When were you last victim of a mommy driveby

[Crystal0608]

I've never been a victim of mommy drive-by or got in anyone's business. DS is 8 and I'm just this year letting him go in the boys bathroom alone if dh isn't with us. I do stand with my foot in the door and make him talk to me when he is in there. DD is 9 and either go in with her if another adult is watching ds, or I stand outside and check both doors. A girl got molested in a local W-mart a couple years back by a man in the women's restroom, can't be too careful.

 

[turkeymama]

Neither can I, but I also can't imagine using a belt to whip my children. I didn't say that I agreed with the action - just that it is legal, and being so, it is none of my business.

If the parent were to begin beating the child, I would have done everything in my power to stop the beating. But a slap is legal - just as letting a small child go into a restroom on their own is legal...

This isn't true in all states, at least. In my juvenile delinquency class, we were discussing what is legal and what is not when it comes to using physical punishment on a child. Slapping them anywhere other than the behind is not okay and, if reported, could result in an investigation by Family Services. Now, how we feel about that is irrelevant.

 

[Rora]

no words, just......... And And

mte

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

This isn't true in all states, at least. In my juvenile delinquency class, we were discussing what is legal and what is not when it comes to using physical punishment on a child. Slapping them anywhere other than the behind is not okay and, if reported, could result in an investigation by Family Services. Now, how we feel about that is irrelevant.

Looking at your child sternly can get you reported and investigated. It is not against the law. They made a big deal about this on the Today show a few years ago.

If you think that it is, cite the law...

 

[N&B'smom]

Just wouldn't let a 6 year old go off into a public bathroom alone.

Too many wackos to take that chance.

Exactly!!

 

[turkeymama]

Looking at your child sternly can get you reported and investigated. It is not against the law. They made a big deal about this on the Today show a few years ago.

If you think that it is, cite the law...

You can be reported for anything if someone feels like they need to do it. And DFS would be required to make contact with the parent, even if they were pretty sure it was a bogus call. Unfortunately, that's the way the system is set up.

What I posted earlier is what was taught to us in class. I didn't "think" it. The speaker was a judge who's background is in the juvenile and family court systems in our area. Maybe I was mistaken to take him at his word. I'll try to find the statute in the state civil code.

 

[locolala]

I'm finally obviously pregnant, and had someone walk by at a restraunt and tell me I was horrible for drinking soda while pregnant and for eating a fish sandwich. I told her I appreciated her advice and that I would take it under consideration.

I've only spoken up to people with kids when it's obviously dangerous, like a child standing up in a shopping cart, or an infant not in a car seat (I did call the cops on that woman). Generally it's well recieved, except when they get arrested.

 

[Luv'sTink]

Never had a "mommy drive by"

Last summer we were having an end of season baseball party at a local park. The park is heavily treed, it's a nice park, lots of covered picnic areas. We were in picnic shelter 1, there was another shelter very close by, it was partially walled in. One of the other moms decided to walk over and look at the other shelter because it kinda resembled a cabin with a fireplace and she wanted to see if the fireplace worked....well, when she got to the side of it she seen two people doing the horizontal mambo with one naked fanny up in the air. She was so shocked she made that noise when you suck in your breath quickly. She said one kinda turned and looked at her but kept right on with what they were doing. A while later two people emerged, both covering their heads with their jacket hoods got in a car and left. I was not there yet so I don't know why she didn't call the police.

A few years back, at our local library a man let his 5 year old son go to the bathroom alone, he was literally sitting outside the door reading. When the boy came out he was crying, because a homeless man had rapped him while he was in there.

Yep, you do what you feel comfortable doing and I will do the same...No, I didn't let my son go alone when he was 5 or 6, not sure when he started but I know it wasn't that young. I can assure you, he is now 13 and does go in all by himself

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Wow OP, you seem to attract all the angry parents. Hmmmm......I wonder how that happens........

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

You can be reported for anything if someone feels like they need to do it. And DFS would be required to make contact with the parent, even if they were pretty sure it was a bogus call. Unfortunately, that's the way the system is set up.

What I posted earlier is what was taught to us in class. I didn't "think" it. The speaker was a judge who's background is in the juvenile and family court systems in our area. Maybe I was mistaken to take him at his word. I'll try to find the statute in the state civil code.

The judge was wrong. Here are the statutes, by state: link...

 

[C.Ann]

DP and I were at dinner at a crowded restaurant last night. DD, 6, had to go to the bathroom and we let her go on her own.

A mother came by our table and spouted off that she could not believe we would let a child as young as our DD go to the bathroom by herself. She went on to spout all these "what if's". DP and I looked at her and told her that we do not live our life on what if's and told her basically to go pound sand.

DD came back proud she had gone by herself and for remembering to wash AND dry her hands.

Hates mommy drivebys.

Everyone is entitled to their own style of parenting, however - I don't think the type of response you gave to this "mommy drive-by" was called for.. Responding to what you felt was an unnecessary comment - with extremely rude comments of your own - probably wasn't the best way to handle the situation.. Kind of dropped you down lower than her level - KWIM?

Glad your DD came back safely though - and was proud of her accomplsihment..

 

[mhsjax]

I can't remember at what age I started letting my kis go to the BR by themselves. they are 13 11 and 9. There are some places that I won't let my 11 year old daughter or 9 year old son( He is physically tiny) go to the bathroom by themselves. Contrary to some beliefs here on the board, it won't keep them from being independent, in fact it may allow them to become that way by living and not being kidnapped or molested.

I do let them go b themselves if I am in a place that I know very well and feel comfortable, also, I would never do a mommy drive by.

I have to wonder, why so many people say their kids are so proud when they go to a public restroom by themselves, it is just like going at home, but with more toilets. I guess for some kids it doesn't take much. My kids could care less if they go alone or not, they know in their minds that they can actually use the BR by themselves. If they can go at home alone, they are physically capable of going alone in a public place.

Also you can instruct a five or 6 year old on what to do, but in a moment of terror if someone is trying to take them or do God knows what to them, do you really think that they have the maturity to cam down and think through what you have taught them. I wasn't willing to take that chance with my little ones. If you want to go ahead. By the way, my kids are very independent, even though I did accmpany them to the public bathroom. I hardly thinks that constitutes helicoptor parenting.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I have never been the victim of "mommy drive-by" nor have I ever been a "drive-by mommy." I don't recall ever witnessing a "mommy drive-by" confrontation either.

People around here tend to mind their own business.

Nice to see you again, ToC. How was your cruise?

 

[Took]

In real life the last time I had a parent drive by was about a month before we moved out of the US--so about 13 months ago. I had taken the kids into work with me for my 4 hour shift at our small town library. They too ksome money and their cell phones and walked down to a local deli for lunch (and to bring some back for us librarians). It was a 5-10 minute walk which involved crossing only one street (our sleepy downtown, 25 MPH Main street with crosswalks) which took them past the police station and several stores whose owners we knew.
An accquaintance who had literally driven by them called the library concerned that I might not know my kids were out in town "all alone." I confirmed that they were behaving themselves and walking where they should have been and then asked her what the issue was
BTW the kids were 12 and 10 at the time.

I don't run into this at all here in Germany where most kids are very independent. However, I have been villified on the DIS a number of times for various parenting issues.

You sure do run into these kinds of parents a lot don't you? I think it was you who got yelled at for singing Trent Resnor sons with your DD also. Am I right? (BTW--I was one of the parents on that thread who does not censor music). Anyway, how i handle this in real life is generally just to either totally ignore the person or to calmly tell them that their concern is sweet but I am comfortable with my parenting choices while smiling at them. Kidness seems to disarm most people like this.

For the record, both of my children were using many public restrooms alone by the time they were four. I personally couldn't imagine sending them to school (they both started kindergarten at 4) if they could not handle a public typical public restroom on their own. As far a "busy" restruraunt is concerend--I actually think it is SAFER somewhere busy (with lots of witnesses) than in a quiet and isolated area.

I agree with you. I've been letting my 13 y.o. be "independent for her age" all of her life. No doubt, many parents just are not comfortable with giving their kids that much freedom, but I really think the American media makes us much more scared of random abductions than we should be. My understanding is that a child is much more likely to be molested or hurt by someone he or she knows, perhaps quite well, than by a stranger.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

I was always worried when my older sons started using the rest rooms alone. I would stand outside and call out there name several times and they knew they had to answer me. They thought I was nuts.

However a few years later there was a case in California of a little boy going into the rest room alone while the aunt waited outside. A few minutes later a man came out, the aunt didn't think anything of it. It was taking awhile and she started calling the boys name. When he didn't answer the aunt went in - the man had slit the little boys throat.

I'm completely paranoid about ds 9 going alone in the restrooms. He is the size of a 7 year old. I call his name out about every 15 seconds if DH isn't with us.

 

[manning]

This confuses me, so many here let their daughters go to the washroom by themselves. If that's the case how come when they grow up they go in pairs???

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

This confuses me, so many here let their daughters go to the washroom by themselves. If that's the case how come when they grow up they go in pairs???

 

[AristocatFan]

Can't say I've ever had a "mommy drive-by" like OP has described. Now we have had people stop by our table and compliment on how well behaved the kids have been. Plus DD is 11 and I still do not let her go by herself. Guess I'm not that trusting of this world.

 

[BellaBear]

I did a mommy drive-by. I was working retail and a lady came in pushing her three year-old in a stroller. The little girl was playing with a handful of coins and putting them in her mouth. I said, "Oh sweetie, don't do that, you may choke."

The nasty look I received from the mother/grandmother made me regret opening my mouth.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I have never been the victim of "mommy drive-by" nor have I ever been a "drive-by mommy." I don't recall ever witnessing a "mommy drive-by" confrontation either.

People around here tend to mind their own business...

That's because they are afraid. Don't want to mess with those Jersey girls...