Where are all the Gentlemen?

[jenm2878]

My fiance refuses to be chivolrous. (sp) He's not rude by any means, but will not open doors and such for me or let me go first in the room. He claims it's because he respects me and knows I am just as intelligent and just as capable of handling anything he can. He thinks it's condescending to know that I am absolutely equal and then treat me like I'm too "girly" to do things for myself. I think he came up with a smooth line to cover his laziness.

Now I work with a guy my age (27) who will always open doors, let me go first in a room, and will insist on carrying anything "heavy" for me. I appreciate it and tell him so often!

 

[MICKEY88]

My fiance refuses to be chivolrous. (sp) He's not rude by any means, but will not open doors and such for me or let me go first in the room. He claims it's because he respects me and knows I am just as intelligent and just as capable of handling anything he can. He thinks it's condescending to know that I am absolutely equal and then treat me like I'm too "girly" to do things for myself. I think he came up with a smooth line to cover his laziness.

Now I work with a guy my age (27) who will always open doors, let me go first in a room, and will insist on carrying anything "heavy" for me. I appreciate it and tell him so often!

if he respects you then common courtesy would lead him to hold doors for you, he should hold doors for all people, not just you..

now if he was carrying something heavy or bulky and your hands were empty, then common courtesy would have you holding the door for him...

 

[jenm2878]

if he respects you then common courtesy would lead him to hold doors for you, he should hold doors for all people, not just you..

now if he was carrying something heavy or bulky and your hands were empty, then common courtesy would have you holding the door for him...

Of course when hands are full we open doors for one another. I just mean he will never be the one to open my car door first or make sure he is on the outside of the sidewalk. He ALWAYS opens doors for elderly people though, no matter what the situation.

 

[DawnCt1]

I was going to post that thought,,I still occassionally will have a female snap when I hold the door, I simply tell them that I was raised to hold the door for everyone, female , male, old or young,,,

Isn't it unbelievable in this day and age that women are so insecure that they snap at common courtesies.

 

[ADisneygirl]

If a man holds a door for me I make sure to take them up on their kind gesture and walk through thanking them. I like when men hold doors.

 

[Mickey76]

I try to teach this to the boys in my classes every day. I always let the girls line up fiorst and make the boys hold a door if there is one to be open. They complain and I always tell them that for the rest of their lives, they should know that ladies always come first.

I hold the door for my fiancee all the time. I open the car door for her, too. And if I'm in her car and she needs to get gas, I get out and pump it for her. I don't see a lot of guys do this, but I think they should. I don't think I'm beeter than other guys, I just think I'm more respectful of women.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I always appreciate when a man is courteous and opens the door for me, etc. I do the same, though, if I get to the door first.

My son has very good manners. He'll open doors, and when we go out to eat, he'll always have my daughter and me order before him. That reminds me to tell him how much I appreciate his good manners this evening. My dd & I went to a restaurant w/my brother the other day, and when the waitress came, he ordered before we had a chance to, and then gave the waitress a dressing down because she didn't tell him the rootbeer came in a bottle and didn't have refills. What a difference from my son's behavior.

My son will be 18 in December. My brother is in his 40s.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Both your kids are VERY well mannered, MJ. One can see that right away.

 

[SDFgirl]

I think it's definitely on the way out...but I don't think it's all the guys' faults. I've seen women get huffy when men hold doors - "I can do it MYSELF, thank you very much!"

My fiance is a wonderful gentleman. His dad is too so he learned from a great teacher. I know he will teach our sons to be gentlemen.

I love him so much.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

My brother, who is 19, always holds doors open for people and things like that (except me of course ) But i also do the same, regardless of if its a male or female...we had a discussion in my college class about this last week--most people wont thank you on cmapus if you hold the door, and most let it just fall in your face...

now, theres a little that is 6 who i babysit...i used to watch him every day, and went with them to disney...even when he was young, he would try to get the door and let me and his younger brother in first..he told me he was "polite"...in disney, he offered to stand in front of me s othat an elderly lady could sit...it was cute!

 

[Kimberly]

It really is nice on seldom occaisions, but doing it excessively gets annoying too. I once went on a blind date with a guy where all he would do was basically kiss my feet the whole time. Literally would RUN in front of me to open the door.

I consider a man who is a gentleman who treats me always with respect and as his equal.

 

[Disney Doll]

My fiance refuses to be chivolrous. (sp) He's not rude by any means, but will not open doors and such for me or let me go first in the room. He claims it's because he respects me and knows I am just as intelligent and just as capable of handling anything he can. He thinks it's condescending to know that I am absolutely equal and then treat me like I'm too "girly" to do things for myself. I think he came up with a smooth line to cover his laziness.

Now I work with a guy my age (27) who will always open doors, let me go first in a room, and will insist on carrying anything "heavy" for me. I appreciate it and tell him so often!

I'd rethink my fiance, if I were you.

Meanwhile, I appreciate courtesy from both sides. I will hold a door for a gentleman or a lady, if it makes more sense for me to hold. I also thank people when they treat me courteously.

But I also think we women are sometimes our own worst enemies, because we tolerate discourteous behavior from men.

 

[jenm2878]

I'd rethink my fiance, if I were you.

Gosh that was polite. Let's see, I've known him 14 years, we've been together eight years, have a house, and have been through just about everything together. If him not opening doors for me is the worst thing about him, I can live with that.

Edited because I can't spell.

 

[jenm2878]

I was thinking about this thread, and it occurred to me that perhaps we all have different ideas of '"gentlemenness" and "common courtesy."

For example, if you are walking through a door in front of me and hold it so it doesn't slam in my face - common courtesy. Leaping in front of me and holding the door so I can exit first - gentlemenly.

Seeing that I'm dressed up and it's raining so you get the car - common courtesy. Getting the car in any situation - gentlemenly.

Seeing me carry an armful of groceries and offering to take some - common courtesy. Telling me to leave them and you'll unload the car - gentlemenly.

Offering to get MY coat from the car when I'm cold - common courtesy. Offering me YOUR jacket - gentlemenly.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't mind if my fiance doesn't often do the "gentlemenly" things on the list as long as common courtesy doesn't lapse.

 

[NMAmy]

is that what he told you...hmmmm are you sure it isn't just because he likes the view...LOL

I wondered if anyone would pick up on that. That was actually my first thought but I checked with his mother (a very proper elderly British lady) and she confirmed that he was doing the gentlemanly thing and she had taught him to do that. She also told me that if it had that extra added benefit for him, it would encourage him to continue. I love her--she's proper and posh but she's got a great sense of humor!

 

[Marseeya]

I'm raising both of my kids to be equally courteous. They're not always quick to remember to hold a door for someone, but I remind them and they're right on it. And similarly, there are times when I hold the door for them as well. (I hold doors for anyone and everyone)

But I have to admit, there's something really charming and special about it when a strange man holds a door open for me. The young men where I go to college must all be gentlemen because it's an every day occurrence for me to have a door held by one!

 

[Chris2597]

I have always live in the the south, most of it in S. Texas....The men here will make it a point to help a lady....I rarely do not have a door held open for me or allowed to enter first....These men always do it with a smile and are very gentlemanly....There have been a couple times when a rude man will push his way in front of everyone and let the door slam behind him...but it is rare.
I spent some time at my dd's house in IL, right outside of St. Louis and I was shocked to see how rude most men are up there....Dont flame me...I am sure not all are this way....but it was the norm to have an every man/woman attitude for themselves up there....My dd said this is how it is...She said said that it was standard that she would be struggling with a baby, stroller, trying to get in a door and these jerks would push by her and let the door slam in her face....

 

[imsorry]

Thank God there is a gentlemen left in this world! Here in NYC men will sit right in front of a pregnant woman on the train and never offer her a seat. I'm not that old, 48, but men have practically knocked me over to dive into an empty seat.

Last week I posted how a man experiencing road rage lowered his car window and started spitting at me after HE CUT US OFF!

I think maybe the feminist movement did have something to do with it, but to tell you the truth, I wish men would be more gentlemenly (is that a word?) again. I'll admit to being a little old fashioned, but it was nice when men respected women. I don't appreciate listening to filthy language from young guys on the train or the street.

I wonder if their mothers are proud of them?

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

My SO is the perfect gentleman. He always opens any door for me and anyone else (male or female), he will walk so that he is the closest to the street, he always pumps the gas if he is with me in the car, he will not sit down at the table until everyone is seated, he makes sure everyone dishes up before him and he will dish me up a plate, he makes sure to carry everything for him (I will do it myself but he still offers!!!), he walks behind me when going up the stairs (I think because he likes the view!!!), and I am sure he does a lot more than I can think of right now.