Where do you think it's best for children to grow up?

[C.Ann]

Out in the country - on a 10-acre parcel of land with neighbors far and few between - or in a suburban neighborhood where there are other children up and down the street?

My son-in-law has found a parcel of land on a country road that would be suitable for the home he wants to build but last night I got to thinking about what this location would be like for my granddaughter and I started wondering about the pro's and cons.. She's an only child (will be 6 in September) and has basically spent her entire life with adults.. She has no cousins and only one couple that her parents are friends with and see on a regular basis have a child, but the child is a baby - not even a year old.. Of course she does see children in school, but because her other grandparents babysit her every day after school until her parents come home from work there's no one for her to play with except the grandparents (they don't want other children in their home so it's not possible for her to invite a school friend over)..

If she had siblings, I don't think it would be that bad, but I'm really wondering about the isolation while she's so young..

Has anyone here with an only child had to make that kind of decision - and if so, which did you choose?

I'd be interested to hear all of the pro's and cons from parents of a young child..

 

[browneyes]

I think it's all according to how isolated, according to how the parents grew up (if they were used to the country or urban atmosphere), how well your granddaughter deals with being by herself, etc. Being by herself could stimulate her creativity. The location may not be as isolated as it appears, too.

 

[campinggal]

Hmmm...sounds a bit like our situation.

We live in a fairly rural part on NH- it is nice and quiet and lots of outside places for DD (age 7) to explore.

DD is an only child and like your DGD, no kids her age around either. When DD entered school, she was able to be home with DH after school since he teaches so he has been her companion. That is been great to see them develop a good bond.

Unlike your DGD's other Grandparents, we do arrange play dates and DD has a friend come over during the school week periodically or we set a date for a weekend day so the play time can be longer. DD also has taken a craft class once a week at her school so it extends her time with other kids and she has fun doing the crafts. DH picks her up after the class. So I don't think our set up is isolating- but one definitely has to make an effort to make the connections with friends.

I think your DGD other Grandparents would welcome another child to come and play with DGD- especially at the age she is becoming- it makes things so much easier as the girls just go off and play thus the Grandparents don't have to always have to play.

I should also add that I grew up in a completely opposite setting- a neighborhood where there were so many kids on the 1 mile road we lived on that we filled a complete school bus- the bus just came to our road then went to school. Halloween was like a big block party- I've got great memories of it. However, it was just outside a major city and given how things have change in the 33 years since I was 7, I am glad we live where we live now and are able to give our DD lots of open space to explore and appreciate.

So, I'm happy with our choices but I realize as a parent that I might have to drive a little father or be a little more organized in planning play dates than I might not need to be if there were kids just in the neighborhood.

I woudn't be surprised that your DGD starts to request having friends over. This wasn't such a bid deal during the pre-school years but certainly in Kindergarten and 1st Grade- DD has usually started the ball rolling with requeting to have a friend over. Your DGD's other Grandparents might have to be a little more open to that idea.

Hope this helps!

 

[grinningghost]

I think growing up in the country would be fine, as long as she's enrolled in some kind of activities that allow her to interact with other kids on a regular basis.

Growing up in the suburbs is so different now from when I was a kid. Now, during the day, even in summer, you don't see many kids outside. They're either at camp, daycare or some other activities. It's kind of sad really. I remember as a kid, walking out of the house at 10 AM and tons of kids were out and ready to play. Not so anymore.

 

[Bob Slydell]

We specifically moved in order to be in a neighborhood with more kids around DS' age. Our old neighborhood just didn't have many younger kids in it (it wasn't isolated or anything, just an older neighborhood).

I have to say, it's the best thing we could have done -- it's really helped DS open up and become much more sociable and outgoing.

 

[poohtown]

I grew up on a farm and didn't know any other kids till I started school. During that time I learned to appreciate nature, playing by myself, and love of animals. I was extremely creative during those years: painting, drawing, reading - i learned alot! Also I had alot of animals to take care of and they were my best friends. When I got a little older, we moved to the city. I loved that too because it was a whole new world. I made lots of friends but I was always able to be by myself as well. I miss living on a farm. Keep telling my husband that but he says we would have way too many animals if I had my farm. (i think he's right - can't resist)

 

[aprincessmom]

DD is an only and I made a decision to build a house in the suburbs in a very family-filled area. We have 19 houses on our street and over 40 children (30 under the age of 5!). She has ready playmates whenever she'd like and we live close to other neighborhoods filled with children. It was a primary factor in my house buying decision.

In our neighborhood most of the moms are stay at home moms so the children are around a fair amount for playing. As they get older it seems they get loaded up with activities -- soccer, baseball, basketball, lacrosse, dance school, scouts, etc. -- and it's harder to find large blocks of time to play. Having children in the neighborhood makes it easier for the those impromtu bike rides, wiffle ball games and slip and slide "parties" because all they have to do is step out the front door and you're there.

I grew up in a fairly isolated area in a summer resort community. Even with a sister who was only one year younger than me, we were starving for other children. With parents working and school and other activities, it is difficult to count on play dates that require parents to drive back and forth. We moved to that area from an urban environment and we had a very hard time adjusting to having no one around.

 

[Kimberle]

The **best** place for a child(ren) to grow up is in a loving family. Period. City, suburbs, country, makes no difference.

Where the parents are happy, so shall the child(ren) be happy.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

I think that the countryside is the best. I wish I could have grown up there.

I grew up in a suburb. There were no other children in my neighborhood, the few that there were were not the sort of children my parents wanted me hanging around with.

She can certainly make friends at school, or join clubs. In the country she might be able to join a 4H club or maybe a girl scout troop. Lots of ways to make friends. And fresh air to boot!

 

[Microcell]

If there are no other kids around in either ase I suppose country would stimulate her imagination. I do like DD having friends right next door, but there is no one close to DS's age so he is isolated somewhat. I guess you can't win for losing!

 

[JayCT]

This is exactly the dilema DW and I had 10 years ago when we were looking for our house and are currently facing now that we are thinking of building. We chose the "family" neighborhood with 1/3 acre lots, sidewalks and supposedly a lot of "good" kids. Now that our kids are 8 and 6, we regret our decision. We should have gone with the larger lot in a more rural location.

Please note that the days of Wally and Beaver, June and Ward (as in Leave it to Beaver) are long gone (if they ever existed). In a "family" neighborhood you get all types of children and you can not control who the kids are playing with. You can also not control whose house they are at. There is always some kid that has a problem (bad language, attitude, disruptive, too rough, etc.). At least in an isolated location you have some control. We try to control things by having all the kids at our house to play. At least we can keep an eye on what is going on. There have been a couple of problems with our kids going to other houses because parents are not monitoring them often enough. Also, there is no gaurantee that there will be kids your childs age in the neighborhood you select. Our DS6 has no one his age to play with, so we have to make playdates for him anyway.

Also you always have a problem neighbor. In our case we have several and two of them live on either side of us. One side is a single woman (why a single woman would buy in this type of neighborhood is beyond me) who basically keeps to herself. On the other side is an older couple with grown kids (out of the house) who I have never talked to. They had problems with every other neighbor years before we moved in (they did not want any kids even touching their weed infested lawn) and now keep to themselves. I do not know these peoples names and have never talked to them other than to nod to each other across our small lawns. Also in our neghborhood is a mother who feels it is her job to COMPLETELY control what goes on at the school bus stop after she had it moved from the corner to her driveway (I now drive my kids to school on the way to work, which is actually easier since I pass the school anyway). Then there is the guy on the corner who doesn't want any dog peeing on the grass strip between the sidewalk and curb (this is not even his property, so legally he has no right to complain). There is also an old guy who moved in and cut down every tree on his property including the few beautiful large old trees that were left in the neighborhood.

I could go on, but I now always tell friends to NOT buy in this type of neighborhood unless they are prepared to deal with these types of issue. For me I am sick of it and ready to move on. I still though am going back and forth on whether to move or not. DS8 does not want to and DW is worried what a move will do to him. Anyway we will see. Jay

 

[ScarlettO]

We moved out to the country when my kids were young. Went to school k-8th in small local private school -loved it.

However, when they started going to High School -in a nearby city-they HATED that we lived so far in the "boonies" esp. when they started driving...and then we would worry about them driving home at night on dark country roads. So I'd say
it's great when they are young, but not in the Teen years.

 

[Kallison]

I agree with the other poster -- living on a crowded street doesn't always equal children. My older neighbors used to comment on how my kids were the only ones they ever saw playing out in the yard. My kids invite over who they want to play with, it works out better that way.

Why don't her grandparents want other kids over? I would think that would give them a break.

 

[Az Pirates]

If they love the location in the country I'd say go with that.

As others have said, buying in a family neighborhood does not guarantee that there will be kids in the same age group to play with. We are in a suburban neighborhood - but not a lot of young kids. My 5 yr. old dd has to make play dates as she has not found anyone her age close by. She is very social and loves to get together with friends.

It's too bad her other grandparents don't allow her to have friends over - but I sure don't think she will be the only one. Lots of kids are in daycare or enrichment programs after school - others are so busy with activities - they don't have much chance to just 'play' either.

DD has some friends she would love to have come play, but they are so 'scheduled' there really is no time for them to get together. Kinda sad really.

 

[Keli]

I vote for the country. We lived in a small city on a street with lots of kids and often my dd couldn't play herself because of homework in the afternoons and sports in the early evenings. The neighbors were on similar schedules and it didn't really work out for them to play more than once a week or so. We moved to the country and found that even in our rual area there a couple of girls fairly close by for Ashli to play with plus she still had her sports and youth group at church for social interaction. She ended up having more opportunites for play time with other kids in the country. But it was a lot more work on my part to drive her to her sports and clubs. I felt the extra work was worth it and I never regretted moving to the country. Plus it's beautiful in the country!

 

[jrydberg]

Where the parents are happy, so shall the child(ren) be happy.

 

[Robinrs]

I like to be around other children, too, since Michael is an only.

I love this statement:

The **best** place for a child(ren) to grow up is in a loving family. Period. City, suburbs, country, makes no difference.

I grew up in the urban jungle, actually lived in a project till the second grade. ALL I remember is how LOVED I was and how many friends we had! The community was so close. Every parent was a part of our family, Aunt This and Miss That, everyone CARED about each other. My Mom and Dad sheltered us from what other people called the "bad side of town". I saw nothing bad about it.

 

[C.Ann]

Just got home from the lake, and I'm very happy to read the replies here!

Everyone made some very good points worth considering and quite frankly it never even dawned on me until I read these replies that there might be no children her age - or children her parents would prefer she NOT play with - until I read the replies here..

Now I'm thinking the country may be the best way to go afterall.. We will be living with DD & her DH and more often than not, I will be the one who is there afternoons when she comes home from school and if there is enough time for play, I personally would have no problem with her having a school friend over even if I had to do the transporting.. Also, the idea of 4H and Girl Scouts is great too as she is a very imaginative, very bright little girl who enjoys learning and participating in various things..

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply.. One less thing for me to "fret" over.. LOL

 

[Mimi Q]

We live in a subdivision, but no children really my children's ages so they don't play with them much. I grew up in the country with no one my age to play with, and I turned out just fine.