When you've run out of punishments..what now?

[Jennasis]

I am sure this will be a controversial subject, so let's enjoy the peace and quiet while we can for a moment, shall we?














there...Good!

So you've got a kid (or kids). You've tried it all. Taking away their favorite toy, taking away tv/play/computer time, taking away trips, charging them money, time outs, stripping their room of all but the bed, forcing them to write on the blackboard 1000 times, therapy/counseling, medication...everything from soup to nuts as far as punishments/rewards/behavior modification. You've tried ignoring the behavior completely....you've tried screaming, begging, crying, laughing, threatening, talking, and hugging it out.

What do you do??? I'm talking about for behavior that is dangerous and unnacceptable. Stuff that would likely have them arrested if they were an adult (starting fires, stealing, breaking windows) or stuff that could potentially harm them.

No, not my kid. I don't even have kids. Just watching a dear friend stuck in a tough situation. The kid is 6.

 

[happygirl]

I am sure this will be a controversial subject, so let's enjoy the peace and quiet while we can for a moment, shall we?














there...Good!

So you've got a kid (or kids). You've tried it all. Taking away their favorite toy, taking away tv/play/computer time, taking away trips, charging them money, time outs, stripping their room of all but the bed, forcing them to write on the blackboard 1000 times, therapy/counseling, medication...everything from soup to nuts as far as punishments/rewards/behavior modification. You've tried ignoring the behavior completely....you've tried screaming, begging, crying, laughing, threatening, talking, and hugging it out.

What do you do??? I'm talking about for behavior that is dangerous and unnacceptable. Stuff that would likely have them arrested if they were an adult (starting fires, stealing, breaking windows) or stuff that could potentially harm them.

No, not my kid. I don't even have kids. Just watching a dear friend stuck in a tough situation. The kid is 6.

Maybe a teen bootcamp. Or maybe shock jail.

 

[VickiVM]

Maybe a teen bootcamp. Or maybe shock jail.

It's not the kid only...there's more family issues than the behavior.

 

[Jennasis]

Maybe a teen bootcamp. Or maybe shock jail.

I don't think they take kids at 6 years old into bootcamp or the "scared straight" programs (which is what I think you meant by "shock jail"). However, were the kiddo older, I would agree with you and this may very well be where he's heading down the road.

 

[C.Ann]

If she has tried everything else - including medication and counseling - and this is dangerous behavior - she may have to consider residential treatment..

 

[Michelle67]

Counseling? Seriously, I thought you were going to say this was a teenager. But six? Wow. My six year old is emotionally challenged and can have a hard time keeping his cool, but it sounds like your friend's son really needs help. Please don't take that as an insult, it isn't meant that way. Just seems like something really big has to be going on with him to make him act out like that.

*edited because deleting is annoying...but I had somehow missed where you said your friend had already tried counselling. Sorry about that...

 

[Carly_Roach]

I am sure this will be a controversial subject, so let's enjoy the peace and quiet while we can for a moment, shall we?














there...Good!

So you've got a kid (or kids). You've tried it all. Taking away their favorite toy, taking away tv/play/computer time, taking away trips, charging them money, time outs, stripping their room of all but the bed, forcing them to write on the blackboard 1000 times, therapy/counseling, medication...everything from soup to nuts as far as punishments/rewards/behavior modification. You've tried ignoring the behavior completely....you've tried screaming, begging, crying, laughing, threatening, talking, and hugging it out.

What do you do??? I'm talking about for behavior that is dangerous and unnacceptable. Stuff that would likely have them arrested if they were an adult (starting fires, stealing, breaking windows) or stuff that could potentially harm them.

No, not my kid. I don't even have kids. Just watching a dear friend stuck in a tough situation. The kid is 6.

I'm sure there are others here who will get into the spanking method of discipline, which I also endorse. So I'm going to offer another thought in addition to that suggestion:

The kid who has lost everything has nothing to lose. This is the perfect breeding ground for very dangerous situations for everyone involved as I suspect your friend has finally found out about. Think about that when you're advocating so-called "humane" punishments.

By taking away everything - material stuff, privileges, human contact with everyone except your jailer, and even privacy by removing the doors to their rooms - you're treating your children like criminals. If you put them in jail-house circumstances, sooner or later they'll start acting like jail-house individuals with nothing to lose.

Carry on.

 

[Christine]

I doubt there is anything your friend can do.

This child didn't respond to the usual punishments because the behavior is highly unusual. I would say, at best, at 6 years old, this child is seriously unstable and mentally ill. I agree with residential treatment. Something is very wrong.

 

[Jennasis]

Counseling? Seriously, I thought you were going to say this was a teenager. But six? Wow. My six year old is emotionally challenged and can have a hard time keeping his cool, but it sounds like your friend's son really needs help. Please don't take that as an insult, it isn't meant that way. Just seems like something really big has to be going on with him to make him act out like that.

Not insulted at all. My heart just breaks for all of them.

 

[kirbydog48]

Is the child seeing a psychiatrist? It may be bipolar disorder.

 

[happygirl]

I don't think they take kids at 6 years old into bootcamp or the "scared straight" programs (which is what I think you meant by "shock jail"). However, were the kiddo older, I would agree with you and this may very well be where he's heading down the road.

I'm not sure what scared straight is, but shock jail is where they take the child down to the police station in the car and treat them like a inmate for a day and night. They keep the kids seperate from the adults.

What about junville hall since he is so young?

I don't know if you are religious or not but I think prayer does change everything.

 

[luvmy3]

For those kinds of behaviors I would stop with the punishments and start with therapy.

 

[Jennasis]

I'm sure there are others here who will get into the spanking method of discipline, which I also endorse. So I'm going to offer another thought in addition to that suggestion:

The kid who has lost everything has nothing to lose. This is the perfect breeding ground for very dangerous situations for everyone involved as I suspect your friend has finally found out about. Think about that when you're advocating so-called "humane" punishments.

By taking away everything - material stuff, privileges, human contact with everyone except your jailer, and even privacy by removing the doors to their rooms - you're treating your children like criminals. If you put them in jail-house circumstances, sooner or later they'll start acting like jail-house individuals with nothing to lose.

Carry on.

Interesting. Certainly food for thought.

 

[Michelle67]

Not insulted at all. My heart just breaks for all of them.

Me too. I'm really sorry, and I hope your friend can find help for her son. He's just a baby.

 

[Jennasis]

Is the child seeing a psychiatrist? It may be bipolar disorder.

For those kinds of behaviors I would stop with the punishments and start with therapy.

Yes, he sees a psychiatrist.

 

[pearlieq]

What do you do??? I'm talking about for behavior that is dangerous and unnacceptable. Stuff that would likely have them arrested if they were an adult (starting fires, stealing, breaking windows) or stuff that could potentially harm them.

No, not my kid. I don't even have kids. Just watching a dear friend stuck in a tough situation. The kid is 6.

Those behaviors seem to indicate a serious mental illness. At that point, I don't there's any option left but involving DCFS and getting the child medical treatment, possibly in a residential facility.

I can't imagine how heartbreaking it must be to watch that, and for your friend to live it. I really hope they can get him help.

 

[ilovejack02]

Is the child seeing a psychiatrist? It may be bipolar disorder.

There is something wrong with this child.. I would move heaven and earth. One Dr. doesnt work you try another and another and another and another.
He may need a residential placement for help.
He most likely has very serious needs and punishment will never help.

 

[luvmy3]

Yes, he sees a psychiatrist.

And there has been no change? Is he on any medication?

 

[luvmy3]

There is something wrong with this child.. I would move heaven and earth. One Dr. doesnt work you try another and another and another and another.
He may need a residential placement for help.
He most likely has very serious needs and punishment will never help.

ITA, maybe he needs a more intense therapy, or maybe something even contraversial that another wouldn't try. There has got to be something to help a 6 year old who acts this way.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think Carly Roach has a good point about kids who have lost everything have nothing to lose.

I also wonder how long your friend stuck with any one of the list of things she has tried A kid that age needs consistency and with this child's problems LOTS of it. I think Mom has to come up with a discipline plan she can live with (meaning enforce every single time) which is fair (not taking away everything to start with--the kid does have to have something to live for--and goes in gradual steps both up and down) and outline it clearly to her son and then stick with it at least 6 months to see if it really works or not. I think one thing the child has learned is that the punishments (and rewards?) change all the time. He needs time to unlearn that. Probably continued counseling for the child AND the family combined with a very clear cut and ALWAYS followed, long term discpline strategy is in order here. This is not a quick fix situation.