ok to give up a better job to spend more time with your family. I gave up a good paying job when DS18 and DD17 were little so that I could spend more time with them. It was the best thing I've done!! Because of that, I was able to go back to school (when they started school) and get a job paying more than 10 times what I was making!!

There were many days that I struggled to make it, but we did it. Making $2.30 an hour and bringing home $11 in tips didn't help me when I was worried about groceries, but DS and DD knew that when they wanted to play a game with me or cuddle up to get a book read to them that I was always there to do that. That totally makes it worth it!!!!

 

[Todd&Copper]

OP, I feel the same way about some other things in my life. It is hard sometimes to focus on what you do have and not on what you want that someone else has, or the "semi-charmed life" someone else appears to have. I have no real advice for you, just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your feelings.

 

[Kitzka]

Feel free to whine. I always like to think that you never know what is really going on in someone else's life.

I see neighbors, freind's and family with new cars, new toys etc and i defintely get jealous and a little whiney. But then i see and know that yes i could wear designer clothes, shoes, have anew car, etc but then i wouldn't be able to give my daughter the things she loves. it's something that i want to do and it makes me happy.

Keep your chin up and give or get a hug and some qt with your kids. at the end of the day that is what matters.

Lara

 

[Skatermom23]

I think it is the season for feeling like that. Yesterday I went to a different mall...a little more high end. I watched all the women walking around in their designer clothes with designer bags and shoes and I felt a little pang of jealousy, wearing just my Kohls bought pants and Vera Bradley purse. As I was having my pitty party I remembered why I wasn't buying high end stuff. I have two teenagers to put through college in the next few years. Whatever they don't get from me, they will have to take out loans. It is my goal for that to be as little as possible. It is my last responsiblity as their parent and that made me feel a little better.

 

[Leader of the Club]

I know how you feel. A woman I work with "has" to run out to Starbucks two, sometimes three times a day, buys several gossip magazines a week, eats lunch out every day and smokes like crazy! I can't imagine how much she spends in a day on that stuff. I could take my family to Disney for a week--maybe two just on that. She only works because she is bored!

Our family of 5 lived on 20K last year! and not much more this year. I'm not jealous since I don't drink coffee, smoke, or read gossip mags, but I would like to eat lunch out once a week or so.

 

[ZPT1022]

It's hard to watch sometimes when it seems like everyone else is taking the easy road while you work your butt off.


I had a friend who would always complain about how money was tight and how broke she was. Meanwhile, she worked for her Dad, worked only the exact hours she wanted, got paid twice as much as anyone else, he gave her family free healthcare through his company even before she worked there, they were given tens of thousands of dollars to buy a condo, once they bought the condo the father paid for entire new carpets throughout the 3 floor condo, new tile, new appliances, new paint, etc... They lived with her mother rent, bill, and grocery free for over a year while they looked for a condo and saved their pay. The mother bought the two kids all their clothes, the inlaws gave the husband a car, and her father gave her not one, but two brand new cars. A minivan at her baby shower and a Jetta later when she decided she was sick of the minivan. Oh, and the father paid her tuition for her to go back to school for her masters and paid her her hourly work wage while she went too. It used to drive me nuts when she would complain about how her condo wasn't good enough, she didn't have enough money, etc... and I knew that DH and I had worked our butts off for everything we had. In the end I decided that we had pride in our accomplishments and that was worth so much more. We could look back at everything we had and know that we had done it all ourselves without handouts. Easier said than done, I know, but there really is a sense of pride to be had from doing for yourself.

here's another because even though you know you are doing good, it's still hard

 

[reginaastralis]

As a fellow single mom, I can honestly say take pride in all you are able to do. My parents are amazing, and help me more than I could ever put into words, but most of the day to day stuff falls on my shoulders. Sometimes, I just want it all to STOP. I don't want to think about what's for dinner, I don't want to try to figure out where money for the bills is coming from ... I just want a break.

Just know that it will get better. You might have to wait awhile, but it will come . I'm still hoping that one day my daughter's father will pay child support. That would make my week!

Good luck to you!

 

[mom2cinderella]

Last year I moved cross country and took a significant (as in...20% of my pay) paycut in order to be closer to family and give my boys a good environment for their developmental years.

You are a great mom!

Just think about the lessons you are teaching your sons, and then think about the example your sister is setting for her kids.

Michele

 

[SnowWtch]

Whine away. I totally understand. DH's family has money but we're always struggling. This year was worse. DH was in the hospital for emergency surgery, I missed my only brother's wedding b/c of it. I get put in the hospital for my heart and blood pressure, then DH loses his job and our only Disney trip ends with a trip to the ER b/c DH got food poisoning. However, I have to be thankful that we have money to cover the bills and family willing to help. So even though it's been a bad year our bills are paid and we still have a roof over our head.

 

[crisi]

It's hard to watch sometimes when it seems like everyone else is taking the easy road while you work your butt off.


I had a friend who would always complain about how money was tight and how broke she was. Meanwhile, she worked for her Dad, worked only the exact hours she wanted, got paid twice as much as anyone else, he gave her family free healthcare through his company even before she worked there, they were given tens of thousands of dollars to buy a condo, once they bought the condo the father paid for entire new carpets throughout the 3 floor condo, new tile, new appliances, new paint, etc... They lived with her mother rent, bill, and grocery free for over a year while they looked for a condo and saved their pay. The mother bought the two kids all their clothes, the inlaws gave the husband a car, and her father gave her not one, but two brand new cars. A minivan at her baby shower and a Jetta later when she decided she was sick of the minivan. Oh, and the father paid her tuition for her to go back to school for her masters and paid her her hourly work wage while she went too. It used to drive me nuts when she would complain about how her condo wasn't good enough, she didn't have enough money, etc... and I knew that DH and I had worked our butts off for everything we had. In the end I decided that we had pride in our accomplishments and that was worth so much more. We could look back at everything we had and know that we had done it all ourselves without handouts. Easier said than done, I know, but there really is a sense of pride to be had from doing for yourself.

here's another because even though you know you are doing good, it's still hard

The gravy train on these deals usually runs out. Dad decides to retire and sell the business. Or the business starts to be unable to support multiple family members. It can be really tough when it happens - when Mom dies and you discover the money she's been giving you every year was pretty much all there was and now you have a lifestyle that is $20,000 more than what you yourself earn.

Not having it at all sucks, but having it and losing it is not a picnic either. Particularly since you often have no clue how to get by.

 

[ZPT1022]

The gravy train on these deals usually runs out. Dad decides to retire and sell the business. Or the business starts to be unable to support multiple family members. It can be really tough when it happens - when Mom dies and you discover the money she's been giving you every year was pretty much all there was and now you have a lifestyle that is $20,000 more than what you yourself earn.

Not having it at all sucks, but having it and losing it is not a picnic either. Particularly since you often have no clue how to get by.

I'm sure she'll get her introduction to the real world at some point, and it won't be pretty when it happens. It took a while for me to not feel jealous, we had bonded over the fact that we were both young when we had our kids (early 20's, not too common around here) and DH and I were really working hard to make it work and watching them get handed everything would really sting, and to top it off she would complain that it wasn't enough They moved about 1/2 hour away and to a completely different school district so we really don't see them too much anymore but I'd be interested to hear down the road if they ever figure out how much harder things could have been for them.

I'm not jealous any more, DH and I have put in a lot of hard work and we're starting to finally get to a point where we can relax a bit and enjoy the fruits of our labor. And the best part, we worked for it all! DH has a good job and they're going to pay for him to go to school so he can have an even better job within that same company. Our relationship is awesome and we have three kids who are pretty cool. We have everything we need and a lot of stuff we want. I don't think you can ask for more than that out of life. It just took me/us a while to get that perspective. And even still, there are some days where it is hard not to feel a bit jealous of other people's good luck.

OP, I think you're pretty courageous to up and move so far away, and you did it because it's better for your kids, that's selfless and courageous. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season

 

[Mickeyorbust]

It's hard to watch sometimes when it seems like everyone else is taking the easy road while you work your butt off.


I had a friend who would always complain about how money was tight and how broke she was. Meanwhile, she worked for her Dad, worked only the exact hours she wanted, got paid twice as much as anyone else, he gave her family free healthcare through his company even before she worked there, they were given tens of thousands of dollars to buy a condo, once they bought the condo the father paid for entire new carpets throughout the 3 floor condo, new tile, new appliances, new paint, etc... They lived with her mother rent, bill, and grocery free for over a year while they looked for a condo and saved their pay. The mother bought the two kids all their clothes, the inlaws gave the husband a car, and her father gave her not one, but two brand new cars. A minivan at her baby shower and a Jetta later when she decided she was sick of the minivan. Oh, and the father paid her tuition for her to go back to school for her masters and paid her her hourly work wage while she went too. It used to drive me nuts when she would complain about how her condo wasn't good enough, she didn't have enough money, etc... and I knew that DH and I had worked our butts off for everything we had. In the end I decided that we had pride in our accomplishments and that was worth so much more. We could look back at everything we had and know that we had done it all ourselves without handouts. Easier said than done, I know, but there really is a sense of pride to be had from doing for yourself.

here's another because even though you know you are doing good, it's still hard

I think your friend is my SIL. Sounds exactly like her. The thing that gets me is she's constantly complaining about how their, her and DH, struggling...I do their taxes, for free, and know for a fact that they bring home 20k more a year then DH and I do. It really makes me angry when she starts in on her "things are so tight" whine.

To the OP ...we're here for you.

 

[kilee]

Big hugs to you. I have one of those sisters. She's always led a "charmed life". My parents and her inlaws have always gone above and beyond to help her. My parents have been supportive of me, but they always left me to figure it out on my own.

Ya wanna know what.....I'm stronger because of it. I also know that I can do ANYTHING on my own and I know it.

 

[southernbelle5672]

I understand how you feel, it just seems like there are those out there who are so lucky. I too will be in your shoes after the first of the year, I have spoken to some divorce attorneys and will serve my husband after the holidays. I want my girls to have one more holiday as a family, so I spend most of my time thinking about how we will make it on my income. I don't anticipate getting much from my husband, that is the reason for me leaving. As you can tell, he does not know I am leaving yet, will tell him after the holidays too.

Take care and hang in there.

Aw. I really hate to hear that I hope everything works out okay. Divorce is so tough ... I know because my parents went through it not too long ago. It was very hard on the family. Try to keep it as peaceful as you can for the sake of the children.

Best wishes for your future!

ETA: to the OP: Keep your head up. By working hard for the things you receive, you are instilling wonderful values in your children.