When you have a child that excels & another that doesn't....

[disney1990]

All children are different and as a parent, you love them all equally.

We have one daughter that barely had to open a book to get straight A's. Our other daughter could study all day long and never get an A.

They were both normal children in every way.

 

[clovergirl5]

I think its nice that these sports are being offered at young age and if the kids and parents want to do it, and parents can afford it thats great. If its not for them, then they don't sign up.
The experience that I have had with all dc's rec coaches and travel sb coaches, I have not seen anything so far that would make me feel like I needed to jump in and say something about dc being pushed to hard or worked to hard. Believe me, if I saw that, I would be stepping up. I am very overprotective One thing I do look for is how the coaches attitudes are about winning. If they are win at all cost...forget it, not interested. Luckily, I haven't come acrossed that. Not yet at least. At this point with all dc except dd13, its all for fun, exercise, socializing, and staying out of trouble. For dd13 who is in travel sb, its competive and she loves it! She is always excited and dedicated at every practice and game. She gets upset if her teammates aren't playing up to par.
Just an fyi...her travel dues were $650 last year (her 1st year) which included 2 uniforms, 1 sweatsuit, 1 prac. shirt and shorts, 2 pairs socks, huge batbag on wheels, team helmet and 1 pair softball pants. It also included fees for tournaments. Dues this year were only $450 because we had all the uniforms and stuff already. We are gauranteed 45-50 games this year.
Its also fun family time. We get to have overnight stays in hotels for some of the tournaments out of state. The kids love that. Its fun staying at a hotel with all your teammates and parents. You become pretty close with these people. Potlucks and cookouts at tournaments in the summer. It just fun!

 

[golfgal]

Why?? I am not questioning you, clovergirl, I am questioning why we have gotten to this point. It wasn't like that when I was young and I played JV and varsity in high school & easily received a sports scholarship. I don't understand when we as a society decided that a 9 y/o needs to be on traveling sports teams if they ever stand a chance of playing HS sports. Am I the only one that finds that ridiculous? I understand that this is the way it is now but that doesn't make it right.

Don't forget to factor in politics too--yes, teams get "set" early on but a lot of time it is who is friends with whom that make the team.

As for 9 yr olds needing to play travel to make HS teams.....High School teams are competitive. Kids that have spent time working on their skills are going to make the team. You can't just walk in at 14 yrs old, without having put in some work, and expect to make the team. that's not new. It was like that when I played HS ball too. What is new is how involved the travel teams are now. When I played travel, we tried-out in June (while playing in house leagues), practiced in July and played in Aug...done by Sept. Now you try out in Aug, practice (or play indoors) from Sept - May and then play outdoors from May - Aug. Most travel kids don't even bother with house leagues.

Jess

I COMPLETELY disagree with this and as your kids get older you will find out why. A superstar at 9 has NO bearing on how they will improve and play as a high school player. You will find that often the superstar in 5th grade doesn't even make the high school JV squad for many reasons, often that these kids don't work as hard to improve, they often are the kids that physically mature faster than others, thus are bigger and stronger younger--with the effect that they stop growing sooner and they get passed up by kids in 10th grade or so. You take an equally talented kid and start one playing basketball in 2nd grade and one starting in 8th grade-by the time they are in 10th grade they will be at equal playing level--same with musical instruments-start a kid on piano at 5 and another at 10, by the time they are 15 they will be the same (all things equal-same playing time, practice time, etc.). Take two kids age 12 and the one that started at 5 will be better then the other one that started at 12, yes, but given a year or two that equals out.

We are REALLY seeing this with the 9th grade class this year, especially the boys. There has been a team of "A" players that all made the "A" team last year as 8th graders but it is funny that NONE of these "A" players made the top 9th grade team--it is all made up of kids from the B and C teams from last year. There were 2 "B" team players that could have been "A" players last year (NONE of the C team players could have been A players) but they chose to play down for more playing time--smart move. ONE of the "A" team players from last year got moved to JV, the rest are playing second team 9th grade ball this year. That is REALLY unusual but a lot of it comes from them not practicing as hard or working on skills for the past several years because "they knew it already" according to their travel coach .

Unfortunately that is why so many children are suffering adult injuries. Their bodies weren't meant to be pushed to the degree the crazy coaches push. Sometimes the adults in their lives need to be the ones to put on the brakes.

You see some awfully serious injuries in middle school these days that you NEVER saw 20 years ago. Then the kids get braces on every joint making it WORSE-tape up an ankle and turn wrong and your KNEE gives out instead of your ankle--immobilize that knee and then your HIP gives out. NOT GOOD.

 

[5lilfish]

You did buy that $40 jacket, right? Thousands of other parents did, too, and someone took that to the bank.

I bought the jacket because I thought it was cute and I knew my DD could use a jacket (as in I was going to have to buy her a jacket regardless of sports). It had nothing to due with someone taking advantage of me as was suggested in an earlier post (not your post).

Jess

 

[Luv Bunnies]

My oldest son (now 14) has Asperger's. He has never been interested in sports or groups activities. Having to be social and keep his behavior in check all day at school is enough for him. Afterschool, he just wants to come home and spend some down time. He was invited to several b-day parties but has never had a really close friend that he sees outside of school. We've encouraged outside activities for him but have never pushed anything. That just wouldn't work. He's an amazingly smart kid with wonderful insights and he's extremely sweet. That's who he is.

Our youngest son (now 11) is outgoing, has tons of friends and is into several activities. He's played baseball and soccer for 6 seasons, takes drum lessons at school and loves performing in musicals. He's the kid who will strive for the lead in the play and get it. He's always being invited for playdates or asking if we can have someone over. We don't hold him back at all just because his brother didn't do any of those things. He's also very smart and sweet.

I see having two very different kids as a blessing. I get to experience two distinct personalities. Each comes with it's own set of challenges and rewards. They make life interesting and fun!

 

[castleview]

Its also fun family time. We get to have overnight stays in hotels for some of the tournaments out of state. The kids love that. Its fun staying at a hotel with all your teammates and parents. You become pretty close with these people. Potlucks and cookouts at tournaments in the summer. It just fun!

Glad someone likes them. DD's soccer team had four or five parties over the summer. I was screaming "Uncle" by the third. Don't get me wrong. The kids and parents are all lovely people, but I don't need to hang out with them all the time. Maybe I'm overly cautious, but I've seen team parties take up even more time for kids and it keeps them (and their parents) from forming other friendships. If that child quits her sport, it can leave a huge hole in her and her parents' lives because they solely invested their time in that one team.

 

[luvsJack]

I COMPLETELY disagree with this and as your kids get older you will find out why. A superstar at 9 has NO bearing on how they will improve and play as a high school player. You will find that often the superstar in 5th grade doesn't even make the high school JV squad for many reasons, often that these kids don't work as hard to improve, they often are the kids that physically mature faster than others, thus are bigger and stronger younger--with the effect that they stop growing sooner and they get passed up by kids in 10th grade or so. You take an equally talented kid and start one playing basketball in 2nd grade and one starting in 8th grade-by the time they are in 10th grade they will be at equal playing level--same with musical instruments-start a kid on piano at 5 and another at 10, by the time they are 15 they will be the same (all things equal-same playing time, practice time, etc.). Take two kids age 12 and the one that started at 5 will be better then the other one that started at 12, yes, but given a year or two that equals out.

We are REALLY seeing this with the 9th grade class this year, especially the boys. There has been a team of "A" players that all made the "A" team last year as 8th graders but it is funny that NONE of these "A" players made the top 9th grade team--it is all made up of kids from the B and C teams from last year. There were 2 "B" team players that could have been "A" players last year (NONE of the C team players could have been A players) but they chose to play down for more playing time--smart move. ONE of the "A" team players from last year got moved to JV, the rest are playing second team 9th grade ball this year. That is REALLY unusual but a lot of it comes from them not practicing as hard or working on skills for the past several years because "they knew it already" according to their travel coach .

That's the exact experience we have seen even with too much "summer ball" or rec teams (baseball). One of ds's best friends was an outstanding pitcher at 9. His fast ball was one of legend in that age group and a lot of the kids were terrified to try and hit it. He struck out almost everyone. His dad (the coach) would not let anyone clock it, so I have no idea of the exact speed; but at 17 his fast ball was not much faster than it was at about 12. He just didn't continue to try and improve his speed, because he didn't see the need in it--he was the "star" pitcher for miles around, why should he work at it??! Other players that were always the best at their position were the same way.

OTOH, a young man that didn't play ball until high school worked and worked and kept improving. He got the scholarship, has had no injuries and went on to play minor league ball.

This is not the exception, either. A LOT of hs players make the teams without playing travel teams or invitational teams or whatever it is for whichever sport. There are more people that can NOT afford these teams than those that can--how on earth would these kids get to play on the high school teams??

 

[barkley]

I am watching two different families going through two very similar situations. One of my friends is really struggling with the "right decision." Seeing the post about switching schools for a better sports team made me think of the two families I know.

Both have one child in their family that excels at something that requires a great deal of time commitment. One family has another child and the other family has two other children. The time, energy and money they dedicate to the child that excels amazes me. The younger kids have to come along for the ride and hear the praise that is always heaped upon the older kid. I watch the younger kids and I wonder how they must feel always playing second fiddle.

Honestly, I am not judging. I don't have a clue what I would do in their situation. I have two normal kids that don't excel at anything. They are great kids but they just don't have activities that require huge time commitments, travel, etc.

If you have one child that excels and requires a great deal of your time, how do your other children feel? How do you balance it so the other kids don't feel neglected or "not as special" as one of the kids put it the other day? I have heard actors talk about one of their parents moving to Hollywood or NY for them when they were little so they could pursue acting; leaving the rest of the family behind. Usually the parents ended up divorced. One of my friends seems to be considering a move that would totally uproot their family because of their one child. Would you ever take it to that level?

i see this allot in the performing arts. the one kid is big into it and the other(s) get schlepped to the rehearsals. it's not so bad when it's a dance class or something that's only 30 minutes or an hour but i feel so bad for the non participating kids who end up sitting for 3 (or many more) hours while their sib is doing their thing. i tend to chat with kids so i've struck up conversations with lots in this situation-some are very open about their resenting being there, for some they know no other lifestyle (often the case when it's an older sib performing so they've been schlepped around all their lives) so they are ambiviilent about it. i've yet to meet a kid who was thrilled to be in one of these arrangements.

my parents were'nt guilty of this when i was growing up, but there were several summers when every freaking weekend i got drug to rodeos my brother was in. I HATED IT, but i never said anything b/c i knew it would'nt make any difference-mom and dad were going so i had to go. just recently i was visiting my brother and he turned on some kind of rodeo channel and i blurted out BLEEEECH. he asked why i hated them so much, 'there so much fun, there's so much excitement, the thrill of competition'. i asked 'have you ever gone to one, not counting the big time professional ones, where you have'nt been a competitor?', he said 'no, they're pretty boring to just watch'. i said EXACTLY-now imagine going and being bored, every saturday and every sunday-sitting in those hot, hard bleachers all summer long, for summer on end. a look of understanding crossed his face-he always had seen the rodeos from a participant's perspective, my parents had seen it from his perspective as well-no one considered what the perspective was of someone who was forced to come repeatedly and view something they had no earthly interest in.

 

[mjkacmom]

i see this allot in the performing arts. the one kid is big into it and the other(s) get schlepped to the rehearsals. it's not so bad when it's a dance class or something that's only 30 minutes or an hour but i feel so bad for the non participating kids who end up sitting for 3 (or many more) hours while their sib is doing their thing. .

Why would the parents stay for a 3 hour rehearsal? Dd8 is going to participate in our town play this year (first year she's old enough). She's getting a cellphone for Christmas (she has many hours of dance every week, plus workshops, so it would be nice to be in contact anyway), and she'll call us when practice is over. I think the problem isn't that kids have activities, it's the crazy parents who will not let their kids out of their sight. My DH fondly remembers riding his bike to and from practices - parents didn't even drive the kids, back in the day, and there were no cellphones.

 

[taximomfor4]

Why would the parents stay for a 3 hour rehearsal? Dd8 is going to participate in our town play this year (first year she's old enough). She's getting a cellphone for Christmas (she has many hours of dance every week, plus workshops, so it would be nice to be in contact anyway), and she'll call us when practice is over. I think the problem isn't that kids have activities, it's the crazy parents who will not let their kids out of their sight. My DH fondly remembers riding his bike to and from practices - parents didn't even drive the kids, back in the day, and there were no cellphones.

I sort of think it depends how far the parents are traveling to the class. If I do 2 hours of driving to get my girls to a 1 hour dance class or show rehearsal, I am NOT driving around looking for somewhere to hang out. And there is no time to drive home! We pack nintendo ds's, coloring books, and homework. Oh, and a deck of cards so thge other kids can play with other waiting siblings. (There are always a few).

 

[jeepgirl30]

We struggle with this as well. I did growing up as well.

My background, I have a sister 3.5 yrs older. She loved horses from day one. Parents moved us to the country and at 2 i had my first pony. I was competiting around that age. Riding was easy for me as it was all i really knew. I was never as committed as my sis. Parents would get so mad because i was "wasting" talent. I wanted to date, cheerlead, etc and they wanted me to take riding serious. DSis was okay but never exceeded. I would screw off, show up at the comp and get 1st or 2nd everytime. Cheerleading, Dsis tried out every year and never made it. I tried out and made 2 squads each year. Parents refused to go to any of my games because 1, it wasn't fair to sis and 2, it wasn't horses. i resented it and told them once i hit 18 I would NEVER ride again. Yea, bratty but i felt so forced.

DH, has 2 younger sibs. He was star athelete. His younger sibs were not. His bro still resents him. Sister spent years trying to "measure up". DH's mom clearly favors DH but for many other reasons, none valid of course! But his bro stopped trying to do sports because he was sick of people comparing him.

Now our DD9 attempted soccer at 6. She was bored. She had no interest in sports. She struggles in school and has a bit of trouble socializing in school. DS7 started soccer at 5 and over the 2 years has been very active in many sports. He is in wrestling right now and is very good. He is very athletic. He is also very musical, excels at school and has an easy time making friends. DD9 was very jealous of him. I gave her options for sports and she wasn't interested. She finally picked ice skating but got bored and didn't really try. She did swimming but again, wouldn't try. She asked to do soccer this year and we said sure. She did very well and we really are encouraging her. But DS's sports do take a lot more time and she does get jealous.

however, I spend a lot more time doing homework with her than i do DS. She struggles so it can take hours at night. It isn't that she can't do it, it is more she doesn't want to do it. She'll stare at the book and tell me the answer but she will take 5 min to actually pick up the pencil and write it saying "i told you what it is, can't you just write it". DS just picks up his pencil and is done in no time. I feel badly for him because I do not have the time to do more with him on his homework. I feel he'd be advancing faster if I could get the time to work with him but just can't. I work full time, take him to his practices, work with DD on school and there are just so many hours in the day.

DS is tiny and play football this year. We are debating allowing him next year. I heard the MS coaches don't like the kids starting this young as it isn't good for their bodies. We are in a very large school and honestly I don't think he'll play in HS anyway. I know he could experience a growth spurt but given growth history and genetics it ain't happenin! So I don't want to risk an injury when he can excel in other areas.

It comes down to balance and what works for your family. DD does get jealous of the attention DS gets and all his trophies. But she is also very proud of him and is motivated now to get her own. Hopefully she has found it in soccer, if not we will keep trying.

 

[mjkacmom]

I sort of think it depends how far the parents are traveling to the class. If I do 2 hours of driving to get my girls to a 1 hour dance class or show rehearsal, I am NOT driving around looking for somewhere to hang out. And there is no time to drive home! We pack nintendo ds's, coloring books, and homework. Oh, and a deck of cards so thge other kids can play with other waiting siblings. (There are always a few).

LOL - seeing things through my reality. I live in the NYC area, and I complain about driving 15 minutes (local roads - about 4 miles) to dd8's ballet class (it's 1 1/4 hour, so I drop her). Her ID studio is 10 minutes, my choice of local or highway, which I also think is far. She could take ballet in one of the 4 studios in town, but they're not as good. I've never been to Walmart, because it's 20 minutes away!

 

[5lilfish]

Why would the parents stay for a 3 hour rehearsal? Dd8 is going to participate in our town play this year (first year she's old enough). She's getting a cellphone for Christmas (she has many hours of dance every week, plus workshops, so it would be nice to be in contact anyway), and she'll call us when practice is over. I think the problem isn't that kids have activities, it's the crazy parents who will not let their kids out of their sight. My DH fondly remembers riding his bike to and from practices - parents didn't even drive the kids, back in the day, and there were no cellphones.

We're at the same point. We're thinking of getting the 3 older kids (12, 11 and almost 10) cell phones to take to practices or to take when they are walking to a friend's house. We enjoy watching the practices (most of the time) but with 5 kids it wouldn't be fair to sit at every practice when there are other things that we could be doing. We do make every game though. Sometimes we have to divide and concur and sometimes we have to call my parents, or older cousins, into action to go watch a 3rd child play, but the kids always have someone there watching and cheering for them.

Jess

 

[mjkacmom]

We're at the same point. We're thinking of getting the 3 older kids (12, 11 and almost 10) cell phones to take to practices or to take when they are walking to a friend's house. We enjoy watching the practices (most of the time) but with 5 kids it wouldn't be fair to sit at every practice when there are other things that we could be doing. We do make every game though. Sometimes we have to divide and concur and sometimes we have to call my parents, or older cousins, into action to go watch a 3rd child play, but the kids always have someone there watching and cheering for them.

Jess

Dd13 and ds11 have had cellphones for years, and have been dropped off since the age of 7 (I always knew at least one parent who stayed, and the coaches when they were older). Just call when you need to get picked up. This fall, we had 6 games every single Saturday, and yes, there was always someone there to cheer, even if it was a grandparent. Last night, I got to see the beginning of dd13's choir concert (her group sang first, and then again at the finale), but DH had a soccer meeting, and I didn't feel comfortable having ds11 babysit for too long. However, my parents were there the whole time!

 

[barkley]

Why would the parents stay for a 3 hour rehearsal? Dd8 is going to participate in our town play this year (first year she's old enough). She's getting a cellphone for Christmas (she has many hours of dance every week, plus workshops, so it would be nice to be in contact anyway), and she'll call us when practice is over. I think the problem isn't that kids have activities, it's the crazy parents who will not let their kids out of their sight. My DH fondly remembers riding his bike to and from practices - parents didn't even drive the kids, back in the day, and there were no cellphones.

variety of reasons-

distance

length of actual rehearsal (realisticly the entire group may be called but depending on how scenes are practiced an individual kid may be done a bit earlier and they start peppering mom with cell phone calls to pick them up early)

some companies require parents to stay if kid is under a certain age (one i was on the board of did-we were'nt a babysitting service and there were those kids who would try to get outside the building or try to roam around the theatre disturbing others/causing damage/risking injury, and there were those whose parents did'nt show to pick them up on time and did'nt answer their home or cell phones leaving someone stuck alone with child-big no-no with our insurance-for what could be up to 2 hours)

the parents that don't want to miss one nano second of seeing their 'little star' pursuing their (generaly the parent's) 'dream'


and the number one reason-


suck up, brown nosin' stage moms-they stick around and fawn over anyone they think is empowered in the production, volunteering to go get them coffee, help with costumes, kid wrangling (but the only kid they interact with is their own)...thinking it will put their child at some sort of advantage (oh my yes, that cup of starbucks and those 25 fairy wings you glued glitter to is going to make the director throw out the lead child and whisk your little darling from the chorus into the role).

 

[islandmum]

I am watching two different families going through two very similar situations. One of my friends is really struggling with the "right decision." Seeing the post about switching schools for a better sports team made me think of the two families I know.

Both have one child in their family that excels at something that requires a great deal of time commitment. One family has another child and the other family has two other children. The time, energy and money they dedicate to the child that excels amazes me. The younger kids have to come along for the ride and hear the praise that is always heaped upon the older kid. I watch the younger kids and I wonder how they must feel always playing second fiddle.

Honestly, I am not judging. I don't have a clue what I would do in their situation. I have two normal kids that don't excel at anything. They are great kids but they just don't have activities that require huge time commitments, travel, etc.

If you have one child that excels and requires a great deal of your time, how do your other children feel? How do you balance it so the other kids don't feel neglected or "not as special" as one of the kids put it the other day? I have heard actors talk about one of their parents moving to Hollywood or NY for them when they were little so they could pursue acting; leaving the rest of the family behind. Usually the parents ended up divorced. One of my friends seems to be considering a move that would totally uproot their family because of their one child. Would you ever take it to that level?

its interesting. I excelled in golf, I was recruited by colleges overseas but turned pro before that and did some tour time before injuries ended that. Apart from paying my membership and tuition fees my parents did nothing to push my talent, they were far more interested in my scholastic studies. Never took me to tournaments, never spectated etc ..... and I feel thankful for that - I used to pity the poor girls dragged to tournaments by their caddying parents and the pressure on them. I utilized my talent when the time was right, I got my education first.

IMO theres way too much pressure on kids to follow a certain path from very early on as soon as theres a glimmer of talent. Watch the burnout or boredom happen so often in most of them in their 20's. Cant tell you how many fellow talented teenage golfers I knew who now dont touch the sport.

My kids - of course I'd be delighted if they excelled at sport with me and the DH both being pro sportspeople - but I wouldnt forsake the rest of their options or my other childs time and needs for them. If they're truly talented they'll make it without us pushing them like a firework!

 

[golfgal]

its interesting. I excelled in golf, I was recruited by colleges overseas but turned pro before that and did some tour time before injuries ended that. Apart from paying my membership and tuition fees my parents did nothing to push my talent, they were far more interested in my scholastic studies. Never took me to tournaments, never spectated etc ..... and I feel thankful for that - I used to pity the poor girls dragged to tournaments by their caddying parents and the pressure on them. I utilized my talent when the time was right, I got my education first.

IMO theres way too much pressure on kids to follow a certain path from very early on as soon as theres a glimmer of talent. Watch the burnout or boredom happen so often in most of them in their 20's. Cant tell you how many fellow talented teenage golfers I knew who now dont touch the sport.

My kids - of course I'd be delighted if they excelled at sport with me and the DH both being pro sportspeople - but I wouldnt forsake the rest of their options or my other childs time and needs for them. If they're truly talented they'll make it without us pushing them like a firework!

We see these parents WAY too much at the summer golf tournaments. When DD was 11 she started playing in the beginner tour because she was new to competition (we have 4 levels they can play at and we planned to have her play 3 beginner tour tournaments and then move her up to the next level-same age group but with kids with more tournament experience). She won her first tournament and the girl that took second had won everything the year before. When they announced her name the dad of this girl starts yelling-who is this _________(dd's name). Poor DD raise her hand and the DAD starts yelling at her that she shouldn't be playing at that level, blah, blah, blah. DD quietly said "but it's my first tournament". DH was just about to say something (we were speechless and unprepared for this) when one of the other Dad's spoke up and told him if anyone didn't belong at that tournament it was his DD because she had been playing at that level for 4 years. DD went over to shake this girls hand and the girl put her nose in the air and walked away

Then all the other psycho parents keep wanting the name of DD's swing coach and who she trains with and all this stuff. Us, apparently being stupid, said um, she doesn't have a swing coach (we weren't even aware there was such a thing as a swing coach at the time). . Of course that makes psycho parent mad because DD doesn't train 7 days/week with a swing coach, mental coach, putting coach and they are spending THOUSANDS and DD is still beating their kid (keep in mind they were 12 at the time).

Needless to say, we know which parents are fun and which ones are psycho now.

 

[luvsJack]

We struggle with this as well. I did growing up as well.



DH, has 2 younger sibs. He was star athelete. His younger sibs were not. His bro still resents him. Sister spent years trying to "measure up". DH's mom clearly favors DH but for many other reasons, none valid of course! But his bro stopped trying to do sports because he was sick of people comparing him.

This is exactly the kind of thing we tried so hard to prevent with my sons. (dd is 14 years younger so she gets to be the "star" all by herself). And with more than one kid it is hard! Everyone saw oldest ds playing baseball, everyone around here knew he was an excellent player. People really didn't mean anything by it but would say to younger ds, "oh, your xxxx's brother! Aren't you proud of him and how well he plays ball". uhhh, NO! I mean, they loved each other and still do but not many 10 year old boys will say "I am so proud of my brother"

Its hard to balance between your kids and sometimes I wonder how on earth we managed all their stuff. We live 30 minutes from town and any practice, lesson, etc. So nothing was within bike riding or walking distance. But we just traded off as much as possible so that someone was at every game, tournament, concert, award ceremony, etc. I was fortunate that I had my Dad then. He was an assistant baseball coach, so that relived a lot of the getting to and from practice for one kid. The main thing was making sure they both knew we were interested in everything they did and proud of them and their accomplishments ( and in them for just being them)

 

[JoanGirardi]

When DD was younger, she complained about being dragged to her brothers' soccer games. We did what we could, trying to make it more fun for her with her own "soccer bag" of stuff to keep her occupied during the games, but some of the time she was bored. Cut to this year, when we were unable to make it to one of our son's high school games. She called one of the other parents to get a ride because she didn't want to miss the game! Somewhere along the way, she learned a lot about soccer and loves to watch. I never had to move the family for one child, and I don't know how I'd handle that, but I know that each family handles things their own way and others cannot judge a situation that they aren't in. I think that most of those kids that go to the Olympics have parents who turned their lives upside down for that kid.

 

[golfgal]

Glad someone likes them. DD's soccer team had four or five parties over the summer. I was screaming "Uncle" by the third. Don't get me wrong. The kids and parents are all lovely people, but I don't need to hang out with them all the time. Maybe I'm overly cautious, but I've seen team parties take up even more time for kids and it keeps them (and their parents) from forming other friendships. If that child quits her sport, it can leave a huge hole in her and her parents' lives because they solely invested their time in that one team.

When the kids were in travel basketball they had one overnight trip each season. For DD's team it was fun because we got a long well with all the parents and the girls really had a good time together. For DS's team not so much--too many of the dad's trying to live vicariously through their sons then feeling the need to get so drunk you can't walk--just not our type of crowd.

When our kids played soccer they were the only non-homeschooled kids on their team. We kept getting these sappy emails about how special all the kids are and how wonderful it was to be a part of such a loving and supportive group--not that they weren't nice but after EVERY practice and EVERY game we would get these. The rest of the families on the team did EVERYTHING together. The final straw for us was a week before Mother's Day we got an email stating that "some of the parents" were talking and thought it would be SO WONDERFUL if we could have a 2 hour practice on Mother's Day because the best gift in the world to us mom's would be to watch our children play the game they love so much on Mother's Day. DH and I about threw up. We asked our kids what they thought and they about died laughing--we went golfing instead.