When you take family, do you charge them for the room?

[DisZip]

DrTomorrow is right on the mark.

When we (myself and DW) decided to invite my in-laws (her parents), it was because we wanted to spend the time together with them. As such, there is no way we would consider asking them to pay and have refused their offers to pay towards the room.

If it was someone elses idea, for whatever reason, to use our DVC points for some group vacation, then there would be some discussion of the group members contributing to the cost of the points, especially if it envolved boworring future points.

In the OPs case, it seems undecided who's idea is was, who invited who etc. Now I think the OPs only option, short of causing a family rift, is to hope for the best. Maybe they will cover that meal out (or two).

 

[jmminarik]

If we take them, no charge...and we usually pay for their park admission. I suppose if they ask for a room there might be considerations.

-Joe

 

[ILoveMyDVC]

I have never charged for the room but I do wish people understood that there is a dollar (currently 8-10$) associated with each point.
I quit inviting people to join us because it was costing me more in rental cars (need a bigger vehicle), grocery costs, and dinner (some people just don't get they should give enough money to cover everything they ordered and a tip for that amount.




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* If you are okay with a former cocaine user running your country
* Works very hard to convince the public that 9/11 is somehow related to Iraq to justify his personal war.

 

[Limmer]

This may sound stupid but can't you just ask your husband if (and when) he invited them? I understand having difficult in-laws, BELIEVE ME! (My MIL announced to my mom and grandma while I was in labour that she needed to be in the room with me even though I had said no because she needed to be there for my husband in case the baby and I died!) Don't make the question accusing, maybe something like "Honey, I don't remember when you asked your parents to come along. Was I there?" O would blame it on my faulty memory and make it sould like a joke. If he says that he did not invite them then I would ask him who decided they were coming?

 

[queenof4hearts]

We took my BIL & SIL last Dec. and also paid for their park passes. They paid for their airfare. I would do it again in a heartbeat. We had a blast and they were very appreciative and had a fabulous time w/ our kids.

On the other hand my DS and her DH are just as cheap as can be. We have taken them on limo rides, out to dinner and they are so not apreciative. I would not ofer to treat her to a Disney Vaca. She has even asked me if I have extra pts. and when we treated BIL & SIL she needed to know if we collected money from them. I just told her yes...solves that dilemma.

I think it can depend. I do lean towards the treating side!

 

[pat-rick]

No Charge !!!!!!

If you want to invite someone or take them along it is an invitation.
If circumstances are such that you can not handle the cost or points or responsibility then don't invite them.
We seem to alway take along family as guests and have never asked them to pay. We purchased DVC to share and enjoy the time. What seems to happen is someone suggests they go on a grocery run for breakfast, lunch and snack foods and they always pick up a dinner or two during the stay.
What we have done to others is mention when we are going and if interested the Swan and Dolphin ( BCV is our Home) are very close and reasonable if they decide to go the same time. We have done this with extended family and has work well in the past.

Maybe its just me but I have a problem with giving and invitation and also asking them to pay.

There have been other cases where I did not want something to become a habit (not DVC) so I jokingly ask if they would like to join us for dinner, Dutch Treat !!! as an example. In that way they new from the beginning they were paying their way before they gave me an answer.
No mis-understandings.
Sometimes they even picked up the check.

 

[CarolMN]

Originally posted by rocketriter
There's talk in this thread about having a discussion with the in-laws before reservations are made. That's true.

But there's another discussion that needs to occur even before that one, and that's where husband and wife come to mutual agreement before any offer is even hinted at to the relatives. That needs to become an iron-clad part of the marital ground rules.

ITA with this! Husband and wife need to be on same side and agree before any invitations (of any kind) are issued.

I too think this time for the OP is a done deal - no way to get out of it gracefully. I would however, insist that my DH not invite anyone ever again without at least discussing with me first. Of course, I would expect to discuss with him first befoe I invited anyone, too.

Best wishes -

 

[ErinC]

Just a thought, because I haven't seen anyone else mention it. What about getting 2 studios instead of the 2 bedroom. It would be less points, and you wouldn't have to share accomodations with your inlaws. They would probably be nearby, but not under your nose. This might allow some "un-together" time, which it looks like you might need!

We have invited my parents, and SIL and did not charge them anything, and when DH's parents retire, we'll treat them to some trips too. It sounds like a tough situation, but hopefully you will have some enjoyable times. Unless the 2 bed. is a must, I'd do the 2 studios, and then maybe you'll have some points left over for another trip in 2006.

 

[crisi]

There might be a way to get out gracefully, and someone hit on it earlier.

Set them down. Have your husband explain (not you, they are his parents), that your original intent was to take your niece and you are prepared to pick up airfare, tickets and meals for her. But you can't afford to treat the "grown ups" to a fully paid for trip - not when you are in the middle of building a house! You will graciously cover the rooms - which, he should explain, have a "street value" of around $3,000 for the week - that's what you could get if you rented out your reservation. But they will need to buy their own park tickets and they will cost $XXX each. They will need to cover dining expenses, and that will be $XXX a day. They will need to take care of their own airfare at $XXX.

Give them a chance to gracefully bow out....."we understand that this is a lot of money. We'd love to have you there, but if you are only going because you aren't sure we will be able to handle Becky for a week, rest assured, we won't have a problem with her. We've spent a lot of time with Becky and she is a good kid."

I suspect - when confronted with what their out of pocket expenses will be - you will either have two fewer guests, or you'll change your own mind about being generous. If they are willing to shell out several thousand dollars (and that is what it will likely be) for the vacation, they are doing it to spend time with you and their granddaughter.

BTW, we treated my mother in law last year - a woman of limited means who'd never have gone on her own. And we picked up meals and park tickets and airfare, and took her sister along so she'd have company when we were off with our kids! But the situation was quite different. We could afford the treat. She didn't invite herself (in fact, was reluctant to go at all -- not getting the Disney thing). I don't think there is anything wrong with inviting someone to "share" your vacation and offering to "rent" them points to do so at a reduced rate - and if we ever add on we will be doing that with friends - but that is the way the offer needs to be made.

 

[rocketriter]

We just got back from a successful trip in which we got a 2-bedroom lockoff and gave the studio side as a gift to my wife's brother and his partner. From the get-go it was understood that they would be responsible for their own airfare, park tickets and meals. However, we gave DBIL a birthday party at our expense, and one night they bought us dinner as a thank-you for the room. It worked out very nicely because my DW and I figured out what we'd like to offer together before we made the offer, and then we laid out the offer and terms in our first conversation with DBIL. They understood the nature and boundaries of the gift and were grateful for it, and we respected the fact that they expected to carry their own weight on the other expenses.

 

[Disney Doll]

I would not be able to charge my or DH's family, but I like them all, none of them would be "moochers" or "expect" a free trip to WDW every year. Plus DSIL &DBIL are very good to us, have us for dinner a lot etc., so I see using the DVC points to give them a trip now and then as a way to sort of pay them back for being nice to us. Plus, we enjoy travelling with them, they are a lot of fun and like many of the same things we do.

I do have a couple we are friends with that I charge if they stay in our DVC unit. I charge them what they would pay per night in a moderate, since if they weren't staying in our DVC 2nd bedroom of a 2 BR unit(which is, in effect, a moderate hotel room + kitchenette), they'd be paying to stay in a moderate. They consider that to be very fair, as they feel that they are getting far beyond moderate accomodations for a moderate price.

I have a single friend who sometimes travels with us when we do a big group thing, and she sleeps on the pullout in the livingroom, and I don't charge her anything to sleep there either.

Usually all the folks who travel with us are also good about chipping in for the food etc., and it works out nicely.

 

[ceejay13]

We have taken friends and family on several occasions and have never charged. In fact, we took 10 in January for a week's stay. We got 2 - 2 bdrs which we split into 2 studios and 2 -1 bdrs and then had another studio. That way each family had their own space and more importantly we had our own space. We are going back in 40 days (not that I'm counting) and are taking 4 close friends with us and getting a GV. Each pair will have a bdr of their own. We chose the GV this time as it is mostly a golf outing for 5 days and won't be in the room a whole lot. After they leave we are moving to a 1 bdr for 6 more night of relaxation. I think the options are great and depending on how well you think you will get along would determine for me which accomodations to get. My family that had the studios still thought they had been given a million and were so appreciative. They bought us several meals and made a photo album for us when we returned. Certainly circumstances are different for many and sometimes it can get a little sticky. Hopefully this all works out for you.

 

[Lesley]

I see you're from Reading PA! I grew up in the Boyertown area...my parents who still live there are joining us in December at VWL and are paying for the difference in points for a 2br vs. a 1br....but its kind of weird how that worked out. We hosted them in Dec. 2002 (they bought us some meals and paid for groceries...their choice). But this year it worked out differently. We were planning to take the trip ourselves, but realized we'd really love some help with the kids. Rather than put out over a hundred bucks to use the kids' clubs a night or two we decided to offer my mom a plane ticket to come stay with us and babysit. She countered that offer with a proposition that both she and my step dad join us, get their own room, etc....and pay for all their own stuff. That's when I offered to check on getting a 2br...not expecting any compensation...and my mom said that it would be okay with her as long as they could pay us for the difference in points between the 1br and 2br. So really, it works to all our advantage...they get 5 nights at the VWL for $400 (great rate!) and we have a bit extra cash for our visit and babysitting a couple of evenings.

I would definitely find out how it happened that your in-laws are coming along. If your dh asked them without consulting you that seems like a pretty big issue. And if they invited themselves, how did it happen that you made a reservation for them? Seriously, anytime anyone would mention coming along I would be really up front about whether or not we'd be providing the accomodations and about the other costs involved.

I know the attitude of "how can you afford that?"... and the not taking vacations thing....being from good 'ol Berks Co. myself. We dealt with it a bit when we still lived there. Its all a matter of choices, as you said.

To be truthful, I have no idea how anyone could get stuck with someone inviting themself along on a vacation. My first question when hearing they were coming would be "oh, you are? where are you staying?" and then if they stated they'd be staying with us I'd have to politely say..."oh, I'm really sorry if you got the wrong impression, but our room only sleeps X (number) and we're out of points this year" Then again, I don't know anyone who would even do that...its so rude!

But when making plans with anyone I make sure everyone is clear on what I'm offering or not....but basically if I'm offering a stay with us, I expect to provide it without strings attached.

 

[lenshanem]

Be careful -
http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=665331

 

[puffkin]

know the attitude of "how can you afford that?"... and the not taking vacations thing....being from good 'ol Berks Co. myself. We dealt with it a bit when we still lived there. Its all a matter of choices, as you said.

This is too funny because you hit the nail on the head with how vacationing is viewed in this area.

Thanks for all the advice. I don't think my DH actually invited them, he is pretty sure about that. We bought into DVC by using our wedding money as a down payment. In his thank you notes to his family, he wrote that we bought DVC in the hopes of taking other family members with us from time to time (meaning my nieces). He was in charge of his families thank you notes (20 notes verses the 100 I had to write ) so I didn't check them. His parents found out we were taking our niece and they mentioned they would like to go along, to help out. He never said yes or no, just kind of ignored it (this is a huge problem I have with his family, there is noooooo communication). Well, they are now really excited about going, so there isn't much I can do.

I already laid out what park tickets, airfare, and meals will cost. MIL has already balked at the cost of meals, saying "Well if the unit has a full kitchen, why don't we eat there?" I pretty much told her they are welcome to eat any meals they want in the villa, but my DH and I eat one nice meal a day on vacation (I refuse to cook on vacation!!!!!) and will probably only eat breakfast and snacks in the villa. Plus, we hinted around at what the "street value" of the villa is for the week, plus the fact that we are buying our niece her park ticket plus a lot of her food (her parents are covering the airfare and some spending money).

Hopefully, everything will work out well and we will have a great trip. His parents are such tightwads though, and generally tend to lounge around on vacation. That is just not my style at all! My DH said he would compromise and let me invite my Mom to come along too. That way, if I want to do something and his family just wants to hang out, we can go our separate ways.

Again, thanks for all the thoughts and advice. I guess I will just have to drop the bullet on this one. My DH already has been assigned to explain to his parents how DVC works and about our limited points so that they realize this isn't something we can afford to do frequently (use up two years worth of points) and that we don't plan on taking other family members except our nieces for a long time, until we can add on more points.

 

[crisi]

I wouldn't take your mother - where would she sleep? Plus, my own mother and my own mother-in-law get along "fine." But not "vacation-for-a-week" fine. They'd drive each other batty - and I'd have to commit ritual suicide before the week was out.

Sit down with your husband and figure some stuff out. Sounds like he envisions himself sitting around the villas with them and your niece, leaving you on your own (i.e. you can take your mom so you have something to do). If that is fine with you, great. I'd be setting my hubby down for the come to Jesus talk - WE do these things - a nice dinner, time in the parks. WE aren't going to be bringing your neice down to sit by the pool. If your parents want to sleep late and hang in the Villas, great - we will bring cell phones so they can reach us if they want to hook up. I'M not thrilled with them coming to start with and if you decide spending time with them is more important than OUR vacation, I'll get quite cranky.

That is actually a pretty strident version of the deal I had with my Mother In Law. We are going to do these things. I'd recommend you do these things with us. But you are free to spend as much or as little time with as as you'd like. In our case, we spent the first two days running my MIL and her sister ragged - we wanted to get them the lay of the land. They spent the next four meeting up only for dinner - we went to the waterpark, we rode rides - they poked through Epcot. We spent the last day together again doing the kids favorite MK stuff.

And I did "express my concerns" to my husband before inviting them. That in the interest of being a good hostess I'd have a lousy vacation. That our kids were only going to be this age once - and we'd bought DVC so that we could see Disney through their eyes at each age - and not the "we've been in this shop for an hour mom! I'm bored!" experience. He understands what Disney means to me and we are both very aware of my (and by extention his) vacation style at Disney - early mornings, quick moves between attractions. Not quite commando, but not a lot of room for "this is vacation, I'm going to sleep in every morning, and if I spend an hour looking at doo dads in a store, that is a good way to spend my time." And we are both very aware that is mother is a "sleep late, move slow, like to shop" sort of person.

(However, all of us, MIL, DH and self, like food - so we centered the whole vacation around where we were meeting for dinner - sharing the part everyone was very content with).

All in all, the vacation was fantastic. Everyone had a really good time (I did push too hard the first two days). My mother in law was great - I did a great job planning to our incompatibilities, and she was a real trooper when she needed to be. And her sister - I'd take her anywhere again in a heartbeat! Gracious. Wonderful traveling companion. Helpful. Not obtrusive. And the best thank you note I ever received.

The only other thing I wish I'd done is we were so busy, we never took a night to let my MIL babysit so we could go out. It wasn't important to me, so I didn't schedule it. But SHE saw it as a way to pay us back in some form. I didn't realize that until much later and I should have been more aware of it.

 

[puffkin]

I wouldn't take your mother - where would she sleep?

Our sleeping arrangements would be DH and I in master. MIL and FIL in 2nd bedroom. Mom (if she can come, still checking on her work schedule) would sleep on sleeper sofa. Niece would either sleep on second sofa (we are planning on staying at OKW) or in the other bed in the 2nd bedroom.

I really want my mom to come because I don't want to deny my husband time with his family. Plus, my DH and my mom get along great because we have already vacationed with her and we are now living with my parents until our new house is finished. Just wanted to clear that up.

 

[Lesley]

Oh, my...the inlaws expect you guys to spend every minute with them? ouch!

I didn't mention that one of my other things about vacationing with others is that I let them know I generally have a plan....they are welcome to join us or do their own thing. If there's something I'd really like to do as a group I ask if they want to do it. I've never travelled with anyone who had a clue about WDW...so generally no one else makes any plans. I'm not really rigid in my planning either....and I make changes as necessary....but I do try to be clear that I'm not going to be catering to someone else's whims on MY vacation. As a mom I spend enough time every day catering to others' whims.

Sounds like your mom would be a good addition to the trip if your inlaws would seriously expect you to sit around with them....but I also suggest that you and your mom take the neice with you to have fun if she gets tired of sitting around with her grandparents and uncle! I almost feel bad for her...I mean, here she was going to get a fun trip with her aunt and uncle and now her grandparents are coming too. If all they like to do is sit around that's gotta be a real bummer...as much as I'm sure she loves them.

 

[vernon]

Puffkin, in your situation I would DEFINATELY take your mom along.
It's not going to add much to your cost, it would give you some support when I think you're likely to need it and it sounds like you mom has been very helpful ( more so than the in-laws)while you're building your house and might feel a little left out if you take your inlaws before taking her.

 

[ClarabelleCow]

While I wish I had hundreds of points and plenty of money, I couldn't afford to take the family with us. We usually decide when we are going (myself and husband), and then decide if we want to tell others. Usually just my sis and her family and my parents, they all love disney, but haven't caught the bug yet. I explain what I can get, and if they wish to join us, (not come with us), this is what I can do. I am usually able to cover a 2 bedroom, and they cover the studio and maybe the weekend nights, that way they feel like they are contributing, and I'm not using 3 years of points for one trip. Everyone is on their own for tickets, etc. But we all enjoy traveling together.

It would be different if I said, hey I have a 3 bedroom villa booked do you want to come!